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posted October 05, 2009 06:30 AM         

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And I think you deserve someone who finds those bullocks.

He's not acknowledging you at all. That is really really hurtful.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:31 AM         

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This definitely is a poignant moment for you. You have two things happening here. One is the sleaze and the other is learning more about your boyfriend.

Hey, why not solve both problems in one hit!! Take along another date and say you needed that gorgeous strong man with huge muscles and saintly blue eyes to escort you for your absolute protection from predatory perverts!

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posted October 05, 2009 06:31 AM         

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A diamond ring on the wedding finger is a man magnet. That's my experience.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:31 AM         

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One problem is that because the other person hitting on you is a cheat, they make the assumption that you are too.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:33 AM         

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You're right PA. He is hurting me dreadfully and I'm tired of compensating for his rubbish. My family are hurt too. They want to meet him.

Koi, yep, well it will come to that in real life. He has to make a choice!

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posted October 05, 2009 06:34 AM         

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quote:

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One problem is that because the other person hitting on you is a cheat, they make the assumption that you are too.

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Yes! Yes! That is it! You've nailed it. How dare he do that to me. In my own house, aargggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!

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posted October 05, 2009 06:37 AM         

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Yeah, problems with sleazy men who have a difficulty hearing the word 'no'.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:37 AM         

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I know, wheels. One guy said to me that he thought I was the kind of person who could cheat and not think twice about it. He knew me for about an hour before he said that, so he didn't know me well. As it was, he didn't know me at all. Very very wrong. I think they just try to justify their own actions. Two wrongs don't make a right, as they say.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:38 AM         

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A cleansing ritual is required here. Who knows what to do? Burn a white candle? Place salt in your corners? Hang wind chimes at the windows?

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posted October 05, 2009 06:40 AM         

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koi, you may be onto something. Now, wheels, take the wind chimes and insert them in a rather inconvenient position and then take the lit candles and heat the chimes. Oh, I haven't used the salt yet. Well, you know what they say about rubbing salt into wounds? I've given you enough. You can work it out.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:41 AM         

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PA

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posted October 05, 2009 06:42 AM         

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Eucccchhh, some people don't deserve to be married at all. It makes a mockery of the whole thing.

I like the cleansing idea Koi.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:42 AM         

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posted October 05, 2009 06:43 AM         

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If married women get hit on when they say no, and when their husband's back is visible from another room, you will see why I say your boyfriend being around might not stop this kind of hassle.

The problem is ... what would he do if he found out?

I cringe at the thought of mr bm's possible reactions. It wouldn't be 'do you mind awfully not upsetting my wife', I know that much. He's got balls alright.

If your boyfriend knows and he won't go with you next time, that is not very good at all. I would be quite p!ssed of at that.

Now I don't really want mr bm to leap up and attack someone in rashness, but I know that if I can't handle a situation and he is called upon he will be there with his spear, sorry, he will be there to offer his protection.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:46 AM         

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All we have are the ones we love. If we cannot protect them then what do we have?

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posted October 05, 2009 06:48 AM         

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bm, I'm sure that Mr Angel would have a very similar reaction. Thing is - well, don't you want your man to be prepared to do that for you? Mr Angel looks very intimidating - like you really don't want to mess with him, anyway.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:49 AM         

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koi - it's not just wanting to protect those you love. It's wanting to know that you're loved enough that someone will want to protect you and what you have too.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:51 AM         

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If I tell him and he won't come then that's it for me. I think that is what I'm facing here. Although he can be very territorial with me when he perceives a threat. I've been out to the pub with him twice where this has happened, and normally he is very much hands-off with me but twice I got talking to acquaintances of his and he was there, right on it, arm round the shoulder etc.

So I know what he will do, he will come.

But this muddies the issue for me in this situation. I want him to come because HE WANTS TO COME. I don't want to shoehorn him into anything, for ***** sake he is a grown man. God I am so angry with him, this is becoming clear.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:55 AM         

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I understand that it's a deal breaker if you tell him and he doesn't come. It's like a slap in the face with a big I don't care written all over it. That's awful.

Telling him is not coercing him though. If you just tell him what happened and then say that this guy is going to also be there on Saturday, and that's all you say, you're just giving him the facts. I mean, let him know that you're upset about this guy, because you are and you should be. But that's not leading him, that's sharing your feelings with him.

And saying to him that it would really mean a lot to you if he came with you on Saturday isn't leading either. It's telling him what you need. That's not unreasonable in any way, honey.

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posted October 05, 2009 07:00 AM         

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Yes PA, you are right. I need to find some balls too, this situation is wearing me down so much.

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posted October 05, 2009 07:03 AM         

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I'm realy sorry for you wheels. I really know this situation, more than I'd like to admit, so I feel for you. It's so hard, because in the back of your throat is that lump that sits there in the full knowledge that that could be it and that sinking in your heart. It's awful. You need what you need. You can't let that go. You deserve what's going to make you happy. You deserve what you're asking for - it's not unreasonable or irrational at all. And you deserve the love that you need - and someone who makes you feel loved, because they love you and show you in ways that you can see and feel it, that fill your needs.

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posted October 05, 2009 07:06 AM         

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wheels, i think koi had a brilliant idea; do you have a strong gay friend? tell him what happen and bring him alone as your "bodyguard". why not, your boyfriend will have t e time to ponder the situation, while not being threatened. probably next time your boyfriend will show up, regardless of the stress to meet the in-laws. as you said you don't want to drag him there, you'd like him to come because he wants so. piscean or not, in laws are quite a big deal, and u wouldn't want your mama to see him punch another guy the first time she meets him no?

take care, and dont forget this week is a tough one for mutable signs, friday, T-square of gem moon, pisces uranus and virgo saturn (pluto sag/cap) you know, strong energies. my advice, take it cool

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posted October 05, 2009 07:07 AM         

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It seems like it is as a good an idea to get Mr Angel riled up as it is Mr Moon. Better to sort it out without their involvement. But nice to know they are in the background with their spears.

If you know Mr Wheels is a man who can be relied upon in the same way than that is all you need to know. If you aren't sure, that is indeed a problem. It is also a problem if you are expecting him to know by some kind of instinct that you are worried about this upcoming get together and that something is troubling you about it. That is as likely as him remembering his mother's birthday this year (yes, after nearly 50 years of having to remember this one day, Mr Moon still struggles), changing the toilet roll, etc, etc. There, you are expecting too much, love.

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posted October 05, 2009 07:09 AM         

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quote:

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And saying to him that it would really mean a lot to you if he came with you on Saturday isn't leading either. It's telling him what you need. That's not unreasonable in any way, honey.

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True.

But expecting him to guess that you want him to for some hidden reason maybe. Well, it's not unreasonable, just unrealistic.

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posted October 05, 2009 07:13 AM         

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"and show you in ways that you can see and feel it"

Yep, I need to be shown. I know he loves me but it's conditional. He went out with someone who in his words "Carted me around to family events like I was some sort of show pony". She was a bit extreme I think, and messed him about a lot, but this is ME and I have given him a lot of leeway (too much). (I have been through this before with another man, who didn't want me to meet his family - but I was only 17 then and from "the wrong side of the tracks" and he was bound for Oxford - but I was a good decent girl).

I feel like he isn't proud of me. I want to meet his family too, in the worst way. His mum sounds amazing. And he mumbled something about this months and months ago when we had a row and I told him how I feel about this, and he made all the right noises but nothing happened. I make excuses for him and I'm tired of it. My family thinks I'm going out with another weirdo and it looks like I am. My stepdad was drunk on Saturday and he was saying "I don't get involved in your personal life but we just want to meet him , we worry about you" and I felt uncomfortable which is a big red flag, because he isn't good for me in this way at all.

I really need to speak to him about this. Again.

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