posted December 06, 2014 03:18 AM            

WW, I am sorry you are scared. But being scared will keep you immobile and unable to act. Be strong. That is essential right now. You have to have strength in order to act appropriately and do what is best for you in this situation. To me, there are only 2 possibilities here, each with unique pros and cons, and obviously one presents more 'cons' than the other:

A.) You decide to go with a termination. This is a private and personal choice. Even though you are with a guy right now, no one, not him or anyone else in your life, has to know about this. However if you think it'll help to tell him and/or to have someone go with you, do this. I will not lie: abortion/termination of pregnancy is traumatic. One of my close friends terminated her pregnancy many years ago, and although it was not excruciatingly painful for her [as some may fear it may be], it was emotionally a very difficult time. However, by dealing with this acute trauma, /you may prevent longterm trauma for both you, your partner and your baby/ that could come with the inability to manage your health and child's wellbeing at the same time.

B.) You decide to keep the baby. This will be considerably difficult considering your mental and emotional health. Honestly, like many others here, the idea of you doing this is a huge concern. Usually, BPD recovery is extensive and takes over a year, if not years, for progress to be made due to issues with distorted thinking. Consider this: you're aware that you need to focus on you right now, and getting better. How will this be possible with a baby in the picture? A baby requires constant attention and care, and for someone with BPD [and I know this firsthand from my own experience, trust me], life's day to day activities can be triggering and challenging. Not to mention that many of us with BPD feel childlike ourselves, and this childlike feeling of helplessness or frequent fear of xyz [abandonment, you name it] makes us difficult candidates for parenthood. If you decide to keep this baby, I agree with others here in that you must be honest with your boyfriend and say you slept with someone else.

Advice: Think long and hard about how your health and those around you will be affected depending on whatever you do. By no means am I outright suggesting you terminate the pregnancy, I am simply weighing the pros and cons by presenting 2 select situations and the potentials of each.

posted December 06, 2014 07:22 AM            

All I was pointing out is that I find it disrespectful to talk about abortion in such a flippant way.

posted December 06, 2014 09:33 AM            

Really it's a matter that can only be settled in private. Only whitewitch knows what she has to do...it's a matter of being able to seek her own source for counsel.

There are variables in every situation. I wouldn't flat-out advise her to tell her boyfriend that he may not be the father, because I don't know her boyfriend. What if he is likely to erupt in a violent rage the way too many so-called men do? I know nothing about her boyfriend. I have no advice.

If I were struggling with many life issues at once and got pregnant at that time, I would probably seek out social services for financial help and give the baby up for adoption. Then I would leave the door open for the child to contact me whenever or if ever the child was ready.

posted December 06, 2014 09:51 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
In my opinion....

Really it's a matter that can only be settled in private. Only whitewitch knows what she has to do...it's a matter of being able to seek her own source for counsel.

There are variables in every situation. I wouldn't flat-out advise her to tell her boyfriend that he may not be the father, because I don't know her boyfriend. What if he is likely to erupt in a violent rage the way too many so-called men do? I know nothing about her boyfriend. I have no advice.

If I were struggling with many life issues at once and got pregnant at that time, I would probably seek out social services for financial help and give the baby up for adoption. Then I would leave the door open for the child to contact me whenever or if ever the child was ready.

That's just me.

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posted December 06, 2014 09:54 AM            

But her son is this phenomenal person. Just to give one example, she went into his high school to pick up some records or something, and one student overheard her mentioning her son's name.

"You're J's mom??" he asked. She said that she was, and this kid started raving about her son...how he is the nicest person in their class, gets along with everyone, is great to have around. A few other students overheard the conversation and were agreeing and nodding.

Maybe it's her son's Pisces planets (?)...he just has this deep and soothing calm about him...people seek him out for it.

He is no less of a person because his mother practically moved heaven and earth to keep him sheltered and fed and sane. In fact I think he is more of a person for it. Not everyone has the fortitude of my friend, but you also have to keep in mind that children are not idiots and they can do a lot for themselves...sometimes the children take on a parental role at an early age, and even though that's not the standard and not what we expect, it may be a healing situation for all involved. Some children are also prodigies, destined to make a serious contribution to the world...in fact many famous people come from desperate childhoods.

posted December 06, 2014 09:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
What I wanted to say but didn't for some reason.
Absolutely correct.
Theses situations are not ones that only have 5 varieties and a list of right and wrong answers.

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posted December 06, 2014 10:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
My best friend got pregnant when she was 17 and decided to keep the baby. It was extremely difficult for her to raise this child. I mean it required sacrifice, worry, and trouble on every single level. The child's father has been in and out of prison since I've known him, on drug and theft-related charges.

But her son is this phenomenal person. Just to give one example, she went into his high school to pick up some records or something, and one student overheard her mentioning her son's name.

"You're J's mom??" he asked. She said that she was, and this kid started raving about her son...how he is the nicest person in their class, gets along with everyone, is great to have around. A few other students overheard the conversation and were agreeing and nodding.

Maybe it's her son's Pisces planets (?)...he just has this deep and soothing calm about him...people seek him out for it.

He is no less of a person because his mother practically moved heaven and earth to keep him sheltered and fed and sane. In fact I think he is more of a person for it. Not everyone has the fortitude of my friend, but you also have to keep in mind that children are not idiots and they can do a lot for themselves...sometimes the children take on a parental role at an early age, and even though that's not the standard and not what we expect, it may be a healing situation for all involved. Some children are also prodigies, destined to make a serious contribution to the world...in fact many famous people come from desperate childhoods.

Just something to think about: parent-child relationships come in all varieties, home life can be heaven or hell depending on any number of factors including simple synastry, and just because a mother cannot offer a standard family life for the child, that doesn't mean all potential quality of life for the child is lost.

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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.

posted December 06, 2014 10:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Comatoes:
There is no free will in pregnancy or bringing a life into the World, either it will happen or it won't. Whatever is White Witch's decision it is meant to be. If a soul is suppose to be born, it will, beyond all odds. If it's not meant to be it won't happen. Humans think they make all the choices but we are all divinely pushed into the direction that is the correct one. These are my views.

Whatever you choose I hope you will take care of yourself in the future. Always remember the Universe wants you to succeed -- not to cause pain only experiences, you do have your ancestors looking out for you even if you don't believe in this stuff, we all are connected in one form or another.

If the little soul is born because the Universe says so, you should do all you can to make its life beautiful and secure. That is a parent's job, children need so much from adults, but adults fall short in so many ways. Use astrology and natural healing and herbs to heal your soul and body. There is natural methods for depression, mental conditions etc. There is always a way out for most things in life if you try.

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quote:

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Congratulations!! Although the circumstances weren't the greatest take a moment and grasp the fact that you created life and it's growing inside of you!!! Isn't it exciting!? Life and creating life is truly the greatest gift we as humans are given. I'm looking forward to when we try again

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quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I don`t think Cappy was trying to be offensive in any way either.
All I was pointing out is that I find it disrespectful to talk about abortion in such a flippant way.

And it doesn`t matter what sign anyone is, to be that flippant about such a serious matter (literally a life-and-death-issue) is distasteful.
Of course I am only stating my opinion here.

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I didn't have the patience to write a speech at that moment. I also didn't feel like pretending that I peed my pants out of joy because someone's sperm met an egg cell. Adoption is a legit option but:
- pregnancy and delivery are a great burden for the body and they could result in permanent damages
- she could go batshit crazy and hurt herself or/and someone else
- what if she damages the fetus with her unhealthy lifestyle?
- giving her child away would be probably painful for her and would haunt her
- being given away is not fun either

I believe terminating the pregnancy would be a lesser evil.

quote:

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.sometimes the children take on a parental role at an early age

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quote:

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Just something to think about: parent-child relationships come in all varieties, home life can be heaven or hell depending on any number of factors including simple synastry, and just because a mother cannot offer a standard family life for the child, that doesn't mean all potential quality of life for the child is lost

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posted December 06, 2014 10:39 AM            

I thought of STDs too. If I were her I'd do tests. Not only because of her poor boyfriend but some of this crap could infect the child.

posted December 06, 2014 10:41 AM            

While you are pregnat, you mustn't drop pills, even though you would need them.

And it doesn't matter if you are a single mom or a mom with a supporting partner: you would need material and emotional support to raise the child.

Please consider that in your negotiations.

posted December 06, 2014 10:50 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
Something tells me OP is afraid to come back to this thread or reply to us.

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posted December 06, 2014 11:00 AM              

She is a person with feelings just as much as you and I, she isn't some lifeless robot with ovaries.

posted December 06, 2014 11:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
She needs moral support not insensitive, snarky comments. Would you talk to a best friend so callously?

She is a person with feelings just as much as you and I, she isn't some lifeless robot with ovaries.

"Truth" or not still be respectful of the situation.

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posted December 06, 2014 11:13 AM              

I don't understand the motive behind your argument. The "lesser of two evils" is whatever OP sees as the worse option, given her situation and her willingness/capacity/desire to withstand the responsibility that comes with bearing a child.

Pregnancy causing damage to the body is about the silliest and most absurd argument I've ever heard. Someone went through the "bodily damage" for you to be saying what you are, right now. Pretty sure a world population of 7 billion wouldn't have even come to be if your *observation* on the damaging effects of pregnancy on the body were even in the slightest valid. It is a case by case situation, not a rule of thumb or a holistic truth.

"We should strive to bring new people into this world in the most optimal conditions."

Tell that to the 80% of humanity that lives under 10 dollars a day. Guess only 20% of us are entitled to potentially having children, on a purely economic paradigm. But oh of course, this is before we rule out personal life choices, women who can't give birth (for whatever physiological or emotional reasons), those of us who have passed the appropriate biological window of time to give birth, and those who are clearly too young, plus the many more factors that filter into the process of child-bearing. I guess there is no emotional/sentimental value to having children. It's just another mechanistic biological, socioeconomically-dictated process. Sigh...

By this logic, I definitely don't see how amoebas wouldn't be fundamentally smarter than most of us seeing that they are at least trying, from an evolutionary perspective, to sustain their own species while some of us are now attempting to legislate for others how/when/why to give birth in ways that will only serve to be self-destructive in the long run. Given your baseline assumptions, that doesn't really leave room for people who are actually stupid now, does it? You've set the bar way too high.

In any case, I think it's beyond disheartening to see such firm and adamant positions being held on the life of others. What's wrong with pro-choice? What's wrong with leaving a nice, helpful, useful comment to someone going through a time of distress? Why can't you give positive advice without making absolutist claims on what someone should do in their life? I hate that people here take it upon themselves to assume they know the ins and outs of people's lives and how they may or may not handle situations based on what they post here. People come here to open up and vent their deepest, darkest thoughts because they can't always do so in their own lives among the people that know them and surround them. Why be soooo quick to judge them and their lives based on that?

But no, instead we have people treating the matter like it's a toss of a coin and others thinking it's funny? Really?

This is why I rarely ever open up or ask for help on LL or anywhere else, actually. I'd rather keep things to myself and suffer my pain alone or with people I trust with my life than to have to listen to people talk about my experiences and make brash assumptions and offer heartless advice on what I can or can't do in very sensitive situations. I would have been stunned if I were OP. Probably even shut down the thread.

posted December 06, 2014 11:25 AM            

If i were whitewitch's friend my reaction would not be different from Cappy's comments. Of course I first would say something like "Congratulations, darling" but then I would say things like "What happens if you need to stop your medicament?" - "You HAVE TO stop your medicaments!!!" - "where are u going to stay with your baby?" - "Who takes care of the child when you are in university?" - "Who will pay the bills?"

posted December 06, 2014 11:39 AM            

@Enneline
Be my friend?

@PisceanDream
Nice. I was expecting a natalistic rant at some point. You're entitled to your opinion and I am to mine. But I don't understand why you see my posts as giving orders. I used words like "believe", "should". Should is not have to. OP is free to do what she wants and I won't harrass her around the forum if she announces she decided to play a mommy. I wouldn't do it even if she said she was going to sell her baby to Russian billionaires. I'm simply warning her.