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posted October 05, 2009 05:43 AM         

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Feeling really fed up today.

We had a house party for my sister's birthday on Saturday, all her friends came down, it was GREAT, but for one thing.

This man who was there with his WIFE, who he's been married to since forever was coming on to me big style, feeling my arse and asking for my number and generally being a horrible slimy creepy twat. Obviously it was whenever his wife wasn't around but she definitely was smelling something was off and I felt so bad for her, really bad because I like her a lot (I never met her husband before). I got really angry after a while and slapped him hard and yelled at him to stop. And then I went to bed. It really ruined the evening for me. Then when I was washing up in the morning he grabbed a teatowel to dry the dishes and was being really ewww, so you can't even blame the drink.

My boyfriend wasn't there.

It's just made me feel really depressed. Like, marriage is just sh!t and a piece of paper and what's it all about? And why did that happen in my own house? And my boyfriend wasn't there, but I shouldn't have to be presenting my own man as a signal that I'm off limits, the man is married! I feel really angry and upset and sort of violated (if that's not too dramatic). And the man is going to be there on Saturday when we go for drinks to celebrate my sister's birthday again, closer to her schoolfriends. I don't want to go anymore. My boyfriend's not coming to that either. I just feel like I am party to something I never asked for and it's made me feel so sh!t about relationships etc, just teary and crap. I can't even tell my sister.

Argh.

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posted October 05, 2009 05:53 AM         

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Threatening to tell his wife (whether you really intend to or not) should be enough for him to stop bothering you.

Sorry that that happened to you, wheels. It's crappy. That he's in your social circle sucks. I imagine that you'd just want it to stop. Telling your sister may be an option.

I think these situations shake our sense of faith in relationships. You think, that if this guy who is married could so apparently easily cheat on his wife, it makes you question your own relationship. That's why it's personal. That's how I see it. Well, that's how it makes me think, anyhow.

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posted October 05, 2009 05:57 AM         

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Ah, **** it. Just tell him you like girls. I'll put my hand up. Should I have to fly over and come along with you and our lips accidently meet, well........

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posted October 05, 2009 05:57 AM         

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Cheers PA, I think I will threaten to tell her, good idea. That should shut him up eh?

What a complete wanker!

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posted October 05, 2009 05:58 AM         

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Yuck - how gross! Don't feel bad about feeling bad, and don't get mad, get even!!! Which you did by slapping him.

What he did was disgraceful, disrespectful and violating.

Tell your sister and why should you change your plans for this d1ckhead? Someone needs to know to keep you safe!!

However!!!.... I went through a similar thing about 10 years ago. An old friend's new boyfriend asked for my number and asked to meet him. I was shocked and said "No, [my friend] was my friend and I would never do anything like that" (and actually how dare you think I think you're attractive, etc...).

I told my friend who then became ultra angry with me!!! Then we were not friends after that!

Sometimes I can't make women out - LOL. But one thing I do know is that man is totally over the boundary line.

Be careful, but don't let him ruin your fun. It sounds like he's ruining his wife's life anyway.

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posted October 05, 2009 05:59 AM         

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Oh, guaranteed that it'll shut him up. Total coward.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:00 AM         

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quote:

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Tell you sister and why should you change your plans for this d1ckhead? Someone needs to know to keep you safe!!

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Good point, koi. Yes. Yes. Yes. Can you tell your boyfriend as well as your sister? Maybe he could change plans to come along.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:01 AM         

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PA, you're gem!

Aw Koi, that's crap isn't it? I don't get that reaction either, but you did the right thing by telling her. Yeah, maybe I will tell my sister then. I definitely want to go.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:03 AM         

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You get points from me for slapping him.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:06 AM         

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My boyfriend doesn't want to come, he's being Piscean about meeting my family, who will be there en masse (my mother is one of 11 siblings and my Dad is one of 5 and most of the extended family are coming). So I don't really want to inflict that on him if he doesn't want to go, and I don't want to make him feel that this is some manipulation tactic on my part for him to come. I feel a bit annoyed that he won't come, bit let down and that's contributing to this, like he doesn't care much if some loser wants to get in my knickers. Which is irrational I know, because he doesn't know.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:06 AM         

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koi

I never understand that either. When a husband cheats, when the blame is always put on the other woman! I don't get that. I mean, I understand that she's not doing the right thing (if she knows he's married) but he's the one cheating.

It must be a hard truth to face.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:10 AM         

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wheels

I don't think that's irrational. Honestly, I'd be feeling the same way. I'd be feeling disappointed and hurt that he's choosing not to come and that he'd not be there (not just for protection, but just to be there with you, for you).

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posted October 05, 2009 06:12 AM         

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Men always get off easily. Women are the sinners - you just have to look in the Bible for that lesson....

Okay, dokey, that's enough from me and my little feminist rant

Actually there are many nice men and women out there, and nasty men and women out there. I'm trying hard at being a Humanist these days

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posted October 05, 2009 06:14 AM         

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Down because you are sensing a threat, is my feeling on this one.

Your instincts are kicking in and you are avoiding a situation where you could be left alone with him without protection.

His boundaries are way off. Unfortunately there are men who behave like this regardless of their marital status, and your marital status might not make any difference, either. Someone close to me has had this happen when her disabled husband was in another room. Years later she is still upset and disgusted by being treating this way.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:14 AM         

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Yep, he is a bit too much into cherry-picking the bits of my life which he feels comfortable getting involved with, which hurts. Nobody really relishes meeting family but at the end of the day this is going to be a deal breaker if he doesn't accept that sometimes I just NEED him. I will tell him I think, eff it. He can do with it what he likes.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:15 AM         

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Gee, your boyfriend is totally Piscean!!! Can you tell your Mum or Dad about this sleazy guy and ask them to keep a watchful eye on your well-being?

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posted October 05, 2009 06:16 AM         

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OMG! NOT THE FEMINIST RANT! ***save me***

All women are sinners. Yada, yada.

And all men just want to get off. Point.

Actually, what's wrong with wanting some chivalry? Seriously. I know in some way feminism wants us to be able to look after ourselves, but I love that protective quality in a man.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:17 AM         

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Yep, feeling threatened and looking for support that may not necessarily be forthcoming Blue. Aww nuts, I feel upset all over again.

That poor woman, I can understand her feeling that way because it's so disrespectful for her and for her husband, like she was easy pickings because her husband is disabled. Gross.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:18 AM         

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wheels. I really understand. It's that feeling that he's not there for you. Some things you need. They are a sign of commitment to you, to the relationship. That he'll have the balls to go beyond his fears and do something for you or something because it's important to you.

Sorry hon. I hope he changes his mind and comes - for you, because he knows that you need him to do that for you - it's important to you.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:19 AM         

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Feminist ranting! Hahaha! Bring it awn! Yeah, people of either sex are nice or nasty. Shame.

I think this is as much a boyfriend issue as it is about that man actually, Kat. I feel let down by him.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:20 AM         

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Yeah - that was a low down gross act!! I'm almost gagging!!

Hey just watch it PA, or I'll start campaigning of the benefits of bra burning and goatee growing

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posted October 05, 2009 06:24 AM         

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I hope he changes his mind too PA. We've been over this again and again. I have recently learned that his parents don't know about me at all, but he says he never tells them anything about his relationships. I am angry about that. I overheard him on the phone to his mother the other day (I haven't been party to any conversations with his mother before, but she's been ringing him a lot because he broke his foot). And he was telling her about his broken ankle and how *he* had got hold of some comfrey to make a poultice, how *he* had got arnica cream and how *he* had been taking foot baths with fresh lemongrass in it. I was livid.

I don't even know what to do. But it sucks.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:27 AM         

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Well I will rephrase that "I don't know why this is getting me down so much" into "I know exactly why this has been getting me down so much". The married guy - he not much bigger than me and I could take him. It's not about him at all. This is some watershed moment for me and my so called boyfriend I think.

Oh sod it. I am so tired of this crap. He needs to find some bollocks.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:28 AM         

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Unfortunately I really can empathise with this one - men can be real sleazes.

I'm not sure the boyfriend being around would necessarily stop this flat.

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posted October 05, 2009 06:29 AM         

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How come Blue? Have you had issues like this?

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