posted July 19, 2008 04:18 AM         

hi sweetie. everyone has angels and guides. it's just that not everyone is attuned to them. i think you are - more than you want maybe - or mabye you're not prepared for the responsibility that you have to take with that - for the choices you have made. you can run - but you can't run from yourself - you take yourself with you. so whatever it is that has happened (or that you think or have done) then the only way is to face it - and yourself.

posted July 19, 2008 04:25 AM         

something has happened to trigger this reaction within you. i promise, i can't and won't speak for others but i promise you - from me there is no judgement. i want to help you. what is so terrible or worthless? because i see a really gifted soul here - who is just really plagued by a lot of external factors - fears - things you don't understand yet - can't place.

when i was little i could see things that others couldn't and i was very afraid because i felt afraid i thought that there was negativity around me which made me think i was negative or bad to attract them. like you - i didn't sleep for a long long time and that tired state is a terrible place to live because it clouds your perception even further. later i came to understand that there are some people who attract those in spirit and that they come for help - the fear i was feeling was not that i or they were bad but just because i didn't understand and we always fear that which we don't understand. which in turn has caused others to fear me too. and anyone who knows me knows there is nothing unkind or bad about me. so i came to see that i'm actually good - and really really good.

posted July 19, 2008 04:26 AM         

we can't live our life through others.

posted July 19, 2008 04:28 AM         

god doesn't have favourites. we are equal children of god - the universe does not judge. and if god does not judge - what right does man have to judge? and what right do we have to judge ourselves?

posted July 22, 2008 08:41 AM         

Guess34, you said:

quote:

---

But I thought someone might find a way..

Speaking the truth
I don't know if I want to open up

---

The truth can certainly set you free and can hurt imensely, but it is not so much for us to give you our truths, but to you to understand your own. I mean, as angels, we can give angles, but we do not see through your eyes and hence can not see which angle you need to understand what you need. As they say, you already know everything, you just need to open the filter to let the "good" stuff through. I don't exactly relate to what you're going through on some levels, but I understand on a human level. Did we really ask to be here? Well, Linda said yes, and that we choose our vibrations and family prior to birth, and in fact, that great tale about the little white flame is an example of this, but everything is a theory - you have to choose which theory you want to run with on any given day. If you choose to believe today that you did choose your numbers, etc, and they're not working out, then perhaps consider changing them. This may sound trivial, but numerology can be powerful in this area. However, everything else you talk about regarding the purpose of life, etc, I think everyone at some level wonders about this. I mean, yeah, love, kids, cars, houses, travel, etc are all things that take time to get, and experience, and are over before you know it, and the memories start to fade, so why do we do it? Are we biding our time waiting for the end? Do we want to cut straight to the credits? I hear you that that is very difficult to do, and I just don't understand it and find it pointless, as there is at least a reason for existing! Otherwise, we wouldn't. In some ways, it is that simple. But to take the ultimate action and say "Well, I choose to see the credits" is like saying you would never get to know why someone made that movie. You may not like movies or music either, but this is why these things exist. Yes, to bide time, but also to porttray someone elses ideas about why they exist, etc. I hope you figure out what you need.

Heaps of Love,
Dean.

------------------
I realized it for the first time in my life:
there is nothing but mystery in the world,
how it hides behind the fabric of our poor,
browbeat days, shining brightly, and we don't even know it.

Sue Monk Kidd, "The Secret Life of Bees", p79

posted July 22, 2008 09:58 AM         

hi. wow. everything you said resonated with me completely. i love that. totally understood and agreed. when you stand in your own self without the need for approval, you stand in your own beauty and power - what the mayans called "the beauty way" which i think is just beautiful. and when you stand in your place of truth and integrity you attract all that is right for you just by being yourself.

i see also that you are a fellow aussie. i don't recall speaking in the threads with you - if so it must have been something trivial as you said, otherwise i'd remember.

posted July 22, 2008 10:00 AM         

my take on that is quite simple.

if you weren't important, you wouldn't be here.

posted July 22, 2008 07:16 PM         

you are dearly loved you just have to embrace that love it is there for YOU

posted July 22, 2008 10:53 PM         

You are in my thoughts. There is a lot of good information in this thread that is worth consideration. I don't come from a place of one who has found this inner peace-- I still struggle with it every day. Some days I feel like there truly is no point in just spending x number of years on this planet just waiting for the end to come. But as some (very wise) others have said-- if you had no purpose, you would not be here.

Suicide doesn't seem to resonate with you. You just want "it" (whatever that may be for you) to stop. Getting some rest truly will help you to at least gain some clarity. It will take a lot of rest and a lot of time-- for me it helps to sleep as much as possible because things come in dreams and I work things out in my sleep. So far, nothing has taken away the darkness for me, but bit by bit I get new pieces to the puzzle.

posted July 23, 2008 04:31 AM         

I want you to remember that you are divine LIght and this is something that you can overcome - have FAITH

Hope to hear from you soon.

Many blessings.

posted July 23, 2008 08:18 AM         

quote:

---

All the advantage this life's got on me.
Picture a coffin in the middle of the sea.

---

It's from I Got ID. Are we the coffin? Metephorically, I think this is quite complex, not sure what it means, but it conjurs images like the insignificance of one life, but it is who we are.

It also occured to me today about the meaning of life in the CWG books - that we are here to create. What we create is up to us.

posted July 23, 2008 09:49 AM         

oh, yeah - so agree. someone gave me a book of sayings when i was quite young and i picked it up some years later and randomly opened it to this: "a loving person lives in a loving world. a hostile person lives in a hostile world. everyone you meet is your mirror". and something inside of me kind of clicked and i thought, hey, yeah, i get that. we make that choice - how we see the world determines how we experience it. and on the spot i made the decision that i wanted to live in a loving and peaceful world.

i also found that when you apply rules that you have to be consistent and follow them too. so when you are telling someone else how they are valued and deserve to be here, or deserve love or whatever, you have to have that equal value for yourself. and when others aren't able to give it to you, you have to give it to yourself. somehow.

i take it the lyrics are by eddie vedder. he always strikes me as having some self-indulgent depressive tendencies. like he has to suffer for his craft because that's the only place he has something to offer from inside himself. it seems that - either he's the coffin or he's inside of it and therefore constrained by external forces. i always get the feeling that he somehow feels completely alone inside himself. it could be a giving up - laying there consciously - in the coffin - and just letting life take him where it will - not in the good sense either. lol! actually - when you look at it visually - it's like he's in the womb - the coffin is the sac surrounding him and the sea is the liquid around. can't remember the medical names right now - i think its amniotic fluid. lol! so really he's seeking to understand his personal existence and the meaning of anything/everything.

my favourite song lyrics - though, not my favourite song - is by peter gabriel from the song in your eyes - "without a noise, without my pride, i reach out from the inside". that's my ideal, my goal - where i strive to come from in myself.

we are all master creators - i'm working on that one and very much learning.