posted October 01, 2012 05:47 PM            

Among men a top is one who is "male" and the bottom is one who is more "female." I suppose to the male psyche that might mean d/s (and tops do tend to be more alpha and many aren't recognized as gay because they tend to be so masculine in appearance & behavior) but my impression is more of preferences of sexual roles, and perhaps passive/active would be more accurate. And plenty "switch" (that is, take turns) who are known as "versatile."

Among women gender roles normally become a lot less important (and power games a lot more complicated) and to "top" means to act more as a man in bed alone, but it's subtly different from gay men. Generally speaking women are much more versatile sexually and in every other way (the gender roles really blur if they even exist at all), and a lesbian (or bi) who doesn't reciprocate isn't called a bottom but a "pillow princess/queen" (and a lot more unflattering names), the equivalent being what some straight men have called a "do me queen" (she just lays there and expects her man to do all the work). A lesbian who regularly tops a pillow princess is more likely to be submissive than dominant (if either one is in charge in the relationship) though sometimes a pillow princess/queen spoils her partner in other ways (such as giving a place to live, putting through college, etc) so that she is more of a "sugar mamma" (as opposed to a dominatrix) but I don't think it's that common. A dominant lesbian can also be maternally dominant (as well as a pillow queen, which is to say the one who "wears the pants" isn't the boss) as well. Of course there are studs, A-Gs (stands for "aggressive"), bulldykes (but "dykes" is a term for general lesbian these days not just a manly one), and others who are masculine in behavior, appearance, and sexual roles, though even then they can spoil or be submissive just as a man can (and I don't think they're that common, though people find it easiest to recognize & remember them as lesbians). Interesting enough both gay men & lesbians have a submissive (often with a rep of being young and playing around, but that's not always the case) called a "boi" (but even here there are subtle differences between the genders).

posted October 01, 2012 06:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by libragrrrl0923:
Regarding the 4x a day conservative...

Pastor's daughter here that has experienced all kinds of kinks...

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When I was raised in the Bible Belt church was seen by teens (and probably many adults) as a place to hook up. Apparently there's just something about being told how sinful sex is that makes it all the more appealing, and sex (or so it's said) often follows a sermon within an hour or so, sometimes the moment people can find some privacy (be it home, woods, or truck).

And when I was the victim of **** rumors it was mostly Christian boys (and a couple of adult men) who came onto me hoping I'd put out, and then bear false witness about my having done so after. And this isn't "most of them Christian because nearly everyone in the Bible Belt professes to be one even when they're not" but those who tend to aggressively display their religion.

One thing I found interesting was when I had a Catholic friend (where I've learned most of the Christian jokes I tell, especially the dirty ones) who really wanted me to become Catholic for some reason. I told her there's no way I could believe in it and she said "true Catholics are jaded anyway." But she shared about her life in a Catholic boarding school and wow, I thought the public schools I went to were promiscuous...she'd had hardcore sex with both genders, including S&M, before she'd turned 13 (sometimes in the school itself)!

posted October 01, 2012 06:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by libragrrrl0923:
Regarding the 4x a day conservative...

Pastor's daughter here that has experienced all kinds of kinks...

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Oh, gawd...

posted October 01, 2012 06:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
When I was raised in the Bible Belt church was seen ..

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Yup... I can vouch for the catholic sentiment. By paper, i'm supposed to be "catholic". I met a chick who went to catholic school and that girl had gotten around quite a bit. Her best friend was given the name "roast beef".. This all took place a lot earlier than i've been informed of while going to public school.

Cocaine was dealt in that catholic school as they were purchasing smarties. It's not the first time i hear of that.

I also remember some of the boys playing a little bit more than i've seen boys do while i was younger and was invited along with some to go to church..

I've probably seen less debauchery in a dungeon.

posted October 01, 2012 11:51 PM            

Totally agree, I'm not promiscuous either and waited to have sex until 18. Married my first sexual partner and surprisingly had great sexual chemistry despite having lost our virginity together.

The really good thing about being w one person for a long time, is you get to know each other well and feel comfortable in experimenting. It is more challenging to find comfort w a shorter tryst (in my experience), but certainly possible.

Lol the thing w my high libido is I want sex if it is good, dislike wasting time on bad sex. Thankfully most of the sexual encounters of past were really good. And hubby when he is in the mood totally rocks my world which makes it more annoying when he is not, as I know exactly what I'm missing.

Only one stands out as awful, he finished very fast before I'd even warmed up and didn't take care of my desire. He literally just got dressed without apologizing or even acknowledging the ackwardness. Lol needless to say he was forever in the friend category afterwards, such a shame as I really cared.

posted October 02, 2012 02:44 PM            

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Needless to say one lousy session ruined what might have been an amazing thing as the chemistry was awesome[/B]

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posted October 02, 2012 04:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Remember than one-third of all men have ED by the time they hit their early 30s.

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I didn't realize that! Oy!

posted October 03, 2012 01:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Also, keep your men away from alcohol, tobacco, excessive caffeine, soda, etc. Causes performance issues for sure. Lean meat is good. Fruits and vegetables are very good. Processed crap that men like to consume are very bad. Weight is bad. Bellies are very bad. I see skinny guys with big bellies and i shake my head. Make sure he exercises vigorously. Taking a stroll around the block does not help. Do sweaty macho stuff to keep the testosterone flowing. That's how you keep man performing well into his 70s.

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Can attest to the exercise part, it really does put sex drive off of the hook.

It is odd as men typically get more sedentary as we age when the plain fact is "if you rest you rust" is true.

posted October 03, 2012 04:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
I do think consistently having a small handful of alcoholic beverages has an overall beneficial effect, but that means 2-3 not a frat house amount every single night.

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Alcohol can work either way... see "whiskey d*ck" But I think that's goes more into the extreme usage.

posted October 03, 2012 06:25 PM            

My husband has been having trouble keeping up w me,which I think is connected to his unhealthy diet and lack of exercise. Right before our youngest was born three years ago, he stopped being enthusiastic due to an increased work schedule. After our son was born, he really retreated as it is stressful for both of us to balance out family & work.

It's been stressful as sometimes he falls asleep before nine pm and he isn't even 30 years old yet. Strongly feel its the added stress plus the lack of exercise, as he is in love with television shows and video games. He loves junk food, and usually just chills out on the sofa watching tv w chips and soda.

posted October 03, 2012 07:11 PM            

For example, some men become excited by a naked women but others are intimidated or even put off (preferring to leave much to imagination, or for claiming rather than passively taking). Some men find lingerie very exciting but other men find lingerie boring or even a turn off. Fantasy is important to many so some men can find themselves feeling a lot more desire with a woman dressed a certain way...some like the goth look, others like the nurse, and then there's the teen **** , the domineering teacher with hair up in a bun, a power suit that speaks of power and wealth, naive, some find submissive women hot but others prefer women who are demanding (and possibly domineering). As Halloween is coming up this might be a perfect time to check out the local adult toy store as they tend to know all about that (with a little creativity you could even fish out what he likes this way, possibly without even dragging him into such a shop).

Sometimes even a pair of (correctly shaped) glasses (or taking them off) can work miracles. Or just changing your look (like your hair color) to make you seem like someone different (and thus a whiff of forbidden and thus desirable for some), though I did know one woman who lost her husband's attention by changing her look.

And then there's so many other things that can excite men, engage their imagination and bring out their freak side. Sometimes it's as simple as cuddling and being sweet & inviting, though others don't care for that and prefer either more of a challenge or even make up sex after a fight. And there are many other things you can do, too. You gotta tread carefully, however, as what works with one will leave another man cold (and may be hard to heat him up again).

posted October 03, 2012 08:09 PM            

He used to be much more active outdoors and interested in going out, finding new things to do. Now he mostly wants to zone out w tv and what seems to be a video game addiction, as he has cut off from what he used to enjoy

. I worry about this as it can get lonely having a relationship by yourself, and his health/social life are suffering. When I go out and do my own thing it bothers him to feel left out, yet he won't get off the sofa and come along.

posted October 04, 2012 08:39 AM            

If I may make a few suggestions. To get him to be involved in your world, try to get involved in his world as well.

I'm a video gamer myself, but I on;y game after my wife is asleep. We go out together to do things we like doing together. I guess I am fortunate that we have a lot of hobbies that we share.

But to get him off the sofa, get on the sofa for a bit yourself. Watch a bit of whatever he likes watching, then make him do a bit of whatever you like doing outdoors. Slowly increase this percentage, and you'll find more common ground than you expected.

posted October 04, 2012 09:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Desire is often in the mind, too. The trick is finding what it is rather than just reading some Cosmo article or watching some brief talk on it on one of the morning news programs and figuring "all men are the same" (and thus believing what works on one will work on them all).

For example, some men become excited by a naked women but others are intimidated or even put off (preferring to leave much to imagination, or for claiming rather than passively taking). Some men find lingerie very exciting but other men find lingerie boring or even a turn off. Fantasy is important to many so some men can find themselves feeling a lot more desire with a woman dressed a certain way...some like the goth look, others like the nurse, and then there's the teen **** , the domineering teacher with hair up in a bun, a power suit that speaks of power and wealth, naive, some find submissive women hot but others prefer women who are demanding (and possibly domineering). As Halloween is coming up this might be a perfect time to check out the local adult toy store as they tend to know all about that (with a little creativity you could even fish out what he likes this way, possibly without even dragging him into such a shop).

Sometimes even a pair of (correctly shaped) glasses (or taking them off) can work miracles. Or just changing your look (like your hair color) to make you seem like someone different (and thus a whiff of forbidden and thus desirable for some), though I did know one woman who lost her husband's attention by changing her look.

And then there's so many other things that can excite men, engage their imagination and bring out their freak side. Sometimes it's as simple as cuddling and being sweet & inviting, though others don't care for that and prefer either more of a challenge or even make up sex after a fight. And there are many other things you can do, too. You gotta tread carefully, however, as what works with one will leave another man cold (and may be hard to heat him up again).

That is to say, IF your guy can (and WANTS) to become more sexualized then don't just focus on his habits, but your own as well.

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Your posts interest me. I like how you break things down and consider the psychological side of it.

posted October 04, 2012 11:02 AM            

Yes, with three makes total our house is a gamers paradise. It's funny, our youngest son loves games like super Mario brothers and wii party. I'm trying to become more involved in the games, even reserved Dishonored at GameStop (oldest son keeps the game, I get the included tarot deck).

Hubby has been making a big effort to limit the game sessions too. Lately he's been playing in the morning before I'm up for the day. Joining him for tv time is a great idea, we started watching the voice & X factor. Before I rarely watched tv, finding it fun having something to discuss (contestants, results, Simon

The cooking together idea is fabulous. Hubby is a true Cancerian, loves food and is an excellent cook I like the idea of cooking together, going to start doing that today