posted December 27, 2009 01:35 AM         

I should also add that I'm a cancer, with horrible cap/sat/pluto placements. So needless to say I snooped through all his wall posts, pictures, figured out who his ex's were. I also found an old myspace account he had. And snooped through that (once again I really blame my pluto aspects for that) and found out who his really serious gf of three years was.

Now that he and I are added, and we've had the "define the relationship talk" (and according to him we are deff in a relationship). I can't help but wonder why he won't take off his single status. He says he never uses facebook, and doesn't even remember how to take it off (even though I know he has had it up before). But I just don't understand why he won't take it off. I also should add that we are different races, and I have wondered if that was a factor.

He's an aqua, so I thought about giving him a taste of his own medicine and putting my status as single. My status says nothing (once again those uber private pluto placements). But I don't want to play games. I wonder if I'm demanding too much. At the end of the day, I don't want him to link profiles with me (I'm VERY private and hate to do that). I don't even want to say "in a relationship." I really only want him to take the "single" status off and say nothing. I keep obsessing over this...and wondering if I'm wanting too much.

posted December 27, 2009 01:40 AM         

But my boyfriend has his FB status as single and we've been dating for 5 months. Mine is like yours, it says nothing about my relationship status. Interestingly enough, he's an Aqua too. It bothers me a little, but not enough to fight about. WE know what we are to each other; who cares what anyone else thinks? It's none of their business anyway. If he told you that you're together and he's an Aqua, then trust me, you're together.

posted December 27, 2009 01:43 AM         

The race issue is something to discuss with him; I guess if he is with you, you should see that as positive.

My guess is his Aquarian nature and/or normal male behaviour about making himself free and available to all. Getting into a relationship can provide pressure from mates and family, never mind kill any chance of further conquests.

posted December 27, 2009 02:03 AM         

I do know that he hates pettiness and snooping. And he hates jealously and possessiveness. And I'm trying to be rational but I think that all this is getting to me. I do really like him, but I worry with how Aquas are. How really committed are they. I've told him that I'm terrified of betrayal, and he has TONS of female friends, so I think its just that I'm afraid he'll change his mind about me. For me when my feelings are involved it takes sooo much for me to be done (unless I'm betrayed, then I'm done forever…and I’ll try my hardest not to exact revenge lol). But I just worry about him and how truly involved he is. For me when I’m with someone they’re everything. No other guy exists. He’s just not that way. And of course I’ve hidden all these emotions, and have shown myself to be very light hearted and not at all intense, but sweet (thanks to my Can sun) But I don’t know. Ok that post was a deff rant lol.

Oh btw...all my personal planets aspect pluto, including a moon, and mer square pluto, and venus opp pluto, and moon in the 8th house. Among other stuff.

posted December 27, 2009 02:14 AM         

As far as the Aquas, yeah they could be twins--yours and mine. Tons of female friends, lighthearted and carefree about everything, and meanwhile I'm writhing in jealousy trying to suppress my darker nature to avoid scaring him away LOL. We've had a few "incidents" in which I've blown up at him so he's not totally unaware of that side of me though. You won't be able to hide that part of you forever; something will happen that will get you riled up. The true test is how he reacts to your display of pathos and emotion LOL. If he sticks around, or leaves but comes back, then you're golden.

Aquas are difficult. Honestly, if this doesn't work out, it's probably my last one. Almost everything about them is counter-intuitive to my nature. The only thing I can relate to is their stubborness, as I am highly Fixed. The thing that helps me and mine out is his Cancer Rising (he's a ball of mush on the inside once you get past the infinite layers of Aquaness) and perhaps his watery Mercury in Pisces. Oh, and all the soulmate stuff LOL. I'm hooked.

posted December 27, 2009 02:34 AM         

You're sooo right about him not doing something if you want him to. I do know that...so whenever I say anything I add you don't have to do it...we can (insert something) later lol. And that makes him want to do it. Sadly though, I mentioned it bothered me that it said he was single...I did add that at the end of the day he doesn't have to change it if he doesn't want to. And I apologized for seeming like I was demanding. But I'm like you...I'm very stubborn, and he's so not similar to my nature. Like you saw I'm not sure what his rising sign is, and as a result don't know what his moon is as well, but he does have his mercury in pisces so there is some emotion out of him.

posted December 27, 2009 03:13 AM         

quote:

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e says he never uses facebook, and doesn't even remember how to take it off (even though I know he has had it up before). But I just don't understand why he won't take it off.

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How did this conversation go down?

I would have only said a very simple sentence to him.. whilst I was at his house (preferably if he was on the computer at the time, checking his email or whatever)

"Your facebook status is now 'single'. This a social site where you have *insert no* of friends and from my perspective it is simply a sign of respect & honesty that I am acknowledged as your GF. While you are there - Please change it."

If he said he didn't know how to because he doesn't use it much.. I'd say NO WORRIES. It's really easy. I'd go over to the comp - key in his email - ask him to key in his password and I'd change it myself.

This is not jealousy or possessiveness.. It's merely being honest. I wouldn't lie and call myself "single" if I am not.

I'm sorry but that's just wrong form my perspective - specially if he has hundreds of "friends". It is as bad as going to dinner with several people (acquaintances) and telling everyone he is single.

What is the difference between being single and having an SO - if you tell everyone you are single anyway? If he wanted an open relationship he could have made that clear.

_________________________________________

quote:

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I'm just hoping his Venus in Cap will stick more lol.

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posted December 27, 2009 03:20 AM         

I know Aquarians who would never be careless with something like this. I'm sorry but I'm finding your bfs shifty and I do not like that they are getting away with it.

I could never let someone get away with this.

I have Mercury in Pisces and Moon/Mars Capricorn.. Sun in the 11th. My dad is a quadruple aqua and one of my friends is an aqua with pisces placements (they wouldn't do this.)

:edit:

quote:

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And I apologized for seeming like I was demanding.

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You apologized?!
He should apologize.
Ok first of all - you don't have to express this in a demanding manner. I think you've said much too much about it. This really should NOT be about your possessiveness and jealousy - This is about him being HONEST with his social network. It is just about honesty and social acknowledgment of what you guys have.

posted December 27, 2009 03:20 AM         

Now, I admit to having been a little miffed that he didn't just get rid of the relationship status and be done with it BUT...we both have said we won't ever change our relationship status on FB unless we are married. That was the end of the discussion, I've moved on.

Our other point was that the people we really care about, family and close friends, all know we are NOT single and are in fact with each other. Anyone who doesn't know that isn't close enough for either of us to care what impressions they are getting one way or the other. Mine doesn't mention him either...if someone wants to know if I'm involved they need to grow the balls to ask me instead of just being nosy on my page.

posted December 27, 2009 03:31 AM         

I actually don't want to link profiles as I have first hand experience of when you breakup and everyone sees it. I do want him to just remove the single status, and simply say nothing. Not single, or in a relationship. I don't want to fight with him about it, but at the same time I also have been with guys who have pulled this on me, or had "in a relationship"...not linking profiles. And they were with someone else the entire time...and because of this I'm paranoid about this. Especially if its not a big deal like he says. Plus if he really is a Cancer rising (like StarrofVenus says he might be) I know for a fact if his feelings were really involved he would want to "claim" me lol.

Plus when I was snooping I came along old posts between him and his ex gf (the one he wanted to marry). And he claimed her, and was VERY verbally expressive and affectionate with her. Even posting songs about her, and how she was all he thought about. He's not verbally affectionate with me (he says he's never really been with anyone who was...which is a lie). And that he got burned and was told he was clingy so he doesn't express as much.

posted December 27, 2009 03:34 AM         

quote:

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Facebook is a social networking site. I have almost 800 friends on there, most of whom I don't interact with daily.

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Ok well to me this is completely dishonest.

Precisely because there are sometimes 800 people seeing this.

If you went to a wedding reception with 800 people he wouldn't get up and proclaim his bachelorhood.. one would assume..

I can't say I'd mind the fact that he is there as single, because this fact in itself wouldn't make me feel "worried" about other women or whatever else. I may or may not mention this. It's something that would slip my mind so I would probably leave it for a while..

However once I DID mention it to him.. what would worry me & make me uncomfortable is his reaction or *attitude problem* - the fact that he would actually have an ARGUMENT with me over changing this status (which should be such a normal and simple thing).
I guess in mentioning this - I would assume that we wouldn't even debate it.. and that it would simply get done. So if his reaction was defensive - I'd be surprised.

That ^ would make me wonder as to wtf he is using his facebook for?
Because otherwise - why would it be an issue to him?

Obviously you think it is an issue purely because he wants to be a rebel, and NOT do what you asked of him.

posted December 27, 2009 03:35 AM         

Actions speak louder than words. If he treats you well and lovingly, that's all that matters.

EDIT: Vapor, I know a married couple on Facebook who do not even say they are married--not just not to each other, but at all. They weren't even friends on FB for the first few years of their marriage. And they are very, very happily married. When people would get offended on the woman's behalf and ask what her husband was up to, she would only laugh. Only a deeply insecure person would interpret someone's FB status as a sign of their affection for them. ::rolls eyes::

posted December 27, 2009 03:43 AM         

This is not an insecurity thing for me.

I would simply not lie to all of the people on my facebook and post my status as single - just like I would not lie and say that I am male when I am actually female.

I would expect my bf to do the same.

posted December 27, 2009 03:44 AM         

Anyway, my current boyfriend's doesn't say anything because he doesn't want the "drama" surrounding a status change (as in people commenting on it on his wall) and he's private himself (Cancer). Everyone that's "important" already knows. At first I was offended because WHY WOULDN'T HE WANT TO ANNOUNCE IT TO THE WORLD? but then I got over it.

Idk the single thing would really bother me.

posted December 27, 2009 03:45 AM         

I was wondering this actually. When he hel* did facebook become soooo important?

I totally agree with you, some people make it a MUCH bigger deal than it needs to be. Such as having each others profile pic be a pic of each other together (since when did it become me and my bf/gfs profile), have all these pics together, or having the person "pee" (aka write posts) on their wall. When in reality you don't need to write a wall post (sometimes everyday) saying you miss, and love so and so...you can just text it. I do think that facebook "appearances" are superficial...and as someone who has scorp/pluto you probably feel/understand my thinking.

But still it is a little hurtful that he won't just take it off altogether. I'm just baffled as to when did facebook become the ultimate deal breaker on if you're together or not lol.

Vapor lash:

You're right I do wonder if its because he's being sketchy or trying to rebel. When I first mentioned it, he said he was going to change it. But I (again) snooped and noticed he had been on facebook, and changed his stats (not by phone) since talking to me. And it STILL didn't change. I wanted to bring it up again, but I think if I do the Aqua stubborness might kick in.

posted December 27, 2009 03:47 AM         

But i could not care less whether it is facebook or the local newspaper.
It is a lie. He is not single.

posted December 27, 2009 03:48 AM         

quote:

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When in reality you don't need to write a wall post saying you miss so and so...you can just text it. I do think that facebook "appearances" are superficial...and as someone who has scorp/pluto you probably feel the same way.

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posted December 27, 2009 03:49 AM         

quote:

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Let me add that I am an Aqua Sun/Mercury and I think it's ridiculous to keep your status as single if you're not really single.

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Exactly my thoughts.

quote:

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Oh God, when people do that all I think is "Dang something must be really wrong with the relationship and this person's just trying to save face."

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posted December 27, 2009 03:50 AM         

A swinger couple or a couple with an open relationship could put "in a relationship" but that doesn't mean they are unavailable to be sexually pursued. So what are you advertising exactly?

I could make an exception for "engaged" and "divorced", since those are actual conveyed societal statuses that mean something, like "married."

Personally, I wouldn't even do engaged, since an engagement can be broken in a heartbeat, and I have seen many, many "Engaged" statuses be downgraded on FB. I wouldn't do Divorced either, since it doesn't convey anything about my availability to form a relationship. If I'm divorced, I'm single again.

posted December 27, 2009 03:58 AM         

THIS particular situation is regarding a relationship that is NOT open where one of the people is lying and stating their status as single.

Which is why I said above - if HE WANTED an open relationship - this should have been discussed. As far as I understand they did discuss it and it was agreed that they are in a *closed* one2one relationship.

quote:

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I wish I was a Gemini (basically anything less intense than how I am) who wouldn't think twice about this lol.

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I doubt it - because different people may have an issue with it for different reasons. You have an issue with it for emotional/possessiveness reasons. I would simply have an issue on a matter of principle.
A Gemini could have an issue purely because it is a lie.. (I know Geminis are portrayed as liars occasionally but I have a double Gemini friend who is anything but)..

Amowls is an Aquarian - and she said she wouldn't. I don't think it's about being "lighthearted" or "intense".

posted December 27, 2009 04:13 AM         

I think you should have a calm conversation and tell him that you find it disrespectful because it is a lie about what you are as a couple.. If you are in a one2one relationship, then his status is not single.

posted December 27, 2009 04:15 AM         

I understand all that scorpio obsessiveness having 3 planets and MC in scorpio. If he was on facebook everyday/regularly he would be familiar with the settings etc. Speaking for myself I would be a bit offended if that was the case... but at the same time... if you are in a relationship and you have discussed this, then what's the problem with sending him a relationship status request?? If he then rejected that.. well if it were me it would put my nose out of joint a bit. I don't tihnk it's enough to ruin a relationship unless he starts hiding you from his friends/family .. or this somehow extends into your real-life situation.