posted October 27, 2017 04:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Yes; definitely a sad topic
However one that needs to be talked about.
I think about it often.

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posted October 28, 2017 09:09 PM            

Gundahar, if you ever wish for me to remove the quote, I will.... just let me know.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gundahar:
Thank you both for the good thoughts, this was comforting *bheart*

I am sure i suffer from depression, induced by my own expectations of people and events, my problem is that i care too much and tend to be very selfless, when i love, i love with all my being, to the point i put my life on a plate for that someone.
Its nobody's fault but mine, i was always a crazy optimist and still am, its weird to have depression and still feel love and smile naturally.
I'm a Cancer with Leo ASC, but this was not a problem, i could control my emotions in the past, until i got into drugs with the people i grew up with, they did quit but i was hooked up and i was so hardly judged by everyone to the point i broke in shame and regret, the people i loved the most hurt me the worst.
And this was a shock for me.
I isolated myself for a while.
And then my burnout started.
I got dermatitis, things on my skin, teeth problems and many more.
I did quit the drugs, i went through 2 withdrawals alone, and through depression also alone.
I know i should have asked for help.
But i was too lost, to the point i depersonalized.
This coma changed something in my core and im rediscovering myself and the purpose of life.
By no means i'm cured, but it's better than before.
I had an interesting experience in my coma,
i woke after a few days, had amnesia, i spoke latin fluently, i could play guitar, i talked things about metaphysics that i had no idea of.
I want to write a book now and im grateful for all my traumas, depression, everything bad that happened to me
because i can understand the human condition better and maybe this will lead me somewhere, maybe i can help people, save lives.
It's weird because, even tho im aware of how amazing life is, and that overthinking killed my vibe, i still went through the blues and i still do.
It will be cured eventually.

So im not an astro-wiz, but here is my natal chart mirage, if you know how to look it up and maybe tell me more about me and my life regarding the downs i went through and still do.

****{Gundi... chart won't link}****

Thank you again, you guys are too kind <3
I wish you all good fortune and be blessed for showing humanity,
i almost forgot how it is to feel the warmth of a person.
Sorry for the long reply, i'm rediscovering everything and get excited about small things *bheart*

---

You're a Beautiful Soul, Gundahar...
You had a VERY special experience in this time period, including with your coma.

Sounds like a RE-Birth.... a re-boot.

Keep BEING the Loving and Kind person that you are..... The world NEEDS more of those kinds of Lovers.

That's a special mission.... not without its terrible heartaches, AND personal rewards.

I'm sooo very sorry for the solitariness you feel.

YES, you DESERVE all the Kindness and Warmth that we (here at LL) and many others can give you..... Learn that it's just as vital to RECEIVE as well as Give out to others. *bheart* *heart*

Claps Hugs and Cheers
for having given up drugs, and going through all the withdrawals by yourself.

That HAS to be a Mark of Character that you were able to have the strength to do that.... wow!!!

Now, STAY sober. Find helpful groups, friends, that can help you maintain your hard-earned sobriety and self-cleansing. Don't give that up.

And yeah, the world (without rose-colored optimism) CAN be stark, and very utilitarian steely cold and ugly.

That's why maintaining self on drugs can be so attractive... it's a short-cut, short-lasting way to chemically rose-up your life, but it wears off... causes health problems (like you mentioned), and DEPRESSION (which is also compounded by the use of some recreationals).

In fact, many of the depression pharmaceuticals they prescribe, GIVE feelings of wanting to SUICIDE.

(That happened to a friend of mine before they made those kinds of discoveries about the unknown side-effects.)

When I saw this topic appear, I opened it, and I later cropped some HEAVY MATERIAL out of my posting of October 9.

On evening of October 7, I had been surfing the net a bit--- to look up names of old friends that I found in my journal. Was exploring a time-period that had an astrological significance to me. (Researched transits from a certain time period in my old journals.)

I had lost track of someone who had been a very close friend and partner-associate to me. We incepted a mutual-help group I started back then, up north, basically made for survivors of abuse.

She had been a victim of repetitive sexual abuse in her family, as a very young girl. Used at parties by her dad and dad's friends, WITH!!!! her mother KNOWING that this had been going on.... and said nothing.

When she got to a certain age of life, after holding down a very responsible head-nurse position in hospitals-- all her memories came rushing back to her. She had a breakdown.

I came into her life months after her sister was found dead, having committed suicide using depression-medication.

After I moved cross-country and away from her, the group dissolved itself.

I went through some unforeseen, out of the blue, turn of events, that impacted and STALLED my re-start on new life. Difficulties continued, I lost my place to live, which meant that I lost the means of being contacted (by anyone) via phone for a long period of time.

My friend used to call me regularly (long-distance was expensive in those days). I was her Support, when no one else understood her. She had a grossly incompetent arrsshole for a psychiatrist~counselor, and for a while had temporarily chosen another who made lewd sexual advances on her (which I DON'T doubt-- and others in the larger community had reported too). She was reduced back to seeing the other guy. (Shortage of docs there).

She couldn't just pack-up and relocate, like I did.

She still was married to her soulmate and high-school sweetheart for decades. Had a daughter and a grandbaby she ADORED and totally felt it was her duty to spoil in life!! LOL.

She and her husband had planned on eventually retiring to my relo-state.

So, the separation for us (friendship) would only be for a certain span of time. By that time, I had planned on being back up on my feet, and economically self-sufficient once more. (I could have hosted her temporarily in her relo.)

On the evening of Oct 7 (21 days ago), I was stunned when I saw a few-sentences memorial page informing of her 'unexpected' death.... .

She had been my Capricorn best friend and cohort.
Suicide was October 23.
I believe that coincides VERY closely (if not the day itself) that her sister had killed herself too.

So ..... I went through a shock from this news. I observed myself, my reactions, the PHYSICALNESS in mourning having lost someone close, in that kind of way.

This year is her 10 year anniversary of death.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE how much someone else can Love and Care about you, even if you haven't talked in a decade, or more.

THAT was a psychological-emotional hit as I found that out. And I had to process my OWN kind of guilt, personally.... For NOT 'being there' for her when she would have needed me most?...

Don't EVER THINK you don't matter to SOMEONE.
There may be strangers (to you)-- who have come across your paths, .... through your writings, Gundahar, that you DO matter to, in a Heart-Virtual way.

LOVE is a Powerful Force, and it Connects us.

Lexxi..... you too.

Yes. This topic is sad. Very very sad.
Very very sad that MORE people don't reach out and GIVE from their Love and Affection to others......

Even just to say 'I care'.
I CARE about what happens to you.

So Gundahar.... Your new-found gifts? ... wow. Sounds like what happens to people after they have had NDE.

These people usually wind up finding MORE Value to life and living, and Relationship building on earth than others who had never received that special Consciousness.

Yes, USE IT WELL.
Write your book... (AND, please make sure you have a support group to help with SOBRIETY).

You don't need to write it all at once... OR, you could wind up have sequels????
Which!, might not be a bad idea if you plan it right.

NEVER give up Hope. .......

This is a passage from scripture that had helped ME during tumultuous times....

As you know, I come from a Christian belief background. Some people take the scriptures and make Mantras from them ----
(whether or not in correct-context sometimes....
Hey! Laughing, "Whatever It Takes??" *grin*
Whatever WORKS comfort for you-- I'm sure that 'borrowers' have Heaven's Permission. *wink* ) ....

"I have set before you life and death,
the blessing and the curse.
So Choose LIFE" ...

-- extracted *ahem* rather "loosely" LOL
Deuteronomy 30:19

You have allowed me to suffer much hardship,
but you will revive(restore) me to life again
and lift me up from the depths of the earth.

You will restore me to even greater honor
and comfort me once again.

-- quote
Psalm 71, verses 20, 21.
New Living Translation.
- http://www.bible.com/bible/116/PSA.71.20-22.nlt#!

Not meaning to push my own belief system...
only "sharing" from things that have worked for me, in my past...... and in the present these "sayings" keep coming back to memory, because in my younger days, I seeded and planted these Words early IN my Heart.

There has been research now that says that people who ARE in addictions programs DO better and are more assured of success when they Believe in God (A Higher Power).

And yes of course, the person with whatever issues, ALSO works in tandem responsibility.

You do your part.

You lean on your earthly friends....
and the Heavenly ones.

wow.... *JAWDROP*
when I opened my book to quote that last scripture to you, a piece of paper with my {deceased} Cappy Friend's phone number was tucked into it....

*crying* ...............

my my my..... such Complicated Lives.

Just KEEP BELIEVING... in Tomorrow

"This Too Shall Pass"

Love you, Miss you Brenda

(music) Friends in High Places (Larnelle Harris) [4:17] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZgE-xYkgzM

posted October 29, 2017 09:01 PM            

Pixie i will reply to you later, im exhausted after a busy day and its late for me to process all that info, my apologies.

mirage, you are an angel thank you so much
All i know about my soul is that im an old one, that has seen alot, been trough alot. I had an interesting experience in my coma, seen things hard to imagine for the untrained mind, but this experience theme fits in another topic.

It feel like a rebirth in someway, i feel like i've been rewired in some sort.

It was easy for me always to be kind and show kindness, but something broke in me back when i did drugs and everything. Im not feeling everything the same, think the same, in a good way and also in a bad way, its like theres a numbness, a mind fog. Im getting better now but its not easy after all i endured, and after my lover destroyed me psychologically. But the truth is, its all my fault for feeling bad. Somehow, somewhere, i think i chose to suffer all this time, because you know, pain is pain, but suffering is optional. Maybe all of this has to lead me somewhere.

To be honest, all my life i felt a loneliness, like i did not belong here or that im missunderstood. But now i need people more than ever. It feels empowering.

We all diserve kindness and love, even criminals. They are still humans even if they did an impulse mistake or just being truly evil. It doesn't matter. You surround them with that bright love and forgiveness vibe.
Its nice to know theres people around the globe whom have no idea how you look, who you are truly, but they send you love. Thats amazing to me!

I did my best to go trough everything without help and i did, i survived but filled with scars. Its ok, im alive

I am already changing the scenery of my life, everything about it must be changed since coma was a reboot

My opinion is that the world just is. We define how bad or good it is because we take everything trough our personal filters. I don;t deny the existence of good and evil entities or events, but even so, we have to be at peace with everything in this world, laugh about it, otherwise we are doomed to a mind prison that hurts.

Drugs are attractive what can i say, beides the bad stuff, they opened my mind to a new world view. I was not disciplined when it came to plesures back then. I tasted everything i could from life.
It was awful when it weared off, life did hit in the face like a brick, and all problems came back like a meteor rain.

Thats one main reason i refused to visit a a doctor, i did not want antidepressants.

What a beautiful touching story, youre friend is there with you even if you don't know it I am so sorry for what happened, i can empathize because one of my best friends died and i wasn't there when needed.

Actually i encountered my friend from childhood this summer, after more than 10 years of silence. I woke up with him at my window, the shock i had was imense. I never tought i will see him again. And there he was. And hes a cancer like me. And hes the only person that haven't talked in ages and it felt like yesterday. Nothing changed between us. We are connected somehow im sure. Acording to science, best friend share some identical genes, just like family

Thats very comforting to know you are appreciated and cared for by virtual friends. And i hope, after i finish my book, that my words wil feed the mind and sooth the heart of people.
Yes, i've been gifted from childhood with a strong intuition, a capacity of understanding things that others don't, good night vision, i could sense danger sometimes, i always knew this world is not what it seems and theres more to it, spiritual experiences, incredible power over animals and a connection with nature.

Sequels? haha i wish, i think its going to be just one damn good book!

Beautiful scripture passage, bible is very calming and reassuring, to have faith in something gives you power, especially if its God I was not a very christian or religious person before, but since last year i started to bond with divine again. It felt soooo good. It might be just psychological comfort and not the real deal, but this is what i say to people that deny God: I will gladly belive and dedicate myself to someone behind the clouds, rather than someone here on earth.

Did that really happen? The universe is amazing, i love when things like this or syncronicities happen.

I am very grateful for everyone that posted here and sent love to me. You people are beautiful and i wish you love and light this week, may it be easy and drama-free.

posted October 29, 2017 09:07 PM            

Pixie i will reply to you later, im exhausted after a busy day and its late for me to process all that info, my apologies.

mirage, you are an angel thank you so much
All i know about my soul is that im an old one, that has seen alot, been trough alot. I had an interesting experience in my coma, seen things hard to imagine for the untrained mind, but this experience theme fits in another topic.

It feel like a rebirth in someway, i feel like i've been rewired in some sort.

It was easy for me always to be kind and show kindness, but something broke in me back when i did drugs and everything. Im not feeling everything the same, think the same, in a good way and also in a bad way, its like theres a numbness, a mind fog. Im getting better now but its not easy after all i endured, and after my lover destroyed me psychologically. But the truth is, its all my fault for feeling bad. Somehow, somewhere, i think i chose to suffer all this time, because you know, pain is pain, but suffering is optional. Maybe all of this has to lead me somewhere.

To be honest, all my life i felt a loneliness, like i did not belong here or that im missunderstood. But now i need people more than ever. It feels empowering.

We all diserve kindness and love, even criminals. They are still humans even if they did an impulse mistake or just being truly evil. It doesn't matter. You surround them with that bright love and forgiveness vibe.
Its nice to know theres people around the globe whom have no idea how you look, who you are truly, but they send you love. Thats amazing to me!

I did my best to go trough everything without help and i did, i survived but filled with scars. Its ok, im alive

I am already changing the scenery of my life, everything about it must be changed since coma was a reboot

My opinion is that the world just is. We define how bad or good it is because we take everything trough our personal filters. I don;t deny the existence of good and evil entities or events, but even so, we have to be at peace with everything in this world, laugh about it, otherwise we are doomed to a mind prison that hurts.

Drugs are attractive what can i say, beides the bad stuff, they opened my mind to a new world view. I was not disciplined when it came to plesures back then. I tasted everything i could from life.
It was awful when it weared off, life did hit in the face like a brick, and all problems came back like a meteor rain.

Thats one main reason i refused to visit a a doctor, i did not want antidepressants.

What a beautiful touching story, youre friend is there with you even if you don't know it I am so sorry for what happened, i can empathize because one of my best friends died and i wasn't there when needed.

Actually i encountered my friend from childhood this summer, after more than 10 years of silence. I woke up with him at my window, the shock i had was imense. I never tought i will see him again. And there he was. And hes a cancer like me. And hes the only person that haven't talked in ages and it felt like yesterday. Nothing changed between us. We are connected somehow im sure. Acording to science, best friend share some identical genes, just like family

Thats very comforting to know you are appreciated and cared for by virtual friends. And i hope, after i finish my book, that my words wil feed the mind and sooth the heart of people.
Yes, i've been gifted from childhood with a strong intuition, a capacity of understanding things that others don't, good night vision, i could sense danger sometimes, i always knew this world is not what it seems and theres more to it, spiritual experiences, incredible power over animals and a connection with nature.

Sequels? haha i wish, i think its going to be just one damn good book!

Beautiful scripture passage, bible is very calming and reassuring, to have faith in something gives you power, especially if its God I was not a very christian or religious person before, but since last year i started to bond with divine again. It felt soooo good. It might be just psychological comfort and not the real deal, but this is what i say to people that deny God: I will gladly belive and dedicate myself to someone behind the clouds, rather than someone here on earth.

Did that really happen? The universe is amazing, i love when things like this or syncronicities happen.

I am very grateful for everyone that posted here and sent love to me. You people are beautiful and i wish you love and light this week, may it be easy and drama-free.

And here is my natal chart mirage, almost forgot
https://i.imgur.com/LvYFOjx.png

And here is my natal chart mirage, almost forgot
https://i.imgur.com/LvYFOjx.png

posted October 29, 2017 10:09 PM            

P.J. ... Had a chance to slow myself down to read your posts again.

Something in me just breaks considering (and having touched the fringes of) what you've been through in your life... especially at such a young age, to be subjected to that world.

I spent some time looking up youtubes of Ragnork, and the mythology of Freya.

Again, the level of your steely resilience is amazing and even shocking. ... Yes, you MATCH energy of Freya, in deed and indeed.

You mentioned Jesus in light of being a suicide. Yeah, he could have called down 10,000 angels (as the song goes). When Peter raised his sword against those who came to arrest him (cutting off the guy's ear), Jesus rebuked him and healed the ear back onto the head.
.. Can you imagine the amount of panic/confusion/helplessness that Peter must have felt going through all that. Here was this man, with vast popularity at a level where he could have politically taken over and bring a reign of maybe more peaceful days ... But instead, the dude quit??
.. His life purpose was mystical, and other-worldly. The work he did penetrated down to the Matrix grid of Humanity itself.
.. Hard to understand when looked at from earth 3D perspective.
.. haha, in a way... he was like a hero in some movies where the guy gets his scuba-gear on, and goes fix something that others could not. What he fixed, enabled all of humankind to begin to have open access to 'planes of consciousness' we didn't have before.
.. People just couldn't figure him out.
.... So yeah, I can see how that was suicide.

To me, in a deeply personal experience I had once... IF you(generically speaking) were to 'assess' (through straight logic and professional expertise and observations and historic references you might have) that a certain person/client 'has no visible logical hope' nor prayer to make it OUT of their circumstance or situation-- and they ask 'what do you think my chances of "making it" is'? --- to hear the "reality" answer can kill a person inwardly long before they would make the final decision.

I'm sure you recall convos we've had where homeless people are "farmed" for all the vouchers and govt resources they can get from them... then are TOLD by the counselors, with all sincerity, that 'suicide IS an option' if you don't have economic resources anymore. *crickets*
..... so vile.

West coast states allow assisted suicides now? (I'm not up on the latest. I thought I've seen stories on some successful deaths there-- the persons involved had terminal illnesses and wanted to off themselves before the 'pain' or dementia(whatever-it-was) set in.)

You know....
If I didn't have God in my life---- I wouldn't (personally) see the point in staying alive (with MY certain circumstances and situation).

There have been times where the *sonics* (for ten years now) have gotten sooooo bad in here, that I begged Jesus to come just take my life.
Despair tries to set in, because, I hurt on a daily basis now..... making me feel as though 'I'm no good for anything anymore.'

But I HOLD ON to Hope. There just HAS to be a way that I'll just not 'escape' and survive, but that I'll THRIVE in life. That I have DAYS left in me where I might DO my Greatest Contribution for other Humans....

Things can suddenly change.... Believing for The Better.

When you give up ANY hope, then, there solidly is NO HOPE at all.

Believe.
Yes we can faint in our prolonging or sustaining.
We fall down--- cry... Then we GET UP.

Wishing everyone here COURAGE and Good Earthly Friends to help encourage and Lift during times we feel all is futile.

(topic) Never Give Up (scenes from The Martian Child) [2:50] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2BhUAXUgwo

(music) Just Fall (Anthem Lights, lyrics) [4:14] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GP6HKZV5zE

refs (tiny intros)about Ragnorok and Freya...
(topic) Thor: Ragnorok (movie trailer) [2:26] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue80QwXMRHg

(topic) The Goddess Freya (IS Anderson, Mythology Time, 2014) [3:31] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8i58BVIXDCc

posted October 29, 2017 10:31 PM            

(You'll have to post your chart in the Knowflakes intro forum, okay? ... There are instructions there on how to post a chart. The other thing would be having Randall send me your birthdata. You send it to him, he forwards it to me.... if you wanted.)

One advantage of posting your chart on the Knowflake intro forum, is that you can always leave a link TO that page, anytime anyone asks about your chart(s). It can be a repository. ... (Read the thread in that forum on How to post a chart.)

Love You too, Gundahar... Glad you walk among us still. --- Now, time to write that damn-good book!!

posted October 30, 2017 07:17 PM            

Came across this person who was drowned then resuscitated around age 9. He tells the story of having died, and how that felt to him, then what happened after he was revived... The events and decision-making process that led him to the career of becoming a composer.

(topic) The Inside Voice (Paul Mealor, JW Pepper Music interview) [5:29] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89dNM4do614

posted October 31, 2017 11:18 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
Something in me just breaks considering (and having touched the fringes of) what you've been through in your life... especially at such a young age, to be subjected to that world.

I spent some time looking up youtubes of Ragnork, and the mythology of Freya.

Again, the level of your steely resilience is amazing and even shocking. ... Yes, you MATCH energy of Freya, in deed and indeed.

---

One of the things I'll never figure out is where the head and tail begins. Speaking in terms of my own life, I leaned that way from an early age.

For others who haven't heard, a defining moment in early childhood was the Cheerios incident. My mother took me from her mother out of spite, and so I went from a loving, stable home to that of a dysfunctional alcoholic one with abuse and neglect. I once tried to wake up the hungover 'rents to feed me when I was 4-5 and got punched in the chest across the room for my trouble. So when I became that hungry again, and around 10 AM without either 'rent up, I pondered how to make my own breakfast.

Though it's not as simple as I'm stating it as I had to back up a little before going forward again at times, what it came down to is that I pried out a box of Cheerios from a high cabinet with a spatula and wooden spoon while standing on a chair. I caught the box in my arms and the rest was easy. As I ate, a warm feeling filled me that I did it myself (some might say I'd learned industry over inferiority), and though the world of adults and authority was capricious to me, I felt I could take care of myself.

(It might also be worth nothing that before this I loved an especially placid cow that I'd hug, usually with a fence between me and the cow's main body, but sometimes next to a relative. Perhaps this is what caused me to have empathy when I saw calves being branded, and realized my uncle was lying to me when he said it didn't hurt them. This is when I realized I couldn't trust the word of adults and it was deeply upsetting to me. My reaction upset him so he later made burgers and then told me that he'd killed my favorite cow and fed her to me to teach me cows are livestock not pets. Being 4, I didn't understand, and figured meat was like milk, there was always more, but it eventually sank in. Unfortunately, the actual lesson I took from it is that those I love will die because I loved them, which added to the tragedy of the the death of my BFF on the streets when we were 15.

I might also be worth noting that his wife decided to "teach" me to swim by putting a life preserver on me and tossing me out onto a lake, one that looked much bigger to me at age 4 than after I got older. I cried for her to come get me so she walked away. I realized I had to save myself and I did manage to get back, though more than once the thick life preserver forced my head underwater and I had to kick really hard to get back upright. This no doubt taught me some self-reliance, but they sure didn't like it later when I depended upon myself rather than listening to them. That lake, as it appeared to me when I was 4, still appears a lot in my dreams to this day.)

So anyway, it should be no surprise that I related to characters like Pippi Longstocking (who lived by herself) and Dorrie the Little Witch. I'm not sure how, but I somehow taught myself to read at age 5 and I read books like that over and over again, perhaps a good escape from my home, and I envied girls like Pippi who could live by herself (she missed her dad, like I missed my grandmother).

Furthermore, many parents didn't want their sweet little girls exposed to my family and so I was effectively shunned by neighborhood girls from the ages of 6-10 (and thus stopped watching and reading the same media as them that has many bad messages on what it means to be a woman, and what it takes to be happy), which caused me to end up playing with the boys instead. While boy media has its own problems, it's still better than girl media. As my interest wasn't into finding a man to define me and be my power in the world, I instead leaned to the types of scifi and fantasy (which Pippi and Dorrie naturally led me to) where a woman had her own meaning outside of a relationship, and that meant a certain level of independence and competence rather than needing to be rescued (besides, I'd learned those who took me away took me somewhere bad, and therefore had no interest in a "prince" to take me away, when it would suck, and I'd have to worry protecting myself from him rather than having faith he'd protect me from the world).

This all led me to being independent, and I knew how to roughhouse like a boy. I'd spend more time on the family farm and that would help as well. Though my grandmother did something wonderful for me that also helped, without even meaning to: despite that she felt I was too tomboyish and was trying to girl me up, she'd bought me a skateboard for my 14th birthday (the only birthday party I remember from childhood) which I'd been wanting since I was 11 (ever since I saw Sarah use one in The Crow, the first R-rated movie I was taken to see, and later the first movie I'd sneak into with my BFF to see again, the same BFF who'd die a few years later on the streets, though because of this movie I saw skateboarding as a girl thing whereas the rest of the world, including my grandmother, saw it as tomboyish).

Learning to use that skateboard, especially on rough roads in pad need of new pavement, was hard, but I didn't give up. And by the time I was forced to move back in with my mother (as the courts betrayed me with that damn "mothers always love their children/children belong with their mothers" crap) I was good, and I took pride in it, not because it was easy for me, but because it had been hard to make it look easy, which reinforced the message that perseverance would see me through. (Gods, how I cried when that skateboard was stolen from me when I was a runaway on the streets, no skateboard will ever be as special to me as that one was.)

The lesson over and over was I saved myself, and those with power would likely use it to abuse me. Granny didn't (though she'd learned from previous mistakes before I was born), but she was overruled by other authorities, like the courts that made me live with my mother.

Because too many people twist Christianity into justifying their inexcusable behavior, that was no friend to me, and plenty of predators on both sides of the law used Christianity. Christianity taught submission and faith in authority rather than myself, which was not the message I needed to survive. Indeed, the pimp that got my BFF (where my BFF would die horribly as they tried to forcibly get her addicted to hard drugs) also sent his goons after me, but I fought back with a pair of butterfly knives. I lived, while my BFF who depended on other others to save her died.

And for all that I endured, many endured FAR WORSE around me. I'm no exception, there are many of us, but society happily dismisses us to keep up their lies. That includes people who were horribly abused under the guise of Christianity, including a Catholic orphanage that was essentially involved in child sex trafficking.

And so is it any surprise that I saw Freya rather than the Virgin Mary or Jesus? She was exactly what I needed right then, and probably the only higher power I could accept. The only hope was that which I could make for myself.

However, there are paranormal elements to it as well. My grandmother had a realistic nightmare (enough that she called my mother to speak with me, but my mother hid the fact I ran away to keep collecting child support--that's something else that would later drive the point home to me that ultimately I just had myself to take care of me), and it appears to have been right about the moment I had a vision of Freya...perhaps even as she was praying to Jesus on my behalf. (How we came to figure this is a story in of itself, but I'm getting tired of sharing, and most people have probably stopped reading by now anyway). There are other reasons as well, but I'm not going to go into them now.

What Freya gave me was a gift that changed my life, by getting me to believe in me rather than other people and powers outside of myself to save me.

And later I'd find that spells worked great for me (but only if I created them myself, and each time had to be different, so like how I got the Cheerios by being creative), while an experiment using prayer showed that not only did it fail to work, but could even stop something from happening that should if I prayed for it to happen (so like trying to wake the hungover 'rents up to be ignored at best, punched across the room at worst).

posted October 31, 2017 11:46 AM            

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Originally posted by mirage29:
To me, in a deeply personal experience I had once... IF you(generically speaking) were to 'assess' (through straight logic and professional expertise and observations and historic references you might have) that a certain person/client 'has no visible logical hope' nor prayer to make it OUT of their circumstance or situation-- and they ask 'what do you think my chances of "making it" is'? --- to hear the "reality" answer can kill a person inwardly long before they would make the final decision.

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I can see this. It's one of the dangers of putting too much faith in authority. Experiments have shown that people's abilities are shaped by how others react to them and even expect of them without saying. As a super simple example, tell a teacher that a bunch of perpetually failing students are gifted, and the kids can start doing much better, because somehow the teacher's attitude comes through, and they come to believe in themselves.

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Originally posted by mirage29:
I'm sure you recall convos we've had where homeless people are "farmed" for all the vouchers and govt resources they can get from them... then are TOLD by the counselors, with all sincerity, that 'suicide IS an option' if you don't have economic resources anymore. *crickets*
..... so vile.

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I'm aware of a lot of exploitation and vile games involving help for the homeless, the disabled, and the mentally ill. I never heard of one saying "suicide is an option" though it wouldn't surprise me, since even as commonplace such abuse is, there is a chance of getting caught at it which can be a costly and even life ruining mistake for them (and dead men tell no tales).

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Originally posted by mirage29:
West coast states allow assisted suicides now? (I'm not up on the latest. I thought I've seen stories on some successful deaths there-- the persons involved had terminal illnesses and wanted to off themselves before the 'pain' or dementia(whatever-it-was) set in.)

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Some do, but it's controversial. I think it's a good thing, as long as it's an option not forced upon them. Of course some vile family members will try to force it earlier, while hospitals will try to stop it not out of any goodness, but to make more money while inflicting an agonizing existence upon someone else.

Let's be real here. For many people, there is no peaceful hospital bed surrounded by caring nurses and familial loved ones to fill their last days with warmth. It's more neglect, pain, abuse, and a horror that will only end in death. It's misguided to try to force that upon them because "life" is so "valuable." Life and death are both processes, and both can actually be beautiful (like that vid you shared of that guy who found inspiration for choir music in a near death experience).

If they CHOOSE to fight to the very end, then I admire them and support them. But only if they choose. If there is no choice, then I don't admire them, I pity them.

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Originally posted by mirage29:
But I HOLD ON to Hope. There just HAS to be a way that I'll just not 'escape' and survive, but that I'll THRIVE in life. That I have DAYS left in me where I might DO my Greatest Contribution for other Humans....

Things can suddenly change.... Believing for The Better.

When you give up ANY hope, then, there solidly is NO HOPE at all.

Believe.
Yes we can faint in our prolonging or sustaining.
We fall down--- cry... Then we GET UP.

Wishing everyone here COURAGE and Good Earthly Friends to help encourage and Lift during times we feel all is futile

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I agree with the sentiment. It goes back to the attitude I developed on a skateboard. No matter how many times I fall off (or like when I accidentally skated into a ditch filled with bullnettles and hornets), the difference between winning is losing is whether one quits or keeps going (while still being adaptable enough to learn and change).

posted October 31, 2017 12:17 PM            

Were the Scandinavian mythos dominant in our society then it would be equally abused, as would any and all religions. Even Taoism, which seems like it couldn't be so easily warped, often is.

My grandmother is a Christian, and I don't have anything against her and her religion (I suspect her praying to Jesus on my behalf contributed to my having a vision of Freya). But I'm not going to pretend that all Christians are good when they're not, either. And many Christians, like my grandmother, are quick to point out the bad elements, rather than feeling that to point out the bad elements is somehow a condemnation of themselves. It's not, as long as they speak against it and refuse to support the bad apples.

Even the Bible itself warns of false prophets, and Jesus himself gave the Woes of the Pharisees speech.

posted November 01, 2017 07:28 PM            

Though specifically I’m speaking about Games where your Character Levels Up in Advancement over prolonged periods of Play Time such as with MMOs (World of Warcraft, Starwars The Old Republic etc)... or even Offline RPGs like Final Fantasy. And often I have created such Characters in various games where the same Mechanics/Rules apply in how you advance from Level 1 to Level 100 (or whatever the cap is)....

Generally on early Play-Throughs people make ALOT of mistakes, sometimes to the point where the Character Class they are playing, or just paths chosen in regards the Advancement System have been one screw up after another until they realize the Character has now become a waste of effort... They are no longer Enjoying the Experience and perhaps the longer a Person stays in such a state of loathing, such could turn upon the Whole Game itself and at worst to just straight up Trolling (Ruining the Experience for everyone else).

This being the case in the Video Game Scenario, a person can simply create a Brand New Character anytime they want and start from the beginning (essentially suiciding/sacrificing (likely deleting the Character Slot / Save File)) of their previous attempt, and beginning the Journey from Level 1 all over again...!

BUT... here is the difference, essentially... even though the Human just Suicided their previous Character... the actual Total Experience of the Game World still Exists within themselves (The Player/The Soul of their Previous Attempt)... their Level may be 1... (Baby/Noob) though they have all of the Memories of what went before and thus allowing for a much better path of Advancement on their Secondary Journey... maybe they are a new Class, maybe a Girl Character instead of the Male slot they filled last time.... though some aspects were indeed lost, such as any items related to the Game World that were linked to their previous Character (now deleted) yet THEY still remember...

If you asked me how any of this relates to the conversation here, I feel my basic point is that there is very little we really know about the Universe and how it works, though more and more the Top Minds of our planet (both Scientific & Spiritual) point to the fact that we may very well Exist in a Universe that is Virtual by Nature...

What if the Earth Does Not Exist (Virtual Theory) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CyN8rYdX6g [22:52]

That being the case, I expect the Microcosmic World of Video Games to very often Reflect that same Universal System, meaning... the concept of Suciding in a Video Game is not the End of the Players/Souls Journey, in fact it’s often the most viable Solution so that a Person can continue to Enjoy Playing by starting again... Level 1.

^^Even still, I feel PJ's below comment hits home on any such decisions firstly having to be made... in leaving the only viable option being to Delete your Character, whether speaking of a Real World Scenario, or of Video Games...

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
And here's a thought: maybe it's not a person who commits suicide who is punished, but the rest of us for creating a world in which suicide becomes a viable option.

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Generally ofc, something much easier to Fix in Video games with a Patch/Download after an Community Uproar... yet not so easily done in Normal Life (Nods)... Though interestingly, it IS the Developers who are also Heavily Punished when everyone starts opting out of playing their Game due to the crappy Service.

Though a Soul should have the right to do as they wish with their Logged on Earthbound Player, heck even Satan/Facebook lets you Delete your Account.

And I feel what we have to Realize for Ourselves, is that Ultimately we are the Developers of this Life/World/Universe... and so the Burden of Responsibility is Forever upon our Own Shoulders to make things better for Everyone.

posted November 02, 2017 12:22 PM            

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Originally posted by Lei_Kuei:
What if the Earth Does Not Exist (Virtual Theory) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CyN8rYdX6g [22:52]

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I wanted to point out this is an incredibly good vid on how quantum physics seems to suggest that our reality is virtual rather than real, one I've seen before. I can show a panel of philosophers and scientists (hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson) speaking on the concepts of the possibility of our universe being a simulated reality for those interested (I believe it's over an hour, perhaps even two hours).

Of course, if it's true then it begs so many questions that our current religions aren't equipped to deal with (even the ones that say reality is a persistent illusion).

posted November 02, 2017 12:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lei_Kuei:
And I feel what we have to Realize for Ourselves, is that Ultimately we are the Developers of this Life/World/Universe... and so the Burden of Responsibility is Forever upon our Own Shoulders to make things better for Everyone.

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And roughly agree with this.

Perhaps I should add that I have a friend who struggled with depression, and I fear she'll suicide or drink herself to death. My concern is for her more than myself, however, and I know that sometimes what life throws at us is more than we can handle--and she has to handle a lot. People like to say God doesn't give us challenges we can't handle, which is hard to argue because the legions of those who couldn't handle the challenges aren't here to contest it, but I've seen enough to know it's not true that God/the Cosmos never gives us more than we can bear.

If she does kill herself, I'll be grief stricken, but I'd never accuse her of selfishness for hurting me so, because I knew how much she was hurting herself, and how she couldn't even think straight anymore. I would want her to find peace, not be punished further.

Interesting enough, I seem to have more of a history of random acts of kindness and official volunteering than many who claim to be more caring and spiritual than me (and often have more time and money to spare than I do as well). I was even treated as a sap for it at times. But in a way it does make sense: it's BECAUSE I believe that the cosmos is ultimately indifferent and that there is evil allowed to operate in this world that I find it important to help. If I believed in all the "karma is just" and "God will take care of you" then why should I care/help when God is just going to do it anyway? And why should anyone have helped me as was done if they thought God or karma or LOA was going to do it for them?

I was even declared an "honorary Christian" (which deeply touched me) after a band of homeless people who were treated like crap by Christians (including the Baptist preacher who served as the accountant for the food bank I was volunteering with at the time, and unknowingly embezzling it with the actual owners of that operation too dumb to realize that you don't trust someone just because they're a preacher), and I was put off by how the embezzling preacher treated them (who wanted Bibles and a place to meet for their own Bible study just for themselves where they didn't have to feel self-conscious, especially among the more prosperity theology Christians who seem more into Mammon than Christ to me, and believe the homeless must be bad people for God to let them be homeless, and thus don't want them around their churches).

posted November 05, 2017 08:28 PM            

Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes Quotations - Suicide, Killing, Euthanasia, Right to Life

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Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes Quotations : KILLING, SUICIDE, EUTHANASIA, RIGHT TO LIFE

One has been a poor spectator of life if one has not witnessed the hand - that kills from mercy.

Beyond Good and Evil, Chapter 4, Maxims and Interludes, Friedrich Nietzsche

The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets successfully through many a bad night.

Beyond Good and Evil, Chapter 4, Maxims and Interludes, Friedrich Nietzsche

The usual false conclusions of mankind are these: a thing exists, therefore it has a right to exist.

Human, All-Too-Human : Part One, 30. BAD HABITS IN REASONING, Friedrich Nietzsche

We must beware of one who is in a passion against us as of one who has once sought our life; for the fact that we still live is due to the absence of power to kill, - if looks could kill, we should have been dead long ago.

Human, All-Too-Human : Part One, 64. THE MAN IN A PASSION, Friedrich Nietzsche

There is a certain right by which we may deprive a man of life, but none by which we may deprive him of death; this is mere cruelty.

Human, All-Too-Human : Part One, 88. THE PREVENTION OF SUICIDE, Friedrich Nietzsche

Natural death is independent of all reason and is really an irrational death, in which the pitiable substance of the shell determines how long the kernel is to exist or not; in which, accordingly, the stunted, diseased and dull witted jailer is lord, and indicates the moment at which his distinguished prisoner shall die.

Human, All-Too-Human : The Wanderer and His Shadow, 185. OF REASONABLE DEATH, Friedrich Nietzsche

Among human beings there is no greater banality than death. Second in order, because it is possible to die without being born, comes birth, and next comes marriage.

Human, All-Too-Human : The Wanderer and His Shadow, 58. NEW ACTORS, Friedrich Nietzsche

Or shall I go out as a light does, not first blown out by the wind, but grown tired and weary of itself - a burnt out light? Or finally, shall I blow myself out, so as not to burn out?

The Gay Science : Fourth Book, 315. The Last Hour, Friedrich Nietzsche

A little poison now and then: that makes for pleasant dreams. And a lot of poison at the end, for a pleasant death.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Zarathustra's Prologue, Friedrich Nietzsche

"You shall not steal! You shall not kill! Such words were once called holy; before them people bowrd their knees and heads, and removed their shoes. But I ask you: where have there ever been better thieves and killers in the world than such holy words have been? Is there not in all of life itself - robbing and killing? And when such words were called holy, was not truth itself thereby - killed?
Thus Spoke Zarathustra, The Old and New Law-Tables, Friedrich Nietzsche

In a certain state it is indecent to live longer.

Twighlight of the Idols, Expeditions of an Untimely Man, Friedrich Nietzsche

To go on vegetating in cowardly dependence on physicians and machinations, after the meaning of life, the right to life, has been lost, that ought to prompt a profound contempt in society.

Twighlight of the Idols, Expeditions of an Untimely Man, Friedrich Nietzsche

To die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.

Twighlight of the Idols, Expeditions of an Untimely Man, Friedrich Nietzsche

One never perishes through anybody but oneself.

Twighlight of the Idols, Expeditions of an Untimely Man, Friedrich Nietzsche

It is not in our hands to prevent our birth; but we can correct this mistake — for in some cases it is a mistake.

Twighlight of the Idols, Expeditions of an Untimely Man, Friedrich Nietzsche

When one does away with oneself, one does the most estimable thing possible: one almost earns the right to live.

Twighlight of the Idols, Expeditions of an Untimely Man, Friedrich Nietzsche

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And in process of tracking down the sayings of Brother Nietzsche, I stumbled upon what appears to be a whole ARCHIVE of Human History and it's collected thoughts on Suicide from many different Cultures, Religions & Philosophies!

The Ethics of Suicide Digital Archive

Definitely worth a Look!

And here is a link to the sections on Nietzsche: http://ethicsofsuicide.lib.utah.edu/selections/nietzsche/

posted November 26, 2017 02:20 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I have tried repeatedly, over many days, to find a specific woman's story. Maybe someone here knows of it. Since I can't find it I can't remember the specifics. What I recall of it is that a woman tried to kill herself with a gun and messed it up so she instead came to without a jaw and having to use a feeding tube. Nurses and doctors treated her like crap, and one doctor told her, as best I recall, that other people are victims of the violence of others, but she did this to herself, so she could just live with it. They treated her with contempt, even as they were doing the bare minimum so she could leave the hospital so someone "more worthy" could have her bed.

That's another problem with the "suicide is always wrong" in the sense that it goes against God's will and that the person to do so is "selfish" (and other unproven and likely false claims). It fosters attitudes like that that are not loving, compassionate, or spiritual.

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