posted April 27, 2021 10:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
3 years and he's doing this? He needs to sort his **** .

That's a long time to put you through that kind of ******** . What are things like otherwise?

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He started doing this over the last 1+ year. Previously he seemed confident of our relationship but after that he would sometimes speak of me leaving him. Sometimes I get unhappy when he can't spend time with me and he thinks I'll leave him because of this. I also have quite a few guy friends around me and he thinks they're all interested in me (some are but not all). Not sure if this is the reason he starts to feel insecure, but he knows I'm not a cheater and I don't change my feelings so easily.

posted April 27, 2021 11:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
I was going to suggest her asking if he wanted to watch and was asking because he's into cuck **** . lol

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@Dumuzi, Ayelet

Haha...we had all kinds of jokes about maybe he's interested in my guy friends instead or maybe he wants to watch me with another guy, and he played along...

But seriously I'm trying to figure out what's causing this... is it my behaviour or his own issues? I've read up about every sign & aspect in his chart to find a clue. Is it his:

Moon conjunct Pluto/NN in Libra square Cancer Mars?
Venus conjunct Saturn in Leo?

OR

Taurus Chiron in 5H which is conjunct my Sun in Synastry?

posted April 27, 2021 11:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hikaru29:
He started doing this over the last 1+ year. Previously he seemed confident of our relationship but after that he would sometimes speak of me leaving him. Sometimes I get unhappy when he can't spend time with me and he thinks I'll leave him because of this. I also have quite a few guy friends around me and he thinks they're all interested in me (some are but not all). Not sure if this is the reason he starts to feel insecure, but he knows I'm not a cheater and I don't change my feelings so easily.

Other than this, he's actually a very caring, helpful person (like a typical Virgo). When he knows I'm in some trouble he'll offer real, practical help. I've always been a very independent person so this feels liberating, like I can finally lean on someone. What I also like about him is he keeps his promises and I can tell that he wants to make me happy.

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so what happened that started it? a work situation or what? i assume it didn't come about in a vacuum if it wasn't there the whole time and you mentioned the time spent together stuff

in a lot of cases men and women can't entirely just be friends without there being something on one side or the other, and men in particular often don't believe it's possible at all. that's pretty common. That's obviously not a reflection on you and doesn't mean you should change anything just putting that out there. If you're seeing your friends more than you see him and some of them are interested it's understandable that would set him off to some degree. Even someone who isn't generally insecure could maybe feel this. Was he ever cheated on? Did he have people monkey branch away from him? these things can add to that

Not saying what he's doing is ok btw, but this does paint a more clear picture of the issue. I have a lot of friends who have openly been interested and in my experience when getting close to people that nearly always happens when there's "potential" (by potential I just mean like being cool with each other's genitals lol) it just leads to other stuff coming up. When someone is insecure that can be hard for them (I'm personally very faithful though) and cause a lot of friction. I mean granted in some cases it's warranted in my case because I'll mess around with friends, not necessarily physically but yeah... not when I'm in a relationship if it isn't ok, but past stuff can get to people so can the potential for future stuff. Those are details for another time though 😁

anyway back to my point with that in mind I can see where he has some issues. Again not fair how he's handling them, but honestly very understandable.

that all being said I asked you about the good stuff because I wanted to know why you were there and sometimes in rough patches it's good to reevaluate things. To remind yourself that you're there for a reason and so on.

This is probably an unorthodox suggestion but psychedelics and/or weed or molly even can be great for really difficult conversations if that's not something you're feeling you need to really be honest with him and tell him what he's doing is damaging. When he does it point it out, make him understand that it's wrong and don't humor it. Tease him about it even if you have to, just don't let it become a thing. Might also want to suggest therapy to him for his abandonment issues.

if it had a trigger and wasn't always there's a chance you can salvage things and move on from this, but you have to work on some things.

going to throw out there debilitated mars square pluto and venus conjunct saturn are definitely not helping

could also be an issue with some kind of stagnancy, like you two are dating and people expect progression and there hasn't been "enough" or something so he's questioning things

posted April 28, 2021 02:02 AM            

He was very sore about it but it's his fault so I don't care. Anyway he got over it... FF several months I complained about him not spending enough time with me so I started going out with my friends which include a mix of guys and gals. I've been honest with him about it. In comparison he hangs out with mostly guys. He hardly meets his female friends and I don't know anyone who are actually close to him.

I agree it's hard to be purely platonic between guys & gals but as a Venus in Gemini, I can mentally connect with someone without any feelings involved and I draw the line clearly with my guy friends, such as I won't hang out one-on-one with them and of course no holding hands, kissing that kinda sh*t so I don't see it as an issue but he probably doesn't think the same way. I'm not saying that's his problem, just trying to understand his perspectives especially I can also be possessive and jealous. I'm guessing he might feel that he can't be too complacent with me considering what happened 2yrs ago but again that wasn't my fault as I thought he wasn't keen on a real relationship back then.

What would you say of his debilitated Mars square Pluto and Venus conj Saturn?

posted April 28, 2021 04:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hikaru29:
My Virgo guy is always asking me if I like this guy or that guy...he will ask me qns like: “If you have to choose between X and Y, who will you choose?” and he will force me to choose one. OR he will repeatedly ask why I’m not attracted to a certain guy friend.

These are people I’m not interested in and I’ve told him that, but he will ask me again and again to choose between X and Y, or X and Z or Y and Z...even if they’re already married, he would still ask me hypothetical qns like “What if they’re single?”.

I read that sometimes Virgo will test you with repeat qns but this is getting extremely irritating. Is he hinting that I should move on? Why does he do this?

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My Ex GF who was a Psycho used to do the same thing. She was a Scorpio+Sag Dominant female. Used to ask me if she is more beautiful than that girl. Shown me girls pic with details and use to ask which girl should I chose to marry. Some time use to ask after showing men's pic if they are good at.... only based on facial. Damn!
Sometimes I said that no one from these women attracted to me so I can't judge. God bless me. Life is Hell...

posted April 28, 2021 07:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hikaru29:
@Dumuzi
I'm trying to trace back to what started it...It could have taken roots 2yrs ago where he was constantly pushing me away and giving me the hot/cold so I went out with other guys and wanted to move on. After he found out he decided to buck up and get serious with me.

He was very sore about it but it's his fault so I don't care. Anyway he got over it... FF several months I complained about him not spending enough time with me so I started going out with my friends which include a mix of guys and gals. I've been honest with him about it. In comparison he hangs out with mostly guys. He hardly meets his female friends and I don't know anyone who are actually close to him.

I agree it's hard to be purely platonic between guys & gals but as a Venus in Gemini, I can mentally connect with someone without any feelings involved and I draw the line clearly with my guy friends, such as I won't hang out one-on-one with them and of course no holding hands, kissing that kinda sh*t so I don't see it as an issue but he probably doesn't think the same way. I'm not saying that's his problem, just trying to understand his perspectives especially I can also be possessive and jealous. I'm guessing he might feel that he can't be too complacent with me considering what happened 2yrs ago but again that wasn't my fault as I thought he wasn't keen on a real relationship back then.

What would you say of his debilitated Mars square Pluto and Venus conj Saturn?

I'm not into weed etc but maybe we can have a cigarette while we talk haha. He wanted a baby but I'm not sure due to a variety of reasons include my age..

---

well the more you talk the more i understand his side of things

not saying it's wrong to have friends on any level don't get me wrong, but you two were having problems and you were going out with other guys... when you say that in addition to wanting to move on well that changes **** no? were these dates you were going on then or what? because that doesn't sound like just friend **** anymore

going through a rough patch and you doing that of course it's going to cause strain. Things were going poorly and you handled that by going out with other guys while letting him know you wanted to move on. So you were considering these guys as potential partners no? Am I misreading here? Even if I'm not it's easy to interpret the situation as such and I have zero feelings here and nothing at stake, I can see why someone in his position would feel it

still friends with some of those guys? Still going out with them? are they some of the ones he's asked about?

given both his past and the fact that during a hard time your response was to do that... can you fully blame him for being a bit traumatized. Sometimes people run hot and cold due to their own difficulties which can be hard to deal with and painful to be on the other side of, but it's not a personal thing, it's just their own emotional struggles and it sounds like he was potentially going through a hard time in the past and you responded by looking elsewhere

it's not really surprising that someone like that would see your future dissatisfaction as something with the potential to result in you walking away with one of your guy friends at this point. You can see that no? He might take it to an extreme, but you did plant the seed

I can be friends with people too without developing any feelings, the feelings issue isn't a me problem (me having particularly deep feelings for someone is an extremely rare occurrence in all honesty) so I do get that, but the flipside is at some point many of my friends have told me they were in love with me and even more have wanted to **** me. When that hasn't been a thing then it's been more like family stuff. Can't say I see holding hands as a relationship only thing, had coworkers who liked holding hands, same with hugs or even just being physically close to a degree. I draw the line at kissing, but that's very intimate to me I've had sex without doing that 🤷‍♀️ But I've also made friends with guys where it's started off sexual in a sense, though nonphysical, where there's really no doubt that they'd want sex and so on if it came up because me knowing that was a from the beginning thing. circumstances that are likely irrelevant in your position though i imagine

regardless i'm not seeing how you're having trouble understanding where he's coming from now given the past

blame shifting doesn't help as it is partially on your hands, no one else is responsible for your actions but you, and after a year of dating him you went out with other guys when you were unsatisfied

that's 100% on you not him, because you did have a choice in the matter and you made it

you say "I thought he wasn't too keen on a relationship" and to me that reads like you didn't really communicate with this guy you were dating a year on what he actually wanted and felt (now granted he may have been a bad communicator at the time as well but this also sounds like you too now) and instead opted to explore your options openly now you're wondering why that's following you later when issues arise

I'm not saying it's right to hold onto the past but it's pretty obvious to me why he is especially if you're continuing to see and interact with some of these guys. You say you can be possessive so flip it around, you two are having issues and he decides that he's going to go out with other chicks and try to move on while still with you. That changes but he's still spending a lot of time around other women while still dating you and telling you it's different now and you two are cool. How do you feel in that situation? do you feel good? do you feel secure? a lot of people wouldn't.

now factor in that you two aren't escalating the relationship to anywhere, do you live together? do you intend to? is the relationship really more serious in some visible way? he wants a baby you don't sound interested in that (have known people with later in life kids btw where everything's worked out great, and later in life kids is more common now too) so the relationship is just where it's been right? no moving onto another level that's more serious after years on top of everything else?

I get it. 🤷‍♀️ I was harsh on him immediately but honestly the more you talk the more I feel for him and get his side. it isn't his fault you made those choices, that's entirely on you and the fact that you're blaming him 100% and didn't even know what was going on with someone you dated for a year and acted on an assumption you made... well that says a lot no?

He's by no means handling it well, but like at the same time you planted those seeds and now you're dealing with the fallout from that.

Have you considered couples therapy or something? because it sounds like there's some **** poor communication between the two of you at points and that might need to be a thing

Do you have any goals or ideas of what you want for the relationship? These things matter too, does he know them? do either of you plan for the future at all?

posted April 28, 2021 11:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hikaru29:
@Dumuzi, Ayelet

Moon conjunct Pluto/NN in Libra square Cancer Mars?
Venus conjunct Saturn in Leo?

OR

Taurus Chiron in 5H which is conjunct my Sun in Synastry?

Taurus Chiron is usually about fear of losing something and being in 5H he may have issues with self-expressions and easily take various reactions from others as rejection...also tend to be self-critical. I read that wounds could have come from ex-partners. Since it's conjunct my Sun I may be triggering it?

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posted May 04, 2021 05:25 AM            

Initially I wrote a nice motivating post but then I realised what he is doing.

So I will only keep this part of the old post
Hikaru, hi again.
First of all, regardless of him - because you are what is important here - I know you spend a lot of time worrying about your relationship and I am sorry for your pain.

now onto the realisations :
The “do you prefer him?” is a constant dig about the beginning when you saw the other guys.

Your boyfriend is a manipulator.
You have no blame for his hot & cold blowing
which naturally made you look at other options. Who wants their time wasted ?
Look, he doesn’t even make sense — you logically act like you’ve forgotten him because he cannot decide and then he comes running ? What ?
Once in the relationship, your punishment is to wait forever, while he comes to terms with being an adult ?

Sorry Hikaru but I feel he was deliberately trying to get a certain “behaviour“ from you (you looking elsewhere) to justify his favourite pity pit place and continual inability to commit.. In fact he was likely testing you to see how long you would wait for him and he is enjoying fuelling his moon pluto and venus saturn etc with that. That is s total misuse of energies, towards the negative.
And he planned that if you didnt wait, he would remind you forever of that.

He currently only has one foot in the relationship and he is blaming • you• for that, to keep the upoer hand.

I have zero compassion for him. He is just draining you and carelessly sowing doubt, proving he is not willing to put in his share. He pushes people away, knowing the likely reaction and then judges them WTF

posted May 04, 2021 09:48 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by viviette:
I have Libra Moon c. Pluto,
Leo Sun (not Venus) c. Saturn
and Taurus Chiron. It just depends what the individual does with those

Initially I wrote a nice motivating post but then I realised what he is doing.

So I will only keep this part of the old post
Hikaru, hi again.
First of all, regardless of him - because you are what is important here - I know you spend a lot of time worrying about your relationship and I am sorry for your pain.

now onto the realisations :
The “do you prefer him?” is a constant dig about the beginning when you saw the other guys.

Your boyfriend is a manipulator.
You have no blame for his hot & cold blowing
which naturally made you look at other options. Who wants their time wasted ?
Look, he doesn’t even make sense — you logically act like you’ve forgotten him because he cannot decide and then he comes running ? What ?
Once in the relationship, your punishment is to wait forever, while he comes to terms with being an adult ?

Sorry Hikaru but I feel he was deliberately trying to get a certain “behaviour“ from you (you looking elsewhere) to justify his favourite pity pit place and continual inability to commit.. In fact he was likely testing you to see how long you would wait for him and he is enjoying fuelling his moon pluto and venus saturn etc with that. That is s total misuse of energies, towards the negative.
And he planned that if you didnt wait, he would remind you forever of that.

He currently only has one foot in the relationship and he is blaming • you• for that, to keep the upoer hand.

I have zero compassion for him. He is just draining you and carelessly sowing doubt, proving he is not willing to put in his share. He pushes people away, knowing the likely reaction and then judges them WTF

He is pretending to be vulnerable but he CREATED this situation and he will have done it with others.

---

i'm willing to bet you think it's intentional and manipulation because you have moon/pluto, not everyone who does stupid **** is **** testing

posted May 04, 2021 10:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by viviette:
I have Libra Moon c. Pluto,
Leo Sun (not Venus) c. Saturn
and Taurus Chiron. It just depends what the individual does with those

Initially I wrote a nice motivating post but then I realised what he is doing.

So I will only keep this part of the old post
Hikaru, hi again.
First of all, regardless of him - because you are what is important here - I know you spend a lot of time worrying about your relationship and I am sorry for your pain.

now onto the realisations :
The “do you prefer him?” is a constant dig about the beginning when you saw the other guys.

Your boyfriend is a manipulator.
You have no blame for his hot & cold blowing
which naturally made you look at other options. Who wants their time wasted ?
Look, he doesn’t even make sense — you logically act like you’ve forgotten him because he cannot decide and then he comes running ? What ?
Once in the relationship, your punishment is to wait forever, while he comes to terms with being an adult ?

Sorry Hikaru but I feel he was deliberately trying to get a certain “behaviour“ from you (you looking elsewhere) to justify his favourite pity pit place and continual inability to commit.. In fact he was likely testing you to see how long you would wait for him and he is enjoying fuelling his moon pluto and venus saturn etc with that. That is s total misuse of energies, towards the negative.
And he planned that if you didnt wait, he would remind you forever of that.

He currently only has one foot in the relationship and he is blaming • you• for that, to keep the upoer hand.

I have zero compassion for him. He is just draining you and carelessly sowing doubt, proving he is not willing to put in his share. He pushes people away, knowing the likely reaction and then judges them WTF

He is pretending to be vulnerable but he CREATED this situation and he will have done it with others.

---

posted May 04, 2021 12:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by viviette:
I saw you coming Duzumi, from your earlier posts

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guess i'm predictable 😁 i just like to be fair and i've noticed sometimes people judge stuff on their personal experiences

like it never even occurred to me it'd be manipulative, though i do see your side of things and how that could also play out

but to me i see it more like innocent **** like insecurities and potential emotional/attachment style issues snowballing into a huge ******* mess for both of them that they need to work through

and it's naive in a way because my ex was very manipulative, but i don't have that outlook on things ever (i'm guessing the leo mercury aries moon is part of that in my case)

seemed like an unfair assumption, i agree with Librapurr here (could just be our mutual libra placements though lol)

i just know when i **** **** up in a relationship it's 100% genuine and accidental lol not constructed with a desired result in mind

posted May 04, 2021 12:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dumuzi:
well the more you talk the more i understand his side of things

not saying it's wrong to have friends on any level don't get me wrong, but you two were having problems and you were going out with other guys... when you say that in addition to wanting to move on well that changes **** no? were these dates you were going on then or what? because that doesn't sound like just friend **** anymore

going through a rough patch and you doing that of course it's going to cause strain. Things were going poorly and you handled that by going out with other guys while letting him know you wanted to move on. So you were considering these guys as potential partners no? Am I misreading here? Even if I'm not it's easy to interpret the situation as such and I have zero feelings here and nothing at stake, I can see why someone in his position would feel it

still friends with some of those guys? Still going out with them? are they some of the ones he's asked about?

given both his past and the fact that during a hard time your response was to do that... can you fully blame him for being a bit traumatized. Sometimes people run hot and cold due to their own difficulties which can be hard to deal with and painful to be on the other side of, but it's not a personal thing, it's just their own emotional struggles and it sounds like he was potentially going through a hard time in the past and you responded by looking elsewhere

it's not really surprising that someone like that would see your future dissatisfaction as something with the potential to result in you walking away with one of your guy friends at this point. You can see that no? He might take it to an extreme, but you did plant the seed

I can be friends with people too without developing any feelings, the feelings issue isn't a me problem (me having particularly deep feelings for someone is an extremely rare occurrence in all honesty) so I do get that, but the flipside is at some point many of my friends have told me they were in love with me and even more have wanted to **** me. When that hasn't been a thing then it's been more like family stuff. Can't say I see holding hands as a relationship only thing, had coworkers who liked holding hands, same with hugs or even just being physically close to a degree. I draw the line at kissing, but that's very intimate to me I've had sex without doing that 🤷‍♀️ But I've also made friends with guys where it's started off sexual in a sense, though nonphysical, where there's really no doubt that they'd want sex and so on if it came up because me knowing that was a from the beginning thing. circumstances that are likely irrelevant in your position though i imagine

regardless i'm not seeing how you're having trouble understanding where he's coming from now given the past

blame shifting doesn't help as it is partially on your hands, no one else is responsible for your actions but you, and after a year of dating him you went out with other guys when you were unsatisfied

that's 100% on you not him, because you did have a choice in the matter and you made it

you say "I thought he wasn't too keen on a relationship" and to me that reads like you didn't really communicate with this guy you were dating a year on what he actually wanted and felt (now granted he may have been a bad communicator at the time as well but this also sounds like you too now) and instead opted to explore your options openly now you're wondering why that's following you later when issues arise

I'm not saying it's right to hold onto the past but it's pretty obvious to me why he is especially if you're continuing to see and interact with some of these guys. You say you can be possessive so flip it around, you two are having issues and he decides that he's going to go out with other chicks and try to move on while still with you. That changes but he's still spending a lot of time around other women while still dating you and telling you it's different now and you two are cool. How do you feel in that situation? do you feel good? do you feel secure? a lot of people wouldn't.

now factor in that you two aren't escalating the relationship to anywhere, do you live together? do you intend to? is the relationship really more serious in some visible way? he wants a baby you don't sound interested in that (have known people with later in life kids btw where everything's worked out great, and later in life kids is more common now too) so the relationship is just where it's been right? no moving onto another level that's more serious after years on top of everything else?

I get it. 🤷‍♀️ I was harsh on him immediately but honestly the more you talk the more I feel for him and get his side. it isn't his fault you made those choices, that's entirely on you and the fact that you're blaming him 100% and didn't even know what was going on with someone you dated for a year and acted on an assumption you made... well that says a lot no?

He's by no means handling it well, but like at the same time you planted those seeds and now you're dealing with the fallout from that.

Have you considered couples therapy or something? because it sounds like there's some **** poor communication between the two of you at points and that might need to be a thing

Do you have any goals or ideas of what you want for the relationship? These things matter too, does he know them? do either of you plan for the future at all?

not going to lie I think you're partially to blame for the **** show you're dealing with now, at first he sounded just unreasonable but now he sounds a bit more reasonable and like he's acting in that manner partially because of scars you put there

---

No, you didn’t get the whole situation. I was serious right from the start and he knew that but he was wishy-washy in the beginning and also flirty with other gals which made me feel he wasn’t serious, that perhaps he only wanted to bed me, that’s why I started going out with other guys. After he got serious with me I stopped seeing those guys. But because of this he became suspicious of all the guys around me.

I agree I planted the seed but what’s a gal to do when you’re wishy-washy with her?

For the guy friends that I hang out with... there’s no kissing, holding hands etc. He has met and hung out with some of them because I want him to know there’s nothing between us. I don’t fall in love with someone so easily. In fact it’s very rare for me to fall in love. I didn’t want a kid with him now because I feel that I’m not ready but I would love to have one with him in future (if we’re still together of course).

posted May 04, 2021 01:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ayelet:
It might be all these... Have you read Linda Goodman's relationship signs? It doesn't include Chiron, but is a good book for synastry otherwise. It sounds like your partner needs constant reassuring. That he needs you to constantly make him feel loved, appreciated and wanted, through both words and deeds. Now it seems like you are doing all this, and his insecurities reveal themselves as something obssessive, pathological maybe? If you do all it takes, and it sounds like you do, then maybe the next thing is to get him help. Professional emotional help.

---

And I thought I’ve been doing that - making him feel loved, appreciated and wanted. 🙁 In fact I’m a bit clingy towards him.

posted May 04, 2021 01:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Somna7H:
My Ex GF who was a Psycho used to do the same thing. She was a Scorpio+Sag Dominant female. Used to ask me if she is more beautiful than that girl. Shown me girls pic with details and use to ask which girl should I chose to marry. Some time use to ask after showing men's pic if they are good at.... only based on facial. Damn!
Sometimes I said that no one from these women attracted to me so I can't judge. God bless me. Life is Hell...

She became Ghost day by day from past a year. No reply, no call, no meeting etc and that's how she ended relationship passively. Later I realized that she was too much close with one of her gf. I couldn't track her on social media because more than a year ago she blocked me one by one. I guess she is happy with her gf now.

---

posted May 04, 2021 01:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hikaru29:
No, you didn’t get the whole situation. I was serious right from the start and he knew that but he was wishy-washy in the beginning and also flirty with other gals which made me feel he wasn’t serious, that perhaps he only wanted to bed me, that’s why I started going out with other guys. After he got serious with me I stopped seeing those guys. But because of this he became suspicious of all the guys around me.

I agree I planted the seed but what’s a gal to do when you’re wishy-washy with her?

For the guy friends that I hang out with... there’s no kissing, holding hands etc. He has met and hung out with some of them because I want him to know there’s nothing between us. I don’t fall in love with someone so easily. In fact it’s very rare for me to fall in love. I didn’t want a kid with him now because I feel that I’m not ready but I would love to have one with him in future (if we’re still together of course).

What I know now from our last conversation is that he’s afraid to lose me and I think seeing all the guys around me made him feel insecure. I’m talking about even guys whom I happened to bump into...he would ask who they are, our past etc and that they seemed interested in me... the latest was this guy friend I met on my birthday - an old friend of mine who happened to be at the same place and bought me a bottle of whiskey as an impromptu birthday gift. He says my friend must be interested in me. He was partially right as my friend used to like me but that was 20yrs ago(!!!) and we haven’t seen each other for years. So while I understand his insecurity I felt he was carrying it too far.

---

thanks for clarifying more, didn't realize he was doing similar in a sense, still that sort of thing scarred ****

sometimes even when something happens in a way where it's like "well no **** " it can scar things down the line

i really think he needs therapy or something, said it before and i still think that's the case because i don't really see how you two can have something at all with stuff like this

i had an ex yell at me and get weird over a woman standing too close to me on the train before (the joys of being bi, everyone gets you yelled at lmao) i didn't even know the lady, i was high as **** and only noticed she was there when I turned around and knocked into her and she legit scared me (the train was pretty empty so she was being weird)

i thought it was funny but i wasn't looking at her or some ****

so i've dealt with insane insecurities and they get really hard to deal with

i don't want to put a bunch of negativity on your situation i think it could be salvageable at this point but unless he puts in work on himself it won't be

i honestly don't think you can do anything at this point to change **** , can't have a mutual relationship if only one person is doing **** to make it work

if you're legit doing all you can and have openly said like "i want stuff in the future and would like you to be a part of that" and he's meeting these guys you're respectful etc then that's it you're done

it sucks that the past is affecting now, but it's down to him sorting his internal issues out and honestly you being prepared to walk if he can't because you can't remain in a situation like this indefinitely

posted May 04, 2021 01:23 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by viviette:
I have Libra Moon c. Pluto,
Leo Sun (not Venus) c. Saturn
and Taurus Chiron. It just depends what the individual does with those

Initially I wrote a nice motivating post but then I realised what he is doing.

So I will only keep this part of the old post
Hikaru, hi again.
First of all, regardless of him - because you are what is important here - I know you spend a lot of time worrying about your relationship and I am sorry for your pain.

now onto the realisations :
The “do you prefer him?” is a constant dig about the beginning when you saw the other guys.

Your boyfriend is a manipulator.
You have no blame for his hot & cold blowing
which naturally made you look at other options. Who wants their time wasted ?
Look, he doesn’t even make sense — you logically act like you’ve forgotten him because he cannot decide and then he comes running ? What ?
Once in the relationship, your punishment is to wait forever, while he comes to terms with being an adult ?

Sorry Hikaru but I feel he was deliberately trying to get a certain “behaviour“ from you (you looking elsewhere) to justify his favourite pity pit place and continual inability to commit.. In fact he was likely testing you to see how long you would wait for him and he is enjoying fuelling his moon pluto and venus saturn etc with that. That is s total misuse of energies, towards the negative.
And he planned that if you didnt wait, he would remind you forever of that.

He currently only has one foot in the relationship and he is blaming • you• for that, to keep the upoer hand.

I have zero compassion for him. He is just draining you and carelessly sowing doubt, proving he is not willing to put in his share. He pushes people away, knowing the likely reaction and then judges them WTF

He is pretending to be vulnerable but he CREATED this situation and he will have done it with others.

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posted May 05, 2021 01:12 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
thanks for clarifying more, didn't realize he was doing similar in a sense, still that sort of thing scarred ****

sometimes even when something happens in a way where it's like "well no **** " it can scar things down the line

i really think he needs therapy or something, said it before and i still think that's the case because i don't really see how you two can have something at all with stuff like this

i had an ex yell at me and get weird over a woman standing too close to me on the train before (the joys of being bi, everyone gets you yelled at lmao) i didn't even know the lady, i was high as **** and only noticed she was there when I turned around and knocked into her and she legit scared me (the train was pretty empty so she was being weird)

i thought it was funny but i wasn't looking at her or some ****

so i've dealt with insane insecurities and they get really hard to deal with

i don't want to put a bunch of negativity on your situation i think it could be salvageable at this point but unless he puts in work on himself it won't be

i honestly don't think you can do anything at this point to change **** , can't have a mutual relationship if only one person is doing **** to make it work

if you're legit doing all you can and have openly said like "i want stuff in the future and would like you to be a part of that" and he's meeting these guys you're respectful etc then that's it you're done

it sucks that the past is affecting now, but it's down to him sorting his internal issues out and honestly you being prepared to walk if he can't because you can't remain in a situation like this indefinitely

level with him, be real, give him a chance to make an honest effort and give yourself a time frame (don't have to share it with him) that you need to see an improvement by and stick to it

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Thanks for hearing me out. I’ll find a chance to talk to him again... unfortunately we’re not big on therapies in our culture and it’s very costly so it’s unlikely I can convince him to go for it. Though he’s jealous but he never acted out of control, thankfully. It’s just that the questioning gets annoying. I believe he genuinely loves me so hopefully we’ll be able to get past this.

posted May 05, 2021 09:19 AM            

Anyway, from an outsider’s viewpoint, the worry is that his self-indulgence is at your expense (he knows it triggers you when he interrogates you every time you meet a guy together) and sadly, it must hurt his own sense of value too.

If reassurance and discussion hasn’t helped him,
the question now is —

are you both willing to shut out your entire age group (or men), to prove you are “not looking” / decrease the chances of “meeting someone” in his eyes?
You could try that for a set time initially, like 4 months, then review it towards the end (if he needs longer to deal with it.
The advantage is you will gain his friendship (so you are not losing anything, it balances out if he truly is your priority. Hopefully in that timeframe he will grow in confidence and proximity to you.

posted May 05, 2021 10:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hikaru29:
Thanks for hearing me out. I’ll find a chance to talk to him again... unfortunately we’re not big on therapies in our culture and it’s very costly so it’s unlikely I can convince him to go for it. Though he’s jealous but he never acted out of control, thankfully. It’s just that the questioning gets annoying. I believe he genuinely loves me so hopefully we’ll be able to get past this.

And I just consulted a tarot reader who said he’s not a bad person, just that he doesn’t see my POV. She said there’s some karmic issues to sort out between us and to give it a few months...also she sees a possible long-term future for us like a conventional marriage/committed partnership. I don’t know how accurate tarot readings are but I hope she’s right. 🤞🏼

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no problem, there's always multiple sides to everything and it can take more than one conversation to get a decent scope of a situation. i'm never too tied to an opinion to listen and drop it when it doesn't suit new stuff presented

i think the questioning is out of control at a certain point tbh, it undermines a lot about the relationship and can be toxic in the long run

that being said, there's always potential to improve if he tries

as for divination, it depends on the reader to an extent but also is fairly reliable, it's a matter of probable outcomes the most probable is what gets divined but sometimes there's room to shift things a bit. Not always though, but you can tell based on which cards are used

if you want i could try later, show you what i get and see if it matches her 🤷‍♀️ in my experience no matter how many people read something the answer is the same usually down to the cards that come up and everything

posted May 05, 2021 11:28 AM            

We were sitting in a nice romantic restaurant one day.
He asks me this question. In a dreamy kind of way,
he wanted me to "describe my ideal man."

So. Bluntly. I did. I gave him my version of what an Ideal Man is like.

Suddenly he became upset and enraged.
He slammed down on the table and responded by loudly saying,
"You don't want a man!! You want Jesus Christ!!!!"

His sudden-outburst frightened me.
At THAT moment, he had revealed himself.
I figured out 'why' he asked that question.
What he 'really' WANTED, was for me to describe HIM, his own characteristics and personality as being 'my' ideal for a 'man'.

~

So.. When your Virgo is asking you to compare people?

It may be an indirect way of asking you to answer that question-- about HIM. It's not about what you think of "others"; he's asking you for your analysis of himself.

Does 'he' meet your standards?

I'd say-- be direct with him.
What is he fishing for?

______________
Astrologically and in general with Virgos {earth element} --
Pluto is still heavy in Capricorn.
There's been a stellium of planets in Taurus.

t Uranus is traveling through Taurus for a number of years ahead.

posted May 05, 2021 11:36 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hikaru29:
I feel for you, Somna. She sounds very insecure there. Who’s this gf of hers? Is she a bisexual?

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posted May 05, 2021 12:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by viviette:
are you both willing to shut out your entire age group (or men), to prove you are “not looking” / decrease the chances of “meeting someone” in his eyes?
You could try that for a set time initially, like 4 months, then review it towards the end (if he needs longer to deal with it.

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I won’t shut out all my guy friends for such a reason. What will happen 4 months later when I start meeting them again? He might be back with his questioning and think that I lied to him. Anyway, I’ve already distanced myself/totally cut off non-important guy friends... but there are some I valued (i.e. those I’ve known for a long time and have been kind to me) so I’ll still keep in touch with those but on an infrequent basis. Also, most of the times I meet up with a mix group, not one-on-one and not all guys.

posted May 05, 2021 12:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i think the questioning is out of control at a certain point tbh, it undermines a lot about the relationship and can be toxic in the long run

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This is what I feel too, that it will become toxic and sour the good feelings between us.

quote:

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as for divination, it depends on the reader to an extent but also is fairly reliable, it's a matter of probable outcomes the most probable is what gets divined but sometimes there's room to shift things a bit. Not always though, but you can tell based on which cards are used

if you want i could try later, show you what i get and see if it matches her 🤷‍♀️ in my experience no matter how many people read something the answer is the same usually down to the cards that come up and everything

would give you a better idea of how divination works too

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