posted July 21, 2014 06:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
What would you think of this synastry here?
(While I don´t think it might be technically murder karma, it has some sort of dark vibe to it, along with a nearly unbearable intensity, as I recall. I once had a flashback of his death, too, which was weighing heavily on me for months. That heavy feeling just wouldn`t go away, though it seemed irrational).

Well, his birthtime is rectified by me, so the degree of his ASC could vary. But the Aries-ASC is certain.

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To be honest, Ceri, I've definitely felt that 'heavy feeling' there; I have some heaviness with my Twin, too, and yet, it's different somehow. As if Fiona learning of Lane's intentions in the past cleared it. Strange. I don't have that with Fate. The understanding -- and motivation -- allowed me to take a deep breath and forgive him. It makes SENSE now. Ohhh, there was no choice. That's what HAD to be done. Thing is, when that's the last thing you experience, ohhh, how it can haunt you. And when you're lacking the understanding -- the motivation -- it becomes something of an obsession. A misinterpretation. Now it's clear.

This wasn't misinterpreted. This was DENIAL. This was being unable to accept it. This was ... a powerful, horrible betrayal. This was ... a deep, deep thorn in my soul, for which I'd forgotten to whom it belonged -- who lodged it there.

And, of course, I've been seeking, desperately hunting, searching, for the one who was responsible. I've been hungering for answers. Needing CLOSURE.

Isn't that madness? Needing closure for a previous tragedy in another eigenstate / timeline / incarnation? But the reverberations have been HERE, in MY life now, since 2000. So maybe it's somehow not so crazy.

Transdimensional PTSD. Good lord!

It gets you pretty turned around. So if there's a part of you searching, you absolutely should get the closure. Even when you KNOW -- you know in the depths of your soul, who it is, and you may even know why. But you still need to HEAL. And to ultimately forgive.

posted July 21, 2014 09:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
Ok.....I've added a couple of asteroids that have always scared me in my chart and his!

I'm the inside he is the outside

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Brave. :: hugs :: You're SO brave. Don't ever think otherwise. It's the first step. God knows, I've had THAT feeling. I recall actually squinting at the screen, because I KNEW it'd prove hugely relevant, and ... it did.

posted July 21, 2014 10:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
Ok.....I've added a couple of asteroids that have always scared me in my chart and his!

I'm the inside he is the outside

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Thanks for sharing with us the asteroids and charts; it will help everyone with dark stories of different shades of black and grey understand better the root or past karmic linkages brining forth such.

Which are your top 5 scary asteroids in your experience or opinion??

posted July 21, 2014 10:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by amelia28:
I think I have a dark past life with my hubby. His eros in scorpio at 3 degrees conjuncts my saturn/dna in scorpio at 2 degrees and his karma in scorpio at 0 degrees also conjuncts my saturn/dna.

His hekate conjuncts my mercury which rules my DC, MC and Sun.

My nemesis conjuncts his jupiter.

His venus and my venus/mars conjunction squares his mars/uranus conjunction in the DC.

His Kaali opposes my chiron.

His Pluto conjuncts lilith and trines my lilith and my NN.

My nessus at the end of my 8th house trines his nemesis in the 7th.

I think I see my hekata/juno conjunction at the apex of a Hammer's Thor forming a sesquisquare with his neptune in the 8th and a sesquisquare with my mercury conjunct his intercepted hekata at my MC and his intercepted 5th in virgo.

We dont have mars/pluto hard aspects, just one sextile but if you can help me figure out something about hour dark past that would be great. Do you think any of the aspects I mention indicate such?

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posted July 21, 2014 10:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by amelia28:
I think eros conjunct saturn in synastry can be added to aspects that hint towards a dark past life but that offer hope in this life showing that the karma will be resolved. I think the fact that his eros conjunct my saturn/DNA is in scorpio further hints to a dark past life and the fact that DNA is involved I think means many lifes..

IQ said to me that:

"Hi Amelia,
Eros conjunct Saturn need not be betrayal, it is the squares that indicate betrayal.

The conjunction is evidence of a Karmic Soulmate: A Soulmate with whom you have developed so much karmic debt that you have to marry or live together for a few years to pay off the debts. Once the debts are paid, either he will transform into an even more loving person [and enhance the beauty of the relationship] or he will suddenly separate, allowing a better Soulmate into your life."

I also found this online just now:

"Saturn is the lead the alchemist labored to turn to gold. In this metaphor, Saturn’s heavy price of pain and suffering can, with effort and consciousness, lead to the glory and wealth of wisdom and understanding. Our weakest point, the repulsive flaw, may transform into a golden virtue, an attribute of distinction. This transformation, if the tale of Beauty and the Beast be any hint, comes quicker through the application of love than all the hard work or assertion in the world.

When Saturn is in aspect to Eros, the opportunity to transform lead to gold may come though the medium of erotic love. This can mix one of the most agonizing experiences with the most exquisite making pain hard to distinguish from the pleasure. When Saturn and Eros meet we come to know the depths of our flaw, usually appearing before the eyes, in full Technicolor, in the form of the beloved other.

Eros conjunct Saturn can suggest difficulty discerning between an experience of erotic attraction and an experience of abject fear. As Eros awakens, so does Saturn and the initial response can range from wise caution to absolute panic. The alarming thing is that Saturn seems to increase, not destroy, our sense of allure to the other. A kind of fascination develops that spirals around a catch 22 that says the closer we get, the more we fear, the stronger the compulsion for closeness. The magnet attunes to captivate someone with a similar flaw and commensurate fears. This alone can produce tremendous pain, and also tremendous growth and understanding.

Eros linked to Saturn by aspect is like the bond between Beauty and her Beast/Prince. At first, she is terrified of the monster in prince’s clothing, yet to save her father, also a symbol of Saturn, she offers herself to the creature. She willingly places herself in the Beast’s powerful domain, determined to protect her father in spite of her overwhelming fears. The conjunct, trine and sextile aspects may highlight this willingness to enter the realm of Saturn through the medium of erotic love. In this story, it is not long before the young maiden sees beauty where others only see retched ugliness. "
http://www.falconastrology.com/erosle06.html

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posted July 21, 2014 10:44 PM            

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Wow, Amelia! How enlightening! I'll definitely look more into this. The themes are very resonant. Thank you so much for sharing them.

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posted July 21, 2014 11:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by amelia28:
Thanks for sharing with us the asteroids and charts; it will help everyone with dark stories of different shades of black and grey understand better the root or past karmic linkages brining forth such.

Which are your top 5 scary asteroids in your experience or opinion??

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In my chart the ones that scare me-
Apophis on Hecate approx libra@24-25
-opposed-
Asmodeus on Chiron approx aries@24-25

Vibhuti cancer@25
Vishnu cap@25

I just wish I understood how these relate?

posted July 22, 2014 02:30 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Brave. :: hugs :: You're SO brave. Don't ever think otherwise. It's the first step. God knows, I've had THAT feeling. I recall actually squinting at the screen, because I KNEW it'd prove hugely relevant, and ... it did.

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posted July 22, 2014 02:39 AM            

"iQ-
The most likely past life theme is of someone who chose you to be an Occult/Magical Apprentice in Atlantis, without expecting that you will rebel for the purpose of righteousness. It was too late to control you, for he may have already helped awaken your Kundalini using his own "Shakti"[His Kaali conjunct your Ascendant and His Asteroid Ganesa conjunct your Aura is the clincher for this], so he may have tried to victimize you using black magic [His Asmodeus and his Ixion aspects to your Asc and Venus respectively fits perfectly]"
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum28/HTML/002528.html

posted July 22, 2014 03:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
I had a few in my chart that scared me but IQ looked at them and they were not saying what I thought they were saying!
I think we tend to see the worst or fear the worst when we just don't need to!!

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posted July 22, 2014 04:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gabby:
iQ looked at our synastry, of course it wasn't specifically for a murder or anything but here is his response.....

"iQ-
The most likely past life theme is of someone who chose you to be an Occult/Magical Apprentice in Atlantis, without expecting that you will rebel for the purpose of righteousness. It was too late to control you, for he may have already helped awaken your Kundalini using his own "Shakti"[His Kaali conjunct your Ascendant and His Asteroid Ganesa conjunct your Aura is the clincher for this], so he may have tried to victimize you using black magic [His Asmodeus and his Ixion aspects to your Asc and Venus respectively fits perfectly]"
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum28/HTML/002528.html

The thing I wonder about is it's my Saturn sitting on his SN??
Doesn't that indicate it's my Karmic debt to him?

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That may not be the debt. Think of SATURN. Was it a paternal relationship? And hasn't this been satisfied?

posted July 22, 2014 10:48 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Yeah, the LACHESIS-TISIPHONE is exactly what I'm thinking it is, unfortunately.

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Would you consider a natal with Tisiphone conjunct Karma at the square midpoint of the Nodes to move in these sorts of regions for _potential_ indicators? Especially with the SN conjunct Algol, and the other Fury, Alekto (against anger I think) on the SN?

Other things conjunct and/or on the degree of Tisiphone-Karma are Nostalgia, NOT, Lie, Niger ("black"), Christen, Stevens and Mexico. 1 opposite Skepticus and Paris for added spins.

posted July 22, 2014 11:31 AM              

thank you. Yes he has a lot of stuff going on, for sure, in his chart anyway.
He also got Kaali on the Ariespoint squaring his Sun.

For a time he was very much into astrology, and I remember that memorable concert with him when he was musing about how children when they are little seem to unable to look at you directly, but seem to look at a point slightly sideways, but that this is not because they cannot look at you, but in fact they are probably either seeing your Aura or an angel standing nearby.
This was his introduction to the song "he`s talking to the angel". lol

Same concert where he was musing about meditation and Osho and how if you meditate to music, you could do it by paying attention to the spaces BETWEEN the sounds.

And stuff like this.

Well last thing I heard of him was that he became a Yoga teacher.
Though I think he is still giving concerts now and then.

Certainly a very unique individual.

He probably is a very nice guy, too, just, I don´t know, whenever I was too close (like sitting in the audience), his energy felt, I don´t know, kind of intrusive almost, as it was too electric. That was even before the flashback.
Also I remember one time I was sitting in first row, and he came on stage and he glared at me. I mean for real, he seemed so angry, like my existence alone maddened him. lol

I remember one time on a solo concert, I was laughing so much about something he said and even couldn´t bite back a retort. I said it quietly, but he must have heard it nevertheless. Cause without missing a beat he said: "You think you´re safe, sitting in the dark, right? But I still know you´re there.
"
LOL

It`s been long ago though, and to be honest after that flashback, it was like Indigo said, it all just fell away. Like reliving it resolved it somehow.

posted July 22, 2014 12:51 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Besides he is probably a vampire or something like that. The man just doesn`t age. He is nearing 50 and he does.not.age. This is creepy.

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Hahahaa this must be it! (his 12th house lol)

posted July 22, 2014 02:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Keela:
Would you consider a natal with Tisiphone conjunct Karma at the square midpoint of the Nodes to move in these sorts of regions for _potential_ indicators? Especially with the SN conjunct Algol, and the other Fury, Alekto (against anger I think) on the SN?

Other things conjunct and/or on the degree of Tisiphone-Karma are Nostalgia, NOT, Lie, Niger ("black"), Christen, Stevens and Mexico. 1 opposite Skepticus and Paris for added spins.

Venus conjunct Requiem, Quirk, Sado, Deprez, Constable, Jedicke, Pyramus, Kobolda, Cortesi, Nuwa, Patrickgene, Xosa among other things.

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Keela,

For me, TISIPHONE emerged from the common sense test; it figures heavily in both the understood mythology, and the karma. Heh. I knew much less about her before this man than I do now.

Your question raises an even more important practise, though, I think; another to help us avoid false positives. And that is theme.

First, find your theme.

If TISIPHONE is part of the theme (and it does seem as if she's configured -- but is she activated?) then investigate it thoroughly. You may not always like what you see, but, that's not what this is about, is it? It's about confrontation. Healing.

ALEKTO, incidentally, was the one of the Erinyes / Dirae whose domain included wrath, or an 'implacable anger'. She was also the one 'called upon' when one's hospitality was disrespected.

TISIPHONE, it would seem, since time immemorial, is specifically in regards to vengeance of murder. Unless that is specifically a theme, it may indicate, say, nobler deeds -- such as the tireless detective, or even the young girl in search of her mother's killer.

posted July 22, 2014 03:21 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Holy hell, Ceri -- the moment that Lee was talking about the T-Square and Aries MOON and SATURN and CHIRON, I thought -- you were talking about him! Really! That's just a bit eerie. And about the non-ageing thing? That's gotta be astrological, too. I believe they were born 6 months apart -- December '66 and June '67.

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posted July 22, 2014 04:15 PM            

And, what I ask myself, is what IS this point?

Am I subconsciously pushing him away because we're finally becoming closer -- on that level you can't fake? Why is it as if I've got to 'remind myself' of what I'm dealing with? Especially when it all feels so insane!

I remember, in the beginning, we watched 'Dead Again' together on one of our recording demo breaks. (He's a big fan of Branagh -- worked with him at one point.) We'd been watching his Shakespeare projects, and he up and suddenly said, 'have you seen 'Dead Again'? Excellent film. Not the kind you watch over and over, but -- have you?' I said I had, suddenly recalling it after years, and seeing it the first time a year or so after beginning my own project. He replies, 'Ah, very good. Let's watch it.' Granted, you would be woe to predict that Aries Moon of his, but it would become one of many WTF moments. Then he says, 'bit reminiscent of our story, don't you think?'

'OUR' story? No, no. MY story. This has been MY story since 2000. Because, of course, he was speaking of the project. But something welled up within me. It was this emotion from nowhere. Was I angry? Sad? I suddenly wanted to throw something across the room. There he was, with his usual calm, composed air, and I'm a secret torrent. Augh!

All I could say was, ' ... Yes. I think you're right.'

He was satisfied with the response. Our story. I knew it was true, and I hated that. Unless you've been in my position, you just can't begin to understand. It turns your whole world upside down. And after having already been through the dress rehearsal from 2000-2004, I wasn't sure I was ready for opening night. I also hadn't seen the film since '03. Ohhhh, how it affected me. So, SO deeply. I sobbed. I DID throw things. I shouted at the screen; I had panic attacks. I REALLY began to question my sanity, and thanked God for those who said, 'oh, honey, you're just having a difficult time with some heavy karma.'

HAH! RIGHT! Well, it took awhile for me to even BEGIN to accept the notion. Too many years of evidence stacking to ignore. And I was ten years older now. I could hack this. I could watch THIS film. With HIM. I'm that strong. I can DO this.

So, of course, we watched it.

At the point at which Branagh's character suddenly plays the melody she'd just had in her head (been there!) and, of course, it's JUST exact enough to be eerie, while quickly subverted to seem unrelated -- I noticed the visible agitation. (He'd always get that way around me. Desperately hiding his anxiety.) It's ... identical in nature to the character I created a decade before, so, naturally, I respond the same way. It's ... automatic.

So I'd reached over and placed my hand over his fidgeting ones, before I even realised what I was doing. And, of course, quickly replaced it in my lap -- after apologising and saying that I really don't even know why I did that. He was startled, but oddly ... comforted. A little piece of his wall came down; a tiny bit, but enough to at least show it was penetrable.

That's probably why he had the courage at all to suddenly reach over and take my hand during the end of that scene; she's remarking on the bizarre similarities of the present and the past, and he says outright, he's not that person from the past. (It's a strong film, so I won't spoil it for the unfamiliar.)

It was then he placed his hand over mine. I wasn't fidgeting -- did I seem nervous? Oh, sure, my heart was beating out of my chest, but -- he didn't KNOW that. I disguise my emotions perfectly. (Well, I used to.) So I was pretty stunned when he just held his hand over mine, and then LOOKED at me -- and said nothing. Nothing! For at least a few seconds! Just that bloody -- augh, those eyes of his. Damned expressive eyes.

It's what was in them that I'll never forget.

It was this strange, inexplicable look of fear -- almost sympathy or apology. Like he didn't actually have words to convey whatever he was trying to. It was both apologetic -- and not: 'I'm sorry, BUT.' I wouldn't get what that would even mean for years.

Luckily, my roommate got back as if on damned cue. His hand immediately retracted from mine, and his eyes flew back to the screen. Like he had been doing something wrong, or shameful. It wasn't desire there -- or, if it was, it was deeply buried. It was inexplicable sorrow and confusion.

Of course my roommate says, 'oh! 'Dead Again'! Great movie. Reminds me a lot of you two.'

AUGH. WHAT? NO! STOP THIS NOW. ALL OF YOU. EVERYTHING! NOW!

Then he corrects himself, 'well, your characters. But sometimes it's hard to tell where the lines are, you know?'

I excused myself. I HAD to. There was a quickly growing chorus of those connected to the story since its beginning who were taking a hard pause and long look at my costar.

I, of course, was in TOTAL denial. It'd take four years for me to even begin to accept the possibility. And it STILL feels crazy. Were it not for the story, however, we would've had no context. No real place to begin.

What gets me is how suddenly and completely it ALL came flooding back, renewed, since we recorded a new demo -- for the first time in four years -- on Sunday. It was like something dislodged. A blockage removed. It's as if he still has pieces of this story I don't.

posted July 22, 2014 04:55 PM            

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
near the 00 degree Cancer, too?

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Nope. On the Homicidal Axis: 22º LIB, 22º ARI, and then square 21º CAN.

His 8C is 00º CAN, though; PALLAS right on it.

posted July 22, 2014 05:14 PM            

Guess there's no better way to truly begin than ... start at the beginning; and, once you get to the end -- stop. (Yes, I'm hopeless.)

posted July 22, 2014 05:16 PM            

Nonetheless, this is a particular synastry, emphasising a few specific patterns and configurations. Not the whole thing, by any means; more of a spotlight than anything.