posted October 12, 2009 03:37 PM         

ac-ac conjuntion
B+s kaali/amor cj your bf´s NN/KIRON:kaali stands for dark energies when badly oriented..and it is with amor,tied with your bf+s wounded healer and Node.the brother can easily hurt your bf,playing with the"love" of "brother sqheme".

bf´s amor cj b+s Kiron W on this see?both have the power to heal but to wound,regarding the love ties that bonds them as brothers.

bf´s ceres cj b+s sun:your bf nurtures and is seen like the mother to the brother?brother feels "nurtured" in his personality.

B´s lilith/vx/nep cj your bf+s VX - fated relationship but with dark themes,of powerplay here with the lilith too.

Curious W of one´s Pluto/IC cj the others Plut/IC WOW!!! this one must be hard for both.each one can be very possessive,obssessive,manipulating the other at their deepest self.how awful to have this in a brother relationship...many many power struggles and need to be the one with the upper hand

B´s moon/ac/eros cj your bf asc:the brother ´s feelings and emotions are very well felt by your bf.

your bf´s Sun/Moon/Ve/merc cj the B´s NN:WOWLY MOWLY.... no wonder that the brother wants your bf so close...this is excessively binding..

posted October 12, 2009 03:37 PM         

lucifer cj Moon;lucifer stands for somehting bad,dont remember what right now...IQ knows

Pluto and saturn right on the IC:again deep power struggles but combined with the coldness of saturn,retro nothing good here really..and saturn falls in the home and family...

did ou realized that venus is almost unaspected too_?squares the nurturing Ceres only.

posted October 12, 2009 03:47 PM         

fortunatelly i dont come from one,but in some way my bf´s family might be seen as abusive..so i know what you mean...for instance prefering one son over the other along the years,making it the protected one,while the other is the mature and repsonsible so "doesnt really need" their help.and so..the eldest is the little one poor person,always in need.and my bf is the one who HAS TO TAKE CARE OF HIM,cause poor one,he isnt responsible for that,altought being in his 35...

these type of behaviour made some very deep scars on my bf,to the point of making him live alone at 17 in a room with no food or care or love...so i know a little about this..

although of this all,he choosed to be the best he can be:a loving,caring,sensible,memorable human being.he is sucessfull in his work by his efforts and nothing more.while his brother has no job,no house in his name,etc...

the one who was mistreated,disrespected was the one who now is the BEST person of this all mess...he carries scars..but he found his way.

posted October 12, 2009 03:50 PM         

well from what i know of cancers...it is a deep sign yes...doenst matter if he didnt said it yet..

believe me,if a cancer leaves the family aside to be with you...that is strong!to say the least...

he didnt said it cause it seems that he is afraid to lose you:like how it happened in the past for him...it is only fear.nothing else.

posted October 12, 2009 04:41 PM         

but how would you explain that two brothers,raised by the same parent,can be so different from each other?was the brother treated in a different way,by the father?was it already in his genes to be as manipulative,or selfish?

how much can we charge to be one´s fault or not?this is very complex indeed.

i believe that our childwood circunstances are so very important and can model our personality,but in the end..who knows if we were meant or not to be in a certain way and not another one?

also i ask myself this:

can this person be in any way,sociopath?he shows some traits that were talked about in a thread of mine,,,and if it is true,then again the same question

is this a patological behaviour?can this be clinically treated? or is something that comes from our heart only?

posted October 12, 2009 05:52 PM         

I have also known lots of people who overcame abusive childhoods and seem not to exhibit disturbed behavior themselves. To me, that would account for a big gap between two brothers in the same family--both dealt with abuse, but the well-behaved one has learned a constructive way to deal with it (and/or is internalizing it and repressing the effects), while the one that seems sociopathic is acting out.

posted October 12, 2009 11:48 PM         

God, I just want the world to swallow me up right now! Ok, a bit dramatic... but really... we both just got off work and he started saying that he talked to his gma and her advice was to stay through the winter. I told him... HELL NO... I am NOT staying through the winter in this hell hole... and he was like well but we came here to save money... and we won't be saving as much money if we do that... let's just wait it out through the winter time... he doesn't even talk to you!

I was like "he's manipulating you and you don't even know it!" I told him... "if you care about the relationship, then we'll leave here... b/c if we stay through the winter... there won't BE a relationship to save money for..."

posted October 13, 2009 12:18 AM         

first i cant believe he is doing this even after your giving him your paycheck money which you worked hard for.

i know were only 2 days apart but i feel like this deep connection with you like were twins or something. because its the same thing here where i am. i am being manipulated by my moms side of the family and i am too vulnerable sometimes.

my advice to you is too first ignore anything from now until you leave. try and check if hes in the room and if you see him go to the other end of the house into a different room and lock the door listen to some music and think nothing of him.

if that doesnt work you know how to drive i hope get into your car and just drive around go places look for apartments you need to keep yourself busy at all times.

secondly if you have to go over things with your bf maybe you guys can talk secretly into moving out. plan things and keep your thoughts to yourselfs and. when you get an apartment each day pack a box filled with your stuff and move it out of the house into your car or your new apartment anywhere.

the best thing you can do right now is get out of that house. because i also get intutive thoughts its like a feeling right in the core of my stomache whenever i get that feeling i know to not do something or to just pay close attention to it and never let it out of my mind.

i hope you take all of our advices and beware and be safe. i recommend the lock yourslelf in another room at the oppsite side of the house i have done it and it works for me.

posted October 13, 2009 12:45 AM         

I told him... "I'm not going to pressure you and I'm not going to force you to make any decisions... it's entirely up to you... but I will say... that this is extremely unhealthy for our relationship and it's just going to keep getting worse and worse... and I'm not going to stay here and watch our relationship being torn apart limb by limb... so if you choose to stay here, you will be staying alone..."

Could this really be the end?? I mean, we're just moving down the road for god's sake! I told him: you don't have to choose between me and your family... the two can coexist separately... but only separately...

Do you think that was too harsh?

I really don't want this to be the end! I love him so much! We've already endured SO much!

posted October 13, 2009 01:28 AM         

and it sucks because yu cant just leave him yu have so much history. seriously yu should take up meditation. it helps i took a course online it helped me so much i really took control of my energy that was in me and the energy that was surrounding me and it feels great. it combined into one and everything made sense.

posted October 13, 2009 07:14 AM         

im so sorry...i thought things were already going at the right road.

But please dont be desperate,you know why?

Sometimes men need to have these separations or be a time alone,to really KNOW and FEEL how much they miss their loved one.

It is like..after some time of relationship,they take us women for granted you know...and we need to show them that we are not! and the only way for them to really know how much they love us,is when they feel they lost us

are you getting it? you didnt pressured him in any way,you just cleared up your situation,he cannot ask you to sacrifice that much for the sake of money!!!hat is extremely selfish and he knows you are suffering!

there need to be balance in the relatonship and you are showing that to him.

he will come to his senses,you will see...and the best you do is not to fall into the manipulation thing.

you always do best on thinknig about your own happiness.your peacefullness of heart and Soul.and you are not really getting it staying there....just be strong.

things will turn out allright,in its own perfect time...

posted October 13, 2009 08:46 AM         

if it means anything to you, I think you did the right thing and you said the right words.
Your bf has to realize how unhappy you are with this situation; it seems he has been hiding his head in the sand for far too long.

posted October 13, 2009 10:58 AM         

I just woke up this morning... I feel so sick... like my insides are being torn inside out and my heart is being squeezed until it pops... my whole body is trembling and I can't stop crying... just waiting... being eaten alive by the anticipation and the possibility that the wrong decision could be made.

Here is my natal chart with transits: I've had a rough year...

Here is my solar return:

posted October 13, 2009 11:16 AM         

"Make the best out of a bad situation"

I've had numerous roommates - some were really good, some were ok and then there were the really difficult ones like family. All of them have been learning experiences and no matter how bad things seemed - there was always something positive that went forward with me whether it be that the situation forced me to speak up, open up, expand, assess principles, grow up, discover hidden abilities, break down barriers, strengthen up, protect, etc. EVEN IF there is some really difficult energy going around in the home - I would suggest that until you can move out - do as much as you can to keep yourself sane and not taken in by the 'bad' in the situation. BELIEVE ME - this situation is a test. You can work towards improving your situation in many different ways - if you are up to it and need to. It can be something as tedious as opening up all the blinds in the home in the morning - someone suggested this to me and it does help when you let the sun in! Do you all eat dinner, breakfast or lunch together? Having mealtimes with each other helps A LOT! Maybe you all may have a common show that you all watch together. Maybe catch it with one another. The meal thing is important ESPECIALLY if your brother in law has never had a homecooked meal at a table before. Bake every now and then - baking a cake or cookies or something helps a lot. Of course - if you are not a cook - that's fine. Order out can be easily eaten at a table amongst you all. Which reminds me - when you and your boyfriend order out - if your boyfriend's brother is in the house - ask him if he would like something too. Pitch in with chores around the home - sometimes people live a little differently than others and when something about their habits irks them, they keep it in until it can't be held any longer so they become sarcastic assholes. Be strong but not so much that you overstep the situation - don't curse your boyfriend's brother out but don't let him speak to you any way he sees fit either - instead of saying, speak more respectfully, answer him back the same way he asked you a question so he can see what his tone felt like. If you can't think of anything to say - repeat what he said in the same tone. I know it sounds childish but you never know, right? Actually - this guy sounds like he likes direct conversation. Be direct with him but don't cry or whine to him - he likes this also because this gives him the ability to feel even more empowered. Be firm - for any comment he says about you - either don't take it to heart, take something in what he said like a future important piece of information and stow it away, or point out something he does that isn't kosher to you. For instance, if he asks how come this, how come that - instead of getting yourself upset and stewing about it because you think he is asking to be a jerk - just say, because I can do that. Maybe help him a little bit to get out of his rut and come out of his shell - that's what it is - his shell. If he wears something that is becoming on him - make a comment about it. If something he wears doesn't look becoming on him - suggest that something else he has looks better on him. If you find that he likes to have peaceful, quiet times - don't disturb him. It's difficult to go from living alone to living with others - you just can't do, say, act the way you did when you were alone, when you have others living with you. It can be VERY constricting - far more so than he probably expected which is almost always the case in these moving in scenarios. HOWEVER, he may find you and your boyfriend welcome company but wouldn't be caught dead admitting it - when you two are gone, he is going to miss you both a hell of a lot. Believe me. Help your boyfriend's brother to get his act together especially if it seems that he may be a bit bothered because his brother is in a relationship and he is not / ask him the type of people he is attracted to - try to stay informed with what's going on in his life. He probably would like somebody to ask - you know? Make him know that when he is happy and positive - how much better he looks seems and makes others. He probably hasn't had a heart to heart, face to face, honest conversation with anyone in a long time. You can even ask his suggestion regarding your moving situation - it'll make him feel like he is a part of the family. Sometimes people feel left out when people go around them to do things. Also - sometimes, people don't like when you 'take over' - taking over can be anything from moving his papers from a location he keeps them, moving furniture around, etc without asking him if it's ok or even mentioning it after the fact - because you feel you did a good deed. Ask, ask, ask. Also - don't go into his personal things - that is a serious no no - personal things like his bedroom, his drawers, his paperwork, etc., etc., etc. All in all - don't be afraid of this guy - all it's going to do is make you pen up a whole bunch of frustration and anger you really don't need to take with you to your next home. Here is a bit of a secret - a lot of straight forward meanies are straight forward meanies because they are looking for people who can give what they get - in other words, they are testing your authenticity. You'd be surprised how differently you take their attitudes once you get past this guy with this realization. You realize - they aren't as mean as you thought they were - they are just a bit more direct and honest than you are for their own good. These people are usually good for situations where an 'honest no-holds-bar' answer is needed but they may not be able to take it. As for your boyfriend's dad - all of these issues surrounding his father and brother may stem from the fact that your boyfriend, despite the issues going on within his family, is determined to have his own life and sometimes - some people feel like they are 'losing' someone. IF you both have done all you can to assure them both that even if you aren't there physically - your thoughts are on them - if this doesn't work, that's an issue they have to work out on their own. DEFINITELY find your own spot and take care of any communication issue you and your boyfriend have now because they could follow you both when you move into your own place. You both are a team and living together is harder than it seems. Remember - this situation IS a test.

posted October 13, 2009 11:45 AM         

Unfortunately, all those things that you suggested... I already did. I don't think you realize what kind of manipulator I'm dealing with, though. A normal person would respond well to these sorts of acts of kindness and generosity. But TRUST me... he's a whole different story.

Let me just say that the moment I stepped through that door... he saw me as a threat to take away his dependency on his brother and wanted me GONE. This has nothing to do with how I've been treating him. TRUST ME. After I felt the hostile attitude and blatant manipulation, I decided to do EXACTLY what you are suggesting... I tried to befriend him in every way possible. I would talk to him for hours and hours on end... I took an interest in his problems... I always offered to help... I let him know that b/c he is my bf's brother I care about him as well... I was the only one who remembered his bday... those kind of things... I was the kindest I could possibly be. Oh and not to mention... whenever he didn't have a job for 3 of the 5 months I've been living with him... I supported him entirely! Which let me just say, is pretty hard to do on my paycheck. I cooked for him. I asked his advice on things... and silly me, I actually believed that we were becoming friends. Little did I know that in actuality, he was just trying to figure out how I'm wired, what makes me tick, what problems I was having with my bf at the time, and how best to destroy the relationship. He was so subtle... I could hardly pinpoint what was happening... but after some time... and after trying to befriend him over and over and over and over and over again... I realized something: he doesn't WANT to be friends. He wants me out of my bf's life. He doesn't want my bf to have a gf, and to have his own life, that does NOT include him b/c THAT would mean he would have to learn to take care of himself.

posted October 13, 2009 01:57 PM         

To CheshireKat:

I really hope you do take me up on that offer. I would really love to try to help in some way if I can, or at least listen if that's what you'd prefer. Sometimes that helps.

And yes, I really do hope he someday feels bad for all of his meddling and manipulation... I honestly don't know how he sleeps at night...

posted October 14, 2009 06:04 AM         

how are things going?did he already make a choice?

posted October 14, 2009 11:53 AM         

Well... luckily he came to his senses...

He didn't make his decision immediately... which really put me in bad shape... but he told me not to worry, even though he saw how torn up I was...

So yesterday when he was at work he called me... he told me that so much has been going on lately with work and what not... (he's a chef in a 5 star restaurant and works 13-14 hr days which is pretty stressful) that has made it difficult to think straight and to do the right thing but... he said that you just can't let go of something you care about so much, so he promised that we'd work something out... he told me to keep looking at apartments and all that... whew!

The thing that kind of gets me though, is he was saying that we're going to have to negotiate something as in... I have to negotiate from MY end... but I told him that the move has very little to do with "MY needs." It's not about me, it's not about him... it's about US. I told him that I just know what's best for the relationship and he won't admit it.

So now the issue is with money. The apartment we looked at the other day was pretty nice but the utilities would be pretty expensive, and there's no washer and dryer either. I don't drive, so that's kind of a problem... we'd have to buy a new washer and dryer, among many other "furniture expenses."

On the positive side, I feel A LOT better. Not only because he chose to fight for our relationship, but because I did that Violet Tetrahedral Visualization that IQ recommended. I felt like a 100lb weight was lifted off of my chest!

Btw... you asked for my SR and natal chart with transits... did you see anything interesting or worth mentioning?

posted October 14, 2009 12:12 PM         

the apartment might be expensive,but try for example to look at second hand furniture?or ask if someone is giving furniture on those garage sails ..things like this?all except being there with that negative energy

well id didnt said anything about the charts cause i dont know how to read it the way they are.
SR Chart i ussually put with natal with houses,and the other one i use one for transits and anoter for progressions,always with the natal.

posted October 15, 2009 11:44 AM         

I don't want to say too much too soon so I haven't been writing much lately... I'm still trying to hold on until the storm passes... hoping everything will turn out all right... It's just one of those things: we've talked about moving out and getting our own place so many times... it feels like it's never going to happen... you know what I mean?

I've REAALLY been doing my part concerning the financial aspect... I budgeted everything out and found some INCREDIBLE furniture deals online... and I've already designed the whole apartment in my head lol... I just want to make sure that it's comfortable for the both of us... so that he doesn't regret moving out of the house he grew up in... I mean, I know that kind of nostalgic environment cannot be replaced but you have to cut the umbilical cord sometime, right? Even if he is a Cancer... we're just moving down the road...