posted November 23, 2012 06:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Honestly, if you don't love the person, it is just a mechanical thing imo

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great topic, enjoying all the different views!

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i would like to ask dem pot stirrers, dirty flirts, and hairy aquas to stop derailing the topic. ok tanks.

posted November 23, 2012 09:17 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ail221:

To answer the question for most people it doesn't seem like they harbor some special affection for that person rather they just remember the first person they had sex with. The whole "first time" with someone is very romanticized. Understandably if that was a person that was your "first everything" it makes everything even more significant to that person.

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OK...that makes sense.

I think the memories people share about that tend to be vivid (not graphic, usually, but infused with emotion); maybe I translated their special interest in the event as "affection" when really it was just a kind of rite of passage they were paying close attention to.

My first time was with a guy I loved completely; he loved me back, and it was his first time, too. It took me years to get over it. Once, I was talking to my older brother about how difficult it was for me to get over this boyfriend, and he said something like, "Well, the relationship probably wasn't as special as you think~ everyone just glorifies that first time."

I was really baffled by his comment, and started second guessing my perception. Did I inflate the importance of it just because everyone does? Was it the relationship that was special, or just how I distorted it to match the fairy tale I had in my head?

It's all in the past so there's not much value in analyzing it, I don't think. But I did want to know if others had the same confusion, retrospectively.

posted November 23, 2012 09:20 AM            

You know I wanted to thank you for something. Of all my outspoken talk on things on which we differ, you have always remained my friend.

That takes a lot of grace

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted November 23, 2012 09:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:

I was very shut down by that point. I just was a mass of numbness and could not feel what I was feeling.

God protected me, as I found out that this guy had slept with almost every girl at Vassar

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Sorry it was that way, Ami.

But you're right...you were lucky, in a way.

posted November 23, 2012 10:22 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted November 23, 2012 11:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Thanks, Venus

OK...that makes sense.

I think the memories people share about that tend to be vivid (not graphic, usually, but infused with emotion); maybe I translated their special interest in the event as "affection" when really it was just a kind of rite of passage they were paying close attention to.

My first time was with a guy I loved completely; he loved me back, and it was his first time, too. It took me years to get over it. Once, I was talking to my older brother about how difficult it was for me to get over this boyfriend, and he said something like, "Well, the relationship probably wasn't as special as you think~ everyone just glorifies that first time."

I was really baffled by his comment, and started second guessing my perception. Did I inflate the importance of it just because everyone does? Was it the relationship that was special, or just how I distorted it to match the fairy tale I had in my head?

It's all in the past so there's not much value in analyzing it, I don't think. But I did want to know if others had the same confusion, retrospectively.

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posted November 23, 2012 03:10 PM            

quote:

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i would like to ask dem pot stirrers, dirty flirts, and hairy aquas to stop derailing the topic

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Nyahahahah

quote:

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I was really baffled by his comment, and started second guessing my perception. Did I inflate the importance of it just because everyone does?

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It kinda seems that virginity is made out to be some big important thing. And losing our virginity should be all important and special and to the one you love, etc.

posted November 23, 2012 05:13 PM            

It is historically ingrained in all cultures as part of the BIRTH - DEATH - CREATION cycle~ so it's a profound milestone, and as with all major life events, at one time would have been an event of "initiation" into adulthood, and becoming part of the cycle.

So, we still hold it dear to us, whatever our faith/culture/morality. And, then it takes on whatever meaning we as individuals, or part of our society/background that we are taught it should hold.

For most of us in the Western or modern world, that is virginity as the loss of purity... which is often equated with religion, justly or not. Religion gives the loss of virginity a meaning with severe consequences... whereas historically, religions embraced it as part of a coming of age experience, and many religions celebrated it on a massive scale, dedicating entire festivals to the act as rights of passage/initiation into society.

The value placed on virginity - as a prize in women - on the other hand - has more to do with how prevalent STDs were in those times, and that a woman who was bought by her husband/master as *pure* would not have such diseases to give him/his harem...

but, that's all a bit much and goes astray from the topic, I suppose.

^>^;

posted November 23, 2012 05:43 PM            

quote:

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virginity as the loss of purity

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Yah I never really got that, lollll. Like, there are other things that are more important than whether or not you/she/they have had sex yet.

posted November 23, 2012 06:17 PM            

it was that whole '80s (post 70s free-love) AIDS/HIV scare... it put Sex-culture back 20 years!~!~!

Maybe the next generation will be more progressive, I mean we have another (what was it) 3 states that allow same sex marriages~ which is a huge achievement, (but in reality, had it not been for that rigid conservatism lingering we'd probably have it in all states by now, I realize), but still... it's a move towards the better~

A little more of that and a little less contradiction coming from places like the government/vatican/pop-media.... ~ then we'll actually see a change, maybe even some of that (less reckless) free-love from the 70's~ since history likes to repeat itself they say~ hehe

posted November 23, 2012 06:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
It kinda seems that virginity is made out to be some big important thing. And losing our virginity should be all important and special and to the one you love, etc.

I thiiiink that's because of religion being a very important part of society at one point. Like, in Christianity, for example, you're supposed to not have sex until after you're married. I'm not sure about other religions, anyone else feel free to add.

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posted November 23, 2012 07:51 PM            

quote:

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i would like to ask dem pot stirrers, dirty flirts, and hairy aquas to stop derailing the topic

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posted November 23, 2012 08:36 PM            

I was 16, we met at school, it started out innocently enough, but he started being more pushy and I eventually gave in.

This was way before I got into astrology but of course he was a Cancer, and neither Cancers or Caps are very good at letting go of things, so even though we were only fwb this went on for probably like a year and a half.

If there were emotions involved, it was more of the typical naive girl re affirms her own low self esteem by feeling used and/or rejected by arrogant player

Thankfully I am not 16 anymore lol. He actually recently contacted me through facebook basically saying "Hey I have a girlfriend but it would be great to hang out again if you know what I mean"

No thank you lol.

posted November 23, 2012 09:09 PM            

My mom believed that too and waited to have sex until she married my dad (in college), she herself said that was a major incentive to get married at such a young age. Anyway turns out after the "love" and lust faded they actually did not get along at all, lived in a miserable marriage for over 10 years and ended up divorced to move on to other people anyway

posted November 23, 2012 09:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireMoon:
Love, ok, but marriage...

My mom believed that too and waited to have sex until she married my dad (in college), she herself said that was a major incentive to get married at such a young age. Anyway turns out after the "love" and lust faded they actually did not get along at all, lived in a miserable marriage for over 10 years and ended up divorced to move on to other people anyway

Maybe I am a bit cynical and jaded by my own experiences, but I just can't help but think that maybe teaching kids that some day they will fall in love and get married and THEN it's ok to have sex just isn't always the best approach...

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posted November 23, 2012 09:22 PM            

quote:

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they are suggesting that you hold out on sex until you fall in love... I think its good advice personally

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It's not about being realistic, it's about allowing yourself and others to make choices for themselves. The best advice is to do whatever you want, as long as it's consensual and safe. If you want to hold out, by all means, but don't tell others what they should or shouldn't do.

posted November 23, 2012 09:22 PM            

I think my first time happened in what some people might consider an "ideal" circumstance...because we loved each other, and I didn't get pregnant, what more can a teenage girl want??

AND...drumroll...it totally broke my heart to a million pieces when it was over! Great!

LOL, I'm not sure if there is ever a fail-safe "solution." I guess everyone has to figure it out for themselves, but some are too young to know how to.

posted November 23, 2012 09:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
It's not about being realistic, it's about allowing yourself and others to make choices for themselves. The best advice is to do whatever you want, as long as it's consensual and safe. If you want to hold out, by all means, but don't tell others what they should or shouldn't do.

(I'm speaking generally there, aquaguy, not at you!)

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posted November 23, 2012 09:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ail221:
I wouldn't necessarily say their are religion is primary the cause of the stigma some people associate the loss of virginity with just the big three monotheistic religions. Most of it seems to center around maintaining or preserving a certain state of the human body. The original meaning of "virginity" from the greeks referred to a unmarried woman free to take a lover and even farther back it meant: Virgin in the context that had more to do with state of mind and attitude rather than physical attributes or sexual status. Often the Virgin goddesses were unmarried, but this did not mean that they were necessarily asexual. In fact, some of the virgin goddesses expressed their sexuality openly, owning their sexuality proudly and without shame. A women who belonged to herself.

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posted November 23, 2012 11:35 PM            

to the OP,

I don't harbor any kind of special affection. Maybe for a few years afterwards, i did. But that was like aeons ago now. Very distant memory now. So distant now it seems like lifetimes ago and I have no emotional attachemt towards him. Thankfully it was a mutual, pleasant enough (with my boyfriend at the time, ...(though probably slightly awkward experience.....as first times of anything usually are.

but no, no special feelings toward it or him now.

now it's like, "Who?" ....'oh...oh yeah. him.'

lol almost forgot about that one.

posted November 24, 2012 12:42 AM            

Some time back a person posted that they doubted anyone here at LL
had experienced rape or rape like they had.
That thread is closed so I cannot reply there.
Part of that post:

quote:

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Not to slam home my point too hard. How many of you women forcibly
had sex by 10 years old such that blood dripping down your vaginas. None.

I was raped in my anus.

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