posted April 29, 2012 07:29 AM            

I have Mars in Cappy conjunct at least by sign with Neptune. Now, while I mentioned before I'm not asexual I cannot have sex without love either. Thats maybe because I have Scorpio Rising and to us love is all of nothing.

I also do have an empty 8th house with Gemini on the cusp. I have studied a lot of charts and I noticed that people with planets in this house cannot live and have no control regarding sex.

posted April 29, 2012 07:43 AM            

And I honestly don't have a settled opinion on this matter.

As much as I'd like to think it can be perfectly normal, a part of me finds it weird that some people (myself included) are not sexual people and do not desire any sexual contact with anyone. Maybe that's because our society is so oversexed and it's hard to feel normal when you don't fit in in that respect. Or maybe sexuality is indispensable and the people who identify themselves as asexual have some psychological/biological imbalances that make them uninterested in sexual activity.

And with all that in mind, I think it's difficult to know what could indicate asexuality in a birth chart, because what are we supposed to look at? Is it an anomaly? Or just a sexual preference?

But I do think that the 5th, 8th, and Mars should be considered, for a start.

posted April 29, 2012 02:02 PM            

I love cuddling more than sex any day.

I'm also a virgin waiting for marriage. I guess the ultimate love and security.

My chart is here: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum11/HTML/002980.html

posted April 29, 2012 03:06 PM            

Okay, the stats:

Scorpio stellium in 3H: Moon, Merc, Mars, Uranus. Venus in 12H (Virgo), with Virgo ASC. Sat-Jup in 1H. Empty 8H, (Aries).

I was a dominatrix who gained a degree of fame. (No, really.) It wasn't a choice as much as I was backstabbed on my first job here in LA, told I'd moved back home, and needed employment ASAP. I started out as a sex therapist over the phone (I have credentialed) which just kind of blossomed into doing videos, making appearances, and gaining a following.

I'm told I naturally exude a smoldering sexuality with a Mata Hari-esque mystique - which intrigued me; she was one of the few historical figures which absolutely fascinated me as a child, and I'm a talented dancer. (Terpsichore is exactly opposite my Moon-Uranus).

I don't mean to seem ungrateful for it; the whole experience taught me quite a lot, I made some wonderful contacts and even friends, and was able to reach and help a lot of people. But when you become a sex symbol almost overnight ... it's a daunting experience. Millions of people watching you, hundreds contacting you -- men you didn't even know existed before that moment pledging their devotion to you, speaking of you so intimately ... I couldn't take it. I'd never signed up for that. I sought out to help and heal them -- I didn't expect them to become obsessed with my image, creating fantasies in their minds over which I had no control.

Neptune's not that strong in my chart, BTW. Just a sextile to my Sun, though that Sun IS conjunct Pluto, which is exactly on my Venus/Mars MP. Maybe, along with all of the Scorpio, it explains some of it. (I'm a Lilith-Eros-Mercury, for those who dig 'roids. Perhaps Eros being closely conjunct the chart ruler also contributes to how quickly my image (ASC) became the source of sexual obsession (Eros) communicated to large groups of people (Mercury-Uranus), especially in the digital age.

But my calling is writing - and profiling, actually. When I chose not to enter the FBI, I continued what I'd been doing since I can remember: writing. Usually intense plots with tormented, demon-haunted (sometimes, literally) characters who're wrestling with violent karma and must transform themselves and those around them in order to achieve their goals and meet their destiny. This is an overwhelming theme. As is sex, and almost ALWAYS wrapped up in death, violence, and involving BDSM.

The funny thing is, the one thing I COULDN'T do that my career really needed me to, was write sex. Sex for the sake of sex? Blegh. Why? I'd rather be writing - or doing a hundred other things.

I can't say I don't enjoy sex, or think of it. It occupies a surprising amount of my brainspace, but, again, only when it's in conjunction with some kind of soul-shaking, transformative experience. I LOVE tantra.

I HAVE experienced periods of celibacy (and didn't actually have sex until I was 21 - at which point I'd very logically chosen to do so with my best friend because 'it seemed like a good point at which to lose my virginity') for a number of reasons: PTSD flashbacks from childhood sex abuse, and, as is most common these days, I'm just busy. I've heard other people unwind through masturbation and / or having sex. The former just doesn't interest me, (really! And I'm neither a prude, or condemning the practise - I know it's healthy - I just personally have never seen the point) and the factors that it seems must be in place for me to actually WANT to have sex? Jesus. Defusing a bomb, blindfolded, with no hands, is probably more likely to happen.

But, as I've said before, it's NOT that I don't enjoy sex. I do. But, most of the time, I'd rather be creating. Maybe I became so adept at sublimating my sexual drive into creating that there's little left over, but I've never really understood this about myself, and have been labelled as asexual several times. But then, for example, someone will see my performance of the theme from 'True Blood' ('Bad Things' by Jace Everett) and not understand how these two elements exist within the same person. I've kind of given up trying to understand it myself.

Personally, it's about bonding. My costar (and co-writer of several years) and I have some of the most intense chemistry ... period. It seems to be a fragile equation of creativity, compatibility and chemistry. I seem to have a hankering for the darker, more tormented, misunderstood types; the lost boy survivors who've become walled-off men. I can't explain why they fascinate me so deeply, and I end up tenaciously driven to tear down those walls - but I do, and when I'm successful (most of the time), there's a real diamond in the rough underneath with a lot of unseen potential and a LOT to give to the world. Most of the time, they're artists like myself, whose unanswered calling is to contribute their creative talent. Naturally, such types end up being heavily featured in my fiction - even if I meet the person much later. (It's like some kind of intuitive reverse inspiration. Bizarre, but rather cool, too.)

All of this has led to my number of sexual partners being grossly less than the average (for my age, gender, and geographic location) despite how heavily sex as a concept features in my life: dominatrix, sex therapist, porn director / producer, whose writing always involves some level of intense sexual interplay, though it's NEVER the focus. I don't write romance - I write transgressive fiction. Thrillers. Crime drama. Supernatural black comedy. Etc.

So, the fact that the last time I'VE actually done the deed was ... about two years ago ... is definitely ironic. And yet, when the mood strikes, I'm usually inclined to write - and man, the stuff that I produce when all chakras are open and all cylinders firing. I seem to be happier when my time spent produces something like that - rather than an orgasm.

That's what gets me - most of all. Why's the world so obsessed with orgasm? It's a temporary muscular contraction which, admittedly, feels great while it's happening - but then it's over, and what have you got? If it was JUST about the pursuit of the orgasm, then that seems a tremendous waste of time to me. If it's about the person - the connexion -- the seduction, the intensity, the point reached where you just CAN'T relate to each other ANY more without the relationship becoming sexual, without THAT level of intimacy -- that's a WHOLE other ballgame.

But I've blathered on enough. What are everyone else's thoughts and experiences? Thanks for listening to my ramble on about my own. I'm always learning. Self-proclaimed eager, aeternal student of everything.

------------------
Stargazing in Hollyweird,

-AMP

--

Karma's a b*tch.

posted April 29, 2012 03:23 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tofu addict:
Mars in aspect with saturn and Neptune,they could very well indicate this, and i would put Venus in the mix as well in relation to Neptune and Saturn.

If it is an anomaly or not, an illness or a choice, i don't know, can't speak for others, but my view on it is that it is a block , deeply buried , and sometimes it stays a block, and sometimes people can lift the block, and become sexual. I don't believe it is for life, it depends what the cause is, if you get that connection back .

---

I agree with you. Having worked with so many people regarding sexual proclivities, perversions, hang-ups, and dysfunction, (and speaking to my own) I'd say so much of it stems from unresolved conflicts at the root of our being, requiring healing, time, compassion, and the true willingness to become 'whole' again.

I think we're supposed to be sexual beings, naturally. If we aren't, it certainly seems there's a reason.

The flipside of this is, of course, sex without bonding. Individuals who are driven to satisfy the need for human connexion through temporary encounters solely for the purpose of sex, rather than actual bonding.

While those who have serial encounters with partners whose relations don't extend outside physical pleasure are hardly asexual, there's still very segmented, compartmentalised and 'incomplete'. There's a deep desire to have a powerful sexual bond with another human being that involves a real compatibility of mind, body, and soul - but they avoid it like the plague.

It's as if they accept their biological need for sexual experience, and acknowledge their desire for human relationship, but they can't combine the two. So they have purely physically driven sexual encounters with people for whom they rarely even have respect, and nothing in common, while relegating those relationships with whom they have real compatibility and a genuine connexion to never straying outside the platonic, or, if it does, the same 'holds' must be in place: there can be no commitment, or true acknowledgement of the bond. Almost as if it's an accident - that just keeps happening.

There's just something terrifying to them about having a real, bonded sexual relationship. Which is completely foreign to someone who's asexual, or has those tendencies. We can't FATHOM a sexual relationship with someone who isn't some kind of soul-bonded kindred spirit. We've spent so much time building strong, powerful relationships built on everything BUT sex, that to THEN have such intimate relations that are 'meaningless' and in pursuit of physical pleasure? Fingernails on a blackboard. Xenophobia. Does not compute. Just can't grok it.

So, while these 'incomplete' personalities can find expression on opposite sides of the continuum, they both stem from the same thing: fear, past trauma, and the need to heal and become 'whole' again.

------------------
Stargazing in Hollyweird,

-AMP

--

Karma's a b*tch.

posted April 29, 2012 04:09 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rosalind:
Since someone mentioned asexuality and Mars/Neptune aspect lets see what other aspects can lead to asexuality. In books I find too little about this subject because its easily misuderstood with being a choice and not a illness.

I have Mars in Cappy conjunct at least by sign with Neptune. Now, while I mentioned before I'm not asexual I cannot have sex without love either. Thats maybe because I have Scorpio Rising and to us love is all of nothing.

I also do have an empty 8th house with Gemini on the cusp. I have studied a lot of charts and I noticed that people with planets in this house cannot live and have no control regarding sex.

Please, discuss.

---

Actually, we did an informal study on a different board and so many of the people who were celibate had a heavy 8th house emphasis.

I'm not really asexual, since to me that means they never would want sex. I never think of sex, or have a sex drive, unless I like someone. I don't fantasize about it, because I'm very busy with creative pursuits, so it really never crosses my mind. But even other busy people think of sex, so there's more to it. I will think of it when I like someone though. I don't have to really like them as much as I need to feel comfortable with them, like affection for a male friend.

When I'm with someone or attracted to someone, I have a high sex drive and I'm suddenly thinking about it a lot.

I have planets in my 8th.

posted April 29, 2012 04:31 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Diana:
Actually, we did an informal study on a different board and so many of the people who were celibate had a heavy 8th house emphasis.

I'm not really asexual, since to me that means they never would want sex. I never think of sex, or have a sex drive, unless I like someone. I don't fantasize about it, because I'm very busy with creative pursuits, so it really never crosses my mind. But even other busy people think of sex, so there's more to it. I will think of it when I like someone though. I don't have to really like them as much as I need to feel comfortable with them, like affection for a male friend.

When I'm with someone or attracted to someone, I have a high sex drive and I'm suddenly thinking about it a lot.

I have planets in my 8th.

---

Wow. I can second all of that - save for no planets in the 8H, but the ruler's heavily aspected. (Scorpio, part of a stellium in my 3H).

I think a lot of it does come from the fact that I've sublimated it into my creativity for so long. But I can totally relate to how suddenly impacting it can be when there's an intense chemistry. I've also noticed a direct relationship between these two drives.

If my sex drive is being actively suppressed, or, for example, there's a lot of complication between myself and a creative partner, it can be incredibly stifling. Shoots my creativity to hell. I just seem to shut myself off and down. Really, really bad state of affairs.

How did you guys conduct the study, Diana?

------------------
Stargazing in Hollyweird,

-AMP

--

Karma's a b*tch.

posted April 29, 2012 05:36 PM            

I don't understand the part about suppressing it...Do you suppress it on purpose? I don't, it just happens that way, because my mind is so busy with other things. I have zero problem having sexual thoughts if/when I have them and I do have them sometimes, just not often.

I also feel like talking about sex is a waste of time. I had a friend that was really, um...horny, and wanted to talk about it a lot. I just couldn't relate, because I don't really have thoughts of it and haven't had recent sex in so damn long. I had nothing to add and it wasn't an interesting convo for me. It was annoying to me. I finally just had to tell them that if they want to talk about sex, and like, compare notes, I'm not the person for it, because it's irrelevant in my life right now. I also felt they were being nosy. I've never been one to offer up graphic details of my sexual experiences. I have no problem talking about having sex, or say telling someone I had sex with someone and it was good etc., but I don't see the point of describing it in such detail. It's dumb to me.

posted April 29, 2012 05:50 PM            

quote:

---

Do you suppress it on purpose? I don't, it just happens that way,

I just couldn't relate, because I don't really have thoughts of it

---

Same here.

quote:

---

I also feel she, and most people, don't really 'get it'. I think since they always want and think about sex, that they think I am trying to suppress it on purpose or think that it's wrong for me to have sex

---

LMAO exactly!

I could care less about how I am viewed sexually and I definitely do not think it is wrong. I've pretended to be promiscuous in the past, basically to *check* whether a particular guy had outdated views regarding female sexuality.

quote:

---

only have my sexual thoughts activated when I am into someone, like a crush or something, and that happens rarely since I don't meet many people. They think about it a lot and seem to find a lot of people sexually stimulating just based on looks, so they don't get it.

---

That's how I feel basically.

Here is my post on this in the older thread on the same topic:
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/211287-4.html

quote:

---

Long post coming up.... You guys don't have to read this unless you're interested. It's not about asexuality in general.. but just how it *applies* to me... Or actually how demi-sexuality applies to me.
I wanted to dispel some myths.
Here it goes............

1. I’m physically healthy – I don’t ‘lack’ anything lol

2. There has never been a situation in my life…where a guy asked me out and I said “yes”.. and then told him: “Gee - Can we wait until we get to know each other better – before we have sex?” - I’ve never had this conversation with a man in my life - Nor will I ever have this conversation.

3. Basically I don’t do the dating thing. My relationship have started out as friendships and we met in a setting where I got to know the guy well before things turned romantic between us. I didn’t have to explain myself to him at all. It just seemed normal in that context whether it was at school or university or through work or through a sport I played… It seemed normal that we’d hang out first as friends (rather than date).

4. If a stranger tries to initiate something with me by asking me to go on a date with him (if this is how he approaches me) – I usually decline right away. I don’t even consider it, because a person who immediately turns things romantic couldn’t understand me.. and I don’t want to have to explain things over and over. If I dated someone like this – I know they’d expect sex sooner rather than later.. and I don’t want my sexuality to turn into someone else’s challenge.

5. The lack of desire (“primary” desire as they refer to it in that article) does not at all affect my level of being sexually passionate with a person, when we do have a strong emotional connection.

The only man I’ve had a desire to have sex with in the past years is the Leo guy I’ve mentioned a few times here - because I am in love with him. I can be very sexually passionate towards him.. I know my sexuality well and my turn-ons and turn-offs… I’m not inhibited sexually. It’s just that it very rarely happens that I would meet and get to know someone whom I actually desire to have sex with. It’s only happened twice in my life. Leo is the second. My Libra ex I mentioned - who I went out with for 2 years (I cared about him, but I only had sex to make him happy.. not because I had a desire to).

6. My lack of attraction has no connection with the amount of people I meet. I go out. I meet many new people!! I just don’t feel this way. It takes me such a long time to feel this way about someone.

7. I am not at all repulsed nor scared of sex. I am simply disinterested.. Exactly as per the demi-sexuality definition: “The demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners."
That’s me ^

I remember Regardes saying she had fears regarding sex and how it might affect her health. I don’t have these fears – because you can get sick in so many different ways. You can have accidents in many settings. Sex is no more dangerous than anything else. We are not living in 3rd world countries. We do have the pill available and condoms… so this isn’t an issue for me.

Nor do I have any psychological hang-ups about sex. Lets say I absolutely ‘had to’ sleep with a stranger… Lets say the faith of the world depended on it (just for argument’s sake!).. This wouldn’t psychologically scar me (unless he was a jerk!! lol)… I would just feel very disinterested and not turned-on – but the thought of it doesn’t bother me.

It’s a bit like the feeling when you’ve had a meal and you are full… so you wouldn’t go out and buy something else to eat.. But if a friend bought you a chocolate cake – you might still eat it, so as to not be rude! (lol I realize this is a dumb analogy but I can’t think of any other way to explain it)
It’s that feeling of “I don’t feel like eating this at all… but it won’t kill me to have some – if I absolutely must”.

8. I think maybe the whole asexuality or demi-sexuality orientations (if they are orientations) might be seen as something that makes a person ‘cold’ and detached.
I’m not a cold person. This is only a sexual disinterest. I have so much respect for other people and I really like everyone as they are. I’m kind of Aquarian when it comes to this (My Sun&Venus are in the 11th).

Also, this is not at all an ego trip for me. I’ve heard people say things like: “Oh I don’t care if she’s good looking… I still wouldn’t go there!” to sound cool… or “Looks aren’t everything!”… or there are those who heed dating advice about how you should lower a good looking person’s self-esteem… so that they get more interested.

I personally think all of this is a load of CRAP. I think everyone deserves to be treated nicely and with respect completely regardless of their appearance.
For instance – when I said earlier that I would see Jude Law as a beautiful statue… I don’t mean for this to be depreciative to Jude Law. He’s a person with his own good points & bad points. I think he has awesome acting skills and I’m sure there are many things about him I could like personality wise if I ever met him. But on a purely sexual level.. it’s just not there (unless I’m very close to that person).

Ok! phewww That's it. End of long spiel.

---

posted April 29, 2012 06:07 PM            

Basically the same here, except there were some instances where I first dated someone and then had sex with them. There were only a few instances of this. But it took a bit of awhile compared to most people, since we talked daily and went out for 3 wks. before we had sex. In all but one instance, the stranger was a friend of a friend.The other guy I met and agreed to date, but he was the only one. It can happen this way for me, and if it does, it means I REALLY like the person romantically and it isn't because I just feel comfortable with them as a friend. I would sometimes just have sex with male friends because I felt comfortable and so was attracted, but didn't really like them romantically per se.

>>>>4. If a stranger tries to initiate something with me by asking me to go on a date with him (if this is how he approaches me) – I usually decline right away. I don’t even consider it, because a person who immediately turns things romantic couldn’t understand me.. and I don’t want to have to explain things over and over. If I dated someone like this – I know they’d expect sex sooner rather than later.. and I don’t want my sexuality to turn into someone else’s challenge.>>>>

I'm sort of the same. I think it weird when a complete stranger asks me out. It's not that I think they couldn't understand me, but that there's too much pressure on romance when I'm not even close to thinking about that with them. Then usually, my attraction never kicks in (If I do agree to date them) and I end up never even kissing them and end it before having sex. There were a few times I'd kiss them but that was it. I also think they think we'll have sex in three dates and we so won't -- unless I am feeling it, but I'm usually feeling nothing whatsoever.

>>>>>5. The lack of desire (“primary” desire as they refer to it in that article) does not at all affect my level of being sexually passionate with a person, when we do have a strong emotional connection.>>>>

Exactly.

posted April 29, 2012 06:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Diana:
We just did an informal thing where people who were celibate posted their charts.

I don't understand the part about suppressing it...Do you suppress it on purpose? I don't, it just happens that way, because my mind is so busy with other things. I have zero problem having sexual thoughts if/when I have them and I do have them sometimes, just not often.

---

It's complicated. My husband and I are open, but it's not something I advertise. But, for example, if there's no potential for resolving sexual tension, I tend to obsess, and put it into my work. Then, once I'm sick of the obsessing, I suppress it. It's when it DOESN'T go away that I realise I have to deal with it. (And I don't mean days or weeks - we're talking years here. If it's still there after YEARS, then, okay, fine. I've gotta deal now.)

I guess I have two modes. I'm hyperfocussed and NOTHING can sway me, or I'm just not feeling it. I'll actually comment after this next paragraph regarding that, though, as it's more applicable.

quote:

---

I also feel like talking about sex is a waste of time. I had a friend that was really, um...horny, and wanted to talk about it a lot. I just couldn't relate, because I don't really have thoughts of it and haven't had recent sex in so damn long.

---

I'm guessing when you say 'talking about sex' you mean non-conceptually, or talking sex psychology, or evolutionary biology -- because THAT is absolutely fascinating to me. Conceptually, sex is one of my favourite topics which I can discuss ad nauseam.

PERSONALLY, on the other hand, I only enjoy discussing sex with actual partners - either in the form of pillow-talk, or even intellectually. I'm pretty blunt, and enjoy learning more about them - how they work, what makes them tick, if I read them correctly, what we really liked, what we would like to do differently, or next time, etc. Like anything else, sex is just learning. And if you can't talk - honestly - with a sexual partner - what the hell are you doing having sex with them?

quote:

---

I had nothing to add and it wasn't an interesting convo for me. It was annoying to me. I finally just had to tell them that if they want to talk about sex, and like, compare notes, I'm not the person for it, because it's irrelevant in my life right now.

---

I get that. If someone's a HUGE (American) football fan, and all they want to do is talk plays and teams and interceptions and fumbles, and you might've seen a game when you were ten, why do you care to discuss football? My husband's a professional poker player. Talk about jargon. It's like a foreign language. His aces got cracked, someone raised with a total airball, this guy's a river rat, they're drawing dead, and this chick lost the straddle. Speaking of 'lost'. Other pros - and their significant others - are really the only ones they can talk shoppe with, and there are still things he has to dumb down for me. Conversely, I can rant about misused plot devices, or how something is this actor's latest vehicle, or how much we all fear our scripts being relegated to development hell - and he had to learn the lingo, too.

quote:

---

I also felt they were being nosy. I've never been one to offer up graphic details of my sexual experiences. I have no problem talking about having sex, or say telling someone I had sex with someone and it was good etc., but I don't see the point of describing it in such detail. It's dumb to me.

---

I understand this, too. Unless you've got a sisterly bond with someone (and, doubly, have actually had the same sexual partner -- it does happen!) there's not much point. Talking sex you've had with someone else is really only useful in two situations: acting as a mentor to someone with less experience, or indirectly providing likes, dislikes, and proclivities to potential future partners. (Which happens.) Otherwise, it does seem to have little purpose. I agree. I've also noticed it can be something of a cultural leaning - possibly arising from female-oriented 'water cooler' talk; the older women providing advice to the younger, and also checking up on each other. Something of a support system. Sex talk, being intimate, can also lead to, for example, the more difficult discussions: infertility, and even relational abuse.

quote:

---

I also feel she, and most people, don't really 'get it'. I think since they always want and think about sex, that they think I am trying to suppress it on purpose or think that it's wrong for me to have sex, but that's not it.

---

Oh, I HAAAATE that. Used to often think something was wrong with me. Especially all through my adolescence. My girlfriends would have posters of celebrities decorating their walls, and I'd be digging 'Irises' by Van Gogh. I didn't get the point of celebrity crushes, but then I just didn't have so much rampant hormonal-fuelled sex drive that it was oozing out of my pores. And whatever drive I did seemed to go into my creating.

quote:

---

I only have my sexual thoughts activated when I am into someone, like a crush or something, and that happens rarely since I don't meet many people.

---

I get that, too, actually.

quote:

---

They think about it a lot and seem to find a lot of people sexually stimulating just based on looks, so they don't get it.

---

Yeah, you know, recently, my husband and I were discussing this. He asked me what the hell it is about my co-writer/costar/co-creator. Why DO we have such crazy chemistry between us? My husband's a very attractive man, and, while it's a dicy issue, arguably more so than my costar. He OWNS it. Seriously rocks it. A lot of people have compared him to Duchovny and Fillion for his sharp humour and sex appeal.

My costar, on the other hand, has had a rougher go of things. A standup comic, (and, let's face it, they've usually seen a lot) he's really just now coming into his own; since we've known each other for awhile, we've both seen a kind of evolution in each other and ourselves. It's been really exciting, and a bonding experience all its own.

I've always seen his hidden star power, though, from the beginning. Used to drive me crazy that he wouldn't, and it wasn't until he started receiving some real recognition, getting better gigs, and making his way in the world that he's come to accept it, too, and the change is pretty remarkable.

While he doesn't own it like my husband does, he's a far cry from the practically-reclusive, shy dreamer lacking confidence and unwilling to consider anything but a career in the sciences (where he has his degree).

So, while I still can't say exactly -what- it is, to me, it seems to be wrapped up in our dynamic. We're best friends and creative partners (who get a serious rush from an especially productive brainstorming session) who have genuine respect for each other and are eerily (and I mean, eerily) similar. Frighteningly telepathic. There's just SUCH a bond there -- it's like, as I'd said in another post, over time, you feel an overwhelming desire to relate on all levels.

Sure, physical attraction is going to factor into the equation - and not in any small way - but I've begun to wonder - how much I'm really truly attracted on a physical level. It seems, for me, it stems from a passionate emotional and creative bond which becomes that overwhelming desire to express itself sexually. Perhaps, because it's the most intimate?

Of course, that's not all of it. When I have that kind of powerful bond with a member of my own sex, they join my small, special sisterhood. But, if they're a member of the opposite, with other necessary factors in play, that kind of bond present can become an incredible, unavoidable draw that seeks resolution at random, intense intervals, until satisfied. It's pretty crazy.

Not that this is part of the topic at hand, but I've also noticed that these are the relationships with whom I have the more intense, unresolved karma, as well. That, I've come to find very interesting.

------------------
Stargazing in Hollyweird,

-AMP

--

Karma's a b*tch.

posted April 29, 2012 06:55 PM            

See, I don't have to subliminate it. It's basically never there. If I do have it, like I did a few yrs. ago with someone I liked but couldn't act on it because he was in a relationship, I just take care of it myself and it's fine. That's also something I don't get about others -- it's like they can't just handle it solo....why not? For me, that's enough.

>>>I'm guessing when you say 'talking about sex' you mean non-conceptually, or talking sex psychology, or evolutionary biology -- because THAT is absolutely fascinating to me. Conceptually, sex is one of my favourite topics which I can discuss ad nauseam.>>

No, I like talking about the psychology of it and biology, I guess, that wouldn't annoy me. I dislike talking about it in a play by play synopsis with a lot of detail. If you're horny, why are ya telling me??

>> get that. If someone's a HUGE (American) football fan, and all they want to do is talk plays and teams and interceptions and fumbles, and you might've seen a game when you were ten, why do you care to discuss football?>>

Exactly.

>>>I understand this, too. Unless you've got a sisterly bond with someone (and, doubly, have actually had the same sexual partner -- it does happen!) there's not much point. Talking sex you've had with someone else is really only useful in two situations: acting as a mentor to someone with less experience, or indirectly providing likes, dislikes, and proclivities to potential future partners. (Which happens.) Otherwise, it does seem to have little purpose. I agree. I've also noticed it can be something of a cultural leaning - possibly arising from female-oriented 'water cooler' talk; the older women providing advice to the younger, and also checking up on each other. Something of a support system. Sex talk, being intimate, can also lead to, for example, the more difficult discussions: infertility, and even relational abuse.>>

I'd be fine if they wanted advice or were having an issue, but it's just not an interesting topic to me unless I'm talking about it with someone I'm actually having sex with. I also don't mind sexual type joking and can tell or appreciate a dirty joke.

I never had celeb crushes. I didn't know them, so I didn't care. I can think they're cute, but that's it. I can like them more if I see interviews and like their personalities.

posted April 29, 2012 07:37 PM            

One of the more interesting relationships I've had is with a man who fits the category. We discovered a lot of intense sexual chemistry between us from a pretty early point, which would just hum in the air between us. God, it was frustrating - but really incredible when we were working. He's been sublimating his sexuality into his creativity for even longer than I have (considering he's several years my senior). We became close - quickly - and have had some experiences I can only describe is absolutely surreal. Y'know those unbelievable moments in fiction when the two characters can't hold back any longer and are drawn together like magnets at EXACTLY the same moment? Yep. Incredible, powerful passion. But sex? ... Noooo.

I can't quite explain it, but there's something so ... beautiful, rare, and almost magical about this man's entire being, that I felt actual sex would sully it. Change it. Break the spell. I dunno; something. There were a few times we'd both get pretty close to saying, 'oh, hell with it,' and onward. But there's something that always stopped us. It'd stop me, it'd stop him, and then it'd be as if we were both unsure of what to do, or say, and so nothing would be said, and ... that was that.

But the times we did spend together ... spiritual. Clearly ascending to another level. Poetic. Otherworldly. Time was a memory. But it fit into a particular feature of my life; it happened, speaking of time, at the right one.

Let me explain.

I'm like the kid from that new show 'Touch', if anyone's seen it. I ... connect people. I've been doing this all of my life -- I just had no idea what I was doing. Since I've been creating also since forever, I've been called 'the great cosmic casting director'. I'd encounter a group of people -- or, soul-group, for sake of confusion. All disconnected. I'd have a story come to me -- almost always in a dream -- and begin writing, producing, and therefore, casting it. And, in casting it, I'd connect these people who, evidently, needed their paths to cross. I've done this several times. My latest project is something of my 'masterpiece' which honestly deals with this very concept - and is written, produced, and performed - by many who are actual members of this latest soul-group. (Talk about surreal).

These groups seem to be from various lifetimes, and we're all resolving whatever karma, which comes to the fore once I enter the picture. Pretty crazy, I know. But I, in my 'infinite wisdom' (since you can't hear the sarcasm and scepticism dripping from my voice) have no other way to explain these experiences.

So, (we'll call him 'J') is one such member of a particular group which needed resolution, and, especially, with me. Now that we've really resolved that, and both undergone our own evolution, it seems that the intense chemistry has subsided. I'm helping him to either accept that his destiny is to create, or, to find his own twin soul - should she be out there. (It's possible. He's almost ready; I'll know when he is, because I've seen who she might be, but, like anything, it's timing.)

With my costar, on the other hand, everything remains unresolved, due to circumstances constantly outside of our control, and it isn't until JUST recently, a month ago, to be specific, that we both decided - enough's enough. We're all adults here, we know the drill, and we know the 'rules' (so to speak). Seven years is long enough to have THIS intense of a bond, and then, to start working so constantly on a project in which we'll be spending so much time together? Forget it. I've had storms (yes, storms) emerge from seemingly nowhere resulting from so much unresolved tension (which, believe you me, is a wonderful plot device, which I'm definitely using). With my costar, I wouldn't be surprised if a major quake hit during filming. (If only I were kidding).

So, if 'demi-sexuals' are basically disinterested until HOLY CRAP! then -- okay, maybe I'm a 'demi-sexual'. All I know is that it's all-or-nothing with me -- and, sure, there are grey areas, and things can change (for example, with my husband) if people aren't up-front. We've had to renegotiate and rewire our entire marriage based off our mutually misunderstood expectations, and find an entirely new way to relate to each other, building (I feel) a stronger marriage.

After all, for me, at least, sex doesn't even factor into my marriage. My husband was okay with this ... until he suddenly wasn't. But we have a very real reason as to why we don't have sex. (It's not a health issue, but it does have to do with compatibility, expectations, and all that rot).

There are times I wish we had a sexual relationship. On the other hand, he seeks some kind of sexual stimulation every day, and sometimes, multiple times. I can't imagine. I've asked him this - just for a peek into his mind, but he finds it offensive. I used to think he was a sex addict. (I'm still not entirely unsure of that). But then he just began to wonder if I'm asexual. I wondered that, too.

But then he'll ask me if I'm looking forward to finally having a sexual relationship with my costar. (We already know we're sexually compatible. (As a necessary insert: I knew NOTHING of the compatibility with my husband when we first started dating - we had been coworkers and friends for some time, but he kept everything strictly professional, so all I could really do was take a page out of the standard playbook -- which he did, too. Who knew that we were both pretending to be people we weren't? D'oh! Fortunately, we got married for other reasons that, again, have nothing to do with sex, but everything to do with love, support, and maintaining a homebase together). He doesn't ask in any kind of jealous or possessive way; it's just not part of his nature. But he IS genuinely flummoxed at times, I can tell.

Truth is -- I am! Some days, to a crazy, (but positive, exuberant) extent. But it stems from the bond we have -- the multi-layers of our dynamic. And, more than anything, the fact that he's a lot like I am, in this regard. Since he can't cop to craving an emotional bond (except, okay, he has to me - once) he tries to satisfy that need with sex, which is always just meaningless, and not very often. It's unusual. I'm really the only person with whom he has any kind of real relationship, but to feel 'more normal' he started pursuing unlikely one-night-stands. (As in, with women with whom he'd never have a relationship, due to a lack of compatibility, and so forth.)

So, this is kind of a big step for both of us. And, the fact it took us seven years to ACTUALLY get to this point - speaks volumes, too. We've both come a long way.

I hope to again have a sexual relationship with my husband; to become true lovers again would be wonderful. But he's so sex-focussed, and I'm focussed on the connexion. When I learnt that my costar was having these sexual encounters so that he could feel the human companionship, it really, REALLY got to me. I know how terrified he is to connect to another person -- but I also know how deep that need can be.

My husband, on the other hand, did the same thing - for the sex. That's a stark difference in our outlook ON sex. It's the connexion for me. The human bond. It's not about the orgasm. It's about the goalless, meandering exploration of minds, bodies and souls.

I'd like to teach him this -- it seems it's part of what our joint journey is about -- but I've no idea where to even begin.

Okay. Back to work. Actors don't cast themselves. (Well, sometimes they do, but you get the point.)

This is a fascinating topic. I love reading everyone's input. Please don't mind my long, verbose Moon-Merc responses. When I get in this kind of emotional headspace, I'm not very concise.

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Stargazing in Hollyweird,

-AMP

--

Karma's a b*tch.

posted April 29, 2012 08:08 PM            

I can't quite explain it, but there's something so ... beautiful, rare, and almost magical about this man's entire being, that I felt actual sex would sully it. Change it. Break the spell. I dunno; something. There were a few times we'd both get pretty close to saying, 'oh, hell with it,' and onward. But there's something that always stopped us. It'd stop me, it'd stop him, and then it'd be as if we were both unsure of what to do, or say, and so nothing would be said, and ... that was that.>>.
I'm no expert on classifying demisexuality, but this doesn't sound like it. It seems you actively try to subliminate it, while me and the other poster here do not -- we just rarely feel that sexual vibe with people. But when we do, we don't try to get rid of it through art etc., we have sex with the person. Or, as in the case with me in the last instance, I just took care of it myself since the person was in a relationship and I was unable to act on it.

posted April 29, 2012 08:23 PM            

quote:

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We discovered a lot of intense sexual chemistry between us from a pretty early point

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How early on did you feel attracted?

Would you say that you felt attracted to his appearance/overall body language/his voice/his eyes etc...

OR - Did you begin to feel sexually attracted after an emotional connection was established between the two of you?

posted April 29, 2012 08:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Diana:

See, I don't have to subliminate it. It's basically never there. If I do have it, like I did a few yrs. ago with someone I liked but couldn't act on it because he was in a relationship, I just take care of it myself and it's fine. That's also something I don't get about others -- it's like they can't just handle it solo....why not? For me, that's enough.

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Okay, I get it. That's fascinating, actually. So, it's compartmentalised into biological need for sex versus need for human contact. I guess I don't have the biological need for sex, and just the human contact, which I then want to experience through sexual connexion, if the 'equation' is solved properly, heh.

quote:

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No, I like talking about the psychology of it and biology, I guess, that wouldn't annoy me. I dislike talking about it in a play by play synopsis with a lot of detail. If you're horny, why are ya telling me??

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Ha! Okay, I'll be honest. I had a friend who stayed with us for a number of months who was SO driven by her sexual drive that she would actually shout, at random, mind, 'MY C*NT IS EMPTY!' and bawl. Yes. I'm not kidding. JUST like that. Sometimes, she's literally hit her head against the table, too. No, no autism, just a drama-queen. (Much respect to those who are autism-spectrum. I was as a kid. Well, Asperger's. It wasn't 'cool' then. Boy, how it would've made my childhood easier if it had been!)

So, no, I don't get it when women just want to bemoan their lack of 'getting any', or announce their state of arousal. I'm with you: uh, why do I need to know? Typically, I don't have friends like that, but I DID have a very sensual friend a long time ago, who used to basically cradle a glass of wine in her hand while lounging languidly across the sofa and lamenting on how long it'd been since she'd been with a man. Or, more specifically, 'God, what I'd give for a good f*ck.' But that'd be the end of it. It was the theatricality that was memorable. Had she gone on and on about it ... well, I can't say we would've been friends. Know what-ah-mean?

quote:

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I'd be fine if they wanted advice or were having an issue, but it's just not an interesting topic to me unless I'm talking about it with someone I'm actually having sex with. I also don't mind sexual type joking and can tell or appreciate a dirty joke.

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Oh, definitely. That seems like a whole other thing, really. Almost in the category of flirting. I don't know a lot of women who can really roll with the punches when it comes to raw sexual humour. That seems to be the domain of my male company. And, talking TO a sexual partner -- that's just a given. As I said before - if you're not talking to someone you've having sex with, how could you have sex with them?

quote:

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I never had celeb crushes. I didn't know them, so I didn't care. I can think they're cute, but that's it. I can like them more if I see interviews and like their personalities.

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Yeah, I get that, too, which is why I've never understood the whole 'celeb' crush thing. Since then, I HAVE actually met a few, and it's been hit-and-miss. While I may have found them attractive on the show where I saw them, their actual personalities may have proven VERY different from their characters, or a lot alike. Just depends. It's always the person that attracts in any real way. The rest is persona.

All in all, I grok it. It makes sense. I definitely get where you're coming from.

------------------
Stargazing in Hollyweird,

-AMP

--

Karma's a b*tch.

posted April 29, 2012 08:32 PM            

quote:

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I don't get it when women just want to bemoan their lack of 'getting any',

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posted February 19, 2014 11:52 AM            

Thats basically me... I don't like making out or doing other parts of the nasty. lol
I've never had sex and I'm only 18 I probably will sometime eventually, but its not something I'm excited about. Unfortunately I'll probably have it because its something my future boyfriend will want. And that mAY BE THE only way to make him stay. (*Sighs*)
Hope that helps

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" Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
-Joan Rivers

posted February 19, 2014 12:06 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Rosalind:
Since someone mentioned asexuality and Mars/Neptune aspect lets see what other aspects can lead to asexuality. In books I find too little about this subject because its easily misuderstood with being a choice and not a illness.

Please, discuss.

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I have mars square neptune (8th) exact.