posted August 08, 2012 10:11 PM            

She said something that surprised me, but did not really surprise me. Basically that being a "Nice Guy" is very UNattractive to women.

I'm curious if this is true, when it comes to attraction, but down the road once the relationship has been through the ups and downs being a "Nice Guy" becomes more attractive?

I've had countless dude friends who wind up having their fmr GF breakup with them to go out with someone else and they were confused why it happened because they were "Nice Guys" in the relationship.

What was really odd to me was the usage of PUA (pickup artist) terminologies like winding up in the "friendzone" or being a "emotional tampon"

posted August 08, 2012 10:53 PM            

One of my ex bfs was a "nice guy" i knew him on casual terms for about a year and never thought twice about him prior to that... He came into an interesting period in my life and i said why not, he is really nice to me but i was just not very physically into him. No matter what he did, My mojo would not get reved up. No wonder it fizzled rather quickly.. Lasted 3 months. I broke up with him and everyone hated me for it.

posted August 08, 2012 11:02 PM            

Also suspect the constant attention becomes a bit to much. I wonder if this is what was meant by "mysterious"?

The young lady in question had been treated horribly by an ex BF, she was very overweight at one point and had lost over 100 pds, gotten a BA in Sociology etc.

But one of my little hard won lessons about relationships is that situation is fraught with peril as it breeds a sort of codependence of Abuser/Abused.

posted August 08, 2012 11:15 PM            

To be totally honest, I am suspicious if a guy seems too nice. People are nice until they're not anymore and usually the nicer they seem, the bigger the surprise. I much rather prefer to know what's wrong with them from the beginning, know what I am getting myself into, rather than find out years later, when we're married with a kid on the way. No thanks. Nice guys pretend to be nice until they have a hold on you, then they show you who they really are. Some are actually misogynists in disguise, some are actually very selfish, some develop a drinking problem or other addiction. Just because a guy seems nice, doesn't mean he really is or that he'll stay like that.

posted August 08, 2012 11:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
This doesnt make sense to me. Y cant u be nice and sexy attractive whatever at the same time?

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posted August 08, 2012 11:18 PM            

A complicating factor is that women are trained to not be aggressive in relationships and especially not sex yet desire these things, so they want the man (who IS encouraged by society to do these things) to take the lead and give them what they want because they'll feel too guilty (or at least fear what others will say) if they pursue these things on their own. This makes the players who are bold attractive to them because they hope he'll volunteer what they want.

And interesting to me, one woman almost broke up with a guy because he wouldn't use profanity which made her feel bad and slutty because she did...he had to save the relationship by cussing (and sounding like he meant it). Go figure. At least they were teens at the time.

Interesting enough some women won't tell a man what she wants and gets angry when he can't figure it out (or worse, plays some mind game like saying she doesn't want sex and then getting angry when the man says "ok" and backs off, which is one of the few things I'll blast a woman for doing, that is getting angry at him for respecting her and thus encouraging him to not respect women). I don't understand why plenty of women insist on doing this when a problem many have with plenty of "nice guys" is that they're the same way (so they should know better), they're just throwing out little hints and hoping a woman will pick up on his hints and respond the way he hopes and that only rarely happens. And then these so-called "nice guys" get resentful when women don't shower him with love & praise (and even sex, and a few guys say things like that outright) for simple kindness and becomes passive aggressive as well as blaming women instead of himself. In this case they MIGHT be nice but are messed up, or they may be outright manipulative ******** trying to get what they want by guilt and hidden price tags (and thus not nice at all).

And as for the many "nice guys" who aren't nice at all, I'll let these people give their take on it:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml

posted August 08, 2012 11:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
This doesnt make sense to me. Y cant u be nice and sexy attractive whatever at the same time?

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That is one of the mysteries of sustained attraction Sand, looks only go so far, then other factors come into play such as:

-A Challenge
-Do you need fixing?
-Does one have your own life aside from the relationship?
-Clingy?
-a doormat?

Etc, it is fascinating stuff to me, another thing that stunned me was those PUA types "rate" according to looks, I asked the young woman what she would rate herself as, she said a "2" on a scale of 10!

posted August 08, 2012 11:22 PM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Interesting Junethird, what my experience has been is that when a guy is just super nice, and the woman has dealt with drama, the super nice guy will not be around for very long.

Also suspect the constant attention becomes a bit to much. I wonder if this is what was meant by "mysterious"?

The young lady in question had been treated horribly by an ex BF, she was very overweight at one point and had lost over 100 pds, gotten a BA in Sociology etc.

But one of my little hard won lessons about relationships is that situation is fraught with peril as it breeds a sort of codependence of Abuser/Abused.

But we did have a great conversation!

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You need to understand one thing. Most of us are messed up people, being rejected when we were most vulnerable, feeling unloved and worthless because daddy didn't care or whatever. MOST women carry this emotional baggage with them. We are attracted to people who will make us relive the earlier abuse, bring it to the front so we can deal with it. But unfortunately it takes people years or forever to get the courage to deal with them, so they attract more and more abusers (and reject the nice guy) because that's what their subconscious is telling them.

This is basically why (some) women cannot appreciate the nice guys. They're not ready for them.

posted August 08, 2012 11:26 PM            

quote:

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A complicating factor is that women are trained to not be aggressive in relationships and especially not sex yet desire these things, so they want the man (who IS encouraged by society to do these things) to take the lead and give them what they want because they'll feel too guilty (or at least fear what others will say) if they pursue these things on their own. This makes the players who are bold attractive to them because they hope he'll volunteer what they want.

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posted August 08, 2012 11:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Junethird:
Padre,

Yes.. I kind associated with having a composite sun in the 6H kinda relationship. One always gives, the other always takes... No balance. You should want to do things for your partner and vice versa.

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What I've found is the previously abused party will then see "ah-hah, this guy is a pushover so now it is my chance to do to him what that last jerk did to me" if one is that "Nice Guy".

posted August 08, 2012 11:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
What I've found is the previously abused party will then see "ah-hah, this guy is a pushover so now it is my chance to do to him what that last jerk did to me" if one is that "Nice Guy".

I also agree with Hera about a "nice guy" is really simply a passive aggressive type who is not being themselves at first, but will change later on much to the surprise of the other person in the relationship.

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Gosh, iam missing a huge component in my core then... I didnt see it as a revenge type of thing. But its true it only take one guy to mess you up real good emotionally... Once bitten, twice shy.

posted August 08, 2012 11:36 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:

(or at least fear what others will say) if they pursue these things on their own. This makes the players who are bold attractive to them because they hope he'll volunteer what they want.

And as for the many "nice guys" who aren't nice at all, I'll let these people give their take on it:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml

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Agree on the women are trained that the man will take the lead on things sexual (most times, could tell stories )

Secondly, I'm not sure if it is funny, or slightly disturbing that you have a link to that website handy..

posted August 08, 2012 11:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Junethird:
Gosh, iam missing a huge component in my core then... I didnt see it as a revenge type of thing. But its true it only take one guy to mess you up real good emotionally... Once bitten, twice shy.

Yes... You get to know someone real well when you live with them.

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posted August 08, 2012 11:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Junethird:
You can be all that... But it might not translate into a long term relationship. Your partner should inspire you to be all those things and more. If he is nice to everyone than its like woah... Not a big deal and it devalues it. Just my 2 cents.

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posted August 08, 2012 11:50 PM            

Nice guys who lie and think that a decision not to call them on their first lie means we're not going to dump them when they do it again. In other words: stupid guys.

Nice guys who make friends with us and then think we owe them something more than friendship.

Nice guys who have no hobbies except sitting around wishing they had a girlfriend like all those cool guys on THE REAL WORLD.

Nice guys who, upon getting a girlfriend, feel they "don't really deserve her". This is insulting. If you don't think you are worth something special, then what you are telling her is that SHE picked a loser.

Nice guys who put women on pedestals. By worshipping her, you objectify and demean her.

Nice guys who think they're the ONLY amateurs in the world at love, and that when a woman doesn't want to have anything to do with them, they're hateful, spiteful bitches who are experts at hurting poor, poor widdle innocent nice guys. Yep, we all read books on how to do it. All girls receive secret, expert instruction from their gym teachers, usually in 5th grade in most school districts, about the ins and outs of love, while the poor nice guys are left to fumble around with no clues.

Nice guys who are too STUPID to figure out any other way out of their so-called predicament except to conclude that they have to become woman-battering heavy drinkers and sports players.

Nice guys who want a beautiful, attractive woman, but do little to take care of their own appearance. We're not talking about being a muscle-bound creep, but fer crissakes get some exercise! Take up some kind of activity or hobby that gets you off your flabby butt. Walk or ride your bike to work; go for walks at lunch; use the stairs instead of the elevator.... Do a coupla situps in the morning before your shower. How can you have ANY stamina in lovemaking if you get out of breath climbing a couple of flights of stairs?

Nice guys who sit there passively waiting for life to happen to them, instead of actively pursing their goals and dreams."

From PixieJane's link..that is gold!

Personally I enjoy having female friends as they have such a different perspective on life and the world then my male friends.

BUT I make it clear where I'm coming from, if I'm interested in them, I'll point blank ask if they have a relationship going if they do that is the end of that, they go into my friendzone, also make it a habit to not hit on some poor women on the job as imo it is just taking advantage of them having to be nice as a part of their job.

That sort of crap disgusts me tbh..that to me IS creepy.

posted August 08, 2012 11:51 PM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Well, suspect that is something of a learned behavior, in the prior relationship of push/pull constantly, the behavior is just repeated but instead of the feedback they are used to getting, they get no reaction at all..which means the "answer" is to then double down on the behavior and Mr Nice Guy is then even further confused about what is going on as his answer is to be even nicer and more accommodating.

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posted August 08, 2012 11:55 PM            

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
oh god dont even get me started on this -_-

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posted August 08, 2012 11:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
I didnt mean nice to everyone. Just to you. In my quest fpr growth i wud like to be nice lol y not?

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posted August 08, 2012 11:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
oh god dont even get me started on this -_-

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posted August 08, 2012 11:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by sand:
I didnt mean nice to everyone. Just to you. In my quest fpr growth i wud like to be nice lol y not?

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