posted December 06, 2014 10:20 PM            

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Originally posted by Faith:
Hi YTA! I was thinking about you earlier. Hope all is well with you and your family.

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Hi! A million thanks, my dear!!

posted December 06, 2014 10:49 PM            

You are an AMAZING person!

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posted December 06, 2014 11:19 PM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Florence

You are an AMAZING person!

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I don't know.. I really have done a lot of things badly and I was feeling suicidal for years. It's just there have been successes too and there are two sides to the same coin. I just wanted to communicate the odd realities that can unfold amid the assumed ones and surely parenthood does that like few other things.

But ty x I didn't want to continue with this thread but your defence of bpd was so right to me and fair I was inspired to do some rebalancing of my own.

posted December 06, 2014 11:47 PM              

I'm definitely pro-choice but if WW was considering an abortion she probably would've mentioned it in the OP. Considering she didn't it's basically unsolicited advice, which suggests you might have your own unresolved/emotional issues surrounding bad parenting (who doesn't right?)

posted December 07, 2014 12:37 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I've been using BPD = Borderline.

Though given how many people at LL just sort of use all the various diagnosis interchangeably anyway I'm not sure why it makes a difference if it's borderline or bipolar.

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borderline and bipolar are two different trees

posted December 07, 2014 01:24 AM            

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Originally posted by KarkaQueen:
borderline and bipolar are two different trees

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What I meant was most people at LL don't care about such distinctions. When they glibly toss a label at someone, and sometimes even at themselves, I don't know what to make of it, because they describe symptoms of something else. Some even combine diagnosis, or will use one word in one post and a different in the next. Or even invent a way of saying it. When I clarified the difference once the person said every description was as she used it, but not any that I showed her through a simple search but, you know, words mean what she wants them to mean for as long as she wants them to mean that. I gave up asking for clarification or anything else some time ago. Oh, and I avoid using it because people (even a supposedly educated one who claims to have a degree in it, IIRC) have a pop psychology understanding of it at best.

'Course even trained psychologists getting it wrong often enough complicates it even more.

Now I'm inclined to translate ANY diagnosis I read on LL as just meaning "dysfunctional" rather than by it's actual definition or criterion. It prevents a lot of confusion that I used to get when I'd respond to the diagnosis only to find out the person was talking about something completely different. I also avoid using the terms when I can, though sometimes (especially late at night) I forget, especially if others are already tossing the word about (and it SEEMS like it's being used correctly and consistently).

posted December 07, 2014 05:32 AM            

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Good luck holding onto that if you have your own child - it's quite funny watching those who think they have everything in proper order completely crumble when a baby is thrown into the equation . In fact, you haven't had your saturn return yet? Good luck with your rationality during that!

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@FireMoon
I can't help but think abortion is at least worth considering when I read about a mess like this. And I dared to voice it. I know, I'm such a biatch.

posted December 07, 2014 09:01 AM            

I beg to differ. Educated and intelligent people, as are those on LL, care about the distinction between these two disorders because there is a MAJOR distinction.

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posted December 07, 2014 06:30 PM              

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Originally posted by Randall:
Or you could use the pregnancy as motivation to change your life.

My friend's cousin is bipolar. Her life was a mess (drugs and alcohol abuse). She got pregnant, and it changed her life. Her baby was born blind, and although it wasn't easy, she raised the most beautiful little girl you have ever seen, and she lights up the life of everyone around her. She is a very happy child, and the mere thought that she could have been aborted is heinous. Of course, this is just one example, but it's worth noting. The mother's life was a total wreck, and now she has two more children (twin boys) and is the best mommy you could ever imagine. She credits her miracle child as saving her life. She thinks she would surely have been dead if not for having and keeping that baby. And she does consider her a gift from God. Who can tell her any different? This is her experience--no one else's. And the first child is now in school and doing very well. Plus, there is some medical hope that she will see someday. Just giving y'all a real-life example of another side of the situation to think about.

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That's another awesome way to look at it. Beautiful story, Randall.

posted December 07, 2014 07:05 PM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
Or you could use the pregnancy as motivation to change your life.

My friend's cousin is bipolar. Her life was a mess (drugs and alcohol abuse). She got pregnant, and it changed her life. Her baby was born blind, and although it wasn't easy, she raised the most beautiful little girl you have ever seen, and she lights up the life of everyone around her. She is a very happy child, and the mere thought that she could have been aborted is heinous. Of course, this is just one example, but it's worth noting. The mother's life was a total wreck, and now she has two more children (twin boys) and is the best mommy you could ever imagine. She credits her miracle child as saving her life. She thinks she would surely have been dead if not for having and keeping that baby. And she does consider her a gift from God. Who can tell her any different? This is her experience--no one else's. And the first child is now in school and doing very well. Plus, there is some medical hope that she will see someday. Just giving y'all a real-life example of another side of the situation to think about.

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That is beautiful, Randall! It really is uplifting!

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posted December 13, 2014 03:12 PM            

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African Proverb of the Month

"It takes a whole village to raise a child."

Igbo and Yoruba (Nigeria) Proverb

Explanation:

This Igbo and Yoruba (Nigeria) proverb exists in different forms in many African languages. The basic meaning is that child upbringing is a communal effort. The responsibility for raising a child is shared with the larger family (sometimes called the extended family). Everyone in the family participates especially the older children, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and even cousins. It is not unusual for African children to stay for long periods with their grandparents or aunts or uncles. Even the wider community gets involved such as neighbors and friends. Children are considered a blessing from God for the whole community. This communal responsibility in raising children is also seen in the Sukuma (Tanzania) proverb "One knee does not bring up a child" and in the Swahili (East and Central Africa) proverb "One hand does not nurse a child."

In general this Nigerian proverb conveys the African worldview that emphasizes the values of family relationships, parental care, self-sacrificing concern for others, sharing, and even hospitality. This is very close to the Biblical worldview as seen in scripture texts related to unity and cooperation (Ecclesiastes 4:9,12) and a mother's self-sacrificing love (Isaiah 49:15-16).

The multiple uses of this Nigerian proverb show the timeliness and relevancy of African proverbs in today's world. In 1996 Hillary Clinton, the wife of the President of the United States, published a book on children and family values entitled "It Takes a Village" based on this proverb. That same year Maryknoll Father Don Sybertz and I published the first edition of our book "Towards An African Narrative Theology" (now available from Paulines Publications Africa, Nairobi, Kenya and Orbis Books, Maryknoll, New York, USA). In Chapter Three on "Community'' we used this Nigerian proverb and many other African proverbs and sayings on the values of community, unity, cooperation and sharing. In Dallas, Texas there was a controversy over four security guards that whipped some kids who broke into a mall. The parents of the kids said that the guards had no right to discipline their kids, but the guards said that they did what they did because "the village raises the children."

The Anglican Archbishop John Sentamu of York, England at a consultation in Swanwick, England in September, 2005 stated: "As It takes a whole village to raise a child so it takes the whole global village to eradicate poverty . It starts with each of us personally. [For example] do we buy Fairtrade goods?"

Rev. Joseph G. Healey, M.M.
Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania

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