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Author
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Topic: "Emotional cheating"
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Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2952
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 30, 2013 12:51 AM
  
Res ipsa loquitur, tabulae in naufragioOne is always free to accept or reject AG IP: Logged |
Faith
Moderator Posts: 6368
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted December 30, 2013 09:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by florence:
i don't believe i've ever cheated emotionally except in that sense of trying to move on whilst still being bonded to a past rship.
Interesting that you should mention that. I was so connected to one of my ex-boyfriends that for years afterward, I always felt guilty being in a relationship with anyone else. My heart was with this ex. But I could have gone on for decades like that, alone and hoping for something that wasn't going to happen. Glad I chose to "cheat" and move on. quote:
Originally posted by florence:
i also think it's cowardly on the basis to me there isn't enough initial love if are looking outside and if there isn't it should be over.
I think a lot of time people aren't looking, they just stumble on attractions... quote:
Originally posted by florence:
so yes it would bother me if my partner wanted someone else more than me which is how i'd potentially construe someone daydreaming about someone else - depending on how often, to what intensity.
Fair enough  IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 50739
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted December 30, 2013 09:39 PM
I just want to give you a little hug, Florence. Thank you for being so sweet!  ------------------
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IP: Logged |
Faith
Moderator Posts: 6368
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted December 30, 2013 09:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
If I was sure I want to be with the other guy, I would leave my SO, regardless of whether or not the other guy definitely wants a rel with me.
From my perspective - if my current relationship is over.. and I am in love with someone else there is no reason to stay with my SO. I'd rather be single.
I mean this sincerely, it must be nice having the luxury of upholding such high standards. Being married with children, I think it would be unconscionable to break things off just because of a crush. Too much emotional upheaval for my family, over something that isn't even important to me. IP: Logged |
Faith
Moderator Posts: 6368
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted December 30, 2013 09:56 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
IMO it's natural to occasionally have lingering eyes or have a feeling for someone while in a relationship but it becomes cheating the moment you let those thoughts linger and try to further the connection with that person.
^ This is my view as well. Well, one can further the connection platonically, if they are capable of that. In the example I gave of being attracted to my friend's husband...there is no way in hell that he and I would ever get together. Even if we both were single, he's a fundamentalist Christian, and I'm never going "there" again. But I talk to him and enjoy our rapport. And that's the sum total of the relationship. IP: Logged |
florence
Knowflake Posts: 136
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted December 31, 2013 06:39 AM
i'm sorry Faith for my reaction. i seem to come across people who want to trade-up whilst in a relationship & for some reason it really bothers me. but it doesn't sound like that in your case. i haven't had a mature relationship to understand how it doesn't mean the end as it changes. so i hope you get joy from it, it sounds harmless. maybe you just need some fun for you - that i can understand. np ami x IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 6554
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted December 31, 2013 10:07 AM
It's not an automobile. You don't get to trade in your Toyota Camry for a Lexus ES. It's not some lease arrangement. There's no upgrade option after the lease term. Relationships aren't supposed to depreciate, and the residual value is preferrably equal to the initial purchase price. The diamond engagement ring isn't some capital cost reduction payment. IP: Logged |
Faith
Moderator Posts: 6368
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted December 31, 2013 10:27 AM
Some people trade up and regret it, some trade up and say it was the best thing they ever did. I'm no judge, I don't know what goes on in people's lives.Florence, no need to apologize, you didn't offend me. I was just saying, it's different when you're married. I think a lot of married people accept attractions to other people as just something "fun," as you said.
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 2952
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted December 31, 2013 10:36 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
It's not an automobile. You don't get to trade in your Toyota Camry for a Lexus ES. It's not some lease arrangement. There's no upgrade option after the lease term. Relationships aren't supposed to depreciate, and the residual value is preferrably equal to the initial purchase price. The diamond engagement ring isn't some capital cost reduction payment.
I would say that is true...IF such a move is a purely logical decision, not an emotional one first, with logic following afterwards. This is why when such things do occur,it usually comes under vagarities such as "we grew apart" or "we were no longer happy together" etc b/c usually it is not purely logical, it is mostly emotional. This is why the emotional cheating stuff is such a potential minefield. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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