posted December 28, 2013 09:24 AM            

What does that phrase mean to you?

If you are in a committed relationship, are you okay with your partner/spouse daydreaming about others, having crushes, having strong feelings for others? Do you prefer that they tell you or keep it to themselves?

posted December 28, 2013 01:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
I married a woman who's way too practical for that. But whatever. It's the strength of the marriage that counts. I insist in knowing everything and the whole truth.

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You are one of the most blessed people I have ever seen in the marriage department. It is lovely.

Your charts back it up, not that you knew about the charts at the time but the charts always show what is going on.

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted December 28, 2013 07:10 PM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:

However imo whole concept of emotional cheating was invented by insecure scorpios.

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I've got a Scorpio NN and 8H moon and used to connect strongly with the idea of emotional cheating. Time goes on, and it seems like my young ideals were impractical...monogamy doesn't mean forsaking all attraction to other people.

I think it's astrologically inevitable that people will strike up chemistry outside of their marriage or committed relationship. How they cope with these attractions interests me. I want to do the "right" thing, so do I pretend that I am not feeling any attraction that I feel...or try and be honest...or what? And what are other people doing about it?

posted December 28, 2013 07:23 PM            

Idk my best friend and I are having and intense emotional affair for like 3 years but we are with different people and in love with them too.
But we still love each other more LOL.
There is sexual tension because we both find each other physically attractive but we have amazing self control so it's not even an issue for us.
So our s.o's just have to deal with it lol

posted December 28, 2013 07:50 PM            

quote:

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However imo whole concept of emotional cheating was invented by insecure scorpios.

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posted December 28, 2013 07:57 PM            

quote:

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Idk my best friend and I are having and intense emotional affair for like 3 years but we are with different people and in love with them too.
But we still love each other more LOL.

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See.. I totally understand that ^

posted December 28, 2013 07:57 PM            

Which is sort of true, once took a business trip with a good friends' wife, he could not make it, fmr model we were really good friends who could talk about anything and would help each other out.

Emotional Cheating?

posted December 28, 2013 08:49 PM            

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Originally posted by Odette:

I honestly have no expectation that any man I am with would be 100% faithful emotionally or physically.

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^ Realistic.

posted December 28, 2013 08:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Emotional Cheating?

Not in that situation, he was well aware of what was happening, we were just that close of friends.

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Describe more please Did she make your heart go pitter pat?

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I'm attracted to the husband of a friend of mine. Shh no one repeat this, k?

The way I used to deal with it was, I avoided him whenever I could, kept conversation short, physically moved away from him when he came anywhere close to me.

But the more I've studied astrology, the more I have been able to accept my own leanings, so now I actually do talk to him, fully aware that I'm feeling more than I technically should. And I don't care. Actually, now that it's not as "taboo" for me, my feelings are better contained.

posted December 28, 2013 09:07 PM            

quote:

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Describe more please Did she make your heart go pitter pat?

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Hmm, well when we all met each other, I'd asked her on a friendly date, my friend, her future husband asked to tag along, no problem

They hit it off, which was fine with me

Courtship=marriage=child=separation=she wound up killing him

Careful what one wishes for, one may just get it.

We had a break b/c she tried to set me up with a friend and it did not pan out

Not to be scorpio/pluto creepy, we were always just friends and cool with it.

posted December 28, 2013 09:24 PM            

There was a couple at a gym I used to go to, both were awesome people, made me comfortable and we laughed easily together (as a bonus they were both absolutely beautiful, sculpted without being over the top about it). Then they made an offer to include me in a threesome. I really wanted to for multiple reasons. But I was in a relationship with someone prone to jealousy who made it clear to me that anything other than monogamy was unacceptable. So I very politely and regretfully declined. And because I wanted to I put some distance between us as my attraction to them both was so strong we then drifted apart.

posted December 28, 2013 09:31 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
There was a couple at a gym I used to go to, both were awesome people, made me comfortable and we laughed easily together (as a bonus they were both absolutely beautiful, sculpted without being over the top about it). Then they made an offer to include me in a threesome. I really wanted to for multiple reasons. But I was in a relationship with someone prone to jealousy and made it clear that anything other than monogamy was unacceptable. So I very politely and regretfully declined. And because I wanted to I put some distance between us as my attraction to them both was so strong we then drifted apart. I'm a bit bitter about that now. That selfish ***** of a partner I had who was so into monogamy repeatedly cheated on me (as so many who make a big deal about monogamy do, because they're selfish in wanting to play the field while keeping their partner to themselves, not because they're "moral," and the reason they're so jealous is in part because they expect others to be as unfaithful as they are themselves).

It's been very rare that I felt a strong crush on someone while in a relationship but if I did then I usually put some distance between us or otherwise made sure we weren't alone together with privacy for more than a few minutes. But I understand that feelings and impulses aren't something we can control, but how we act on them is, at least most of the time (assuming adult, if they can't then they should be treated as children).

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Have to agree, sadly so, usually there is some twinge of regret over not doing anything over doing something

The old saw of better to ask forgiveness then permission.

Eh, for myself, was with Ms Fmr Model and we were killing pitchers of Long Island Ice teas..nothing, same room the whole bit, just nothing going on.

Oddly enough, have had just simple relationships with married co-workers wives lead to "are you trying to sleep with my wife!!!" accusations.

Can see both sides of that one

posted December 28, 2013 10:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:

You are one of the most blessed people I have ever seen in the marriage department. It is lovely.

Your charts back it up, not that you knew about the charts at the time but the charts always show what is going on.

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Thank you. But it's not all miracles and dreams. We both work extremely hard at it. Many people may not share our viewpoints or how we deal with matters, but the fact of the matter is that it works for us. Dittos for parenting and everything else. We have our own way and it works for us.

posted December 29, 2013 12:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:

I'm a bit bitter about that now. That selfish ***** of a partner I had who was so into monogamy repeatedly cheated on me as so many who make a big deal about monogamy do, because they're selfish in wanting to play the field while keeping their partner to themselves, not because they're "moral," and the reason they're so jealous is in part because they expect others to be as unfaithful as they are themselves, and the selfish gits believe only they have the right to indulge their impulses and lie about it while everyone else must exercise restraint (and they watch you closely to make sure you're not a lying cheater, too).

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Exactly these moral heavy faithful types are so hypocritical..
This has happened to me too.
well in a similar context..

"Oh hey lets wait... because sex is suppose to be meaningful and beautiful because I want to lose my virginity to you"
etc.

OKAY I LOVE YOU
*waits patiently*

breaks ups.
*still waits because sex is "special"*
*get back together have a lot of sex*
finds out they had sex with so many people...
WTF....
I was just victim to someones MOON SQUARE VENUS madonna-***** complex.

So **** it I don't even care.
I've definitely evolved past trying to be this ideal partner that transforms their entire mentality to suit their lovers...
I've already proved how devoted I can be.

posted December 29, 2013 02:23 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Do have to say though Pixie Jane, is this sort of thing simply just a manifestation of Hypergamy?

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So many cheat for various reasons and I've no doubt that's sometimes the case...though it's not unknown to marry for money or influence and have flings (and the "real relationship" which may even include plans of murder to steal the fortune and then marry each other) on the side, it was even institutionalized for a long while. I recall reading of a poet centuries ago who barely escaped a country because he'd become the boy toy of some king's wife, the king being very old and she young and when the boy toy fled to return to his own country the king himself sent his men to try to bring him back for his wife.

posted December 29, 2013 02:38 AM            

I would not have the reaction of putting distance between me and the other person because I wouldn't even feel slightly guilty.

If the other person was married, I would still be normal around them.. I wouldn't stay away.. but I would try to figure out more about how they feel about me and their current relationship - so I'd take things extra slow.
If their relationship was happy and positive overall - I would never get involved. If they were basically separated and on the brink of a divorce.. then I would wait until things cool off between them, before I make a move.

I wouldn't cheat on a physical level because I know that most men would be completely heartbroken, not to mention ego-broken about physical cheating. I wouldn't hurt my SO.. Presumably he is someone I cared about at one point or maybe still have feelings towards in this scenario...

posted December 29, 2013 02:42 AM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
I am honest with my feelings and I don't pretend to have stupid fairytale expectations that Love and sex is sacred-beautiful and MONOGAMOUS.

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Reminds me of something a guy I know experienced: a woman told him she wanted to take it slow as she was not easy, and IIRC even wanted to wait for marriage. Within a couple of days she was jumping his bones, he'd make out, and then say they'd have to stop or he wouldn't be able to respect her boundaries, unless she changed her mind and she always said no, she wanted to wait. So within a couple of weeks she broke up with him after having cheated on him with another guy who had zero respect for her and used her for a toy. She said it was his fault for respecting her and should've been a man to take her even though she said no.

I said I'd like to meet her to beat the living crap out of her for essentially promoting the message that "you are a bad man if you accept 'no' as an answer and otherwise respect women" (and she's not the only one to do that) but he told me that was not possible. The guy she left him for killed her in some domestic dispute. He didn't know what the dispute was over (and whether if one or both were cheating at the time) as he only knows what was in the papers and the neighborhood gossip that he'd beat the crap out of her a couple of times before the murder (no doubt more proof of being a "real man").

But that's pretty extreme. Cheating, however, is not. I've found the people who have never been cheated on to be very rare (and plenty of those very rare exceptions never actually been in a serious relationship in the first place). More on that:
http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/cheating-and-infidelity/stats-about-infidelity.html

posted December 29, 2013 02:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
So many cheat for various reasons and I've no doubt that's sometimes the case...though it's not unknown to marry for money or influence and have flings (and the "real relationship" which may even include plans of murder to steal the fortune and then marry each other) on the side, it was even institutionalized for a long while. I recall reading of a poet centuries ago who barely escaped a country because he'd become the boy toy of some king's wife, the king being very old and she young and when the boy toy fled to return to his own country the king himself sent his men to try to bring him back for his wife.

In my case it wasn't that because both times I caught her cheating she begged me not to break up with her. I think she was just after what was exciting and new and maybe the risk of possibly being caught was part of it. So she wasn't "trading up."

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Thanks for responding PJ, from my pov on this, monogamy is somewhat unnatural, as we move further away from that as a model the sort of "reasons to stay faithfully boring" sort of..slip away.

And the two times you "caught her" are pretty much hypergamy, imo anyway as I cannot speak with any Authority on it as I'm sure that was not very pleasant.

May sound odd, but the whole "equal rights to marriage!" movement is simply tying itself to a somewhat failing hetero marriage paradigm.

If straight couples will cheat, and divorce, and go through it, why oh why would not the same thing happen to alternative couples?

Story for story:

My first fiance', whom I was madly in love with, one night at one of those mixed over/under 21 parties that happen in the US

Came up w/her female friend being bi-curious and offered a sort of, uhm, trade, could sleep with her friend if this other guy would join in.

Long story short, my fiance' dumped me for the "other guy" wound getting married to him (blah blah blah) and in response, in typical male fashion I wound up wrapping my car around a power pole at 110+ mph.

Had no conception that a GF would cheat, let alone fiance' would do such a thing.

This is why in the back of my head, the sort of swamp that we all have, I worry about YTA's Son

He's setting foot into a world that is very very different from what he is used to and I fear for him in a way.