posted April 25, 2022 08:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Basically,
You were shaming me for complaining. Guys aren't allowed to complain and feelemotions. I'm not allowed to feel anger, hurt, and resentment for being treated badly by women for over a decade and experiencing nothing but rejection and pain.

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you are 100% full of **** right now because i encourage people regardless of gender to vent and i have guy friends who i actively tell that their feelings matter when they act like they don't

the guy i have a thing with is a very stoic logical guy who has a lot of trouble with acknowledging his feelings and i regularly encourage that he shares and acknowledges them

so you're completely wrong here in saying all of this

it's you twisting things to suit a false narrative so that you can feel validated, but it's 100% based on imaginary bs and i'm not the person you're pretending i am

you can feel whatever the **** you're gonna feel that's a nonissue, you can talk about it even, the issue is your expression

and by that i mean the victim mentality, twisting everyone who tries to speak to you's words, the inability to reflect, the outbursts, gaslighting, manipulative wording etc

posted April 25, 2022 08:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
You totally said the way I was expressing myself was repulsive. I don't care enough to go back through months of threads, but YOU said it. You said I don't remember and I do. At any rate, you are acting childish now.

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it's childish to ask you to show me exactly what you mean if you're going to bring it up? you've twisted my words pretty badly in this thread several times over, and now you're bringing up something i can't remember that doesn't sound like me at all (talking about my views on men expressing their emotions and insecurities and they're views i've never held) so yeah i want to actually see it

i don't just trust someone who has twisted my words

if i called the way you were acting repulsive then it was likely for the reasons i just stated (the word twisting, lashing out at people who are well meaning, gaslighting etc) and not because you were sad or felt insecure etc

i don't remember, but that doesn't mean i'm going to unquestioningly take your word for it because you are not trustworthy in my view

you have twisted many of the things i've said just in this thread alone, and you said things that i know for a fact i wouldnt say (you told me i called insecure men repulsive, and i know i didn't because that's not something i've ever felt or thought) so why would i blindly accept your word as gospel truth here? i can't

posted April 25, 2022 09:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
it's childish to ask you to show me exactly what you mean if you're going to bring it up? you've twisted my words pretty badly in this thread several times over, and now you're bringing up something i can't remember that doesn't sound like me at all (talking about my views on men expressing their emotions and insecurities and they're views i've never held) so yeah i want to actually see it

i don't just trust someone who has twisted my words

if i called the way you were acting repulsive then it was likely for the reasons i just stated (the word twisting, lashing out at people who are well meaning, gaslighting etc) and not because you were sad or felt insecure etc

i don't remember, but that doesn't mean i'm going to unquestioningly take your word for it because you are not trustworthy in my view

you have twisted many of the things i've said just in this thread alone, and you said things that i know for a fact i wouldnt say (you told me i called insecure men repulsive, and i know i didn't because that's not something i've ever felt or thought) so why would i blindly accept your word as gospel truth here? i can't

if you want to bring up the past then show me because you aren't someone i will just believe, you've demonstrated to me several times over you can't just be believed

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posted April 25, 2022 09:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

Earlier you challenged me by saying I don't remember anything anyone says to me. I have a photographic memory honey. That's why I can't get beyond my pain. I hold on to unkind words like gorilla glue. You said it. That's it. The fact that I'm unwilling to search through months of threads to find it doesn't change that. I just remember you saying it in a discussion like this. I'm frankly confused as to why you even care. I didn't think it was that bad. You just asked for an example of how you had lacked compassion and that was the example that immediately came to mind. I also gave you credit for acknowledging that men get less external validation. Most women couldn't even admit that, so I respect that.

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i told you i bet you didn't remember a single personal thing about me (and you've demonstrate that you don't seem to) in spite of me sharing some very deeply personal things with you because of your comment of "try being born an ugly guy" and blah blah blah blah blah as if i don't know what having a hard life or trauma is (protip: i do) and because you spoke to me as if you had zero understanding of who i am as a person (and continue to do so)

i didn't say what you just did, for sure, lol so your photographic memory seems to only work for things you twist and no i don't trust twisted perceptions

it is not "what i say goes" just because you remember feelings you had and something you almost definitely twisted because you literally put words in my mouth in this thread that i know i would NEVER say

not just low chance of them being said but flat out never, you said i called insecure men repulsive and that's never happened and i know it for a fact because i know the kind of person i am and how i feel about men and their insecurities and feelings

if i can't trust you to not twist something you just read i sure as **** am not going to trust you to not twist something you read months ago that would be dumb on my part

so it's not a "what i say goes and that's that"

i care because i don't like when my words are twisted and when false narratives are created around them, it's a big deal to me

it doesn't matter if you think what i "said"was "ok" or "not that bad" and it doesn't matter if everyone else who reads this **** thinks it was fantastic and correct, i don't give a **** about that

it's the principle of the thing, i know myself and i know what i would and wouldn't say and i know what i think of you and what i think of men in general and of this topic etc

so if you're going to say i did something then i want it to be accurate

again someone who twists words can't be trusted "photographic memory" or not if your perception is ****** then it what you remember doesn't necessarily mean ****

also we were talking about right now and you go and bring up months ago then say "take my word for it that you said all this **** you know you wouldn't say and it meant all this **** you don't and never have thought" that's not how things work

like i said if i called you repulsive it's for one of the many reasons i listed as possibilities and not because men can't talk about their feelings or be insecure

i don't care what you gave me credit for, i don't have some scorecard where i'm tallying what you think i did right or wrong here that doesn't balance out things for me

i have a real serious problem with people who misrepresent and twist my words because i painstakingly overexplain them repeatedly to avoid that ******** because i am very used to people who gaslight and word twist

so when that's done to me what matters most is the fact that my **** 's being twisted and an inaccurate picture of me and my views is being painted

and i don't give a **** if you can't respect that, and i don't care if you want to look at like "oh hey i triggered your trauma" as if it's some sign of weakness because i have no shame here about it

i absolutely 100% get triggered by people misrepresenting my views, who i am, and the things i say and think

and i 100% get triggered when my words twisted

but i'm not angry it's more... a strong need to sort **** and have the truth laid out as clearly as possible so there's no room for misinterpretation and twisting to avoid anxiety and stress

and i don't care if that's childish either, if that makes me childish then i'm childish 🤷‍♀️ i'm good with that

posted April 25, 2022 09:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Man, you do a lot of projecting. Chill out.

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posted April 25, 2022 09:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
what did i project?

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posted April 25, 2022 09:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
You keep saying I put words in your mouth. I have said the same about you multiple times in this thread. Chill.

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posted April 25, 2022 09:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
you literally told me i said that insecure men were repulsive, i can show you where you said that

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posted April 25, 2022 09:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

You literally did say the way I was talking was repulsive and I really was being insecure at the time. Not a big deal.

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that's not the same as talking about men and i know for a fact i wouldn't tell you that you were being repulsive for being insecure

posted April 25, 2022 10:01 PM            

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
And you expressed that sentiment multiple times. Unless I'm confusing you with someone else. Which is possible with Mercury, Neptune, and Uranus.

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if it was me then it was about the tendency to twist words and to get angry at people etc, not the insecurities

it's fine to be insecure, it's fine to have trauma, it's fine to have feelings and complain and all kinds of **** being a guy doesnt change that

what isn't ok is the way your anger can manifest and the trouble seeing individuals (which is how your words come off) etc those things are the problem, and what bother me

those are things i'd say that about, the attitude, the way you act like everything is hopeless and over just because of **** that's unfortunate but doesn't have to be what you make of it etc

you have a chip on your shoulder and you make it very clear, and i can tell your life wasnt easy by your behavior and your chart and words etc but there's a point where things need to be let go

posted April 25, 2022 10:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Any way,
My larger point earlier before I let you drag this out into the weeds was that it was somewhat insensitive to even use that word when I was going through such a tough time. That triggered me. But I know what triggers me doesn't matter because I'm a straight man.

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i never said it didn't matter, i'm sorry i triggered you at the time

my intentions were likely to try to jar you out of behavior that i found unhealthy and i'm not always gentle with that, and that's especially when the other person can be aggressive and combative

however, just because were that way doesn't mean i had to be and if i hurt you that badly then i'm sorry

i just need you to understand that it's not because you have feelings and insecurities, that's not the problem, those are perfectly acceptable and understandable

the issues i have with you are the things i listed, they're the red flags i see, they're the things i find disconcerting personally that i think might be causing you harm and keeping you in a position you don't want to be in

and that's important to me for you to understand that because you need someone to tell you the truth which is it's fine to be insecure and have feelings and you having a dick doesn't change that

it's just not a problem, it's perfectly fine

anyway like i said i'm sorry i used that word, i won't in the future and i didn't today

my intentions were not to hurt you the way it did, and i understand why that hurt you

i'm taking your word that i called a behavior repulsive here, because it's a word i'd use, but again not because of things that are totally acceptable and understandable

you need to not pre-empt **** though like you don't have to say "i'm a straight guy so it doesn't matter" because not only am i not of that mindset but i do think it matters so it's automatically unfair on multiple levels

that's the sort of behavior i take issue with, you presume too much

posted April 25, 2022 10:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
You're the one getting angry. Not me.

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i just told you i'm not angry, like painstakingly explained it

posted April 25, 2022 10:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i just told you i'm not angry, like painstakingly explained it

man don't make me eat my apology, because i'd really rather not

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posted April 25, 2022 10:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I act the way I act because I spent over a decade trying to level up to be good enough for women and I'm still not good enough. I feel completely powerless and in despair. I barely function these days. I figure it's only a matter of time until I can't handle the isolation and burning desires and end my miserable existence

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well that's your ******* problem man, you aren't doing **** for yourself you're doing **** with this idea that you have to be good enough for an entire group of people who are all very different

leveling up is supposed to be for you, leveling up in ways you think other people might want is never going to make you feel fulfilled and also might not bring any of those people your way (partially because you might not actually know what they want and partially because there's a lack of inner truth)

i get feeling suicidal and isolated (for me it's a lot due to health issues and life circumstances etc) and i get feeling like at some point if life doesnt give in some direction then i'll be what snaps

sucks, i know it, and unfortunately i can't be particularly encouraging there on some level without it feeling really ******* dishonest because of my own mindset

posted April 25, 2022 10:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

You're the one cursing and getting emotional

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that's just how i talk and i am emotional lol watch me talk about anything and that's how i'll talk i curse a lot is what it is (i've noticed being from nyc can translate really poorly online and **** , things i wouldn't think twice about expressing in certain manners get taken as much harsher and so on)

but i'm not angry, and i wouldn't say i wasn't if that was a lie

just like i openly told you i get triggered by having my words twisted and feel ANXIETY (not anger) until things are set straight and need to explain

posted April 25, 2022 10:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Apology accepted. I never thought a woman could apologize. That's almost as good as sex honestly.

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seems like you've met some ****** people then tbh, because it's really abnormal to not apologize if there's something wrong

i'm not perfect and i don't need to be, no one is, so of course i can say and do the wrong things sometimes whatever my intentions

if i hurt someone then you know that's on me, and all i can do is apologize and work on it

i'm not looking to be someone who hurts you or treats you like your feelings and triggers etc are completely irrelevant, because that's really ****** up to do and they do matter

when i'm harsh it's a matter of me not expressing myself in the best manner, and that's not anyone's fault but mine and something to work on 🤷‍♀️ wrong is wrong no?

when i talk to you about these things it's because i want to see you happy and for you to move past this, so when i say something harsh it's to jar you and make you listen

but clearly what i did instead was cause harm that lasted, and didn't even get my point across because neither of us knows for sure what the specific issue i was trying to point out actually was