posted September 14, 2009 01:03 AM         

Okay…back to men…

I was just thinking about how women have to wait for the man to propose. Seriously, we are the ones who have to put on the show and be “good enough” to marry. Even in today’s world of working, independent women, we still have to wait...and have that presentation of the ring. Oh man. That said…I can’t wait to get married! (Packed 7th house talking here!)

posted September 15, 2009 09:08 PM         

There's a woman on etsy (goodmoodgirl.etsy.com) who takes the vintage "mood stones" out of their old settings and resets them in sterling. Her rings are gorgeous, but I suppose they're not truly vintage once they've been re-set, and her prices are bonkahs.

I did find this auction though:

http://cgi.ebay.com/Vintage-70s -Mood-Ring_W0QQitemZ160362537429QQcmdZViewItemQQptZVintage_Fine_Jewelry?hash=item25565a21d5&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14

posted September 15, 2009 09:46 PM         

I mean, I'm kind of a grandpa anyway. I've been known to respond to harrowing situations with "oh my GOSH" and also to eat a lot of Riesens. But this has been above and beyond! Darned talkin'.

I remember that at some point I had a Lisa Frank trapper keeper with baby wolves on it (I've always been the wolf girl), and TONS of stickers, folders, and pencils. And I had one of those pens too! I've had this long standing pen fetish throughout my life that was probably started BY those giant click pens. You walked into 3rd grade with one of those babies and you were THE BOSS.

I should try to get my hands on one of these and use it in place of a purse for a while. I wonder how long it would take before someone punched me in public? Hmmmm.

I was engaged once (ages 20-22.. yikes!)-- I actually got down on one knee and proposed to my boyfriend! I had identical rings made for us, wound all around with celtic love knots, took him back to the place that we met and popped the question on bended knee! He (a Libra w/ Venus in Virgo) thought I was joking, realized I was serious, laughed, and then cried. Our entire relationship was kind of disgusting like that, though, like a quirky teen romance comedy starring mixed tapes and swingsets.

We're still really good friends (there's some recent drama here that I'll get into later), and I was actually just talking to him recently ABOUT how different things were then. I can't imagine being so glib and precious about the idea of "forever" anymore. I have to do everything in steps and stages now (which I control, of course) or else I get neurotic and run. Everything gets so, so weighty when you start packing that baggage on. I'm way, way too young to already feel this defeated where romance is concerned, but what can you do? I know I've posted this song before, but the lyrics to "The Stranger Song" by Leonard Cohen will probably be etched on my tombstone in their entirety one day. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLq7Aqd_H7g )

posted September 15, 2009 10:23 PM         

Back in my earliest days of LL, I made a lot of posts about my ex-fiance/best friend/band mate, who I'll call "DL" from now on. The story of our past is here: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum11/HTML/000602.html

Buddude has been gone meditating since last Wednesday, which freed up lots of extra time for DL and I to hang out, talk, etc. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary to me about our interaction, which is always really affectionate and fun. He's been seeing a girl for about as long as I've been seeing Buddude (2 or so months), leading me to believe that any possibility of romance between us was off the table.

Yadda yadda, long story short- we started talking about our new relationships. I'm happy in mine and he's unhappy in his. Apparently the girl he's seeing is rushing things, wants him to make all kinds of promises regarding their future together, and gets upset with him for not being around to talk to her 24/7. We started talking about the kind of person he is-- he has Asperger's syndrome and is kind of an idiot-savant; brilliant artist/musician, but ridiculously awkward and socially-odd. His creativity is seriously a beast that takes him over, and his need for creation ALWAYS takes the front seat in his life, even to his friends and partners. I told him he just needed lots of time to himself to work through his creative surges alone so he can return to earth afterwards a normal guy. I suggested to him that what he needed was a woman who was either exactly like him or could understand that his creativity is a monster that *must* be fed without interpreting that as lack of love.

I think you can guess what happened next. He told me he still loved me and that he thinks I'm the only woman in the world who will ever love him the way he needs to be loved. He told me that if he could build a time machine, he'd go back in time to "fix our relationship when (he) had the chance."

This is kind of our thing, you know, to go back and forth like this with the bad timing. But this time in particular it's truly getting to me. I had JUST finished telling him how happy I was with BD, raving about what a rare and wonderful creature he is. He saw the glow on my face. So WHY.

Why not have this conversation with me 3 months ago? A year ago? Two years ago? Why wait until I'm involved with someone I'm genuinely excited about? What did he think my reaction would be? Of course I told him I had no intention of ending my relationship, and meant it, but...

BD has been gone, and keeps being gone. He's not around for me to talk to or touch or see or taste. I don't handle distance well, at all. I miss him terribly and keep thinking that, after all this time away from me, he's going to come back feeling differently about everything. The days are going by and I keep thinking and thinking and thinking about DL and I's conversation.

*sigh*

Me & BD:

posted September 15, 2009 11:18 PM         

quote:

---

The absolute love of my life...I broke it off. The breakup was really difficult for both of us, and the "living" I ended up doing afterward was just really damaging. Biggest mistake of my life, hands down...There's so much romantic tension between us that sometimes I don't even feel like I can be around him, yet we never, EVER address it directly. It's almost like we're scared of each other. We just sit on the tension and hope the other will say the words.

---

The "absolute love of your life." Doesn't that sort of cover it?

My guess as to why your Libra didn't share his feelings three months ago, during the very brief moment when you were both still single, was that you were "paralyzed with fear", worried that your life was too complicated, "limping around now, stuck in limbo"---for a Libra dude (unlike, say, a Scorpio), he would be unsure whether what he was picking up on coming from you at a time like that was "I love and want you" or "I want you to stay away from me romantically so we can just be friends." You have been the initiator at some level in the past, and you needed to hold back. He probably wondered if your holding back meant you did not want to re-ignite anything romantic with him.

Whereas now, you're warm, glowing, relaxed, and really acting like yourself, so he was probably less confused about your signals and less worried about making you uncomfortable by sharing his feelings.

I wish you could just make a lot of sweet, sweet love and THEN talk...to me that seems like a better course of action with your charts. But since you are newly involved with someone, I think you need to have a Talk where you get really clear. Does the Libra just mean he wishes he could fix things in the past?

OR would he want the both of you to get single and have a serious, committed, one-on-one relationship NOW? (This summer, you were feeling, "If we ever got back together, I'd want it to be forever.")

I find it a bit laughable that being with an old, celibate Taurus you've known for five minutes is ultimately better for you than your "best friend"/"absolute love of (your) life" for YEARS. A) It's easy for most guys to seem great at the beginning...if you still like one after years of knowing each other, it's a different and more serious thing. B) Lots of women are happier and more content settling with a mature, kind, spiritually committed man who is not the "absolute love of [their] life" and letting a relationship with some other not-the-absolute-one-love-of-their-life guy grow over time. Those women are not fire signs.

There's real, and then there's safe. It's best when they overlap. And I hope for you and the absolute love of your life, they will overlap in the future.

The fact that the Libra hooked up with someone while he was away after you two mucked about with paralysis and mixed-messages instead of you just jumping him, driving you to ram on forward as if it didn't hurt and you didn't still love him passionately, and end up in a nice, easy, probably soothing insta-relationship with some nice Taurus....those are all silly trivialities. They don't really stack up against the chance to be with the absolute love of your life.

posted September 16, 2009 05:14 AM         

How would his feelings about his art square with you and your child? If you were to be in a real long-term relationship with this man again, would you be content for his art to take pole position over you and your boy? I note that you use the phrase "high school" in describing your relationship with the Libra. How would it play out now, when your child and responsibilities are serious matters?

You wrote that earlier thread on Soul Unions in June, before Buddude came along. How do you feel about him? Is he the "safe option" or do you feel the same passion as you do/did for the Libran? Only you can know this. I know it's hard when someone's physically absent, but you know where he is and what he's doing. You know he has integrity. So this little doubt aside, how do you feel about him?

I got quite irritated that the Libran chose to expose his feelings to you AFTER you declared you were happy. I have to admit I thought "Ah, sneaky!" because he's put the ball in your court and if nothing happens ever, he can put the responsibility on to you. How much was his declaration a safe bet because he KNEW you were taken already, and therefore may not ever call his bluff? Does he really want this or does he want to jettison his responsibility? He really should have said this before. You have a child and you can't mess with a woman who has a child, especially in the emotional arena. I'm sorry if this sounds cynical and I don't want to be negative about your Libran when I know you have deep feelings for him, but I'm a Libran and I recognise this as a tactic I have used myself, not in potential relationships, but in areas where I can promise the earth knowing that I may not ever be asked to deliver. Don't forget that Libra is Cardinal too. We will say stuff if it's important enough, especially, MOST especially, if it's about relationships.

I had a relationship with a Sag back in 2001-2005 and we were each others first love. We wrote letters to each other as teenagers and we had a bond. We never kissed or anything (came very close once) but it was sexual for sure. Certain things jarred about him when I was a teenager, but I was a teenager so I didn't think they mattered. Then in 2001 we both became single and of course we gave it a go. For the first year we were riding on the amazing feeling we had that we had actually got it together, which didn't sustain us. The high school feeling did not play out all too well in the adult arena, and I found those issues which had jarred as a teenager were real. I believed I loved him but I didn't really, I was in love with the idea of it all just being fated and romantic and just too bloody perfect, and dining out on the feeling I got when people asked "How did you meet?" and I was like "Oh goody! Where shall I start?" and people would go "Awww!!!! That's so adorable!". Turns out he was a selfish prick who was critical of me all the time, especially of my appearance (my lack of breasts was an issue, I'm sure he must have been aware that I hadn't actually grown any since 1984 when we first met, so like.. uh?). He was just the same as he was when I was a teenager. I didn't actually LIKE him all that much. I didn't feel he actually liked ME all that much either.

Now I'm not saying this is like you and him, but that sometimes you have to get practical and think "How would this REALLY play out NOW".

And how much is this guilt on your part because you ended things with him before? Do you feel at all that you have to give it a go because you feel you let him down? Guilt is not a basis for a relationship, especially now things have moved on and you have the little man to consider. I just see this art thing as a potential problem. I want you to be his first priority.

I think you have to be really honest with yourself about Buddude too. Only you can know. Just because you have loved this Libran a long long time doesn't mean you can never feel this way about another more recent fella. I would caution against feeling that this Libran thing is predestined or whatever. Sometimes you don't have to play it out. Sometimes, IMO it's better not to.

Again, love, just my opinion and that is all. I can't know more than you. You are what matters here, you and your feelings and your life. Maybe the silent meditation would be a good thing for you? Sometimes it's good to be still and just feel what it's like for you. Don't be rushed into anything, there is time, always time.

posted September 17, 2009 02:25 AM         

My, my, my, but you are in a pickle, I see.
I think you have gotten some great advice and as usual, I agree, and see both ladies points.

As Lucia said, you did in your words, call him the love of your life. But then again, that was before you met Buddude, and how can you be quite sure that Buddude will not one day, be referred to as the love of your life? You can't.
I also see Lucia's point about us fire chicks needing more, well, just more, but then again, I don't base everything on Astrology, because although I have not had a proper synastry done with the two loves (well the major two) from what I can glean in my meager knowledge, it is not good.
But I never knew that before, and so, it did not color my perceptions.

I want to know more about this Aspergers you spoke of, because it really describes two people I know and love. I need more info, but from what you know, can a person like this, sustain and function in a "normal" relationship with a woman and child?

I would put alot of weight into wheels' opinion her being a Libra herself, and when I read your dilemna, before I read Wheels response, I did think, "well, how convient that he professes his love when you are already involved with someone else, rather safe for him, don't you think?

Alot of folks (myself included) always want and fall for those that are unobtainable, because secretly we know it won't work and therefore we don't have to worry the consequences, we don't have to do the work.

As a Libra Mooner, I always fall for the dream, the ideal of love, and maybe your ex is the same way, it is the reality that scares the beejesus out of me. Much easier to pine and suffer and feed my artistic fire with that which is probably unrequited.

I wonder what he would say if you turned it out and said, "okay, I will leave Buddude and start afresh with you." Would he run, would he act different? Your other one is away, you could always try it out for a test. Not necessarily DO anything, but just test him a bit. I know that is a bit head-gamish, but still, I would want to know.

Ultimately, you know we cant give you the answer. It is up to you, or maybe already decided, and only time will tell. But just try to keep a level head and consider all the ins and outs. Maybe make one of those confounded pros and cons lists or something.
Journal. Pay attention to your dreams, listen to your gut.
The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants, but you are your hearts Momma and you gotta be the boss sometimes, at least for your own self preservation. I will be thinking of you.

posted September 19, 2009 11:21 AM         

There are two main contributing factors here, vis a vis the BD vs DL debate:

One is that my relationship with BD is a HUGE departure for me, a departure that seems important for me to make. Up until BD, most of my lovers were very similar--- musicians/artists (most with addictions and/or Mommy issues) stuck in a perpetual adolescence who utilize my T-Square lovin' as a pillar in their lives, a "homebase" they return to. They've all needed an unnatural amount of compromise and effort from me in order for things to work, a role I've always taken on enthusiastically because I don't know any other way to love a man. Do you know what I mean? I was raised by a woman who accepted the faults of her (addicted musician) husband piously, who worked triple time to make up for the things he couldn't/wouldn't bring to the relationship. My raising basically taught me that God = Man and Martyr = Woman. I've been rebelling against that since puberty, but it's been a rough road, and honestly I can be kind of insufferable in my relationships as a result.

I guess this is pretty personal to say, so I'm sorry if it seems like a bit much, but this has all been weighing on my mind pretty heavily lately. I was just talking to my closest friend about our relationship patterns, and I mentioned how I'm always on the offensive. I'm never jealous, possessive or clingy, but when I don't feel like I have the upper hand I get aggressive and strike. (This got MUCH worse after what happened to me in Oregon.) At my core I'm always "protecting" myself from my lovers, hiding huge chunks of myself away so they won't be exploited. I'm a happy, loving person but a very cold bride, so to speak- a dichotomy that understandably has driven many of my men to the brink. I'm a lot to deal with, and I guess because of that I always gravitate toward partners who are as well, thinking they'll understand me. But honestly all that ever happens when you put two chaotic people alone in a room is more chaos.

But there's something about BD, at least so far, that doesn't make me clench my fists. A 34 year old Buddhist mathematician who is entirely self sustained-- inside and out? Who is affectionate and loving with me without expecting sex in return? I guess his self discipline, and the limits he puts on himself, really put me at ease. He feels "reigned in," somehow, without being defeated--- probably because he's reigned himself in, willingly and on his own behalf. I have no fear of him, and fear is something I'd always confused with love. It's all so super-new and developing slowly, but every step we make feels like a step in the right direction. I feel potential here for something ACTUAL to develop; I feel like he has a lot to teach me spiritually and otherwise. At the very, very least it's healing-- and healing's certainly what I need.

But also DL is... still seeing that girl in Chicago. Still unhappy, presumably, but still with her. I guess I'm not ENTIRELY sure what his aim was in saying those things to me, but the conversation itself was so intense and seemed like such a big deal to him that I naturally assumed it *was* a big deal. We definitely idealize each other, but I feel like the affection we share for each other is genuine. I just can't shake the feeling (the FEAR) that neither of us will be able to let go of our old relationship (which has grown to be mythological in nature over the years) to start a new one, as the people we are now. I don't know. Jesus. Who knows!?

Typically him, he avoided me entirely for about a week before calling me and acting as though nothing had happened. I took a few stabs at bringing the conversation back around to what happened last week, but he deflected all of them. We're already back in the space where when I say "I miss you" he squirms and says nothing. Greeeeat. This has been going on now for seven years, SEVEN YEARS. I guess what I'm saying is that, like Lucia said, the only way for us to know if reconnecting romantically would be beneficial or detrimental would be if we could explore our connection lightly- playfully, romantically, and sexually. But we can't do that if he keeps "confessing" his feelings for me AFTER I've gotten involved with someone else-- that's drama personified, and my ending a relationship to be with him would start the whole thing off on the wrong foot. It just seems really unfair, and like a massive cop-out. He's "safe" either way, but safe from what? From pain? From me? From himself?

Bllaaaaaargh. I'm sticking to my guns, as usual. And I'll regret it in a year when BD and I break up, as usual. By then DL will be with someone else, as usual. And I'll keep my mouth shut out of respect for his relationship, as usual. Or maybe, just maybe, everything will work itself out eventually. A girl can hope, right?

posted September 19, 2009 12:00 PM         

DL was diagnosed as a teenager, after being diagnosed with ADD as a child-- apparently that happens a lot, that misdiagnosis. There are lots of different levels of it, and it manifests in lots of ways, but so far as I can tell DL's is pretty mild. He's high functioning, but I'll put it this way- he's fortunate that the world enjoys his art so much, because I don't think he could ever hold down a 9-5. He's achieved EXACTLY the kind of life he wants and is super successful (Cap Moon!), but he does have "disabilities" due to his autism--- most of which are social.

I guess the most obvious symptom he has is that he's very childlike and seems naive a lot of the time. It's easy for folks to take advantage of him by offering him friendship, because he doesn't know how to read people at all. He also tends to isolate himself a lot socially. He has lots of friends, but most of his interactions with them happen through the conduit of his art or music (band practice, recording, gallery openings, printing)-- he'll rarely have someone over to just hang out and talk and rarely returns phone calls unless they specifically have to do with his art/music, etc. The internet also makes communication easier for him, since he has problems "finding words" when he talks one on one. When we lived together, I gave him a lot of alone time. I generally just kept myself happy/busy and let him come to me. It wasn't odd for us to sometimes go an entire day not talking, or for him to spend upwards of 8 or 9 hours alone in our room drawing or recording without stopping. If he was disturbed during these times it would throw him off completely and upset him deeply.

He's also clumsy (clumsier than normal, like he doesn't internalize that he has limbs) and he "ticks," in that he has a repetitive motion (a quick but pronounced shrug of his shoulders) that he involuntarily performs at random. He described it to me once as feeling "inevitable." It's just something his body does, like breathing and blinking. It got so that I didn't even notice it anymore after a while.

He also struggles with "sensory overload," that manifest for him more audibly than anything else. We were at a fancy restaurant for our anniversary once, for example, and we had to leave because he was so overwhelmed by the sounds of silverware clinking and water being poured over and over. I didn't internalize those sounds at all, but they overwhelmed him so much that he couldn't concentrate and began to panic.

posted September 23, 2009 09:32 AM         

Me, my stewardess uniform, my umbrella.

Moonie's father, Gemini Asc opposite Sag Sun inconjunct Cancer Moon, Venus & Mars conjunct in Libra.

Me on a rockwall somewhere in North Carolina, road trippin'.

Moonie & I at the ocean!

posted September 23, 2009 09:46 AM         

He's a lovely guy, honestly, a fun Dad and a good friend, now- but our romantic relationship was a DISASTER. Directly even Asc/Desc axis, non-trine fire Suns, opposite Moons and directly inconjunct Mercury's! He's certainly a cutie, though- if he weren't such a possessive knob we'd probably be married, but isn't that always the story?

posted September 23, 2009 12:39 PM         

Well, at least you got into a good gene pool, I can see why the ladies like him, and I can tell they will love little Moonie!

posted September 25, 2009 12:11 PM         

Aiden Quinn!!!! He looks a bit like him!!! Your guy has a more guarded-ness about him though, something in the eyes that says, "no, you may not come in" or maybe that is just a mask...

posted September 25, 2009 12:45 PM         

There's also a tinge of young Bob Dylan in there, me thinks.

I suppose that doesn't bode well for how he'll age....

posted September 25, 2009 06:57 PM         

It might be the thing that sways me to say "go for it!"...I can be so superficial sometimes...