posted December 13, 2015 08:47 AM            

I have just ended a relationship with my first Scorpio male and feel absolutely emotionally ravaged. I don't think I've ever been so badly hurt or confused by a man before!

In a nutshell he pursued me for a very long time,and grew a friendship before we started dating and once we did he was amazing for a little while and I really started to fall for him.

Everything was great. Best sex I have ever had, he was so affctionate and interesting and we had great conversations.

Then he started to blow hot and cold on me.

At first he wanted a date every two days and was texting me hundreds of times a day and asking me to meet his friends and family, and then all of a sudden he was elusive and cold. He'd disappear for 4 or 5 days and then pop back. He even didn't see me for three weeks once!

I felt rejected so I decided to end the relationship politely.

I expected never to hear from him again, as I interpreted his hot / cold behavior as a very cowardly way to dump me; but he was actually very upset by this, and told me I had misread him completely and asked me to reconsider. He said "how can you end this when we have such a deep connection? How could you think I didn't like you? I have done this because I like you MORE than I expected and I was afraid I would fall in love with you and be hurt".

We got back together but then he was even worse. Hot and cold. Evasive. Uncommunicative. He then slept with another woman, one who had been chasing after him for around a year who he had told me he didn't even like

I was so hurt and upset and confused! His explanation: She was giving him attention, he is afraid of commitment, he thought I was going to leave him.

He even says she is nice and they still talk!!!

So at first he said he did not want to lose me and cared about me a lot and would do anything and everything to make it up to me. I told him to go away and leave me alone.

I didn't expect though that he would take me at my word, as he cut me off on social media and when I texted to see how he was he would not even reply.

I really do feel abslolutely put through the wringer by this man. I can't understand why he would chase me so hard only to be an abolute idiot to me once he got me!

posted December 13, 2015 09:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by misspriss:
Uncommunicative. He then slept with another woman, one who had been chasing after him for around a year who he had told me he didn't even like

---

Before I even got to this part of your explanation this is what was running through my mind. He's afraid of commitment because in a nutshell he wants to wh*re himself out.
I'm sorry if I seem harsh (Thank my mars conjunct mercury). I am sorry.

posted December 13, 2015 09:09 AM            

I think I have been played before...I am mid thirties..not 21...so I understand they are some bad men out there.

The thing about this one that absolutely puzzled me and kept me in doubt about it all is that he's NOT a ***** .

We were friends a long time before he got to date me. I met his friends. I know his relationship history.

Which is:

One long term relationship at age 16 to 25 where she absolutely broke his heart to death.

One girlfriend for from 27 to 28 where he didn't love her and hankered after the ex girlfriend which lasted a year.

And me.

That's it.

Three girlfriends.

The whole time we were friends, we would talk about our respective dating life and he would basically not get anywhere with women. He's no ladies man AT ALL.

He's just not historically a player. I know where he is every Friday and Saturday night - it's right there on Facebook - him at quiet dinners with his friends and their wives.

All he wanted was me, for about a year, ALL he wanted was me- then he got me and was just so horrible to me.

posted December 13, 2015 09:22 AM            

The thing is, that she had been after him for long before we ever got together - so if he'd liked her - why not be with her intead of chase me!

Whole thing was a mind fog.

She also lives 5000 miles away from him and was just visiting. No chance of a relationshp with her, so it's not like he ever had to choose.

I knew she was texting a messaging him constantly (she was always messaging him when we were in bed asleep due to the time diferrence) but I wasn;t threatened.

Sounds awful but she wasn't pretty looking, and she seemed sort of annoying so I thought she was just a friend.

When she slept with him she plastered it all over Facebook. That was how I found out.

I was awful!

His story was that he knew she'd liked him for ages, he didn't like her back at that point but he enjoyed the attention and the ego boost because girls didn't usually like him. He said it was curiosity and he saw it as an experience and that he might never even see her again.

posted December 13, 2015 11:13 AM            

Have never had anyone behave so illogical in my life.

posted December 13, 2015 12:58 PM            

I think I just can't get my head around why, if you have the girl you always wanted finally going out with you, that you would risk it all for a fling with someone like that.

As you say, immature and insecure possibly are good explanations but I am mystified also by the self sabotage element.

He sent me a bunch of messages about how he will be the one to pay for it, and how he is alone now and has no one.

I don't feel sorry for him - I just feel really dirty and used and hate that I let him get so close and trusted him as a friend.

posted December 13, 2015 01:24 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by misspriss:

I think I just can't get my head around why, if you have the girl you always wanted finally going out with you, that you would risk it all for a fling with someone like that.

As you say, immature and insecure possibly are good explanations but I am mystified also by the self sabotage element.

He sent me a bunch of messages about how he will be the one to pay for it, and how he is alone now and has no one.

---

It's true, what he said. You see, Scorps are addicted to misery. There are other signs that do this, but Scorps do it most often. Not all, obviously. But they are afraid of happiness. They've been so accustomed to things not working out, to people abusing, betraying and abandoning them (or so they think/feel), that they don't trust it when things are good, they think it's too good to be true and so they try to prove themselves right and screw things over, which is when they eventually do get abandoned, for good reason, and they say "I knew it!". They are emotional sadomasochists, they like to hurt others (it's how you prove you actually love them) and they like to suffer equally to prove they love you. That's how they measure love, by the amount of pain it causes. I've dated Scorps, was engaged to one, I flirted with Scorps and was in love with them, personally I don't have patience for all this drama and insecurity. I think a little bit of drama is hot because I'm easily bored, but this is serious sh*t type of drama and I couldn't take it.

posted December 13, 2015 02:05 PM            

This is exactly what he was like.

He kept saying crazy things to me like "you will meet someone else better, I am totally prepared for it. It won't upset me, happenned enough times"

I wanted to scream at him so he would get that to me - he was the best guy ever - I was totally into him but he just would not accept the possibility that I was not going to hurt him.

I guess he was a messed up person.

I suppose the part that really, really hurt me was him icing ME out.

Unfriending and uunfollowing me on Instagram - as if seeing my pictures is so bad and he hates me or something.

posted December 13, 2015 02:07 PM            

I just dont want to feel like I was just a conquest. Like someone he fought all that time to be with just for a bit of sex and to say he'd done it.

He didnt seem like the type of person to do that but it's made me feel like that.

posted December 13, 2015 02:16 PM            

His chinese sign is Rabbit.

He is Scorpio Sun, Capricorn Moon, Scorpio Mercury, Scorpio Venus, Libra Mars, Aries Jupiter.

posted December 13, 2015 04:04 PM            

He is immature, he is completely overwhelmed by fear, he f*cked up and he has no one to blame but himself, although he will try to - most certainly you.

He is not afraid of commitment, he is afraid of abandonment and has no trust.

Ironically he made his worse fear come true - suffering losing you by acting out of fear and paranoia. He hurt you before you could hurt him.

Just leave. There is no fixing this. He has to deal with his issues himself. Until he resolves them he will not trust anyone and he will continue his self-undoing, bitterly blaming it on everyone else around him.

This is not about you. Do not let this affect your sense of self. Anyone else in your shoes would have suffered the same fate.

If you stay, he will keep up this behavior, blaming you, disrespecting you and then apologizing asking you to come back over and over again. If he does something that makes you mad, he will get mad that you're mad.

This is by the book "broken" immature Scorpio and the only solution is his self-realization which only he is responsible for.

Please take time for yourself and heal the undeserved damaged he did.

If you can't cut ties with him, set iron boundaries and make it clear to him that his actions have consequences and he cannot hurt others because of his own fears.

posted December 13, 2015 04:22 PM            

My mind has been so badly racing with self doubt. Like was I a disappointment? Was I played? did he never like me? and that's the insecurity in me coming out in illogical ways.

When I look at th facts, the facts are that

1. This woman liked him before he got together with me, and if he had liked her, he could have had her before.

2. Even if he was just being a "guy" and getting as much as he could - then he could pretty easily have found someone prettier and more local in any bar in town. What was specifically enthralling about her was her adoration of him and ego feeding.

3. To cheat when drunk, or on the spur of the moment is one thing. This was diferrent. He arranged a 5000 mile visit, knowing he would cheat, with someone he did not have feelings for or even a strong attraction to. He could easily have stayed with me nd enjoyed a few more months before doing that if he was "curious" about her, and the fact that he did it as soon as he got me is obvious self sabotage and like you say - purely fear based.

4. He did all of this with someone he geographically has NO chance of a relationship with -whilst under his nose, was the woman he "wanted" right there.

Yes, I do think he did hurt me deliberately, before I could do it to him, and I do think everything in your post is right.

I just want my heart to catch up with my head so I can detach from his cruel treatment and not feel inferior.

posted December 13, 2015 05:03 PM            

Be strong and force him to find a new 'home base'. You're more than someone to come back to in between hunts.

posted December 13, 2015 05:10 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
It's true, what he said. You see, Scorps are addicted to misery. There are other signs that do this, but Scorps do it most often. Not all, obviously. But they are afraid of happiness. They've been so accustomed to things not working out, to people abusing, betraying and abandoning them (or so they think/feel), that they don't trust it when things are good, they think it's too good to be true and so they try to prove themselves right and screw things over, which is when they eventually do get abandoned, for good reason, and they say "I knew it!". They are emotional sadomasochists, they like to hurt others (it's how you prove you actually love them) and they like to suffer equally to prove they love you. That's how they measure love, by the amount of pain it causes. I've dated Scorps, was engaged to one, I flirted with Scorps and was in love with them, personally I don't have patience for all this drama and insecurity. I think a little bit of drama is hot because I'm easily bored, but this is serious sh*t type of drama and I couldn't take it.

In the end, it is your choice. You could try explaining him from your point of view, telling him how his behavior is making you feel, but I advise you to put your self, your sanity and well being first and recommend him a good therapist. It's not your job to fix him.

---

posted December 13, 2015 05:32 PM            

I mean, in the sense that I do tend to feel like people are going to hurt me when I care about them.

I am prone to various Scorpio behaviors myself - testing, pushing away, reading into EVERYTHING.

But in this case I guess he passed all the tests and as a Scorpio myself that of course hurts the ego a lot and I do think of myself as a great judge of character and a good "reader" of behavior. I genuinely thought he was WAAAY into me, and totally honest and trustworthy.

My spidey senses let me down this time.

There are certain Scorp traits I don't display often - don't generally ice people out, I tend to talk abou my feelings pretty openly and I tend to forgive too easily actually!

that said I am older than him and have many more relationships. So perhaps I have just evolved a little from being so defensive. I used to be VERY defensive.

posted December 13, 2015 05:33 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by misspriss:
Hello everyone. I am a long time reader of these forums and I just registered to post my own question to see if anyone could help me get my thoughts organised.

I have just ended a relationship with my first Scorpio male and feel absolutely emotionally ravaged. I don't think I've ever been so badly hurt or confused by a man before!

In a nutshell he pursued me for a very long time,and grew a friendship before we started dating and once we did he was amazing for a little while and I really started to fall for him.

Everything was great. Best sex I have ever had, he was so affctionate and interesting and we had great conversations.

Then he started to blow hot and cold on me.

At first he wanted a date every two days and was texting me hundreds of times a day and asking me to meet his friends and family, and then all of a sudden he was elusive and cold. He'd disappear for 4 or 5 days and then pop back. He even didn't see me for three weeks once!

I felt rejected so I decided to end the relationship politely.

I expected never to hear from him again, as I interpreted his hot / cold behavior as a very cowardly way to dump me; but he was actually very upset by this, and told me I had misread him completely and asked me to reconsider. He said "how can you end this when we have such a deep connection? How could you think I didn't like you? I have done this because I like you MORE than I expected and I was afraid I would fall in love with you and be hurt".

We got back together but then he was even worse. Hot and cold. Evasive. Uncommunicative. He then slept with another woman, one who had been chasing after him for around a year who he had told me he didn't even like

I was so hurt and upset and confused! His explanation: She was giving him attention, he is afraid of commitment, he thought I was going to leave him.

He even says she is nice and they still talk!!!

So at first he said he did not want to lose me and cared about me a lot and would do anything and everything to make it up to me. I told him to go away and leave me alone.

I didn't expect though that he would take me at my word, as he cut me off on social media and when I texted to see how he was he would not even reply.

I really do feel abslolutely put through the wringer by this man. I can't understand why he would chase me so hard only to be an abolute idiot to me once he got me!

---

posted December 14, 2015 03:27 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by misspriss:
I do agree though, he is messed up. Not my job to fix him, and I don't want to be with someone who's insecurity and negativity is so bad that they cause me pain like this.

I just dont want to feel like I was just a conquest. Like someone he fought all that time to be with just for a bit of sex and to say he'd done it.

He didnt seem like the type of person to do that but it's made me feel like that.

He's the only man I was sexually intimate with in 2015 so it meant something to me to give that to him, and was based on months and months of trust and closeness

---

I don't think you were just a conquest, that's not how they act when you don't mean anything to them. He wouldn't have bothered ignoring you on purpose, if you meant nothing to him he just wouldn't care at all if you live or die, if you see someone else or not. You meant something to him and I believe he was honest when he said this is hurting him more than it hurts you, because he was living in this hell which he had created, filled with insecurity and paranoia, long before you broke it off. They just can't trust good people and good things happening to them and they can't accept love that wasn't fought for with tears, anguish and despair. Because that's how they know it's love... It's sad, really, and in my opinion they do need professional counseling. Even the more stable ones tend to provoke some sort of drama just to see if you still love them. Sadly life with a Scorp is filled with such tests because they never fully trust anyone, themselves included. Must be horrible to live like that, I feel sorry for anyone who lives this kind of life, but I personally am going to avoid them like the plague. I tried, I honesty tried, my savior complex goes gaga over them because some of them are simply remarkable people and they are SO easy to like and to love but they are totally oblivious to that it's depressing.