posted January 08, 2014 07:34 AM            

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posted January 08, 2014 08:37 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xodian:
Count on a Taurus influenced person to have a deep seated sense of intuition . T pretty much nailed it.

[b]Padre: As T said, those pro-shots are part of my wife's amature photography portfolio. It one of her many awesome hobbies. So yeah, if there is an alternative "sinister" plan in the works here, I would say that it would be me trying to show off my wife's work while satisfying my Leonic urges at the same time .

And as T pretty much pointed out, there is nothing bad I have to say about my wife. She is friggin awesome! So much so infact that I can't comprehend as to why ANY man would want to sedate the will and spirit of a fiery and passionate modern woman. To me, that is a VERY insecure person with mommy issues.

A strong man likes an equally if not stronger woman by his side (emphasis on his SIDE.) [/B]

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Nah, wrong read Xodian, merely commenting on the quality of the photos w/no underlying intent to say very much else

posted January 08, 2014 10:27 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Divorce is running at what 55%, the "modern fiery woman" and "secure, modern man" appears to be a foundering construct

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So be it. I rather have higher divorce rates within a nation as opposed to having an environment where couples are forcing themselves to live with each other just for convenience sake and to satisfy some twisted idea of "keeping a peaceful image" for the masses.

This goes back to Odette's thread about S*ut Shaming. Blaming the modern woman for choosing not to stay with a person who isn't her required match is just plain moronic.

Also, I find it quite interesting that you are trying to invoke the religious and sacred aspect of relationships after sharing all those alleged "steamy moments" you had with all those women .

posted January 08, 2014 10:36 AM            

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Originally posted by Xodian:
So be it. I rather have higher divorce rates within a nation as opposed to having an environment where couples are forcing themselves to live with each other just for convenience sake and to satisfy some twisted idea of "keeping a peaceful image" for the masses.

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Certainly, however the sort of "white wedding/buy a house/have children/leave happily ever after" construct is dead, the construct does zombie on however.

quote:

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This goes back to Odette's thread about S*ut Shaming. Blaming the modern woman for choosing not to stay with a person who isn't her required match is just plain moronic.

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Time reveals all things Xodian.

quote:

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Also, I find it quite interesting that you are trying to invoke the religious and sacred aspect of relationships after sharing all those alleged "steamy moments" you had with all those women .

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Nah, do note, several steamy moments..no closes..for a reason.

There are so many assumptions built into the world, what one perhaps does not understand is while I've been in situations, I've not carried through with them.

I mention such things 1) b/c some have given up completely and they really shouldn't 2) as a bit of a caution about going in to deep w/someone who probably should not have that level of trust in others lives.

posted January 08, 2014 11:48 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Certainly, however the sort of "white wedding/buy a house/have children/leave happily ever after" construct is dead, the construct does zombie on however.

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Once again, so be it. Values change, and traditions along with them. There was a time where you would have been beaten nearly half to death by a girl's dad just because he saw you talking with her. And he would be justified in his act to do so. Why? Because that society valued personal honour and as such, repressive traditions were enforced to uphold those twisted values.

The "white wedding" construct isn't dead; It has changed to reflect the modern value we place on individual freedom. Me and my wife for instance are an interacial and inter-religious couple who own a house, have no immediate plans to have kids (and we are pretty much in our early 30s now,) and value secular ideals since they guarantee the rights and each and every individual in society. That is the backbone of Canadian society and it has worked well for us thus far.

posted January 08, 2014 12:32 PM            

Looking good there, X! Congrats to Mrs. X, very nice pics!

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posted January 08, 2014 12:59 PM            

And well well well! Seems like the Queen of the gods have found someone worthy to be king . Scorpios are addictive aren't they .

posted January 08, 2014 01:14 PM            

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posted January 08, 2014 02:49 PM            

I realize that you are responding to some seriously misinformed comments and ideas about how women *should* be within our society, but...

You might want to consider some of your terminology and the way that you're choosing to bring your point across.

For example.
I suspect that my husband and I are no less happy or in love than you and your wife.

I am not a "glorified housekeeper", and I am not in a relationship that I feel in any way obligated to stay in. We're together because we love each other. We are not religious. At all. We have never felt the need to adhere to societal expectations on any front.

And yet I do stay at home with my son, have quit working in my field (which I enjoyed tremendously) so that I can focus more of my time and energy raising my son.

I often feel that there is yet another stereotype or societal expectation for women to adhere to.
That we, if we are to be considered "modern women" (whatever the hell that means, hello the 1960s called and they want their lingo back) or valued members of society, are expected to be driven in our careers, regardless of whether we have families or whatever.

Many stay-at-home mothers do indeed feel looked down upon by what is now the majority of people, who have two incomes per household, or choose not to have children, etc. Some of my friends who have kids realize how fortunate I am to be able to do what I do. Apparently, other people simply don't "get" that aspect of it.

It's at least as infuriating as being confronted by some pig-witted dunce who thinks that all women should behave like dainty little flowers, carrying their religious texts with them and doing what their husbands tell them to do (I'm not saying that I hold that opinion of anyone on this forum, because I don't).

posted January 08, 2014 03:47 PM            

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Originally posted by Violets:

Many stay-at-home mothers do indeed feel looked down upon by what is now the majority of people, who have two incomes per household, or choose not to have children, etc. Some of my friends who have kids realize how fortunate I am to be able to do what I do. Apparently, other people simply don't "get" that aspect of it.

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I can't tell you the amount of times in conversations that people have just walked away from me and treated me as a dead person as soon as they find out that I don't have a career. It can often come from other women too. This deeply angers me. Raising a child is way harder than any career of theirs, I guarantee you that, speaking from someone who once did work.

And then when you do work, they won't give you any jobs or development because you are impregnable and expect you to leave when the time comes.

posted January 08, 2014 04:19 PM            

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Originally posted by 23:
It can often come from other women too. This deeply angers me.

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I absolutely agree with you on that one. I find that it mostly does come from other women, in my experience.

I used to think the way that those people think, to be honest. I've never been materialistic and I couldn't care less about how much money a person makes, but I stereotyped stay-at-home-moms as "unevolved" or something to that effect.
Until I had my own child. That changes one's perspective, or at least it did for me.

As if we're giving up everything that's valid and meaningful in life or something. No, we've made some sacrifices in some areas in order to gain in other, equally important areas. It's called change. Apparently some people are not familiar with the concept, from one extreme to another.

posted January 08, 2014 04:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
Many stay-at-home mothers do indeed feel looked down upon by what is now the majority of people, who have two incomes per household, or choose not to have children, etc. Some of my friends who have kids realize how fortunate I am to be able to do what I do. Apparently, other people simply don't "get" that aspect of it.

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posted January 08, 2014 05:07 PM            

That having said, I do understand that people need to live and so mums need to work. I wish people would be more understanding about it that's all, instead of treating others in different life circumstances as stupid.

posted January 08, 2014 05:20 PM            

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Originally posted by 23:
I'm in the same position as Mrs YTA and can afford to stay home plus my pre-child life being greatly disrupted so I had no career in the end to go to anyway. Anyway, YTA is absolutely right about the benefits of stay home mums and how they can be very positive influences on kids.

That having said, I do understand that people need to live and so mums need to work. I wish people would be more understanding about it that's all, instead of treating others in different life circumstances as stupid.

And while we are on topic, how about the poor treatment that childcare workers and teachers get? Why aren't these professions paid more? Caring for others is NOT valued in Anglo-Saxon derived societies. Instead bankers are paid lots as well as actors etc.

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I agree.
Neither my husband nor I have had the luxury of being able to attend a prestigious university, but that hasn't affected our ability to advance within our careers.

My husband is an engineer (at the risk of repeating myself). He is, and has often been, in charge of people with much higher degrees than the one that he holds.

I was working with schizophrenic adults and within various social services. I got paid a pittance compared to what my husband makes, but I was providing a service that our society views as somehow superfluous. To my way of thinking, it is a labor of love (much like raising a child) and is absolutely imperative within a society.

So yes. I do believe that people who are working to provide a necessary service to society (or to their families) should probably be treated accordingly, but I find that they often are not.

Anyway...
Thanks you, AG and YTA.

I am not a "Tiger Mom", haha. But I do teach my son more than he would be learning from many places (thinking about sending him to Montessori next year, though), and I know that he's not being mistreated.

If a mother wants to work, that's great. If she has the luxury of staying at home and chooses to do so, that's also great. I really think people should judge less about it either way.

posted January 08, 2014 05:21 PM            

Violets and 23!

Mothers actually can't win...if we have children and leave them in daycare, we're considered cold-hearted and negligent. Stay home with them and we're assumed to be useless/invisible loafers.

This was especially bad for me when I only had one child...everyone was telling me, "Well you could earn money making crafts" or "you could earn money by doing such and such!" As if I was not a valid human unless I had an income.

Anyway...this is the bottom line:

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:

If a mother wants to work, that's great. If she has the luxury of staying at home and chooses to do so, that's also great. I really think people should judge less about it either way.

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posted January 08, 2014 05:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
As if I was not a valid human unless I had an income.

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Ah yes, consumerism, where a person's value is based on their income (with ability to spend a clear second). That even affects how children and the elderly are treated.

And it's not just women, btw. I know a guy who still gets royalties from published novels in which he was ordered to write a certain way. He got into writing fanfic (he betaread most of mine, too) for the pure love of creating stories with full creativity the way HE wanted them to, and frankly I consider many of them superior to his published works (and I've greatly enjoyed some of his published works, heck he gave me some autographed copies). But his wife at the time was upset by the idea because he wasn't making money from it and therefore wasting time. One shouldn't do it for fun, they should do it for profit or it means nothing and therefore he means nothing. (I told him to repeat that line to her about sex but he wouldn't, the Cancer.)

She ORDERED him to stop despite that he had a high paying job (working with the criminally insane which I wanted him to quit as I actually cared about him, unlike his wife then) AND got royalties so that money wasn't a concern and yet it was to the point she took his computer away or at least he didn't dare do what he loved at times and therefore had to use a pseudonym as his wife did searches to see if he was posting any online. (Gods, I despised her and was so glad when they finally divorced. He has a much better wife now, and she also writes fanfic so he's free to do the same.) Plenty of fanfic authors deal with the same attitude and many are mystified that I intend to one day put my finished original fics up for free viewing rather than seeking a publisher. Because what you make is what determines your value.

posted January 08, 2014 06:00 PM            

Raising a child isn't easy. I'm actually surprised to have support as a single mother, but when I left my ex, there were many people telling me that I was making a terrible decision, that I should pretend happy instead of actually being so.

There are many days where I wish I could still be a stay at home mother with my kid. When I started leaving early morning, my kid would cry for me not to leave her. There are days now when I'm at home and she wakes up then looks at me and says, "You're here!" like it was Christmas morning. I really cherish those days.

posted January 08, 2014 06:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
My wife took care of a severe and chronically ill child. She perform dialysis and intravenous drips herself at home. She donated her right kidney. No office profession even begins to remotely compare to that job.

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posted January 08, 2014 06:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:

There are days now when I'm at home and she wakes up then looks at me and says, "You're here!" like it was Christmas morning. I really cherish those days.

The most I can hope for at this point is to raise my kid with values that allow her to balance self love with love for others, and being able to share that with everyone around her.

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posted January 08, 2014 06:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:

Mothers actually can't win...if we have children and leave them in daycare, we're considered cold-hearted and negligent. Stay home with them and we're assumed to be useless/invisible loafers.

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posted January 08, 2014 06:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
[b]Xodian

I realize that you are responding to some seriously misinformed comments and ideas about how women *should* be within our society, but...

You might want to consider some of your terminology and the way that you're choosing to bring your point across.

For example.
I suspect that my husband and I are no less happy or in love than you and your wife.

I am not a "glorified housekeeper", and I am not in a relationship that I feel in any way obligated to stay in. We're together because we love each other. We are not religious. At all. We have never felt the need to adhere to societal expectations on any front.

And yet I do stay at home with my son, have quit working in my field (which I enjoyed tremendously) so that I can focus more of my time and energy raising my son.

I often feel that there is yet another stereotype or societal expectation for women to adhere to.
That we, if we are to be considered "modern women" (whatever the hell that means, hello the 1960s called and they want their lingo back) or valued members of society, are expected to be driven in our careers, regardless of whether we have families or whatever.

Many stay-at-home mothers do indeed feel looked down upon by what is now the majority of people, who have two incomes per household, or choose not to have children, etc. Some of my friends who have kids realize how fortunate I am to be able to do what I do. Apparently, other people simply don't "get" that aspect of it.

It's at least as infuriating as being confronted by some pig-witted dunce who thinks that all women should behave like dainty little flowers, carrying their religious texts with them and doing what their husbands tell them to do (I'm not saying that I hold that opinion of anyone on this forum, because I don't).

See how that works?
Just pointing that out, in case you weren't already aware of it. If this isn't news to you, then by all means please carry on.[/B]

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Oh by all means, I have no issue with women who make the CHOICE to be stay at home moms on their own accord . If its something they make the informed choice to be, then more power to them.

My issue was that people expect THIS to be the accepted "norm" is modern society which IMO is not. EXPECTING a woman to be something she is not a good foundation to build a relationship upon.