posted July 23, 2008 04:46 PM         

Too much sweet talk wud have made you more suicidal.

Besides agreed that when you go you have killed the others in you. But don't you also agree that you are leaving behind a part of you in others. If you feel everything should be ok then proceed. I too won't stop you. I just had to do my part and you yours

Do not waste this life before understanding your true self. Your current life will be stored as just another memory in one of your tooth in the next life LOL

Its good that you don't sleep. But the quality of sleep is still poor. So you should not depart this world.

You should go in to deep sleep but be a witness of your sleep. Unless you can do that another womb is waiting for you upon dying.

Humans have several bodies, the physical, the astral and the causal.

Anyhow...all this will take foreever to explain.

Cheers

posted July 23, 2008 05:23 PM         

go sit somewhere when you have time. close your eyes and breathe. FEEL the hurt, sorrow, pain, joy, love. let it come to the surface. let yourself hurt, let yourself mourn. cry, scream, shout, kick, carry on however is going to let some of that energy out.

DO NOT judge what you feel. we ALL hurt, our hearts have all been broken. let yourself feel, let yourself heal. be KIND, be GENTLE with you. go take a bath, go get ice cream, take care of you.

my thoughts and prayers are with you.

posted July 24, 2008 08:34 AM         

"PeaceAngel
you just have to get through the darkness
___________
I can get through the darkness, that's no problem, but I can't get through it without the people I loved who left me there. What's the point now."

sometimes these people and these situations are our best teachers - because they teach us to find our own worth. its when you step out beyond the limitations of others that you find yourself - free yourself.
when i was little and could see the things i do my own parents would tell me that i was bad and a curse. anyone who knows me knows there is nothing bad or unkind about me. and that's sad that they would choose to see that. but you come to value these experiences - it's where you learn your strengths - eventually. it's where you learn that your world is different than everyone elses - and in truth - everyone's world is completely different - we all live in an entirely unique world. it's what we create. when you choose to hold on to things - you make the choice to let them weigh you down. the choice to release them and make a better way for yourself is equally available and possible.
there are two types of unloving restrictions expectations that others impose upon us. 1. the one where they don't want you to exceed their own expectations of you. and 2. the one where they don't want you to do better or more than they have with themselves and for themselves.
it seems to me you may have already done both of those - and are beyond what others expected you to do or be and also what they were capable or even just made the effort to be for themselves. it's easy to resent other people if you perceive that they are better than you - because it's not really the other person you resent. so it's really themselves but it's too painful to face and admit that. so they project it - externally - onto others - even sometimes people they love.

you said: "As for starting over you can start over only so many times there's a limit eventually, and that's my situation."
you are only as limited as you choose to be. you can have as many restarts as you like. why not? it's your life - your choice - why not? there's no limit. you just do the best that you can do - to please yourself.

"Have you received any insight into my reason for being here, my purpose in life? I believe I know my purpose, it is an extremely challenging one--which I am breaking just by posting this?"

this is not the case - you are not breaking any purpose or rules - and you will not be punished - for posting here. you have tremendous fear. it is safe for you to be here - to be asking and opening up and letting others get to know you and share with you and be part of your life as well as you theirs - and also in doing this - you are helping others who do not yet have the courage or voice to speak out. you asked - so i'll tell you what i can - what insight is given to me to pass to you. what you are experiencing now is a big part of your life learning. you are here to learn - to evolve. you are here to learn about yourself - many lifetimes of helping others and you have no identity of your own and feel no purpose without serving others. this is the pattern you are here to break. and once you make that choice and make those steps you will feel differently - about yourself and about your whole world and also about your life. now, this is hard - because in some way you have to wear responsibility for where you are - not for the things that others have done to you - that is their doing - but responsibility for how you let it affect you and how it makes you feel. your purpose is creative - there is something very creative about you - not fame or anything like that - you couldn't handle that - it is quieter - like helping children with it. eg, if it is painting then teaching children to paint. and it's for you - part of your growth. because in doing that - while you are healing yourself - you are doing wonderful things to show others beauty and joy that you missed out on. it's like a cycle - you do this because it's fulfilling - you love it - it makes you feel good about yourself and being alive and then those feelings and joy are passed on to others while you're sharing that with them who in turn feel joy as well which then makes you feel joyful. it's this really beautiful cycle. and you not only are a part of that - but you are the centre of that. and i think that's pretty outstanding. so you do have some brilliant gifts to share. and there is someone who is going to help you - a human angel - this person has a very beautiful nature. they are much older. what i see is kind of wild grey hair - their not eccentric - just very very compassionate and fun and creative also. they will help you. this is not a romantic attachment, in case you are wondering. also, for you, having a dog would be beneficial. i don't know why - but that's just what i get. this information is purely for you - specific to you - this is what i'm being given to pass to you. use your senses to guide you through your life and you can also use them eventually to help others too. but you need more life experience first, and that gives you the understanding and knowledge, and growth to do that and that will also be rewarding. you have enormous gifts. and a very bright and much needed light. but first you have to let yourself see it. then you can know the riches that are available to you. give yourself permission to see this light and the freedom of peace. you have no peace. but you need it - very much.
that's all i have to give you right now. in answer to your question - my insights come from guidance - angels and guides. so it's not me telling you - i'm just the conduit (maybe just because i can type - lol!) - all this comes from them.
one thing now. this thing about being punished that you have - wow - it's huge for you - that comes from your mother. i'm sorry - i know that's painful - but - step out of the shadow she has cast over you. not with malice - but with light - your own light - because you deserve that. and you are capable of that - you really do have the strength to do that. you are very strong. you need to forgive too - yourself for letting others get to you the way they have/do and them - for not knowing any different than they do - no matter what their actions and not for them. none of this is about them. all of this is about you. you feel you are weak - when really - and you know this inside - even if it's just a whisper sometimes - you really are the strongest person you know - even more than those around you - yes. much much stronger.

posted July 24, 2008 09:26 PM         

you've been given a real lot of valuable insight in this thread from everyone who has shown care for you.

i agree with mannu about returning the womb. whether you return immediately as a human or go to spirit in between - you carry your lessons with you until you learn them - no matter where you are. it is the purpose of every soul to evolve.

you have a great deal that you can do here and which is valuable (as in truth, is everyone's contribution). if you were meant to not be here - you wouldn't be. but you are - so there is purpose for you. but you do have to find it for yourself. and no-one can give you that. i have given you some insights into what you can do and be. the rest really is up to you. i don't think there is any more than i can offer to you. i've given you everything here.

life is a funny thing - we complain about it and sometimes our deal, but you will find that most people, given the option to opt out or not, will fight for every last breath. i would. no matter how much pain or agony i was in - i would fight for every last breath just to spend this one lifetime i get with them, with my children. even though i know that in spirit we'll be again - this is it, this is what you get. you have been given a wonderful person in yourself to use for wonderful things here. it would be a shame to waste that gift - to rob yourself of the opportunity to share that and your own growth as well as others with whom you can shine your light. if god wants you here and your soul wants you here, how can you argue with that. in the end - one lifetime, no matter how many years lived is a short one anyway. think about it. it's pretty amazing that we're even here in the first place.

i really wish you much love and blessings. and hope you choose wonderful things for yourself, sweetie. do talk to your guides - you do have them and they do communicate with you. sometimes, because they tell us the truth, even if it is gently, we don't like what they say. but they're there. sometimes when you think you've got it bad - there are others who have it much worse - and it makes you grateful for who you are and what you've got - including your problems.

think about it.

take the opportunity to be all that you can be.