posted December 27, 2009 04:22 AM         

quote:

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I really just want him to acknowledge that he is indeed NOT single. And to take it off and put nothing.

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posted December 27, 2009 04:30 AM         

Despite my feelings on the matter, if it bothers YOU this much, just bring it up again. Don't let it fester. But if he sticks his chin up and says "I'm not changing it", despite what Vapor says, I'm not sure that's a malevolent action. He could just be being a stubborn brat. Or he could be disrespecting you...go with your instincts.

It's all about how YOU feel. Do you feel loved and validated and respected in other areas of your lives? Do his friends know about you? Do you feel like he's hiding you?

If you're allowing yourself to entertain thoughts of "why won't he change it?" "what's he hiding?" "who is he flirting with on here?" then you're not trusting. And once I see that a person is not trusting I always ask, then why are you still involved with this person?

I've given enough of my .02 on this topic, I'll let others weigh in.

posted December 27, 2009 04:45 AM         

quote:

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despite what Vapor says, I'm not sure that's a malevolent action. He could just be being a stubborn brat.

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posted December 27, 2009 04:46 AM         

I have Venus in my 10th squaring Saturn, so I like officiality.

posted December 27, 2009 04:51 AM         

I feel like I can say this because I would secretly LOVE it if he changed his FB status to "In a Relationship" and linked to mine. I am possessive and needy like that. That's just me. I would love to post pictures of us and comment on his page all day and write him love notes and say "Hey bitches! This man is mine, look at our big looooooooooooove" and do a whole bunch of other things that would infuriate him (LOL) but...I don't.

For one, I refuse to indulge my inner psycho girl anymore LOL. But also, it's not necessary. I really don't care what people online think. I can honestly say that. I'm happy, he's happy, the people we care about know we are happy, so life is good. I'm not going to ask him to do something that goes against his private nature just to appease my sense of self-worth. I know I'm worthy.

It's the same reason women love to show off their engagement rings, and men love to show pictures of or tell stories about their hot girlfriend to their buddies. It's like "Hey look what I have! I'm special! You should envy me"

Before FB there was wearing of rings and jackets, tattoos, dressing alike, etc. Anything to show our coupledom, anything to show that an Other has chosen us and we are not alone/despised/pitied.

posted December 27, 2009 05:05 AM         

I ask because first of all, I think my own motivations are different to yours - and I think this is interesting considering we are opposite Sun-Signs.

Secondly, I'm surprised that you are criticizing YOU. I am not at all the way you are regarding this. However I would never criticize your desire to have pics of your bf there and all that jazz..

If that would make you happy, then by all means..

posted December 27, 2009 05:14 AM         

I am a Virgo Queen, LOL. My chart is in my siggy, but I'm a late born Virgo. My Libra stellium begins with my Mercury.

And I didn't mean to imply he would have a problem with pictures. He actually has more pictures of "us" on his profile than I do. When I used "posting pics on his page" as an example I was thinking more of in a bombarding, territorial kind of way.

I think my personal desires about it are directly related to my Taurus Moon, Scorpio Venus, Libra stellium, 7th house stellium, 8th house stellium...I am a hot mess when it comes to relationships. I want to own my partner, body and soul.

My being ok with how things are is a direct result of understanding the unhealthier aspects of my personality, my stepping outside of myself to see the bigger picture that the status thing is a non-issue for our relationship, my agreeing that there are practical reasons for leaving things be, and the resulting compromise to his personality.

posted December 27, 2009 05:52 AM         

I still think GG that you should just send him a relationship link request ... it sounds like he has nothing to hide. He probably just can't be bothered/doesn't go on FB enough/really doesn't care what other people online think.

posted December 27, 2009 05:56 AM         

I disagree that Facebook ruins relationships.
People ruin relationships.

posted December 27, 2009 06:14 PM         

With myself I sorta need the validation...but not enough to have us link pages and write all over his wall. He and I talk each day. But there is still this agongizing voice that says if he really was with me...he'd take his status off (read above if you're confused lol). At the end of the day though that could be my own self esteem issues coming out.

posted December 27, 2009 07:07 PM         

Rationally I understand that...and know that at the end of the day, its not that big of a deal. BUT the other part of me is wondering if I don't put my foot down about this...what if its 6 months down the line and he still won't take "single" off because i've allowed it to go on as long. My feelings are he can take off single (and not have ANYTHING...like myself) and further down the line we can THINK about linking profiles or saying in a relationship. Plus they say you have to show boundaries and what you will/won't take in the beginning...that way you aren't asking for something further down the road.

But I also think that brings up a new point...how soon is too soon to change facebook status?

posted December 27, 2009 07:27 PM         

But, you're already trying to control him at two months in...that isn't going to fly with any man, regardless of sign. It won;t fly with a woman either. I would think to myself "he's going to be so jealous and controlling if he's like this now."

I think the crux of the issue is why won't he change it? Does he just not want questions right now, when you two are only two months in and maybe you break up in a month? Maybe he's testing you, too. Maybe he had a controlling relationship before.

And changing it from "single" to "no status" is the same as being in a relationship, in that people will ask what's going on.

Has he introduced you to friends and/or family? If not, you may want to ask him how he defines relationship, but even then, 2 months may be too soon to do that...

posted December 27, 2009 07:39 PM         

We have talked about it...and are indeed exculsive. I have met all his friends, and his sister knows about me. Also I said above that we are different races (and live in the south) so this is MUCH more than just a simple facebook question. Its more is he hiding me because of what his family will think (I'm black and hispanic...he's white).

I actually agree about not linking profiles...I'm VERY private and hate to delete everything after you break up. But I also have the idea that if its not really that big of a deal it can just say nothing. Plus you can change your privacy settings so that it doesn't show up that you took off your relatioship status to nothing or something.

And yes i think I am being kinda controlling...but I have had situations like this happen before. Where I have dated a guy. And found out later that while his friends knew about me (at school and home) he couldn't show me to his parents etc (which were on facebook). So I'm VERY sensitive to that. I haven't explained this to him. And I don't know if I should.

Oh Also Diana...its compounded by the fact that I snooped sooo much so that I KNOW for a fact that in previous relationships he changed his status quickly. And actually had up in a relationship. And his ex gf posted on his wall all the freaking time (which I DO NOT do...at all actually).

posted December 27, 2009 07:45 PM         

So, this is definitely deeper than the status of the relationship and more about you wondering if he's not ok with your race -- really ok with it. I can see that. Does he give you reason to think that? Any signs at all? Does he know about what happened with you and the racist guy? If so, how did he react to it? If not, tell him in person and note how he reacts. Maybe (if you feel comfortable) ask him if he thinks people would be weird about it.

Now I understand why you're so upset.

posted December 27, 2009 07:50 PM         

PS -- Is the eclipse hitting or opposing any of your cancer/cap placements closely?