posted October 03, 2014 07:45 AM            

At a point I thought: is there such a thing as being more skilled in finding a good match or what s it really that makes people very different in terms to romance.
I've also asked myself if somehow those who were struggling were too difficult, had high standards or were probably looking for an outstanding connection which in turn just made it rare. And maybe those who have an easy time really settle for less.

So what do you think?

posted October 03, 2014 12:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:

At a point I thought: is there such a thing as being more skilled in finding a good match or what s it really that makes people very different in terms to romance.

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posted October 03, 2014 05:51 PM            

I don't see it as good luck at all. Just about anyone could have a string of relationships if they lowered their standards, constantly compromised and went with the other person's flow. People who find it easier to adjust to a wide variety of personality types - end up in this kind of pattern.
They also actively seek this out. They desire to have this in their lives. A string of relationships doesn't just accidentally "happen" to a person lol They're called serial monogamists.

People who are on the opposite end of the spectrum and struggle to get in a relationship.. usually can't deal with another person. This is just my opinion. What I feel happens is that these people very much want a princess or knight in shinning armour. They're not very realistic, so when the other person does not live up to their expectations of perfection - they distance themselves (sometimes before it even starts). These people are also less likely to actively seek out relationships, since deep down they don't want to be in a -real- relationship. They are waiting for that perfect person to drop out of the thin blue sky. They are also not realistic about the needs and desires of the other person. There is an over-emphasis on having their own needs met - and a delusional manner of being "dismissive" of the other person's needs and desires.
The serial monogamist is in the opposite basket because they put their own needs/wants/expectations second to those of the other person.

Some people are happily single though and not complaining about lack of partners.. so this doesn't apply to them. It's people who really want a partner but "miraculously" never find one - who have these issues imo.

posted October 03, 2014 10:47 PM              

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

No,
Atleast not as far as I can tell. The guys I know who easily charm girls are good looking and have a naturally extroverted personality. It's really that simple imo. That's not to say that guys who don't fall into that category can't get women, they can, but their options are limited. But if you do happen to be one of those lucky guys who have the looks and the personality you can pretty much get whatever girl you want.

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Same could be said about the women who are like that, with the looks and extroverted personality. Is it really "luck" to be able to "get whatever girl you want" even if that relationship is shallow and not true love? Why should the options be limited, unless one has an ingrained idea of what a person should look/be like in order to be perceived as attractive? Also mention this for another comment of yours I saw in another thread that bothered me but I don't know if its appropriate to dredge up comments made in past threads.

To the OP's question- A lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love and will go through many relationships because of that. Others don't want to be alone so will set lower standards. I think there is too many variables. Some people will struggle to be in a relationship because they are not societies idea of ideal, or because they have personality issues, or insecurities, or too high of standards. Others could be in relationships easily/go through many because they are seen as ideal/have the confidence, or out of fear of being alone, or out of desired to feel/be loved, or due to lower standards. Depends on the person. Some people are asexual. Some people are happy and enjoy being single. And who is to say if people are experiencing true love or not? That is not necessarily something that can be determined from people on the outside looking in, or even by the people in the relationship. Sometimes you don't know until you experience something greater or wake up from the illusion of what you thought love was.

posted October 03, 2014 10:58 PM            

We sort of all pollinate one another.

Some have Planetary Pheromones.

Sometimes the very things that attract you to someone become a nightmare in the end.

posted October 04, 2014 12:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by deepseablues:
Same could be said about the women who are like that, with the looks and extroverted personality. Is it really "luck" to be able to "get whatever girl you want" even if that relationship is shallow and not true love? Why should the options be limited, unless one has an ingrained idea of what a person should look/be like in order to be perceived as attractive? Also mention this for another comment of yours I saw in another thread that bothered me but I don't know if its appropriate to dredge up comments made in past threads.

To the OP's question- A lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love and will go through many relationships because of that. Others don't want to be alone so will set lower standards. I think there is too many variables. Some people will struggle to be in a relationship because they are not societies idea of ideal, or because they have personality issues, or insecurities, or too high of standards. Others could be in relationships easily/go through many because they are seen as ideal/have the confidence, or out of fear of being alone, or out of desired to feel/be loved, or due to lower standards. Depends on the person. Some people are asexual. Some people are happy and enjoy being single. And who is to say if people are experiencing true love or not? That is not necessarily something that can be determined from people on the outside looking in, or even by the people in the relationship. Sometimes you don't know until you experience something greater or wake up from the illusion of what you thought love was.

And I said I didn't want to post in this particular forum anymore. Guess I just can't stay away.

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posted October 04, 2014 12:23 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

It's just a fact of life. Some people are just more universally attractive. For example, one of my good buddies is always a hit with the girls. He can say or do no wrong as far as women are concerned. Everything he says is gold. Me? Not even close... I meet the occasional girl who likes me. But I don't have nearly as much luck as him.

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So how is that luck? Or love? Is it LOVE to be able to "get whoever you want?"

I bet he could say plenty wrong as far as I'm concerned. Not everyone is the same.

And I don't have luck with men, I have been in a few relationships yes, one fairly long term, but is that luck? The only people I have ever been "hit on" by are people that I was not physically attracted to (or drug addicts/drunks of course, only seem to attract them for some reason) so is the reason I don't have "luck" simply because I am perceived as ugly by the majority/refuse to conform to societies standards of what should make a girl be perceived as "pretty/beautiful"? Or because of personality defects? Who can say? The only person I have been with that I was truly physically attracted to was my last long term relationship and I had the joy of him asking out my co-worker/friend first which put a permanent scar/stain on our relationship. Some luck. And I wouldn't consider it "luck" to be able to "get whoever I want." That is not love.

So the answer is yes, TRUE LOVE is very hard to find.

posted October 04, 2014 12:26 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ellynlvx:

Sometimes the very things that attract you to someone become a nightmare in the end.

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Truer words...

posted October 04, 2014 01:40 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by deepseablues:
[b] So how is that luck? Or love? Is it LOVE to be able to "get whoever you want?"

I bet he could say plenty wrong as far as I'm concerned. Not everyone is the same.

And I don't have luck with men, I have been in a few relationships yes, one fairly long term, but is that luck? The only people I have ever been "hit on" by are people that I was not physically attracted to (or drug addicts/drunks of course, only seem to attract them for some reason) so is the reason I don't have "luck" simply because I am perceived as ugly by the majority/refuse to conform to societies standards of what should make a girl be perceived as "pretty/beautiful"? Or because of personality defects? Who can say? The only person I have been with that I was truly physically attracted to was my last long term relationship and I had the joy of him asking out my co-worker/friend first which put a permanent scar/stain on our relationship. Some luck. And I wouldn't consider it "luck" to be able to "get whoever I want." That is not love.

So the answer is yes, TRUE LOVE is very hard to find.

Good thing I've given up on it. Life is easier to live without hope for the impossible.

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posted October 04, 2014 01:47 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

Well me and you obviously have different expectations when it comes to love/relationships. I do not believe in true love. I just view relationships as arrangements where two people that like each other spend time with each other and have sex until they get sick of each other and move on to someone else.

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That people can view relationships like this makes me ill and not want to be a part of this world even more than I already don't want to. That statement is devastating to me and I am going to bed now with tears and despair in my heart. Maybe there truly is no hope for humanity with views on love and relationships like this. Why I ever believe in the first place is beyond me. Cruel cruel world.

posted October 04, 2014 01:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by deepseablues:
[b] That people can view relationships like this makes me ill and not want to be a part of this world even more than I already don't want to. That statement is devastating to me and I am going to bed now with tears and despair in my heart. Maybe there truly is no hope for humanity with views on love and relationships like this. Why I ever believe in the first place is beyond me. Cruel cruel world.

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posted October 04, 2014 01:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
Define in and out. Because the thing is those people who jump to one person to the next clearly are not happy with themselves. If they were, then they would be comfortable being alone. A constant need for validation through others is a sign you are rejecting something about your life or yourself.

Is life fair? No. Is it right some really have to struggle to find love while others have it easier? No. I am, however, saying the grass is always greener. The people constantly posting their love on facebook and instagram are probably secretly miserable and wishing to be single.

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Actually why can't a string of relationships indicate the inability to deal with a real person, just like someone who struggles to get into one? Food for thought.

And good point that not all lovey-dovey relationships you see on social media are honestly good relationships. There are and there aren't, that's part of why I got rid of social media other than fun stuff like Instagram. I don't follow a lot of people or need followers, and I'm exhausted looking at everyone else's life comparing it to my own.

posted October 04, 2014 02:39 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Actually why can't a string of relationships indicate the inability to deal with a real person, just like someone who struggles to get into one? Food for thought.

And good point that not all lovey-dovey relationships you see on social media are honestly good relationships. There are and there aren't, that's part of why I got rid of social media other than fun stuff like Instagram. I don't follow a lot of people or need followers, and I'm exhausted looking at everyone else's life comparing it to my own.

People that find relationships with ease and grace know themselves better than most hence they know what to look for (I'm talking about the ones who have decent, long-term relationships.) If you don't know yourself very well you aren't going to know what kind of relationship suits you, your needs, etc. and if you don't know those then how could you possibly pick the right person let alone meet someone else's needs? Because those are the people that flit from relationship to relationship.

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I think you make a good point. That is choosing between the lessor of two evils: being too accepting of unhealthy love and shutting yourself off from any love are both negative in different ways. When I mean jumping from person to person, I mean the unhealthy, toxic, dysfunctional relationships. I agree with you on those who can sustain long-term, healthy relationships and have no problem entering another one with an appropriate time frame.

posted October 04, 2014 04:49 AM              

I am in the bad luck in love boat, but it doesn't get to me as much as it used to and part of that was being honest with myself and seeing how I contributed to that myself. I think we make our own luck, by our emotional maturity and readiness to deal with the uncomfortable issues relationships usually raise in us.
That being said, I don't think I was half ready for relationships in my past, part of me thinks I still need some more time and more work. Some people learn better with others, I was always more of an autodidact, so celibacy was a must I guess.

posted October 04, 2014 07:50 AM            

...for every 100 persons out there, there is about 1 suitable spouse for you. You just have to be methodical and smart about your attracting, dating, and sifting process.

posted October 04, 2014 11:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by deepseablues:
Truer words...

And that would be awesome to be hit on by someone half your age. Haha I am a bit of a pedophile that way, I am hopelessly attracted to boys that are too young for me... And I'm not that old hehe. I dunno what it is, something about that innocent boyish charm, before they become jaded gross old creeps.

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No, actually it makes me uncomfortable.

I really liked the kid, then that changed it.

I always wanted someone older.

posted October 04, 2014 12:01 PM              

I think it's a subject with nearly infinite complexity.
Each individual heart has it's unique desires, pitfalls, and unknown territory. Sometimes when one falls in love there are sides to themselves that they never knew about, or things that they never considered that now are something that they must/cannot live with.