posted January 06, 2019 03:38 PM            

What could be the reason for my suffering of years of anxiety and depression? It started when I was a child. I think when I was 8-9 years old. My father was diagnosed with mental illness when I was 10. Before that he was terrorising my family. My parents divorced few years after that but in school I was picked too. It was really bad when I was 14-15. I fell in love with wrong guy who told false rumours about me to the whole school.

When I went to secondary school all changed. I think when I was 17 years old that was happiest year of my life. But my depression it started again when I was around 19. I fell again in love with wrong guy and my dad died..and my depression was bad about 2-3 years. Crying crying crying after him. Then I moved and had better life situation for a while. I had burn out when I was about 25-26.

Around 29 I felt so disappointed I wanted to die. Not literally.. I just actually stopped living my life. I had had really good start in my career. I felt that everything good happening in that section of my life made my other shortcomings more bright in my eyes. I don’t know if anyone can get what kind of feeling that is.

posted January 06, 2019 04:03 PM            

Neptune conjunct the IC can play a big part. Neptune at your core, your foundation, can indicate feelings of disillusionment, suffering loss, and feeling abandoned.

Whether you're religious or not, the allegorical story which Neptune can play is interesting. Neptune is the planet of Pisces, Pisces = fish, which are symbolic of "Jesus." Most know his story, which involves a lot of suffering and pain. Feeling crucified. Pisces is about sacrifice and selflessness. Pisces and Neptune can manifest as suffering everyone's "sins". Not necessarily the cause 100% - your whole life seems to play a part, but the Neptunian core indicates that in order to alleviate your pain, you need to find a cause, a mission of sorts which is selfless at its roots. Whatever you do would ideally involve a higher cause. Wishful thinking is a big downfall. Believing any lies, especially with your inner sensitivities, will hurt you all the more. Seeking the truth would help you. Learning to be more discerning, questioning yourself, and others, and adding skepticism will help you protect your heart.

Doing creative things could also help you process and heal, like art, music and singing. Even if you feel you aren't good at it, it could still benefit you.

posted January 07, 2019 02:27 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Valmu83:
When I went to secondary school all changed. I think when I was 17 years old that was happiest year of my life.

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posted January 07, 2019 04:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
What changed here?

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posted January 07, 2019 05:04 AM            

I feel your pain. I feel the same a lot of the time.

posted January 07, 2019 10:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Valmu83:
Thank you I’m actually working in creative field. But at the moment not enjoying it and making ends meet other ways. Neptune thing is bothering me as it’s my 7th ruler and I’m puzzled what kind of love I actually need in my life.

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Spirituality is a theme of Pisces 7th. Lower expression would be drugs, glamour, living in fantasy. Higher would be turning to spiritual practices. Or, you'd be good with someone likes this. Quiet and spiritual.

posted January 09, 2019 11:07 AM            

How I can find someone with NN connection :O Problem is cant find anyone who would like to be with me. Who I like and feel attracted to. How can I change who I’m attracted to? Should I try to be with someone I don’t care so much? I’m asking for real as I don’t realise how people think this should work in real life?

When I was 29 my exhaustion and depression started. Because of that I went therapy and my sister take that path couple of years later. I took my cousin in live with me when he was in bad situation. I have published one book but I don’t know if that helps anyone.

posted January 09, 2019 12:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Valmu83:
Thank you, evolutional astrology is completely new to me. I have to say I’m devastated that I should wait and struggle till my second Saturn return

How I can find someone with NN connection :O Problem is cant find anyone who would like to be with me. Who I like and feel attracted to. How can I change who I’m attracted to? Should I try to be with someone I don’t care so much? I’m asking for real as I don’t realise how people think this should work in real life?

When I was 29 my exhaustion and depression started. Because of that I went therapy and my sister take that path couple of years later. I took my cousin in live with me when he was in bad situation. I have published one book but I don’t know if that helps anyone.

Can you tell me more about my chart in evotional astrology point of view? What steps I have missed?

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the skipped step is mercury in the 12th. it may be u helping others with there own parents problems. 10th standing for authority(father) in the 12th(loss) mercury (mind, logic, communication).

The premise behind the evolutionary perspective is going from the past life or youth (south node) to the current life or future (north node). the square to the nodes is an aspect of ones evolution that was left incomplete in a past life. the chart holder half stepped what ever aspect of consciousness, progressed farther than they should have with some evolutionary work left incomplete.

in your case mercury in the 12th being what was left incomplete. as well as undone apparent to the 12th house placement. one must resolve the issues of the squaring planet by concentrating on what the north node means, as well as both the squaring planet and nn houses, signs and rulers.

there is a mitigating factor in this case of having a planet conjunct the south node. they say the process of "recovering" thse skipped steps are complete around the 1st Saturn return. if one has planets conjunct the south node, the process is complete around the 2nd Saturn return. my drops as well as I have skipped steps with south node conjunctions.

this is done of the notion that your truly not living out your lifes purpose before the 1st Saturn return(true adult hood). your still living out the majority of your past life, south node tendencies, before the second nodal inverted return with the Saturn return.

another mitigating factor would be if there were a planet conjunct the north node, then the resolution of the nodal issues would happen in between the 1st and 2nd Saturn returns. that's y I say u should find some one who has that placement of something conjunct your north node to hopefully accelerate the healing process by way of projection, that other person would be needed at least until the second Saturn return, could be a friend, mentor or child. For you to lessen the effects of the said psychological ailments that's what would have to be done, other wise the second Saturn return is when the resolution will be complete al together. unless the work of resolving them isn't done then it will be left incomplete and will result in the same dynamic in the next life.

I have skipped steps on both sides of the nodes as well moon conjunct the south. im going through my 1st Saturn return as we speak. I see this as communicating with other "Mature souls" and direct your attention to the said matters.

whats your numerology aspects? They should help out as well. i c with my chart and numerology readings things line up.

Anything with in 10 degrees of aspecting the nodes would be considered either conjunct or square the nodes of course.

In objective reality you should deal with your sister in her therapy. that may lead you to coming in contact with other who are eerily dealing with the same thing. that as well as finding a friend or mentor, anybody who will in synastry make a conjunction to your north node in gemeni. any placement but preferably personal planets. you may even do well being part of a community, astrology, a hobby etc, with people who have Saturn in gemeni. like I said it doesn't HAVE to be a romantic relationship. since the node is in the 10th look for a mentor or look to be a mentor.

posted January 10, 2019 05:44 AM            

I also have Sun, Venus 11H op Moon 5H, as well as Neptune conj IC. I can get depressed because I don’t know what the F I want out of life! Sometimes it gets reeeeally dark in my head and it doesn’t help that I have a Cap Moon but oddly, since Caps tend to strive for security and like to work hard for the dollar, that is what helps me the most. Work work work! If I don’t work I can feel absolutely miserable and useless :-/

Maybe study your Moon and try and find what type of emotional stability it craves and go from there?

posted January 11, 2019 05:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DRVM614K:
the skipped step is mercury in the 12th. it may be u helping others with there own parents problems. 10th standing for authority(father) in the 12th(loss) mercury (mind, logic, communication).

The premise behind the evolutionary perspective is going from the past life or youth (south node) to the current life or future (north node). the square to the nodes is an aspect of ones evolution that was left incomplete in a past life. the chart holder half stepped what ever aspect of consciousness, progressed farther than they should have with some evolutionary work left incomplete.

in your case mercury in the 12th being what was left incomplete. as well as undone apparent to the 12th house placement. one must resolve the issues of the squaring planet by concentrating on what the north node means, as well as both the squaring planet and nn houses, signs and rulers.

there is a mitigating factor in this case of having a planet conjunct the south node. they say the process of "recovering" thse skipped steps are complete around the 1st Saturn return. if one has planets conjunct the south node, the process is complete around the 2nd Saturn return. my drops as well as I have skipped steps with south node conjunctions.

this is done of the notion that your truly not living out your lifes purpose before the 1st Saturn return(true adult hood). your still living out the majority of your past life, south node tendencies, before the second nodal inverted return with the Saturn return.

another mitigating factor would be if there were a planet conjunct the north node, then the resolution of the nodal issues would happen in between the 1st and 2nd Saturn returns. that's y I say u should find some one who has that placement of something conjunct your north node to hopefully accelerate the healing process by way of projection, that other person would be needed at least until the second Saturn return, could be a friend, mentor or child. For you to lessen the effects of the said psychological ailments that's what would have to be done, other wise the second Saturn return is when the resolution will be complete al together. unless the work of resolving them isn't done then it will be left incomplete and will result in the same dynamic in the next life.

I have skipped steps on both sides of the nodes as well moon conjunct the south. im going through my 1st Saturn return as we speak. I see this as communicating with other "Mature souls" and direct your attention to the said matters.

whats your numerology aspects? They should help out as well. i c with my chart and numerology readings things line up.

Anything with in 10 degrees of aspecting the nodes would be considered either conjunct or square the nodes of course.

In objective reality you should deal with your sister in her therapy. that may lead you to coming in contact with other who are eerily dealing with the same thing. that as well as finding a friend or mentor, anybody who will in synastry make a conjunction to your north node in gemeni. any placement but preferably personal planets. you may even do well being part of a community, astrology, a hobby etc, with people who have Saturn in gemeni. like I said it doesn't HAVE to be a romantic relationship. since the node is in the 10th look for a mentor or look to be a mentor.

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posted January 11, 2019 05:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by charlie:
We appear to be the same gen., looking at your Libra Pluto.

I also have Sun, Venus 11H op Moon 5H, as well as Neptune conj IC. I can get depressed because I don’t know what the F I want out of life! Sometimes it gets reeeeally dark in my head and it doesn’t help that I have a Cap Moon but oddly, since Caps tend to strive for security and like to work hard for the dollar, that is what helps me the most. Work work work! If I don’t work I can feel absolutely miserable and useless :-/

Maybe study your Moon and try and find what type of emotional stability it craves and go from there?

My Cancer stellium 11H doesn’t help one bit. I almost exclusively rely on my Moon, and work, to get me out of the deep end. “Family”, which Cancerians are supposed to rely on, don’t mean much to me.

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I like to work too but I don’t have big issues with my career otherwise. I only want to have relationship with someone and have a family. Thing that have been denied so far.

posted January 14, 2019 09:14 AM            

I spent time with my sister and brother weekly..and chat with my sister almost daily. So we are already very close.

I have read about my Nort Node placement and I think I have gone towards that direction all the time without pain or difficulties. So I don’t know what I should do more. I definetely would like to hear about evolutional astrology and what I should do to improve my life. If someone knows some quite cheap reading that I could order?

posted January 14, 2019 09:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Valmu83:
That’s the first time I have heard my chart is auspicious most of the time people point out I have heavy karma in it. So thank you.

I spent time with my sister and brother weekly..and chat with my sister almost daily. So we are already very close.

I have read about my Nort Node placement and I think I have gone towards that direction all the time without pain or difficulties. So I don’t know what I should do more. I definetely would like to hear about evolutional astrology and what I should do to improve my life. If someone knows some quite cheap reading that I could order?

All the pain I have felt in my life is because I have been rejected in relationships. (Career and education issues are fine > my NN placement.)

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… besides Saturn and pluto… which is generational karma... and the aspects to your nodes you chart is the s#%$. Far from kissing a#% here. I forgot to mention u have Jupiter in sag... like I said pluto in Saturn is big. I was about to say these planets being conjunct is solid but with all the other long term work youll complete youll be well aware of the ins and outs of your placement. understand im not just sayin be conscious of it. you can manipulate how your pluto is played out as opposed to others just developing the planet and being part of the generations evolution as a whole.

You can actually construct your power in the fashion you want, piece by piece. Saturn makes you responsible for it. But yeah I feel like who ever told you that was just agreeing with your mood and perspective on when explaining whats going on n your life.

I feel a certain way hearing that. there are negative people even in metaphysics, ESPECIALLY in metaphysics who want others to fail, just like any other area of life. there doing there job and im doing mine.

posted September 15, 2020 03:06 AM              

quote:

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All the pain I have felt in my life is because I have been rejected in relationships.

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Your natal Venus/Neptune mid-point is at 29Libra34 ... So, it is conjunct your natal Saturn at 29Libra54.

This conjunction is found in people that have very high (and thus difficult to achieve) standards in love relationships. They tend to be idealistic + romantic - and to require partners that are sincere, honest and committed.

In your case though, natal Saturn is also conjunct natal Pluto - so, for you, "compulsive truthfulness" is a core value/belief.

These high standards/values will inevitably make it difficult to find the right partner, but also impossible for you to have long-term relationships with any partner who is "not right".

[ Please reflect on this comment in the light of my Sept 13th comment about Venus, on your thread at http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/242297.html :-

"you came into this current lifetime/incarnation with "a need to withstand 'storms' and things that whip up unexpectedly". And almost immediately after arriving, events/experiences began to make you "feel like a scapegoat 'hung out to dry'; punished for doing something or being different or special".

posted September 15, 2020 03:09 PM            

So now I’m afraid Venus trine Neptune progression will bring something painful again to my life. Most likely more rejection and heartbreak.

I recognise myself pretty much about your description. Especially the part being unable to be with someone who doesn’t feel right is spot on. Just today I talked about this issue with my friend. I was sayings I don’t want to go date (I was asked out) as I know already I don’t have feelings towards that person. And it doesn’t feel right. And I only want go to date when I’m sure that I would see future (well even short term future) with that person.

Reading those Sabian symbols I feel that being punished is something I actually feel a lot when it comes to relationships. I feel punished by god or karma.