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Author
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Topic: What Makes A Self Actualized Person?
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:10 AM
  
Ok,I NEED to write.
I am on to the next phase of my growth.
I am almost out of numb.
I have been in a protected bubble where the world was a fairy tale.
The problem you have is when your childhood is NOT a fairy tale,you want to make your WHOLE life a fairy tale to compensate.
You don't WANT to but you DO.------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:13 AM
You don't WANT to have the defense mechanisms you have.
You just HAVE them .
If you see someone all twisted ,emotionally, they got that way from all the adjustments they had to make to keep going i.e.not die. I hope I have empathy for all the varying grades and shades of human's
I,of course, am in my own strange color of maroon mixed with light purple . ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:14 AM
I told my mother,today, that if she would not own that she sexually abused me, to never call me ,again.
It is a weird road that is opening.
I never wanted this road but it IS my road so I have to try to pave it the best way I can.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:17 AM
I am ready to take the next step which is to let the fairy tale world tear, a little. The Bible says to be as "wise as serpents, gentle as doves"
The wise as serpents part is the hurting part.
This world is not what fairy tales say it is unless you want to use fairy tales like Hansel and Gretyl when the witch wanted to put them in the oven.
Then, I guess, you could say it WAS  Well, that is all I have to write for ,now, but I will be back lol ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:21 AM
I just want to SEE what is real--in me ,in everyone and in life.
I want to accept what is real in the above things.
That is a person with good emotional and mental health.
That is one of my main goals.------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:31 AM
I guess this is part of what makes a self actualized person.
You have to know what is YOURS and what is not.
By that,I mean you can control all that is yours such as your character, integrity,dignity etc
No one can take that away from you.
If someone does something TO you, they cant take away YOUR dignity.
That is inherent in you. There are other things to let GO. A huge one,maybe the biggest,is excessive shame.
When you are abused, you have it--big time like a mammoth sitting in your living room. It hurts like a mammoth stepping on your head lol
That is no joke,of course.
The pain is horrible .
However, it is inside you so you can get rid of it,I feel quite sure.
I know you can! ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:41 AM
I had an incident when I should have lost my "dignity",maybe, but I didn't.
Someone(the person is gone, now) said things that should have humiliated me.
Then, the person said to close the thread so I would not be humiliated.
I was NOT humiliated. I said to leave it open but they closed it. I can only be humiliated if*I* do something.
I didn't do anything other than perhaps have too many emotions but that is no crime. That was kind of a pivotal experience in understanding that my sense of humiliation is INSIDE me--to be turned off and on my me,only,bottom line. ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:42 AM
My biggest goal ,now, it to get rid of excessive shame.
That is what I see out ,ahead.
Perhaps, you have excessive shame when you feel you are different from others,in a bad way,of course,like inherently flawed in ways others are not.------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 25, 2010 09:44 AM
The shame question is on my head. I feel better having talked about it a little bit.
I see where I need to go,anyway.
A map helps even if it is a sketchy one lol------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 09:08 AM
I had a wonderful experience ,if you could call it wonderful.
My mother accepted her sexual abuse of me, yesterday.
I told her never to call me again if she was gonna make me lie so she would not have to see her OWN face.
My strength is all from being on here 
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 10:17 AM
This is a pivotal day in my life. I am going to make a donation to LL cuz in my economy,I give back to people who have given to me.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 5922
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 26, 2010 12:54 PM
ami, i just saw your 12 step thread and i have a sincere and respectful question to ask you. maybe not simple though...since you apparently have experience with the 12 step programs, why do you not go to their meetings if that is the sort of experience you want? why would you come to a place where people gather to TALK and SHARE opinions and experiences if EVERY TIME SOMEONE offers a different viewpoint you are going to a) feel attacked b) close or threaten to close the thread on them for having their own viewpoints? in other words, what in you sees differences of opinion and REAL dialogue (ie not everyone sees things the same, some like to share their lessons with others, and some with all the best intentions in the world keep trying to point others in a more positive direction) as attack? you keep saying that what we see in others is a mirror, do you not see the mirrors that are held up to YOU? and why do you absolve PDF of every insult - and his were more blatant and continuous than any others here - and reject the sincere attempts to get through to you by others? again, there is no attack in my questions. i am stumped is all. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:07 PM
You know what, I can HEAR your genuine heart. I appreciate it very much.
I want to honor that by giving you a well thought out answer so I will be back!------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:20 PM
Ok, to answer my not "wanting"different opinions.
YOURS today was not an attack.It was a respectfully asked question, a respectfully expressed opinion.
What I called attacks were when I asked ,nicely , for people to STOP giving me their advice cuz it was not helpful to me and they would NOT.
If they gave me their advice ONCE and I said I did not want it and they stopped, that would not have been an attack.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:23 PM
Now, the other thing is what I perceive as an "attack".
One can only go by their gut.I may perceive an attack wrongly.
Maybe, it was meant as help.
However, if I ,nicely ,ask someone to stop and they don't,THAT confirms that it WAS an attack.
If they cared for me and I said I did not want their advice, they should stop,then and there and walk away.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:28 PM
I do want some people's "advice". Certain people talk to me in such a way that I FEEL it as loving and caring.
I want their advice such as Lonake, Popcorn, AJ or Randall.
They can criticize me cuz I feel it is in love.
With other people , I felt it as an attack.
Perhaps,it was NOT an attack, at first.
However, it became ONE when I did not want your advice and you would not stop.
It has to be my judgment call as to what and whose advice I want.
If someone gives me advice once and I say that it does not suit me , they need to leave that ONE time.
That seems fair to me.
What do you think,Kat?
IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 5922
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 26, 2010 01:29 PM
so was it an attack for you to keep insisting that your mother own up to her abuse? or was it a sincere desire to actually get through to her that this was important to you?AND...had i attached a laughing joker to my question would you have seen it as respectful? i ask because the MIRRORS part of my question is at least as important as the first part... IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:32 PM
As to PDF. Since he cannot come on here and hassle me, I can answer lol
I will tell you some things about me so maybe you can understand better.
I have an unaspected Gemini Venus. I have ,always, been aloof ,in love.
I, always ,stood back, a bit ,in a detached way cuz of my Venus,I guess.
PDF's Pluto is an exact trine to my Venus.
I have loved very few people in my life,my grandmother,children and him. Why do I love him ? I don't know but I do,very much. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 5922
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 26, 2010 01:37 PM
i have actually hardly spoken to you. and as to giving advice, maybe once or twice, no more. do you understand that OTHERS have felt attacked by you? and still others have, not "pig-piled" on YOU but come to the defense of those others whom they also perceived you to be attacking?as to PDF, loving someone and being okay with their abuse is not the same thing. you of all people must realize this? i mean, we love our mothers, despite the warps in their characters, don't we? but does that make it okay for them to twist us to their specifications? IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:37 PM
To answer why I talk here and not a 12th step meeting.
There are ALWAYS people who thank me for sharing.
There are ALWAYS people who come to talk to me on msn about their lives.
I am doing a service to SOME people by my sharing.
I am doing a service to myself.
As long as those two things continue ,I will continue to share .
This forum is the place to do it.------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:38 PM
Kat
What we are having NOW is a dialogue, for anyone wondering what a dialogue is.
This is a respectful dialogue between Kat and me------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 5922
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted December 26, 2010 01:40 PM
other things call right now. but i will be back..IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:43 PM
Ok
To answer the question of my mother and the use of the "joker" icon. Humor may or may not work. That is ,always,the risk inherent in humor.
The better the humor, the greater the risk.
Things are funny cuz they are true.
You can go over the edge with humor cuz it is a razors edge between humor and what is NOT appropriate to joke about. However, you WILL go over the edge in some people's minds.
That will ,always, happen with anyone's sense of humor.
I think a person can feel someone's heart.*I* can usually.
If not, I will ask them.Did you mean to laugh at me or this subject.
If they say,"No", then I will believe them if I trust their heart.
If I don't trust their heart,I would and should walk away, at any rate, and not have a relationship beyond superficial respect. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:44 PM
As to me asking my mother who molested me to 'fess up and people on a message Board giving me advice I have SAID I don't want, you cannot compare the two.
No reasonable person would.------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
Pluto conjunct Deja ,Bruh. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 4378
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 26, 2010 01:51 PM
How have others felt attacked by me?
I want to consider this.IF it is after I have asked people NOT to give me advice and they STILL do, I don't think it is fair to count.
Beyond that, I want to consider what you have to say cuz I think you are sincere in wanting to build bridges where we all can retain our dignity.
IP: Logged |
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