|
Author
|
Topic: Should Men Open Doors For Women?
|
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 56438
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted December 22, 2012 01:16 PM
  
I like it. I had someone working on my house and he kept calling me Ma'am. It was sweet. I asked him about it and he said that was how he was raised. It made me feel special  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Lexxigramer
Moderator Posts: 4143
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012
|
posted December 22, 2012 09:48 PM
I am not comfortable with being addressed as ma'am.
I am 58 years old and it makes me feel like I am being viewed as some very old person.
Respected yes, but in a kind of personally depressing way.
I reserve using ma'am generally for like 90 years old and up.
IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4969
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted December 22, 2012 10:08 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
I am not comfortable with being addressed as ma'am.
I am 58 years old and it makes me feel like I am being viewed as some very old person.
Respected yes, but in a kind of personally depressing way.
I reserve using ma'am generally for like 90 years old and up.
I think this is regional. I was raised in Texas to say "ma'am" and I did so without thinking, but I got chewed out for it in California repeatedly because of this reason. Generally speaking I only say "ma'am" today to someone who isn't elderly (and not trying to appear younger) if I notice they also use such words glibly or that they have a strong Southern accent (or if I'm back in Texas). IP: Logged |
Lexxigramer
Moderator Posts: 4143
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012
|
posted December 22, 2012 10:47 PM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
I think this is regional. I was raised in Texas to say "ma'am" and I did so without thinking, but I got chewed out for it in California repeatedly because of this reason. Generally speaking I only say "ma'am" today to someone who isn't elderly (and not trying to appear younger) if I notice they also use such words glibly or that they have a strong Southern accent (or if I'm back in Texas).
Yes when in the south or if said by a southern accent person I am less bothered by it.
I lived in Georgia for while with my grandmother when I was in elementary school, so was used to hearing it and saying ma'am/sir to adults.
However it just does not feel right in Ohio to me.
Often when ma'am or sir is used by a Northerner, it is used sarcastically to address someone formally yet rudely.
------------------
NumeroLexigrams
~I remember,
therefore I am immortal
~Lexxigramer
My Lexigramming Biography
IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2128
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
|
posted December 23, 2012 12:46 AM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
I think this is regional. I was raised in Texas to say "ma'am" and I did so without thinking, but I got chewed out for it in California repeatedly because of this reason. Generally speaking I only say "ma'am" today to someone who isn't elderly (and not trying to appear younger) if I notice they also use such words glibly or that they have a strong Southern accent (or if I'm back in Texas).
quote:
Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Yes when in the south or if said by a southern accent person I am less bothered by it.
I lived in Georgia for while with my grandmother when I was in elementary school, so was used to hearing it and saying ma'am/sir to adults.
However it just does not feel right in Ohio to me.
Often when ma'am or sir is used by a Northerner, it is used sarcastically to address someone formally yet rudely.
Oh, geeze yes.
I hit this like a brick wall up north.
And there are few things that will confuse a southerner as quickly as having someone get offended/upset by their use of sir or ma'am.
------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects.
IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 7029
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted December 23, 2012 08:46 AM
I live in New England. Not all Northerners are rude. Not all Southerners are polite. And I replace Ma'am with Dear Lady in the UK. It's like using Mdm/Mdmmse in France or Señora/Señorita in Spain. What's the problem exercising manners? And I have the accent of the take out food delivery guy. Well, if you can imagine a cross between a typical Chinese, a Brit and a New Yawker. IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2128
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
|
posted December 23, 2012 10:58 AM
Not all northerners are rude, many southerners aren't polite (especially once you move beyond surface interactions), but the ma'am/sir thing still holds true for most.------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2128
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
|
posted December 23, 2012 11:00 AM
BUT the good people of Watertown, NY are overwhelmingly rude 
They can be as sweet as can be once you get to know them, but they're not particularly pleasant when it comes to casual interactions.I, personally, noticed a huge difference in general attitudes when I moved to there from southern Alabama.
It was as pronounced a culture shock as traveling abroad can be. ------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
mockingbird
Knowflake Posts: 2128
From:
Registered: Dec 2011
|
posted December 23, 2012 11:08 AM
And I think that may be where it comes in.Many northerners seem to think that the effusive politeness that is customary in the south is sickly sweet and cloying, perhaps even "fake". Many in the south seem to regard the typical mode of interaction in the north as as cold, even rude. Sweeping regional differences are not personal accusations. ------------------
If I've included this sig, it's because I'm posting from a mobile device.
Please excuse all outrageous typos and confusing auto-corrects. IP: Logged |
shura
Knowflake Posts: 1019
From: kamaloka
Registered: Jun 2009
|
posted December 23, 2012 07:13 PM
Holding open a door for a woman isn't often a physical necessity, it's symbolic of our spiritual station. The Prophet Mohammad said, "Women and incense have been made dear to my affections, but prayer was made the sweetness of my eyes."
Likewise the Cherokee proverb:
“A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul,so as to unite him with Source;
her lowest calling is to seduce,separating man from soul and leave him aimlessly wandering.
A man’s highest calling is to protect woman,
so she is free to walk the earth unharmed.
His lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman.”
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3788
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
|
posted December 23, 2012 07:42 PM
quote:
Originally posted by shura:
Holding open a door for a woman isn't often a physical necessay, it's symbolic of our spiritual station. The Prophet Mohammad said, "Women and incense have been made dear to my affections, but prayer was made the sweetness of my eyes."
Likewise the Cherokee proverb:
“A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul,so as to unite him with Source;
her lowest calling is to seduce,separating man from soul and leave him aimlessly wandering.
A man’s highest calling is to protect woman,
so she is free to walk the earth unharmed.
His lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman.”
And THAT is very wise. IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 10816
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted December 26, 2012 01:35 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
I live in New England. Not all Northerners are rude. Not all Southerners are polite. And I replace Ma'am with Dear Lady in the UK. It's like using Mdm/Mdmmse in France or Señora/Señorita in Spain. What's the problem exercising manners? And I have the accent of the take out food delivery guy. Well, if you can imagine a cross between a typical Chinese, a Brit and a New Yawker.
I grew up in NE. At different stages of my life have lived in the south too. I have found Northerners to much more polite in general and was taken aback many times by the rudeness of southerners (maybe it was my "accent"?). I've also met many polite ones, of course, but in general I find northerners to be more polite. IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 10816
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted December 26, 2012 01:36 AM
Thanks for sharing that, shura.IP: Logged |
peachbeigeblue
Knowflake Posts: 4011
From:
Registered: Apr 2012
|
posted December 26, 2012 09:17 PM
yes, open IP: Logged |
hannaramaa
Knowflake Posts: 7739
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
|
posted December 27, 2012 12:42 AM
As Blanche Devareaux said: "Women don't want to be treated the same as men, they want to be treated better." IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 4969
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted December 27, 2012 03:39 AM
quote:
Originally posted by hannaramaa:
As Blanche Devareaux said: "Women don't want to be treated the same as men, they want to be treated better."
Perhaps it was true of her generation, but going by this thread 10 to 2 would disagree with that (with 2 uncounted as I found what they posted a wee bit unclear on whether or not the wanted to be "treated better than men"). That's a clear majority that gives indication that times and attitudes have changed. IP: Logged |
ElizabethO
Knowflake Posts: 593
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
|
posted December 27, 2012 03:49 AM
I expect whomever gets to the door first to open the door because it would be kinda rude to wait for the person behind you to open the door for you. :PBut that's just me. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 7029
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted December 27, 2012 01:41 PM
And I'm not going to let a woman open a door just because she gets to the door ahead of me, and that wouldn't happen either because I'll make doubly sure to get to the door first. Unless the woman is a teenaged/college-aged girl, in which case I expect to be accorded the respect and courtesy. Otherwise, a woman would open the door and I'll prompt her to walk through ahead of me. I don't care even if "times have changed" or whatever societal trends there are. The same set of core values have held true for over 2,000 years. And I never walk through the elevator first, and often I make it a point to walk in last. And leave last.IP: Logged |
libraschoice77
Knowflake Posts: 1740
From: A Danielle Steele Novel
Registered: Aug 2010
|
posted December 27, 2012 01:45 PM
I open doors all the time for people, male or female, especially if they are right behind me its just manners as I see it. Of course some people are rude about it, the other day I held open the door for a guy coming out of Starbucks, and he had his nose in the air with a smirk on his face like I was hitting on him or something lol. If a man holds open a door for me, I see it as being polite and common courtesy is all.IP: Logged |
Ellynlvx
Knowflake Posts: 9510
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013
|
posted August 09, 2014 08:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by shura:
Holding open a door for a woman isn't often a physical necessity, it's symbolic of our spiritual station. The Prophet Mohammad said, "Women and incense have been made dear to my affections, but prayer was made the sweetness of my eyes."
Likewise the Cherokee proverb:
“A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul,so as to unite him with Source;
her lowest calling is to seduce,separating man from soul and leave him aimlessly wandering.
A man’s highest calling is to protect woman,
so she is free to walk the earth unharmed.
His lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman.”
IP: Logged |
Lonake
Knowflake Posts: 9551
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted August 09, 2014 09:24 PM
If they're on a date and he wants to be gentlemanly and she likes it then its fine.
If he sees a woman and thinks opening the door will impress her because he wants to make a good impression then it's fine. But it's not necessary.Some women expect to be coddled and will see the door not being held out for them by a man as an affront. I dont take these women seriously but that's just me. If I were a man I wouldn't hold the door open for the coddled types. I think modern etiquette in my estimation is walking through the door if you get there first, then with your arm in back of you or to the side of you holding the door open if there happens to be someone close to walking through it. That speaks equality to me. This is what I do for people. And make sure to hold the door open for the elderly, disabled, and people with babies in their arms or with kids in strollers. I do this too, in the formal way, making a show of holding the door open for them. Especially for people with kids in strollers. More often than not they really appreciate it too and if they don't its no skin off my back. I still feel good about holding the door open and I don't need a smile or a thanks. I just think it's the right thing to do. But a man making a big show about holding the door open for a woman, I think it's better saved for romance if she's that kind of person. For me in relationships, I only like it if we're dressed up to go out some place special. Then I think making a show is appropriate. But not for everyday. A couple of men ive dated made a show about opening the car door for me at all times, informal occasions too. Walking back to the car from grocery shopping, holding out the door for me. That's awkward! Some of them think "if the last one liked it, the new one will like it too." They get stuck in a pattern :/
quote:
Originally posted by ElizabethO:
I expect whomever gets to the door first to open the door because it would be kinda rude to wait for the person behind you to open the door for you. :PBut that's just me.
Both men /and/ women walking up sometimes see me walking up tho they're closer to the door, play act like they're confused or musing about, then wait for me to get to the door and open it so that they can quickly trail in behind me.Lol wut! So weird!
quote:
Originally posted by libraschoice77:
the other day I held open the door for a guy coming out of Starbucks, and he had his nose in the air with a smirk on his face like I was hitting on him or something lol.
Yup. Same. Hello we're just being friendly/polite. But if they need the free ego boost they can read it however they like I guess IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
Knowflake Posts: 2926
From: Pluto with Barbiegirl19
Registered: Nov 2013
|
posted August 10, 2014 12:04 AM
I hold doors open for anyone. I just think its polite but I don't treat it any differently for women than men.
In other words, I don't necessarily let them through first.
To me it's almost insulting to them as if they are incapable.
But I will stand there a little extra to hold it for anyone if they're approaching. IP: Logged |
BellaFenice
Knowflake Posts: 1023
From: Pseudo-Leo with a 1st House Stellium
Registered: Sep 2013
|
posted August 10, 2014 12:33 AM
quote:
Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
I hold doors open for anyone. I just think its polite but I don't treat it any differently for women than men.
In other words, I don't necessarily let them through first.
To me it's almost insulting to them as if they are incapable.
But I will stand there a little extra to hold it for anyone if they're approaching.
Took the words out of my mouth! I always open doors but I don't expect from someone else just because I'm female. IP: Logged |
Chiemi
Moderator Posts: 1938
From: Michigan
Registered: Feb 2012
|
posted August 10, 2014 01:11 AM
It's not a gender thing for me. If you're at the door first and someone is right behind you, it's just common courtesy to hold it open. Its actually a pet peeve of mine when people don't have manners (regardless of gender) and they let the door close in someones face/don't say excuse me/try to cut in front of you/treat staff poorly/etc. I feel awkward with the car door thing though and I rarely remember to "wait" my moms fiance and my sisters boyfriend does the car door thing and I'm always jumping out before they get to my door. It's nice but I don't have the patience lol. IP: Logged |
KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 5870
From: In my 1st house Uranus and Neptune
Registered: May 2011
|
posted August 10, 2014 04:19 AM
I had a guy open a door for me and smile at me while I was school, I just stared at him confused because I was shocked any guy payed attention to me -- but he was sweet and very similar looking to my boyfriend too so I thought it was him for some reason (LOL) so I just had a blank stare, he took it as rejection unfortunately (I could tell by the look on his face).  He looked so nice and kind-hearted too.Another time a guy opened a door for me was in France, lol he had a smile on his face too. I like it when people do it, so nice. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
