posted August 12, 2009 09:13 PM         

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Aww, veggies from his garden. How lovely is that? He sounds like a complete doll.

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He really, really is; I've never been with someone as centered and mature as he is who wasn't also a hideous snore fest (the small Aries stellium underneath all that earth, perhaps?). He's a lot of weird, buzzing dichotomies and so am I, which has been rare for me to find romantically. So far it's been so, so lovely, if not a little overwhelming emotionally. I'm still a bit psychically limp-y after the double whammy crapfest of Oregon Boy and Moonie's Dad., and there's just so much mental and sexual energy between us. After I see him, I always feel like I need to take a really, really long nap.

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I just read your thread on Astro about that guy that messed you around. Bloody hell. That's horrendous. Can't imagine a worse scenario to be honest. Pity he had to involve a genuinely good person in his scumbaggery. Poor chicita.

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It really is one of those things that everyone theorizes about hypothetically ("What would I do if that ever actually happened to me?"), because it seems so unlikely-- the kind of FUBAR drama that you think happens strictly in bad romantic comedies and not to real people. Argh, you know, the farther it gets away from me the less it hurts, of course, but is there really any kind of true, complete recovery from something like that? You're completely right about Buddah Boy, and how respected I feel by him because of his celibacy. He has a calming effect on me that I've never experienced with any other man. With sex strictly off the table, I don't even have the chance to doubt or question his motives at all. Every time I see him I know that he's there because he honestly wants to get to know me and develop something real with me- it's TREMENDOUSLY healing and quite possibly the only way I could be approached post-douchebaggery. Regardless of how it turns out in the long run, I needed to be treated this way so badly. I guess I cashed in some of my karma chips, finally.

This is the kind of meditation he practices: http://www.dhamma.org/ -- I love listening to him talk about it. He's been practicing for eight years and is so, so passionate about and spiritually involved with every aspect of it. He told me he once spent SEVEN WEEKS at his meditation center, meditating in total silence. How Mars in Pisces can you GET?

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I am quite a fan of the older man. So much so I can't seem to connect with anyone my own age anymore. They seem so lacking in gravitas (my new fave word).

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posted August 12, 2009 09:53 PM         

You know what the funny thing about it is (vis a vis dreaminess), is that I really didn't think I was going to find him attractive. My "type" has always been extremely tall, extremely slender, cat-like bros and Buddah Boy is on the shorter side and really muscular/toned throughout. But then I actually met him, and zoing! Synastry at work!

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I am with you on the older man tip, and I didn’t think of the outer planet square/opposition possibilities by generation.

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Is a new phenomenon that's catching on? I wonder if we're all around the same age and if this isn't something a woman learns with age. So far as the age difference goes, too, I rarely think about it. He doesn't give off an "older" vibe to me at all (Sag rising!), yet still manages to be mature, respectful and secure in himself. Maybe I could convince him to teach a course?

posted August 13, 2009 06:30 AM         

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Argh, you know, the farther it gets away from me the less it hurts, of course, but is there really any kind of true, complete recovery from something like that?

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No, probably not. About the best you can hope for is acceptance that it was a crap thing to happen to you. And perhaps seeing a lesson there somewhere perhaps, in your more cheerful days? In that, you know it is possible for this sort of stuff to happen. And if you decide to engage with someone else on an intimate basis and that person does not do that stuff to you, then it is also therefore possible that this sort of stuff does not happen. Right? Plenty of air in my chart, it's easy to be logical about someone else's crap situation!

I am just glad that you're finding joy these days. You are a brave person. Perhaps you needed that level of crud to appreciate one who you may not have appreciated quite so much before, to realise the beauty of this new man, the rarity of him.

I will check out the dhamma meditation site, thank you for the link. I find this sort of stuff more and more interesting, having only just learned the very beginnings of yoga on the weekend. Meditation is still a mystery to me. Ooh, how exciting!

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He told me he once spent SEVEN WEEKS at his meditation center, meditating in total silence. How Mars in Pisces can you GET?

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That's great! I love Mars in Pisces. So interesting. Water running over rock is the most powerful Mars energy there is IMO. Ever tried to stop a river? I studied Physical Geography in college so I know this is true. You may think you have the upper hand but they just keep awn trucking nevertheless. And some call them weak? No way.

I do have a strong Capricorn, yes. I have Saturn in the 11th house (of friends, Saturn there meaning likely to have friends older than you. I also need to be friends with a man first to have a relationship, so most of my relationships have been with older men). Most of my friends are older than I am, something I only noticed fairly recently. Also, Capricorn rules my 5th house. Part of Fortune and the North Node are there, opposing Saturn in Cancer, all hooking up to a big Grand Earth Trine and Kite. Pretty important in my chart. My lesson is to be more Capricorn, especially in creativity and career. I have found the last year I have been connecting more to the Earthiness and Wateriness of myself. I really really like Capricorns even though we are supposed to be squared (I'm Libra sun) I like dark humour and Capricorns to me are the darkest of all. I find them dry and hilarious and very very clever. I'll post my chart on the first page of my thread, I need to fill up a few gaps in it as I deleted some posts when I had a tantrum.

Where's yours? I'll have a looky on the "Post chart and pic" thread, if it's not there, can you post it?

posted August 13, 2009 06:40 AM         

Tell me about motherhood if it pleases you to. I'm not a mother myself, would love to hear some more about it. He's a beautiful child. I admire your strength in keeping things together and not being closed off to new possibilities. Aries women, see. Awesome people in my experience. I had a pint with one last night. Despite a broken 5 year relationship with a man she still loves but has treated her badly (she finally said no more and walked, atta girl) and a mother with terminal cancer, and a 9 year old boy, and a full time job listening to other people's mental health problems, she was like a frigging sunbeam.

From the "What attracts you?" thread on astro, I loved this!!!!

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Physically: Are you a gentleman who kind of looks like a lady? Are you a lady who kind of looks like a gentleman? Did you put that shirt on after pulling it out from the bottom of your hamper and sniffing it? Have you been wearing the same sneakers since you were 17, periodically mending them with duct tape? Do you have a tattoo? Is it of your cat, with wings? SCHWING.

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Right there with you ! You have perfectly described my man, who has actually screwed his sandals toegther.

I like your spirit and your stories

posted August 15, 2009 06:10 PM         

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Your song …came on the radio the other day…

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I was wondering if anyone got the reference! LOL, of course you did! I’m feeling pretty “down to Mars” lately anyway so it fits in other ways as well.

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I wonder if we're all around the same age and if this isn't something a woman learns with age.

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I think you are right about that. The Scorpio was a year younger but you would have thought he was 10 years younger, the way he acted! I used to always date guys a couple of years older, now I know, 5+ years older would be good! Especially at my old age of 30 (lol), I want someone I can settle down with...I never thought that the “biological clock” thing was real but now every time I see a baby I am like, “aww, I want one…must have one..eggs getting old…” Especially when I see cuties like your son!

posted August 16, 2009 10:29 AM         

(Bear with me, I swear this story is applicable even though it's long and I will inevitably make it longer with added astro babble):

I recently met up with my oldest, oldest friend, a guy I grew up with in my little hometown who (being three years older than I am and totally awesome) had a major influence on my formative pre-teen & teen years. I set him up with another friend of mine a trillion years ago (okay, 8) and they're still together, though they have a lot of problems. We went to his band's practice space and just kind of chain smoked and listened to old Monkees records and talked about relationships for hours hours hours. I luff him to death, he's wholly a soul brother to me, but holy WOW is he clueless about women-- especially his own girlfriend.

He's a solar Cancer (5th house), Aquarius Moon (12th) w/ an Aquarius Ascendant and she's a solar Cancer (8th house), Scorpio Moon (12th) w/ a Scorpio Ascendant. LOTS at play there-- they both have 12th house Moons conjunct their Ascendants which square the other's, 0 orb conjunct Suns, with their Venus' also conjunct in Gemini (though his is retrograde). In synastry, they clog each other's angular houses up like nobody's business; they're AC/DC & IC/MC axis' lay directly across each other, Psyche (his) conjunct DC (hers), Moon (his) conjunct IC (hers) and a totally beautiful direct air trine between his natal Moon/Asc & her natal Mars/Saturn/Pluto conjunction in Libra, among other things.

They're both incredibly passionate, artistic people; he being a genius and manically driven musician with 40 projects going on at all times, and she a photographer/collage artist who draws naked women with bunny heads obsessively (but well!). On paper they're adorably well matched, but in practice it seems like they're both so resistant to being vulnerable that their relationship has become a mine field.

His sense of humor is very dry and cynical, and can be really, really cruel at times. He also tends to downplay his own feelings with his "humor," so it's hard to tell at times how he truly feels about anything (or if he has feelings at all). You really have to be adept at reading and interpreting subtlety to get on with him on any deeper level. As much as I deeply love him as a friend, I can't imagine what it must be like to date him-- never mind for 8 years (living together for 6). She's hyper-Plutonian and tends to be very self protective and manipulative while also being incredibly emotional, keeping secrets for no discernible reason and often using the affection she easily garners from other men to "snap" my friend to attention. Neither of them is a saint, but I know my good, old friend well enough to know that he's primarily cooked this s**t stew on his own. He's, of course, all Old Man And The Sea about it, cursing his bad luck by drowning his sorrows in beer and really, really loud guitar reverb. Yet he doesn't want to end the relationship, and he asks me (as usual), "What can I do?"

So instead of answering him outright I asked him "What do you think would change in your relationship if every time you felt the urge to make a joke at her expense, bring up something from the past, challenge her or tease her, you just let it go, gave her affection, told her you loved her, and made her feel beautiful instead?" and I wish you all could have seen the look on his face. This man has been in a relationship with this woman, whom he truly & deeply loves, for EIGHT YEARS and even though he's terrified she'll leave him and desperate to fix things, this simple, obvious thought had never once occurred to him. In fact, I think it may have even blown his mind.

I seriously believe that most problems in relationships are caused by this competition people fall into to prove who's the LEAST attached and therefore "stronger"-- isn't the point of being in a partnership to, uh, be attached? Isn't that actually the literal DEFINITION OF PARTNERSHIP? Is my Venus in Pisces showing? Maybe this is a Pluto Libra generational issue (and I don't know how it plays out in other cultures, either), but it seems so prevalent in the US that it's almost seems like a socio-universal plague. It played into my experience in Oregon so violently that it nearly took me down psychically. But, but, but, don't we all want LOVE? And isn't the easiest route to love... GIVING love, even if it puts us at risk? Isn't anything worthwhile a risk?

posted August 16, 2009 11:19 AM         

W O' Cheese, I think you're totally right that I wouldn't have appreciated the Monk if he'd come into my life two years ago. I'm sure I would have still been drawn to him, but probably not have acted on it. It's taken me a really, really (too long) time to come to terms with the fact that I'm not the persona I always wanted to see myself as being, do you know what I mean? And this new man (so far, at least) seems to mesh well with who I actually am, as opposed to most of my past partners who (although my feelings for them were genuine) were more or less conduits to a certain persona I wanted to project to myself. I mean, he is hopelessly and endearingly "uncool"-- his hairline's receding and he showed up to our first date in a bright green polo shirt, for example. But his devotional gentleness, his immense stregnth of conviction and the way he views the world (24/7 MAGIC!) resonate so strongly and solidly with me that I just cannot leave him alone. It feels like being with him is "right" for once, and not just some excitable, lust-filled impulse like usual--- his Saturn conj my NN, perhaps?

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...Capricorn rules my 5th house. Part of Fortune and the North Node are there, opposing Saturn in Cancer, all hooking up to a big Grand Earth Trine and Kite. Pretty important in my chart.

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!!!!! That's both beautiful AND amazing. How does that all manifest in your life, vis a vis your NN path? Do you feel like having so much Capricorn influence helps you in that regard? I'm on the opposite path (NN in 2nd Cancer, opposite my Moon/Juno in 8th Cap) and I have so, so much trouble reconciling the Cancer/Capricorn pole.

posted August 16, 2009 11:34 AM         

I'll go down to Mars with you AND your snakeskin boots anytime, Andre.

posted August 16, 2009 11:47 AM         

Buddah Boy has been @ his center meditating for a few days now, so we've been out of touch. I should probably be grateful that our outside commitments (Moonie & meditation, respectfully) keep us from going down into a vortex of intense affection together since that seems to ruin a lot of my connections, but I MISS HIM. Oh, oh miss.

posted August 17, 2009 09:12 AM         

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And this new man (so far, at least) seems to mesh well with who I actually am, as opposed to most of my past partners who (although my feelings for them were genuine) were more or less conduits to a certain persona I wanted to project to myself. I mean, he is hopelessly and endearingly "uncool"-- his hairline's receding and he showed up to our first date in a bright green polo shirt, for example.

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Oh this is so cool! I feel like this too!
I am going to try to get a photo of the sandals downtomars, they are a feat of engineering alright. I dunno about the Cappy influence with loving dirty resourceful men Aerial. Maybe the resourceful part... lol. I read somewhere that Cappies want someone who won't show them up in public, but you couldn't say that about me and my man. On Thursday he wore an orange shirt with a pair of navy blue Hawaiian shorts, a yellowish waistcoat, and the sandals, then told me loudly in the middle of a shop how bad the psoriasis on his elbow is getting and shoved said elbow in my face and in the face of the elderly shopkeeper, who said "Ooh, tssss, love, you want to get some ointment on that". Whilst missing a front tooth (again - it falls out periodically, he never cares and I think it's sexy). My eldest sister was describing my boyfriend to our middle sister after she asked what he is like. She said:
"Well, he's lovely, but you wouldn't take him to a wedding".

I just don't care. I just love the bones of him and I always will, I know it. Seems more fundamental this time round. Yes I know exactly what you mean about not being the persona you always wanted to be. Exactly.

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I seriously believe that most problems in relationships are caused by this competition people fall into to prove who's the LEAST attached and therefore "stronger"-- isn't the point of being in a partnership to, uh, be attached?

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posted August 17, 2009 09:14 AM         

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He sends me Lao Tzu quotes in the mail, written on the backs of receipts. He calls me Momma and tells me I'm a goddess

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ETA: thanks for the natal! Going to take a look. Venus in Pisces on the MC! Nice! ETA: Whoops, no it's not! It's in the 10th.

posted August 17, 2009 01:15 PM         

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I seriously believe that most problems in relationships are caused by this competition people fall into to prove who's the LEAST attached and therefore "stronger"-- isn't the point of being in a partnership to, uh, be attached?

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Man, this is SOOO true...and it often doesn't even come from inside the relationship. It comes from outside a lot, in the wider society, and it's dished to women, especially, in heaping spoonfuls. It's supposed to be "better" to keep some guy at arms length, and somehow needy, pathetic, or psychologically unhealthy to make the guy one of your biggest priorities. But--with relationships divorced from the financial arrangements they once were--the only way I want to be with a guy AT ALL is if he inspires in me a feeling of attachment and lust and wanting to get with him NOW instead of doing other things.

That's true for me also with friends, travel, creative work, arts, and new research--as an 8th house Leo, if I don't feel thrilled and inspired to temporarily make a person or project or adventure a priority, it means I don't have any real passion for it. That's just me. It doesn't mean I don't wanna give a guy his space, and I always need lots of space myself, but the idea that it's somehow "better" not to be attached is such a huge drag to me as a passionate person.

posted September 08, 2009 10:19 PM         

Buddah Boy (BB) and I are an official item now, which is pretty eff'n terrific. I'll spare you all the ooey goo details, but I feel like there is (at the very least) serious potential here for me to actually have a TRUE PARTNER *gasp*, and not just a stressful competition involving sex and feelings. Cross your fingers, toes, etc for me! How long is it humanly possible to drag the honeymoon period on for? Anyone know?

I'll actually be trying my own hand at the ten day dhamma meditation course in January, which should be interesting. Ten days of silence, morning bell at 4am, one meal a day? Anyone want to start placing bets on how long it takes this 11th house Aries sun to go INSANE in this environment? I get how BB, the Taurus(4th)/Virgo(10th) that he is, can handle it-- but how can I not run around hugging all the adorable meditating people?

I also got a roommate, a little puffalump I named Orbit (Bits for short).

He's kind of like a superball- he bounces off of everything and particularly likes to pounce out of the darkness at my face, only to then ricochet off my face back into the darkness. He's once, twice, three times a muffin, seriously.

His momma's a barn cat, I adopted him from the most precious little Pisces farm-girl you could possibly imagine. She was probably about 9--- that's her amazingly rad snow tiger t-shirt in the picture. I miss being a 9 year old girl. Because, let's be honest, snow tigers are AWESOME (even more awesome when painted with silver glitter) and I completely forgot this, somehow. It's good to know there are still some young ladies out there who could possibly appreciate a Lisa Frank trapperkeeper.

posted September 10, 2009 05:09 AM         

I'm very flexible, so I can keep my toes crossed for you and still be able to walk, even.

Happy that your happy.

posted September 10, 2009 11:38 AM         

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It's supposed to be "better" to keep some guy at arms length, and somehow needy, pathetic, or psychologically unhealthy to make the guy one of your biggest priorities.

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Yes, yes, so so true. And with some women (especially around our age, that 25-35 age range) it seems so deeply ingrained that I'm not sure they even see how directly it contributes to their unhappiness and failures in their relationships. Ladies, can we please just lay it all out? I'm terrifyingly passionate, emotionally needy and surprisingly delicate, and am just NOW (after 27 years) reaching a point where I'm not afraid anymore to say so outright.

If you always come from a point of honesty, then you never have to worry that someone will get the wrong idea about you. And if s/he can't give you what you need, or is scared/turned off by what you feel, then s/he needs to be pointed to the door anyway- preferably ASAP, so you can move on to bigger and better things for yourself. It's easy to forget that there are SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, many of whom could easily love you for who you are, warts, demands and all.

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the idea that it's somehow "better" not to be attached is such a huge drag to me as a passionate person.

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posted September 10, 2009 12:13 PM         

does anyone else think there's an uncanny resemblance between Lisa Frank art and Louis Wain's ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUzSZyB0z4s ) schizophrenic cats?

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

posted September 12, 2009 04:50 PM         

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