posted October 11, 2009 12:47 PM         

Lonake, it never occurred to me to look at his transits!! This makes a lot of sense now... so do you think that the transit is to blame for his behavior or is mostly b/c that's the kind of person he is?

Glaucus and songwriter, yes I'm really glad that he's trying... and TRUST me we've already weathered quite a few storms together... and I'm not one to give up easily on things...

The thing about his brother is that he hides this dark side of himself extremely well... only I can see his true colors b/c I have no emotional attachment to him... I am also extremely intuitive and can FEEL when something's wrong... even if I can't see it or prove it...

Oh well... hopefully it will all be over soon...

posted October 11, 2009 07:54 PM         

1. Replace all his socks in his sock drawer with smaller pairs (ditto for underpants). Cut the size labels out first. Then when he complains about them being a size too small, say he must be imagining things.

2. If he has powdered milk, put salt in it. Or spray deodorant on it (you know when deodorant comes out of the spraycan too thick). Put garlic oil in his jar of instant coffee and stir it about a bit. Mmm, lovely. Keeps away emotional vampires as well as real ones.

3. Collect slugs and let them loose in his room so they leave snail trails all over everything.

4. Spill coffee (accidentally-on-purpose) over his computer keyboard when he's not in. It'll never work again (and will temporarily prevent him from using the computer).

5. Spread jam, or chocolate spread, on the toilet seat. At the very least it will make him go WTF...and psychologically wary of sitting on the toilet seat ever again. He will definetely think you are more loony than he is...and be more wary (as in afraid) of you.

posted October 11, 2009 08:55 PM         

if this were the same chart for a different person who's acting in a more mature manner i definitely wouldntve said something along the lines of "it's just going to get worse". mature people know how to make the best of potentially adverse circumstances and use it to their benefit, incorporate lessons, etc. hopefully he gets to a point where like i said he has a better outlet for his energies.

posted October 12, 2009 12:10 AM         

So my bf and I went to go look at an apartment together, one that we're 80% certain we're getting... and his dad called... and now let me just say, I have NEVER ever had any issues with his dad. He's always been very nice to me, and I've always been very respectful to him. We've gotten along pretty well.

So the phone call was pretty awkward. He called yelling at my bf, asking him where he is, what's going on... and my bf of course answers that he's looking at an apartment with me... he EXPLODED!! He started saying "what are you a f****** idiot?! The house that you live in right now is like a gift!! You don't have to pay very much for rent, you live with your brother... this is such a f****** waste of your money! You can save so much money by living at that house! It's all b/c of her!! You're just doing this for her! Your brother didn't do anything to her!! She talks about respect, respect, respect... respect is not given, it's EARNED! Now who's going to take care of your brother? You're leaving him by himself... who's going to take care of him??"

WOW... ok first of all I've never heard his dad get angry at anyone before... And I might add, he was yelling so loud not only I could hear it, but it was within earshot of our potential landlady. Very awkward... and pretty hurtful as well. I had no idea he felt that way about me. My bf got really upset and didn't talk to him anymore after that. This is kind of a big thing for him and he wanted to have his dad's support. When his dad reacted that way, not only was he angry about the thing he said, but he was also a little disheartened by his father's blatant disapproval of his decision.

posted October 12, 2009 01:41 AM         

I am sort of like this guy but I've never really wanted to mess with people's relationships or mess with their hearts.

I guess I am bad because I am bothered by people and get snappy with them and hurt their feelings because they get to close to me, but never enough to set out ruining people's love lives or lives in general.

Thats going too far, even if your jealous of a person's relationship, which it sounds like he is for whatever reason.

I still feel like he's a stuck person, probably stuck in the past and insecure.I wouldn't pin him as a victim, but as someone who just can't get out of rut and has to take it out on everyone.

Maybe he is tired of living in his brother's shadow, I know I was tired of living in my sister's shadow. That when anyone mention any of her accomplishments and compared me to her, I was upset enough to tell her that I wish her marriage would fail but now that I look back on it and how sad my sister was, I regret ever wishing a thing like that..

Eventually, he'll probably regret ever doing those manipulative schemes, especially if his brother ended up as sad as my sister that day..

posted October 12, 2009 08:03 AM         

im very sorry for all that you are passing through...

just like others said:the best for you and your bf is to really get out of there.( i suggest you go as far as you can from the brother)

it doesnt matter family´s approval or not,you see that the brother is manipulating the dad too,isnt it?

im very happy to see that your bf is really seeing things as they are now.
being a cancer is really hard,cause family will always try to held on,and use this excessive cancer attactchment to them,in their own good.

The brother will always be the one at the center you see...he is the one who manipulates,pitties himself,and uses his "power" to control all around them who can support his needs.he´s a very selfish and childish person,as i see it.

your bf HAS to open his eyes and ears.
he is a cancer but what?
that cannot stop him from being in a happy relationship with you.
he will have to CHOOSE,and i believe that you must be as calm and patient as you are being now.

you are on the right track.
dont pressure,dont react to his brother or Dad´s actions and throughts,like if this was an open war.this is what the brother wants.he is expecting you to put your bf at test.to pressure him.and then,he will show that to your bf,trying to say to him that you only want to separate him from his family,and probably want money or a house at your bf´s expence...he will invent all that he can.

he wants to disempower you.

Dont fall on that.

posted October 12, 2009 08:18 AM         

i know this cause my bf is a cancer ASC.
he had a hard childwood and teenage years.
he also has a brother older than him,always protected by their parents.
the one who controls the situations,since he was young.the favorite one...

fortunatelly,he isnt all that bad,but he has some similar traits with that guy you talk:he doenst want to work,is lazy and narcisist,and lives with the gf,but whenever my bf moves houses,he comes along to the very same street apartments.
he is 35 now.
but is childish,selfish,stubborn,manipulator person.He craves for attention from all family and is very jealous when he sees his brother with a good job and a true love.

we are long distance ( that is hard for me and for my boyfriend you know..but on this matter is good cause makes him see eventually that our Love is strong really)

but whenever im there,the brother wants to be there too,and all the time picking to see if my bf makes whatever he wants.and picks too,to see if our relationship is good or not.testing me you see...

my bf suffered a lot during his life cause of this unbalanced situation.his bf always had all from the parents,and my bf had to work to pay his things and studies.
whenever the brother asks money,my bf has to give or its the parents who give it.my bf had to promise the mother,that wont stop to have a relationship with the brother.

the brother doesnt want my bf to move in with me,at the part of the country i am.
it is always saying i should go live there,and that our relationship wont survive,that if we loved i would be there...ect etc....

i learned not to pay him attention when he is picking.they will ALWAYS DO THIS:
try to manipulate in order to show they are fragile and needy,and that they are more important than us,the girlfriends.

this is PART OF THEIR SQUEME.

Dont fall into it.i know i will never move in there.cause the brother will in fact be always in the middle.he wants to be the only one in the family at the center.craving attention and money.

while my bf is there,he will always have a part of his life,manipulated and stuck.

so i wont enter the sqhueme.
i will simply be calm and quiet.
my bf will see how things really are.and it will be his heart to dictate how HE WANTS THINGS TO GO.
i wont pressure,i wont say that his brother is doing this....he needs to see from himself.
that wont give the brother the chance to say that im trying to separate him from his family ect ect....

i want to have my own family with him,but separated from all this mess of families.i know we wont be happy there together.

my bf only needs to realize that he has to RAISE HIS own family to have a loving,protected,respectfull and healthy family.

posted October 12, 2009 01:08 PM         

I don't really know what's going on anymore... in reality... I feel like I'm questioning my own sanity... over this whole situation.

The other night after the angry rant from his father, of course the brother wanted to talk to my boyfriend about the whole apartment thing. I know it may not have been the best thing to do, but I eavesdropped on them... I just wanted to see what his brother would tell him so that I could nip the manipulation in the bud. His brother started saying things like... "why do you want to move out? You have it so good here.." my bf responded that he thinks the situation has gotten out of hand and that although HE's not really bothered by him... he knows that I am. I'm frustrated and I feel manipulated. That kind of thing. It's unhealthy for our relationship. But of course, the brother feigns complete innocence. He's like "Man, what are you talking about? I don't even talk to her... We just ignore eachother... how can I manipulate someone if I'm not even talking to them? I live in my room... it's like my own little world... does that make any logical sense? I'm manipulating her while I'm locked up in my room?? I'm not the problem. It's the relationship... it just has this certain pattern and eventually it's just going to explode completely... you can't blame that on me... I'm just someone that uses reason to assess the situation" I was furious at that point... so then my bf just HAD to bring it up! What was he thinking?? Did he really think that his brother would confess to manipulating me on a spiritual level??? He started saying that there's more... and he can't tell him everything b/c it's private but... he can say that I'm a little frightened of him b/c of the occult stuff that he does and that I feel like he's been doing something to me... and so his brother just bursts out laughing... ugh... "He's like are you effing serious?? The kind of occult stuff I do I can teach a gorilla to do in 6 months... wow... she thinks I'm like a sorcerer or something??? hahahaha That's ridiculous... she thinks I'm putting spells on her or something??? WOW... even if I could do something bad, the repercussions outweigh the benefits... but it's cool, I understand the situation you're in. I understand... it's a little extreme...but I guess it would be cool to have your own little pad..." So now he's taking on the role of supportive brother all of a sudden...

He made me out to be this complete PARANOID PSYCHO CRAZY WOMAN!!! Sorry I replayed practically the entire conversation to you... but I'm really starting to question whether I really am sane or not... WHAT IF he's not really manipulating me?? What if it really is as ridiculous as it sounds?? What if it's just all in my head and that the problem really is the relationship??? I'm starting to wonder if I'm really "all there."

posted October 12, 2009 01:39 PM         

please chill out.

if your intuition tells you something,trust in it!it never lies....so if it tells you he is manipulating you,using his energy to harm you,than he really is.

but didnt you knew that he would do this?these kind of people are very intelligent and they simply can turn every conversation on their own benefit-as simple as that - he directed the source of problems to be THE RELATIONSHIP-and not him.

please do not allow yourself to enter his mind game.you are stronger than that.

make angel´s visualization every day.

No one can harm you - and if they do,it is cause YOU are letting them to do so.

the best thing to Let Go your Egoic Self.let go those fears,the power you think he has over you.he WONT HAVE IT anymore,when you protect yourself with love and peace.surround yourself by it always. Trust your Inner Strenght.

did you red what i told you above?Dont do the things he is expecting you to do.

keep calm,quiet and patient.Above all...know and feel that you are the one responsible for your own sanity and heart and Mind and Soul.

posted October 12, 2009 01:44 PM         

http://www.hooponoponohelp.com/

it is a bit hard to start...but it works,,,is all about the power of Love that is much stronger than anything else...it can win over the negative energies that others sometimes pull on us

posted October 12, 2009 01:48 PM         

sorry about your troubles...

posted October 12, 2009 01:52 PM         

i think part of the problem is that Etherean isa too fragile and it is letting the brother enter her self defenses...he is secessfully manipulating the whole family,and now Etherean is scared!

bf being vancer turns things worse...as ususally they are very attactched to the family...even being so,a limit must be placed...

the bf will have to make a position and a direct one...i hope he makes the right choice.

posted October 12, 2009 02:02 PM         

Unhealthy families don't like it when their adult members fall in love and form real relationships. It's very threatening to them. It sounds like the dad would like his (adult) son to stay single and care for his
(27-year-old) brother for the rest of his life. Which--CREEPY!!! No wonder the brother is messed up!

Your boyfriend is an adult, yet he's waaaayyy too overinvolved with his family in an unhealthy way to have a mature relationship. I hope he will be able to set boundaries with them and move on. It's a good sign that he's looking for an apartment with you and at least trying to move on. But it might not be possible for him.

It's not just about protecting yourself from the brother. You need to protect yourself from the whole poisonous family dynamic. I know it's sad, but it's a huge red flag about your boyfriend and, if you want a happy, real adult life, it might end up being a dealbreaker.

I was in a long term relationship at a too-young age with a man whose family was that way--they would try to frame things as ME trying to take him away from them. (Which--yes!! To me, adult couples live alone together and meet family once a month or so for a nice dinner--they do not live with and financially support their f--ed up adult siblings or endure emotional abuse from their parents for trying to have adult relationships.) We made it work, he got independent and we stayed together for many years, and we did love each other, BUT...if I had it all to do over, I would've recognized his disastrous family for the RED FLAG it was, and gotten involved with some guy with a terrific family that we would take to brunch once a month...or at least a guy who had already set strong boundaries if his family situation was unhealthy. It was too much of a waste of energy to be worth it. AND, I think it ultimately confused things for my boyfriend, because it made it harder for him to take action to detach from his disturbed family in his own way.

posted October 12, 2009 02:59 PM         

Well the good news is I think that he may be starting to move on. After that whole conversation with his brother, he came upstairs with me and started looking for furniture for our apartment online. It doesn't seem like he took what the brother had to say TOO seriously. (THANK GOD) He said that yes, he was a little bit upset that he didn't have his father's approval in making his big decision. But, oh well.

You're right about saying that I'm fragile. I am. I'm extremely sensitive and delicate... in every way: physically, mentally, emotionally... and from what astrologers have said about my chart placements and aspects, I am VERY easily influenced by my environment. This is true and I am working on it. In this case though, I'm not the only one that thinks he's manipulating me. So yes, unfortunately this fragility has made it quite easy for the brother to manipulate me, but his grandma (the ONLY woman in the family) knows this as well. She's the one that suggested we move out. It helps to have her on my side.

At this point, after the argument, questioning my own sanity... I became very sad and started blaming myself for the "fall of his family." Very weak I know. But he reassured me that it was not my fault... he wants to be with me and it's unhealthy for the relationship if we stay in the house. Regardless of whether or not he has the approval of his family, he has made his decision. He said that he's got to leave and be on his own sometime... might as well be now.

I've got to say... I was worried, but I respect the way he handled it.

posted October 12, 2009 03:11 PM         

you made a good point on saying that,for these kind of families,when the most mature adult start to (or wants to)construct an healthy love relationhip,they feel threatened...that is so true.

sooner or later,the family or the problematic member will in fact create a limit situaltion,where the person will have to choose between familyor relationship.

BUT i dont agree on this part:

you said that the brother is like that because of the family...
but arent each one of us responsible for our own life?we cant blame the parents for all faults that the sons have.it is we who chosed to be lazy or selfish,living the way it suits us better,at the expence of the family members!

posted October 12, 2009 03:15 PM         

Here is the composite:

posted October 12, 2009 03:17 PM         

im so happy to know that!!!i feel relieved in fact...

makes me believe more and more in the power of true love! i can assure you that coming from a cancer,that is a real proof of love you know...

it is good that he loves his freedom cause that way it was more easy to make his decision.

a couple needs his own space and freedom.needs to have time alone,away from family´s complications.whenever family tries to enter into that space,things never turn out good for the couple usually...

So i am very very happy to see that in your case,everything is turning out allright

posted October 12, 2009 03:21 PM         

Here is my composite with the brother:

posted October 12, 2009 03:30 PM         

quote:

---

you said that the brother is like that because of the family...
but arent each one of us responsible for our own life?we cant blame the parents for all faults that the sons have.it is we who chosed to be lazy or selfish,living the way it suits us better,at the expence of the family members!

---

Diandra, yes, on the one hand, we are each responsible for our own lives, especially as adults.

BUT, in abusive families (and any family where the father calls his child a "f**king idiot" is abusive, whatever the hardships might have been...but some families are UNBELIEVABLY ABUSIVE, with, for example, the father raping a daughter every night for ten years, people burning little kids with cigarettes, just sickenings)...in abusive families, the children, even when they grow up, are left traumatized with a messed-up idea of how the world works.

So while we have to take responsibility for ourselves, no matter how hideously we might have been abused, we also need to look at the roots of people's behavior patterns and belief systems.

Being called stupid, yelled at, and chastised in a blunt way harms children and causes terrible problems for them well into adult life--and for all we know, the father has been physically violent too.

posted October 12, 2009 03:31 PM         

Diandra! I'm a little bit relieved myself... but the storm isn't over yet... so I don't want to celebrate TOO much just yet...