posted December 19, 2015 11:50 AM            

I can't get "right back together" even if I wanted to because I am still angry. I want to trust him again and for him to work through his issues but I also don't want to lose him. We're so connected.

It sometimes feels like a gravitational pull.

Any ideas on how to bridge the gap between our diferrent ways of communicating?

His Capricorn moon versus my Pisces might be the problem? Are our charts very incompatable?

I do feel this strange combination of us being so bonded naturally in a physical sense and also emotionally in many ways but I find him very cold at time, then very passionate and it definitely contributed to me being VERY defensive and I was therefore probably making his own defensiveness worse!

In fairness I never told him how much i cared and liked for him, and I did push him away many times myself (my own pride)so coping with someone so closed and guarded was hard.

posted December 20, 2015 02:27 AM            

I still think about a guy I casually dated for a short period of time, four years after the fact. I basically just had to let myself be angry, sad, whatever for as long as I needed to until all of the feelings finally passed. I also stopped trying to be friends with him. I recognized that our connection, however brief, was intense and far surpassed any possibility for a future friendship. Any contact with him just provided an opportunity for him to dig further into my mind and plant himself there, all while taking advantage of my empathy and good will.

posted December 20, 2015 05:03 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
I don't think you were just a conquest, that's not how they act when you don't mean anything to them. He wouldn't have bothered ignoring you on purpose, if you meant nothing to him he just wouldn't care at all if you live or die, if you see someone else or not. You meant something to him and I believe he was honest when he said this is hurting him more than it hurts you, because he was living in this hell which he had created, filled with insecurity and paranoia, long before you broke it off. They just can't trust good people and good things happening to them and they can't accept love that wasn't fought for with tears, anguish and despair. Because that's how they know it's love... It's sad, really, and in my opinion they do need professional counseling. Even the more stable ones tend to provoke some sort of drama just to see if you still love them. Sadly life with a Scorp is filled with such tests because they never fully trust anyone, themselves included. Must be horrible to live like that, I feel sorry for anyone who lives this kind of life, but I personally am going to avoid them like the plague. I tried, I honesty tried, my savior complex goes gaga over them because some of them are simply remarkable people and they are SO easy to like and to love but they are totally oblivious to that it's depressing.

My advice to you is to try, it might be hard now because you might be bitter, but later, try to be thankful for this experience, for the good things it brought to your life, for what it has taught you, and try to forgive him for not being able to let himself be loved like he deserves. Try not to hate him or be angry with him in the long term, because it will cause you much harm to carry all those negative feelings. When such a relationship ends, I try to think what it taught me about what I want and I need in a relationship, so I would be better equipped in searching for it in someone else - and also what I do not need at all and will try to avoid. It's easy to get fixated on some relationships and on people, but try not to do that. The pain will heal and when you are ready you will meet someone else who's going to be much closer to what you really need, but for that to happen you need to release this man from your heart, mind and soul. Wish him more wisdom for the next relationship and step in to your future with confidence. Life is a journey, the next stop will be even more wonderful!

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posted December 20, 2015 05:06 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
It's true, what he said. You see, Scorps are addicted to misery. There are other signs that do this, but Scorps do it most often. Not all, obviously. But they are afraid of happiness. They've been so accustomed to things not working out, to people abusing, betraying and abandoning them (or so they think/feel), that they don't trust it when things are good, they think it's too good to be true and so they try to prove themselves right and screw things over, which is when they eventually do get abandoned, for good reason, and they say "I knew it!". They are emotional sadomasochists, they like to hurt others (it's how you prove you actually love them) and they like to suffer equally to prove they love you. That's how they measure love, by the amount of pain it causes. I've dated Scorps, was engaged to one, I flirted with Scorps and was in love with them, personally I don't have patience for all this drama and insecurity. I think a little bit of drama is hot because I'm easily bored, but this is serious sh*t type of drama and I couldn't take it.

In the end, it is your choice. You could try explaining him from your point of view, telling him how his behavior is making you feel, but I advise you to put your self, your sanity and well being first and recommend him a good therapist. It's not your job to fix him.

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posted December 20, 2015 05:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
Hello everyone. I am a long time reader of these forums and I just registered to post my own question to see if anyone could help me get my thoughts organised.

I have just ended a relationship with my first Scorpio male and feel absolutely emotionally ravaged. I don't think I've ever been so badly hurt or confused by a man before!

In a nutshell he pursued me for a very long time,and grew a friendship before we started dating and once we did he was amazing for a little while and I really started to fall for him.

Everything was great. Best sex I have ever had, he was so affctionate and interesting and we had great conversations.

Then he started to blow hot and cold on me.

At first he wanted a date every two days and was texting me hundreds of times a day and asking me to meet his friends and family, and then all of a sudden he was elusive and cold. He'd disappear for 4 or 5 days and then pop back. He even didn't see me for three weeks once!

I felt rejected so I decided to end the relationship politely.

I expected never to hear from him again, as I interpreted his hot / cold behavior as a very cowardly way to dump me; but he was actually very upset by this, and told me I had misread him completely and asked me to reconsider. He said "how can you end this when we have such a deep connection? How could you think I didn't like you? I have done this because I like you MORE than I expected and I was afraid I would fall in love with you and be hurt".

We got back together but then he was even worse. Hot and cold. Evasive. Uncommunicative. He then slept with another woman, one who had been chasing after him for around a year who he had told me he didn't even like

I was so hurt and upset and confused! His explanation: She was giving him attention, he is afraid of commitment, he thought I was going to leave him.

He even says she is nice and they still talk!!!

So at first he said he did not want to lose me and cared about me a lot and would do anything and everything to make it up to me. I told him to go away and leave me alone.

I didn't expect though that he would take me at my word, as he cut me off on social media and when I texted to see how he was he would not even reply.

I really do feel abslolutely put through the wringer by this man. I can't understand why he would chase me so hard only to be an abolute idiot to me once he got me!

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posted December 22, 2015 06:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Well, this thread might prove useful for me for another reason, soon. Seems I have another Scorpio male on my tail. He's wanted me for some time, dated others but kept me somewhere in the back of his mind. I admit he did a gesture that touched me very deeply about a month or so ago. Now I am single and he's sniffing around. It's sad how predictable the outcome is. Lol. He wants sex, I want commitment. He runs away. The end.

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Lol the curse of Scorpio males.

posted December 23, 2015 12:37 AM              

I know when I first met him he slept around, but I didn't care much then. He let me in big time, told me deep stuff. I know I wouldn't be a casual thing for him, but I also know he can't commit right now. He told me repeatedly that I am not like other women, because I'm smart and don't let him get away with cr@p. I am concerned though, if I'll actually go for it this time, I'd lose my leverage. And I am tempted, must say. He sure can make it all so godd@mn tempting grrr. When he couldn't have me, I was constantly on his mind. Once he will, I probably won't. That's a huge problem with them. He respects me because I'm not an easy target. I am tempted to say he's a more evolved type, because he does know when he screws up and he actually appreciates me calling him out on it (most of them do), but the truth is he thinks with his d^ck. He's a nice guy, good heart, good looks, good job and he genuinely likes and respects me, but his penis sure as hell can erase all that. Happened before, won't be fooled twice. I actually got hurt, he iced me out in a blink of an eye. Later he confessed he chickened out. What's to say he won't do it again? Not sure I could trust him with it. Like I said, thinks with other body parts.

posted December 23, 2015 06:58 AM            

I have no idea what to do about my Scorp. i might make a new thread for advice.

posted December 23, 2015 07:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
Ugh...why does it have to be so complicated.

I have no idea what to do about my Scorp. i might make a new thread for advice.

I just want to make a decision!

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So...you'r considering to give him another chance???

posted December 23, 2015 07:37 AM            

One minute yes and the other I completely hate him.

posted December 23, 2015 07:39 AM            

So the smart answer is probably to stay away.

posted December 23, 2015 07:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
To be honest I think he needs to sort himself out. And he's just going to hurt me again. Maybe not with other women, but just by being destructive.

So the smart answer is probably to stay away.

I can't help feeling like we've not written out last chapter though.

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you are still most likely angry for the betrayal he did. best like you said to take time off, so you are able to process your own emotions.

if it's going to go about this in a pre-mature way, you will still remain angry since you haven't took the time to sort out your own emotions.

forget about his own stuff/issues, like it's been said on here...that's his responsibility, not yours.

posted December 23, 2015 08:45 AM            

I do know I am not innocent in what went on between us. I mean, for whatever reason I went into the relationship with him feeling like I had no interest in a long term situation with him.

So for the first month I was very rejecting of him in some ways. For example when he asked me to go to a party as his date and meet his friends, I laughed at him and told him he was too young. And when he wanted to spen the day with me after a date I was pushing him out of the front door at 7am and not even letting him stay for a coffee together.

When I then started to like him, I was both quite "full on" in terms of being very attentive and available and also very defensive, in terms of taking everything he did or not did personally and becoming quite hostile.

At the time he went with this girl, I had told him I didn;t want to see him anymore. More than once I had said that...so maybe it was at least obviously partially my fault.

None of that excuses him from being dishonest, but I think if I could travel back in time and behave a little better myself it would not have ended the way it did.

Why did I do it? I keep thinking about that. Part of it was that honestly, at first I didn't like him very much! Once I realised I DID really like him, I then panicked completely.

After all, here was a man who had grown on me and I had developed feelings for and he was outright telling me he didn;t want commitment. So I was TRYING to end it and mess it up to avoid being hurt.

So I was doing exactly what he was doing.

And there we have this other woman, and where I am pushing him away and giving him a hard time -she thinks he's wonderful and she's giving him all that attention. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore and bingo. He is directly into her arms.

I am not sure why he brought out this side of me. He brings out both the best and the worst in me.

As we stand, I am angry at him about the other girl, but also angry that he couldn't talk to me honestly. We need trust and openess between for us to even be friends, let alone anything else.

He is angry with me too. I guess he thinks "well you didn't want me, why be so mad that I got with someone else?" I mean, he knows he was wrong to hide he was talking to her...but really..he also blames me partially.

Where we find ourselves now though is that we have hurt each other and a good situation has gone badly wrong, yet, as much as we try we can't keep away. He wants to see me, says he cant stop thinking about kissing me and he seems almost angry that he can't put me out of his mind.

He's not changed. Still scared of a relationship, still doesn't know what he really wants and that's the worst place to start.

We have not seen each other since he was with her.

I was toying between three plans of action.

The first is to completely delete him from my life nd never speak to him again, to ignore all his messages and to just forget I ever met him.

The second is to meet up with him, maybe go away for a weekend together and just properly talk and spend time alone. Be honest with him for the first time in telling him I have feelings for him (I have never told him I do) and ask for what I want from him.

The third is to leave it 2 - 3 months. Let my anger dissipate. Let him feel my absence. Let him clear his own mind and figure closer to how important having me in his life is, and then meet up with him.

The main problem here, is that the chemistry between us is absolutely off the scale. No matter how angry or hurt we are, if he walked in now we would be into each others arms and kissing and gripping on and we can't control that.

He's kind of dumb, because if it's like that with someone...how do you even DO casual?

I personally feel like there is a massive, mind, body, soul connection between us that makes both of us feel scared because of the timing.

I have no idea!

posted December 23, 2015 09:11 AM            

For one thing, there is no chance of a relationship with her, no major emotional demands from her at all. All she wants is sex, fun, nothing else.

For another, he has literally never experienced that before-that feeling of being pursued. So while he is pursuing ME and working hard at it, someone else is making him feel more wanted and more adequate.

I mean...it's easy for us girls to dismiss that because we know what it feels like to be pursued. On any given day I have 5 or 6 men I know messaging me if I want to hang out or if I fancy a drink or a date and so this is something I have ever day and find very boring. For him..it must have been a big confidence boost and an excitemtent.

I don't think he is in love with her or anything. If he was he'd not be asking to see me, but maybe she gives him what he needs better than i do. In terms of easy attention with no strings.

posted December 23, 2015 09:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
He kept on writing me, I mostly never replied, or did so coldly. I know that if I'd give him a chance now he'd make me pay for all that.
Anyways, about 1-2 months ago he wrote me in a time I was facing some serious problems, which he knew about, and he wrote just a short message saying he's thinking about me and he knows I'm doing my best to manage things. It meant a lot to me, but I still thanked him rather coldly and then there was silence up until now. I sort of forgot about him completely. After our falling out, I couldn't think about him in those terms. Yesterday we had a very long conversation, very deep and heart to heart and d@mn. Why did he have to show me THIS super awesome side of him?! So now the cat and mouse game begins again. The one who cares less wins.

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Lol. That. Last. Line. God!! Do they ever love you when you love them? It's always been at cross-purposes IME.

misspriss, I know you're angry. It's probably your head telling you to stay away for a couple months, so you can take a step back and look at things. But in your heart, you want to give him a second chance, don't you?

posted December 23, 2015 10:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
And you know. I have to be quite mature and take jealousy out of the equation for a minute here in saying I do understand from his perspective what the "pull" was with her.

For one thing, there is no chance of a relationship with her, no major emotional demands from her at all. All she wants is sex, fun, nothing else.

For another, he has literally never experienced that before-that feeling of being pursued. So while he is pursuing ME and working hard at it, someone else is making him feel more wanted and more adequate.

I mean...it's easy for us girls to dismiss that because we know what it feels like to be pursued. On any given day I have 5 or 6 men I know messaging me if I want to hang out or if I fancy a drink or a date and so this is something I have ever day and find very boring. For him..it must have been a big confidence boost and an excitemtent.

I don't think he is in love with her or anything. If he was he'd not be asking to see me, but maybe she gives him what he needs better than i do. In terms of easy attention with no strings.

Sounds miserable, but maybe it's just that she is better for him than I am. Maybe I want more than he wants.

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wow, you do a very good job of putting yourself in his shoes..

Although I highly doubt she is 'better' for him than you are. Easier is not better. He may think he wants that attention-no-strings, but it will just strike him as shallow eventually. Deep down, I'm sure he wants a wonderfully intense connection with all the ups and downs that brings.

posted December 23, 2015 10:25 AM            

Yes I want to give him another chance
I want to be with him and get it done better second time around

I also want him to respect me

I also know hes still confused

It's bad timing

I do agree that what he has with her is not deep down what he truly wants

Maybe the best course of action is a couple of months and then go and meet him for a drink

posted December 23, 2015 05:47 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Elysia:
Lol. That. Last. Line. God!! Do they ever love you when you love them? It's always been at cross-purposes IME.

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