posted December 04, 2011 07:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by juniperb:
lexx, don`t you see or talk to your five sisters at holiday time?

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quote:

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Originally posted by LEXX:
One is dead.
The rest are either homophobes,
and Christian pushy/judging,
and or snobby wealthy,
I am the poor, non Christian, gay loving,
shame and embarrassment to them.
I do not measure up to their standards.
Oh well
their loss.

Pretty much same from the rest of my family up to including death threats about my associations with gay and pagan folks.

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--That really makes me sad.

At my church, we gladly welcome our LGBT brothers and sisters. It makes me sad when Christians use religion as an excuse to hate gays and lesbians and other folk. Even if one is a conservative and doesn't understand being gay/lesbian/bi/transgendered, I still feel that one could at least *respect* and be kind towards LGBT people. As one rabbi that I encountered said (roughly paraphrasing, as this was a few years ago): "whatever you think of gay marriage, stop the hate".

I hope that in time your family will learn to soften their hearts. I also hope that you'll get the chance to meet the less-judgmental types of Christians as well as other people who are more welcoming and accepting.

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*I use the whole sign system*

Personal Planets:
Sun, Mercury: Libra
Venus: Scorpio
Moon: Cancer
Mars: Capricorn

posted December 04, 2011 09:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
--That really makes me sad.

At my church, we gladly welcome our LGBT brothers and sisters. It makes me sad when Christians use religion as an excuse to hate gays and lesbians and other folk. Even if one is a conservative and doesn't understand being gay/lesbian/bi/transgendered, I still feel that one could at least *respect* and be kind towards LGBT people. As one rabbi that I encountered said (roughly paraphrasing, as this was a few years ago): "whatever you think of gay marriage, stop the hate".

I hope that in time your family will learn to soften their hearts. I also hope that you'll get the chance to meet the less-judgmental types of Christians as well as other people who are more welcoming and accepting.

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I must perhaps resign myself to having only stolen and brief tastes of happiness,
for it appears that I may never be invited to the feasts.
~LEXX

posted December 05, 2011 03:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LEXX:

My longest time precious friend , over 42 years so far to date;
is a Christian and gay.
Another of over 23 years is also Christian.
A few more of some 12 years also, are Christians.
However not rabid nor homophobic.
But they are either busy with their lives and family, or live now too far away as my oldest friend does.
Sadly I highly doubt my family will "come around".
I have had to call the police on one after some 19 death threats.....my own mother.
She has never been able to come to terms with my being born a hermaphrodite, and even tried to drown me in the toilet minutes after my sudden premmie birth.
I was externally male looking but internally female. I was "fixed" , my female parts "finished" and became mostly female (boy bits removed and female opening finished and hormones to force puberty on me at age 8) and gave birth to one child and been pregnant over 26+ times.
I am a freak in her eyes and an abomination.
The molestations, rapes, and bloody beatings at the hands of good Christians in my childhood continue to haunt my nightmares.
A brother said I was a pervert for having a gay spouse. He said if his young sons ever turned gay he would kill them all, then himself.
More homophobic crap and snobbery from my family I shall not list here.
And the damning me for not being like them......
No,
they are a lost cause.

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That is really heart-breaking, and I'm sorry that they are that way. I don't mean to be judgmental or insulting, but that sounds very un-Christian to me.

Have you been in touch with your friends recently?

Even though they may be busy and have their own lives, I'm sure that they miss you. They might not get back to you right away, but could you send them a card or letter, just to re-connect?

Again, I'm sorry that your family is that way. I will pray (if that's OK with you) for good people to come into your life who will give you the love and respect that you deserve. I've never met you obviously, but from what you've posted here, you really do seem like a beautiful person and it angers me that people aren't kind to you like they should be.

:::big hugs:::

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*I use the whole sign system*

Personal Planets:
Sun, Mercury: Libra
Venus: Scorpio
Moon: Cancer
Mars: Capricorn

posted December 17, 2011 08:02 PM            

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I must perhaps resign myself to having only stolen and brief tastes of happiness,
for it appears that I may never be invited to the feasts.
~LEXX

posted December 18, 2011 08:14 AM            

I just hope my venting will help folks realize that it is very important to be thankful for the following (if they have it)

1.
Good or fairly good health.
(like can you always see? Can you always walk?
Do you know what pain free days are?
Can you just get up and go and do?)
Please mindfully enjoy being able to do what some of us cannot.
It can be taken away/lost in a flash.
Enjoy it and appreciate it whilst you can!
Good health is not a thing to take for granted.

2.
family who really care.
(or even at least do not make death threats)
3.
Money to cover at least basic needs.

OK.....
must go down again.
Posting betwixt bed down/bathroom.
The past several months have me scared and down because things are worse on too many fronts.
One day at a time, one moment at a time,
I'll either find a way to get better, make things better, or
I'll die.
So might as well keep trying and hoping until it gets better or.......
yeah.

posted December 20, 2011 03:43 AM            

Kind of off topic, but do you have much Neptune/Pisces influence? You just seem so mystical to me lol

Anyway, Love, as hard as it may be try to have a merry christmas. I am sending lots of love and positive energy your way.

posted December 20, 2011 09:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Soothsayer:
LEXX
I cannot fathom all that you have been through. It is so upsetting to me. I obviously don't know you very well but based on the several posts of yours I have read, you seem like such a caring and wonderful person I truly wish you had someone to spend the holidays with. But you are much loved and respected here!

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posted December 20, 2011 10:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Soothsayer:

Kind of off topic, but do you have much Neptune/Pisces influence? You just seem so mystical to me lol

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quote:

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Originally posted by Soothsayer:

Anyway, Love, as hard as it may be try to have a merry christmas. I am sending lots of love and positive energy your way.

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posted December 20, 2011 08:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Soothsayer:
LEXX
I cannot fathom all that you have been through. It is so upsetting to me. I obviously don't know you very well but based on the several posts of yours I have read, you seem like such a caring and wonderful person I truly wish you had someone to spend the holidays with. But you are much loved and respected here!

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quote:

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Originally posted by LEXX:

My ex to be and I still live together.
We are still good friends so it is better than being alone in some ways.
And yay!
The food stamps came yesterday so even though there is no money,
we can at least eat and get some Christmas goodies!
Just have to seriously gas ration.
And the food pantry for the poor has helped us so very much.
As long as we have internet we have holiday music and a charity will pay our electric bill hopefully this month.
I have had far worse holiday seasons,
so I do count my blessings for having a better one than some have been.

continued next post.......

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Aww LEXX
I am happy to hear that things are better for you this year. I hope the two of you can just enjoy and appreciate each other's time together. It upsets me to hear of someone suffering, especially over the holidays. I have been blessed with wonderful Christmas memories. It's the one time of year that I am always super excited and ecstatic. I will send you as much of that positive energy as I can!!

As for the charity, that is amazing that there are groups that help out less fortunate people/families. I am glad they are helping you, you really deserve it.

Happy holidays, LEXX. May you have at least one day of pure happiness and peace. Enjoy your holiday music! Music brings happiness to my soul, and brings loved ones together.

posted December 28, 2012 04:15 AM            

1. SALES!!!!
2. Breaks from school

I hate Christmas because...

posted December 28, 2012 01:29 PM            

What an immense spirit you are. You walk as a wonderful giant among us!

With love and gratitude for your Life, I took a leap in trust and opened my very first topic here at LL.

It's a poem I wrote in 1979

posted December 28, 2012 01:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:
Lexxigramer... Somehow we've landed here together in a corridor between parallel universes.

What an immense spirit you are. You walk as a wonderful giant among us!

With love and gratitude for your Life, I took a leap in trust and opened my very first topic here at LL.

It's a poem I wrote in 1979

This is for you... http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum17/HTML/002603.html

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posted December 28, 2012 03:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lexxigramer:
Thank you for your kind words and the poem.
I do not mean to be so gloomy at times.
Updates on my status posted here. http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum8/HTML/002069-3.html
Hopefully Spring will bring better times for you and myself.

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Oh! I don't mind "gloomy" at all. Sometimes when we're living isolated off by ourselves those kinds of feelings can pile up and needs a way to get expressed. A gloomy post can be quite cleansing. I love something Nietszche(?) said... something about thinking thoughts of suicide helped him get through the night. (Oh yeah, let's talk about morose... c'mon! ... I love it that we can share a safely morose sense of humor!)

(movie clip) Patch Adams (4/10)[1:31] - (I want to help people...) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKl8s0EO5T4

(movie clip) Patch Adams (2/10) [ - (Group Therapy) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk9mR3zjrkk

posted December 28, 2012 07:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:
Oh! I don't mind "gloomy" at all. Sometimes when we're living isolated off by ourselves those kinds of feelings can pile up and needs a way to get expressed. A gloomy post can be quite cleansing. I love something Nietszche(?) said... something about thinking thoughts of suicide helped him get through the night. (Oh yeah, let's talk about morose... c'mon! ... I love it that we can share a safely morose sense of humor!)

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quote:

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“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

“The thought of suicide is a powerful solace: by means of it one gets through many a bad night”

Friedrich Nietzsche

“The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort; with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

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quote:

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Originally posted by mirage29:

(movie clip) Patch Adams (4/10)[1:31] - (I want to help people...) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKl8s0EO5T4

(movie clip) Patch Adams (2/10) [ - (Group Therapy) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sk9mR3zjrkk

(movie clip) [oh, I can't find the part where he visits man dying in hospital and dresses as angel of death, they exchange words for dying, and death... ends up cheering the man up]

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posted December 28, 2012 07:47 PM            

This is the one I had stumbled across back in the mid-1990s. Meant so much to me.

quote:

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“The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort; with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

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posted December 28, 2012 08:50 PM            

One of my most crushing memories involves November-December. Had/Have pain so bad that my mind can't wrap itself around the totality of it. Reminds me of that big furnace you described that could fit three people standing up inside of it!

Last year feelings came so close that I thought I'd go insane if the fullness were to whelm all at once...

I thank you for the links you've provided to other parts of lindaland. You know this place so well! Reminds me of a special old huge mansion full of angling stairways, old rooms, and crawlway passages.

I've more to explore! and still a bit confused trying to keep stories straight, connecting the friend lines. AND I'm SURE I'm making some selfish awkward mistakes, but that's initiation-- comes with the process of discovery!! (Sooo, I pre-forgive myself! and I hope you and the others will too.)

I had pretty much kept to the astrology threads until just this past Christmas week. Discovery! Began reading post after post, trying to capture the whole 'weave' of this place... soooo cool!

Duh to me! I hadn't made the full connections from the 'ethereal' event earlier, until you showed it to me in forum links. Ha! You navigate so well! It was dizzying to follow your leads, and I could hardly keep up. But I must say that was sooo fun!! An exhilarating exploration!

Of course, part of the 'dizzy' part just could have been that I needed that sandwich!

I've been married twice in my life... one was on December 26th. ugh, when it doesn't last.

I "deal" with this time of year with both feeling the pain on one hand (separating out the images); and on the other hand, gathering together all the ethers, all the special feeling-tones and senses, and I form and create an environment (outer and inner)-- a place for my inner-child of christmas, just bathing it with all the wonders. My inner-child takes from it all the nurture and love I'd ever dreamed about. All the pleasant times, all the precious times and excitement from the giant parties with old aunts and uncles and grands. I tuck those things in my heart, and celebrate it deeply and alone...

christmastime! filled with a melancholy joy...

Christmas Carols - Christmas Time is Here(Charlie Brown)[2:47] - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hajwg6kxpQ4