posted July 13, 2021 05:21 PM            

To top it off, I have Moon Scorpio conjunct my Pluto in Scorpio seriously, how is that supposed to be controlled? I managed to control it always, or almost always, but lately I am out of my mind and it is impossible for me to control myself (I am very afraid).

If this is not enough I have Venus in opposition to Pluto. I will always be a mess in my relationships and will everyone run away from me?

As if this were not enough, I have my Moon in opposition to my Venus. I don't know how to nurture love. I have no idea how to do it. I think I act like a vampire. I get all the emotional energy I can from the relationship (I guess because of my Moon opposite Venus and the emotional mutilation throughout life), And after that I keep on my way, until someone else shows up. This is no way to live.

To top it all, my birth chart was born in one country but developed in a totally different country (against fate), so I'm a mess walking. How does all this affect? There is hope?

Yes, I know the power of the Scorpio Moon, I have experienced it. But what was so easy to do before, now I have a hard time accessing it, because recently I have been a dumpster To the fury of a man I considered trustworthy. So I don't know what to do with all these natal aspects that have touched me. Thank goodness I don't have aspects of Saturn. What I want to know is, how to regain the power of Scorpio?

posted July 13, 2021 05:36 PM            

i don't think analyzing your birth chart is going to do you much good given that you're saying you're scared of yourself and out of control that's time for help ****

and if you won't get help consider doing shadow work and practicing mindfulness and grounding at the very least

posted July 13, 2021 05:50 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dumuzi:
not to sound like an ******* or anything but maybe try therapy 🤷‍♀️

i don't think analyzing your birth chart is going to do you much good given that you're saying you're scared of yourself and out of control that's time for help ****

and if you won't get help consider doing shadow work and practicing mindfulness and grounding at the very least

that's not a moon-opposite venus issue btw, not to my knowledge or personal experience having it

---

Thanks for your answer and for your advice, but I have done therapy thousands of times and honestly it has not helped me at all. It depresses me to be in an office with a stranger.

posted July 13, 2021 06:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by athenaia:
I also recommend therapy of SOME kind, otherwise yes, the answer lies within you via trials and tribulations. I think a "Can Do" attitude would help - here you are, focused on all the negative stuff and what *has* gone wrong instead of thinking, wow, I have a powerful chart, imagine how much can go *right* if I apply myself.

I'd highly recommend reading up on Uranus and Saturn transits because both those planets are lighting up your fixed signs like a Christmas tree right now which is why you have a lot of antsy, transformative energy making you restless right now.

---

Wow, thank you so much. I've caught the vibe of what you've told me. Thanks from my heart. I needed to hear something like that. I will read about the transits, to see what is happening.

posted July 13, 2021 06:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by athenaia:
I also recommend therapy of SOME kind, otherwise yes, the answer lies within you via trials and tribulations. I think a "Can Do" attitude would help - here you are, focused on all the negative stuff and what *has* gone wrong instead of thinking, wow, I have a powerful chart, imagine how much can go *right* if I apply myself.

I'd highly recommend reading up on Uranus and Saturn transits because both those planets are lighting up your fixed signs like a Christmas tree right now which is why you have a lot of antsy, transformative energy making you restless right now.

---

Wow, thank you so much. I've caught the vibe of what you've told me. Thanks from my heart. I needed to hear something like that. I will read about the transits, to see what is happening.

posted July 13, 2021 09:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by WhiteBirds:
Thanks for your answer and for your advice, but I have done therapy thousands of times and honestly it has not helped me at all. It depresses me to be in an office with a stranger.

I know that the solution is in me, but I also know that this solution is to recover the power of my Scorpio Moon. And now it is very difficult for me, because recently a man has hit me right in the heart, and I am under a lot of stress. Basically in extreme survival mode with predators Smelling its weak prey, ready to strike. (I am not exaggerating, nor am I being dramatic - Leo Ascendant -, that's my current situation)

---

i didn't think you were being dramatic that's why i suggested finding a professional though i understand why you feel uncomfortable with that (i would too)

i've been in the headspace where i didnt trust myself entirely to not kill myself or do something stupid so i thought that's where you might be, try the non therapy things i suggested

your scorpio moon might appreciate shadow work a good deal leo part of you will appreciate the mindfulness, as for the cancer thing the only home anyone ever really has is their own body

posted July 13, 2021 09:45 PM            

You have a very intense chart, with lots of squares and opposition. You certainly didn't come to this plane to play it boring and routine.

Right now, transit Jupiter is conjunct your natal Saturn, amplifying your Saturnian fears in the 8th house of death, sex and profound mysteries.

You will be going through a Saturn return in less than 2 years.

Before that, transit Saturn will square your moon, venus and pluto.

There is emotional work to be done, don't fear it, you are stronger than you think; Yours is a powerful chart.

posted July 14, 2021 05:30 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belage:
With moon conjunct Pluto natally, you should not be afraid to go deep into your emotions to understand them and eventually own them. This aspect makes you create a number of situations where you think you will die (pluto), and it will feel like a death, but you will be reborn emotionally.

You have a very intense chart, with lots of squares and opposition. You certainly didn't come to this plane to play it boring and routine.

Right now, transit Jupiter is conjunct your natal Saturn, amplifying your Saturnian fears in the 8th house of death, sex and profound mysteries.

You will be going through a Saturn return in less than 2 years.

Before that, transit Saturn will square your moon, venus and pluto.

There is emotional work to be done, don't fear it, you are stronger than you think; Yours is a powerful chart.

Resolve to find a good therapist, someone you can trust, your Plutonian moon thinks it has to do everything itself, but right now you sound like you need help.

---

Thanks for the info. This feels very heavy I am not at all proud of my current situation, and I even hate coming here to say all this, but this is beyond my limits. Some time ago I lived something that I promised myself never to live again. I had a relationship with a guy who did all kinds of hard drugs, living in a squat apartment. Then it was all over and I was done With an even worse guy, who basically raped me (for some reason I didn't dislike him), but I am aware that the act itself is horrible and I regret having tolerated all that. I promised myself never to go through situations like this again, and recently I have done it again.

This time a guy who seemed decent but is a manual narcissist / psychopath. And it all followed the process that happens when you get involved with people with these types of personalities. I saw all the red flags and still, because of that Ascendant in Leo that I have, that we like to see the personal value of each living being and give them greatness, that's where I stayed. A very unfortunate experience that I hope not to repeat with anyone else. I can take the easy way out and blame these despicable people, but I know the blame is on me for getting into these kinds of situations. At least I was able to get some emotional energy out, so I don't regret it that much. But lesson learned. I'm going to honor my Leo Ascendant, dignity, heart, and loyalty, and never get involved in situations like this again. Now I need to do extreme cleansing of my body to remove the garbage that this guy left on me. And also that of another man who hit me, and that of a girl who played with my friendship. I hope I can. I have met another guy (Sun cusp Libra / Scorpio, Moon Leo, Ascendant Capricorn) and I think I'm going to give him a try. I'm scared of the Libra part of him, but he has a huge heart (Luna Leo), and He is extremely responsible (Capricorn Ascendant). Maybe I need a boy like that to recover from all the recent traumatic events.

posted July 14, 2021 05:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by WhiteBirds:
My birth Chart

https://postimg.cc/xkRZm9xr

---

Interesting chart tbh!

posted July 14, 2021 06:24 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Amoranthaniela:
Interesting chart tbh!

If I may ask, if you could change anything about your chart, and about yourself in general, what would you want to change and why?

---

Why it's interesting?

Well, I do not know. I don't think I have a very defined core personality. I've spent my whole life in survival mode. Something strange because I don't have a lot of mutable energy in my natal chart, With so much cardinal and fixed energy, I'm supposed to have a strong personality and values, but that's not the case. Recently, when I learned about my genetics, I was able to understand something. I have a high percentage of Ashkenazi Jewish (22%). And the Ashkenazi story is based on unlimited persecutions, expulsions from Of territories, and assimilation with the new environment. So I can literally adopt any personality with anyone. I usually detect what kind of personality I need for each person in Particular. And I adapt it. I am also adopted, so it comes naturally to me. And within all this, despite the fact that I can be anyone, I always try to show a "center" so that it is not noticed that the person I am with you is not the person I am with another.I can manipulate my subconscious and become who I need to be every time. So I can't say what would change about me, because I'm continually changing everything.

posted July 14, 2021 08:30 AM            

hard to feel content or anything when you barely know yourself and just change so much to suit other people

not good either, it's fine to be adaptable it's another thing to lose your sense of self by being in that state constantly

there's no way to ever please anyone, it's better to consistently be yourself and whoever doesn't like it can go **** themselves and probably sucks anyway 🤷‍♀️ that's how i look at things

chances are when someone doesn't like me i also don't like them, not just because they dislike me but because of issues i have with their personality as well

clashing is rarely one sided, though people who are busy talking down to you can sometimes lose sight of that 😁 i can find endless amusement in that fact personally but that's me

it's good to adapt to situations but not to the point where you lose yourself, and it sounds like you need to connect with and find you

because you're not just the person you need to be for other people, that's a coping mechanism, that's survival mode

i've read your other threads and i know you've survived a lot, and i get that it's probably second nature to live that way, but life seems to be pulling you in a direction where what needs to change are those things in yourself

you deny yourself a lot living like that, it builds up and pulls you down also other people should have the opportunity to know you as you are, it's better for everyone in the long run when it comes to deep authentic connections which you're bound to crave

ive noticed scorpio placements can sometimes hide behind images and shed parts of themselves easily in a way to control and not allow vulnerability on their part, but that depth vulnerability can provide to a connection with another person is invaluable and actually what they crave so it's always self sabotage

posted July 14, 2021 08:47 AM            

And everything you're saying about yourself makes a lot of sense. For example:

quote:

---

I can manipulate my subconscious and become who I need to be every time. So I can't say what would change about me, because I'm continually changing everything.

---

Things of Pluto and the 8th house are about transformation, change etc. The 8th house is the house of sex, death, legal matters, what is hidden, and also a house of "magic" and the home of the alchemist.

So, your ability to change yourself the way that you describe has to do with a lot of your untapped power and knowledge that you actually have hidden deep inside of you. This ability you have to change yourself - this adaptability, which can also be seen in the 12th house where your Mercury (mind) and sun are (soul) is not so much about faking and imitating, but you actually genuinely become the other thing and feel it just as the other person does. It's not a lie, you are just gifted with a huge amount of personality options. It's like changing clothes.

But that's what a personality is. Personality is clothing people wear, it is not the core essence of a person. It is not our "soul". So the fact you have so many "outfit" options means that if you learn to truly understand yourself, you could actually almost be absolutely anything you want.

And another interesting thing is that your sun is at a degree that also pertains to alchemy. Everything in your chart is screaming this out loud.

For example this is what it says about 8 degrees Cancer:
CANCER 8
An alchemical text written on parchment.
The code that brings everything together is here remembered and insisted upon. You cannot shake off the authoritative understanding of the higher aspect and its call. You are riveted to the spot inwardly by the story, the myth, the legend. For you believe in the chronicle, the birthright of realization, penetration, and return upon the spiral. This way of being also calls up wild events and experiences, in order both to challenge and to rally your understanding into renewing itself by encompassing what is anything but already cosmically clear. And as you discover how to enjoy and partake in the chaos below, and to commune within and heighten the dedication above, the path of always-having-known-these things-before will reawaken in a whole other sense, and become life-giving, life-renewing, and richly permeating and true.

Notice the last thing that is said, which essentially is part of what is needed to help you and even somewhat pertains to your Saturn in the 8th: "And as you discover how to enjoy and partake in the chaos below, and to commune within and heighten the dedication above, the path of always-having-known-these things-before will reawaken in a whole other sense, and become life-giving, life-renewing, and richly permeating and true."

Chaos below can be everything that is hidden, underneath, even "magic" so to speak. Heighten the dedication above can be understood as a higher purpose and avoiding lowly pursuits. Basically it means you must find the secrets and follow the light. What the specifics are very personal and meant for you alone to find.

And the fact your sun and Mercury are in the 12th house, which also involves what is hidden, means there are things you already know, but you need to either discover them or work hard to either "remember" or bring them to light. So learning everything you can about yourself is very important and not to fear it or shy away from whatever it is you discover.

Your NN and its degree also tells you what you need to do, which also implies a need for deep change and transformation. You have all the tools at your disposal, you just need to seek out how to use these tools. Going this direction with a humble disposition and gratitude for all who help will speed things up as there could be some stubbornness. But in essence the sagi placement means "higher learning"

posted July 14, 2021 02:22 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by WhiteBirds:

My birth Chart
- http://postimg.cc/xkRZm9xr

---

Actually, her TIME OF BIRTH is Unknown---
Her Moon is probably in Sagittarius,
not Scorpio.
Gives time of birth at 8:00 AM, and moon moved into Sag later that day.
Has claimed a Scorpio Rising before,
not a Leo ASC.
...
She has changed her birthtime, posted her pictures, and asks opinions what her ASC should be?

WhiteBirds has run a Fundraiser money scam --
Claimed to be kidnapped.
Raised over $5,000.00 with a Fundraiser FB Account.
When we questioned her on it, she withdrew the funds, and closed it.

Story was here--
How it unfolded-- with links provided.
She LIED!
TaurusVenusGirl and I tried to help her with Links.
Hypatia and Dumuzzi were contributors (along with a few other LL'ers).

CRISIS POINT --
'Tips for this scorpio moon'
March 10, 2021
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/242757.html

YES she needs life long psychological counseling
and occasional incarcerations.

'Why such bad luck'
posted May 17, 2019 04:47 PM
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/240895.html

'Guess the ascendant'
.. Nov 2018
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/240119-4.html

'Do I look like a Cancer or Sagittarius rising?
Feb 12, 2019
- http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum24/HTML/240473.html

____________________________________________

quote:

---

Originally posted by WhiteBirds:
Thanks for the info. This feels very heavy I am not at all proud of my current situation, and I even hate coming here to say all this, but this is beyond my limits. Some time ago I lived something that I promised myself never to live again. I had a relationship with a guy who did all kinds of hard drugs, living in a squat apartment. Then it was all over and I was done With an even worse guy, who basically raped me (for some reason I didn't dislike him), but I am aware that the act itself is horrible and I regret having tolerated all that. I promised myself never to go through situations like this again, and recently I have done it again.

This time a guy who seemed decent but is a manual narcissist / psychopath. And it all followed the process that happens when you get involved with people with these types of personalities. I saw all the red flags and still, because of that Ascendant in Leo that I have, that we like to see the personal value of each living being and give them greatness, that's where I stayed. A very unfortunate experience that I hope not to repeat with anyone else. I can take the easy way out and blame these despicable people, but I know the blame is on me for getting into these kinds of situations. At least I was able to get some emotional energy out, so I don't regret it that much. But lesson learned. I'm going to honor my Leo Ascendant, dignity, heart, and loyalty, and never get involved in situations like this again. Now I need to do extreme cleansing of my body to remove the garbage that this guy left on me. And also that of another man who hit me, and that of a girl who played with my friendship. I hope I can. I have met another guy (Sun cusp Libra / Scorpio, Moon Leo, Ascendant Capricorn) and I think I'm going to give him a try. I'm scared of the Libra part of him, but he has a huge heart (Luna Leo), and He is extremely responsible (Capricorn Ascendant). Maybe I need a boy like that to recover from all the recent traumatic events.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by WhiteBirds:
Why it's interesting?

Well, I do not know. I don't think I have a very defined core personality. I've spent my whole life in survival mode. Something strange because I don't have a lot of mutable energy in my natal chart, With so much cardinal and fixed energy, I'm supposed to have a strong personality and values, but that's not the case. Recently, when I learned about my genetics, I was able to understand something. I have a high percentage of Ashkenazi Jewish (22%). And the Ashkenazi story is based on unlimited persecutions, expulsions from Of territories, and assimilation with the new environment. So I can literally adopt any personality with anyone. I usually detect what kind of personality I need for each person in Particular. And I adapt it. I am also adopted, so it comes naturally to me. And within all this, despite the fact that I can be anyone, I always try to show a "center" so that it is not noticed that the person I am with you is not the person I am with another. I can manipulate my subconscious and become who I need to be every time. So I can't say what would change about me, because I'm continually changing everything.

---

Someone so mutable inside, and without a conscience, can be a con ...
Deceptive

consider ~~ more of a Sag Rising,
w Sag Moon 1st House.
First House = "Personality."

With description of boyfriends, and the money you collected from Fundraiser--- wouldn't surprise if she was diagnosed as an Addict? Personality traits are there.

posted July 14, 2021 02:33 PM            

no one can genuinely change themselves to fit everyone they can encounter and remain genuine, there's adaptability and there's having no core self

lack of core self is a disconnect, a defect, something broken that needs fixing not a positive and certainly not genuine

@mirage29

i remember those threads, i assume she's genuinely mentally ill though i don't necessarily believe all her stories 100%

obviously adoption isn't kidnapping, but someone could feel like they were etc and so on, could be a language barrier to some degree when it comes to self expression

having had a pretty hard to convey at points ****** life personally i don't really feel comfortable calling someone straight up a liar for having a life full of unfortunate situations bad decisions etc

also her rising sign and **** have always changed because she doesn't know the time, i assume she's just going with whatever she currently believes to be true

posted July 14, 2021 03:14 PM            

Needs an excellent live-in program,
for a number of years,
to straighten MULTIPLE things out for her, from early childhood even.
Since she's able to post here, and hold conversations, then certainly there's a place for her in Society where she could do Good for it.

Need proper Connection!

I think when she was 7 years old, her deep inner self decided to reject her adoptive parents... In a way, from what she has discussed, she is being inwardly Run (unconsciously/subconsciously) by a little torqued-off child. Torqued-off that her own DNA parents did not stay on the planet. *soo sad*

My guess would be that she was probably catered to excessively (as the initial (missionary?) parents would have wanted to put MORE time into her, and bond her with their own children and culture. The first adoptives were a christian family from Spain, who brought her to their home from Russia to adopt her. They MUST have had money to do such a thing. ... Then she speaks of a poorer family?
. .
I wonder too, if she had made sexual advances (even COMPLETELY innocently) towards her adoptive dad (or his son or nephew?)... and she misunderstood their reaction-- taking it the wrong way?

Libra person... she fell in love with her own brother (found much-later in life)? .. and separation happened again. .. So confusing to her subconscious?? ..

Dumuzi.. for ALL my years, I've always sided with the victim FIRST, almost all the way. And in recent years, I've learned that people both CAN Lie.. AND be a victim.
. .
I've walked many corridors of life.
I've been in Groups, and ran my own Mutual Help group at one time in my life (before relocating to this State).
It's always shocking (to me) when legitimate victims decide to 'use' people. And it hurts me when I find out that they LIE (to me)-- (with them, I'm not speaking of white lies or assessable exaggerations).

She changes too many things,
she twists her stories... to get sympathy?

I'd LOVE (with ALL my Heart) to give this person total Sympathies---
to BELIEVE her every word!!
Thing is, I want my sympathies to go out based on TRUTH, not by it being manipulated 'from' me ...

The plain Truth itself can be gnarly, sad, and shocking-enough, without excessive over~embellishments.

(Maintained manipulative-behaviors are a trigger for me.)

posted July 14, 2021 04:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
Previous threads
# Red Flags
Into Drama, and adept at twisting the truth.

Someone so mutable inside, and without a conscience, can be a con ...
Deceptive

consider ~~ more of a Sag Rising,
w Sag Moon 1st House.
First House = "Personality."

With description of boyfriends, and the money you collected from Fundraiser--- wouldn't surprise if she was diagnosed as an Addict? Personality traits are there.

If so, I hope you get the Psych Help you need--
You CAN heal your life....
But it's going to take complete HONESTY
and a long long Time and HARD WORK.

---

Oh, this has been hard to read. First of all, thank you for taking your time to respond.

Second, I am going to clarify a few things.

First of all, I did not cheat 5000 euros. Where do you get that from? Such a claim requires proof, so get the proof and then indict me, rightly so. But without proof, you just show stupidity.

Second, on the day of my birth, the Moon does not change sign. Therefore, it is Scorpio. Believe me, I would be very happy with a Sagittarius moon, traveling, without stopping still, and ******* with anyone(characteristics of Ssgitario), without any honor or loyalty. It would be a very easy life. But it is not the one that touched me. I'm dealing with massive trauma, always on the brink of death, both physically and mentally, and to top it all I swore allegiance to cats I'd give my life for. Tell me, are those characteristics of S Sagittarius? You know that no. So I'm going through hell, while I have to protect the innocence and the lives of some cats, but I don't care. There are things that are worth it, and this is one of them.

I don't understand the links to my other threads, but honestly the tone in which you write indicates that the one who needs lifelong therapy and occasional incarcerations is you. I do not know, it is not normal to invest so much energy in hating someone on the Internet that you do not know. We are not even in a close relationship. And I am very balanced, thank you. I only get thrown off balance with people who play games with me in some way or another, and I still stay in tight control. Something that cannot be said of the others, who even try to kill me.

posted July 14, 2021 05:16 PM            

good to see you too, been a while, hope you're doing well

i know victims can be liars and abusers and manipulators, i've seen it firsthand too abuse can warp a person in all kinds of ways and that's definitely one of them unfortunately

they see it as a way to survive and come out on top because the people who abused them were powerful and when you have no limits with how you can treat others (empathy being squashed and all, too much or too little empathy is common) you can be "on top" too

people can lose money and life can change drastically quickly so you never know, and i think while there are red flags there's probably truth rooted in there

if she was in fact raised by narcissists then seeking them out to date and exhibiting cluster b traits herself are both highly likely and it's very common for these cycles to repeat themselves one way or another

i can't know for sure what's what so i feel uncomfortable making specific assumptions, but given the donation thing (which i do remember) and the wording in her stories sometimes i do understand the red flags

given that she herself just admitted to manipulating people and not having a stable sense of self i feel it's highly likely she's borderline or something of the sort 🤷‍♀️

i don't know her well enough to judge and whether she's lying or not it seems she needs some kind of help, people who do things like that still need help just of a different sort

it's different kinds of damage

i can be patient, very much so with other people at least, pretty much anything else though not so much

i do get where you're coming from and i think it's good to remember those things about someone, but i feel like i need more personally for a full picture

posted July 14, 2021 05:29 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by WhiteBirds:
Oh, this has been hard to read. First of all, thank you for taking your time to respond.

Second, I am going to clarify a few things.

First of all, I did not cheat 5000 euros. Where do you get that from? Such a claim requires proof, so get the proof and then indict me, rightly so. But without proof, you just show stupidity.

Second, on the day of my birth, the Moon does not change sign. Therefore, it is Scorpio. Believe me, I would be very happy with a Sagittarius moon, traveling, without stopping still, and ******* with anyone(characteristics of Ssgitario), without any honor or loyalty. It would be a very easy life. But it is not the one that touched me. I'm dealing with massive trauma, always on the brink of death, both physically and mentally, and to top it all I swore allegiance to cats I'd give my life for. Tell me, are those characteristics of S Sagittarius? You know that no. So I'm going through hell, while I have to protect the innocence and the lives of some cats, but I don't care. There are things that are worth it, and this is one of them.

I don't understand the links to my other threads, but honestly the tone in which you write indicates that the one who needs lifelong therapy and occasional incarcerations is you. I do not know, it is not normal to invest so much energy in hating someone on the Internet that you do not know. We are not even in a close relationship. And I am very balanced, thank you. I only get thrown off balance with people who play games with me in some way or another, and I still stay in tight control. Something that cannot be said of the others, who even try to kill me.

---

before i say anything else i'd like to apologize for discussing you as if you aren't here reading this, that kind of thing happens but it always feels rude and that doesn't quite sit right with me so i'm sorry

you're saying you're stable now to defend yourself from her, but your very first post you spoke about having not much of a sense of self and being afraid of yourself (you used phrases like "out of my mind" and stated it was impossible to control yourself), neither of these things are the mark of a stable person

particularly not someone who's more stable than most

there's nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to being at a low point in life or struggling with mental illness etc **** just is, it'd be like being ashamed of having a broken leg or something it's pointless

in the same response you claim to be both balanced and heavily traumatized, pick one, it's possible to go through trauma and recover but if you're still traumatized you aren't balanced

someone who stays in tight control of themselves never needs to fear their own actions (something you claimed in your first post)

i understand you feel a need to defend yourself here, but contradicting your own words to show "strength" in this situation actually takes away from what you're saying and gives what she's saying more weight in this circumstance

you come across as dishonest here, and manipulative (both of which you've openly stated you are) and it's a little hard to "adapt" how you're speaking to different individuals when everything is done through text everyone can see

i do think you need help, and i do believe you've suffered abuse, but there are things that don't add up or seem right even just in this thread and mirage is just mentioning the last time you did this because it came with you asking for money and she probably wished to preemptively address that so you don't again or so if you did people who may donate would have a full scope of things to make their own decisions accordingly