posted February 21, 2015 12:48 PM            

I also came across an article that mentioned the Initial Eclipse. It explained that each solar eclipse is part of a saros circle which repeat every 19 years and that the initial eclipse of the saros serie your prenatal eclipse is from will also enlighten one especially if there are strong connections from the intial eclipse eclipse to the prenatal eclipse.

posted February 21, 2015 12:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by ueharaa:
No one eeping:

I also came across an article that mentioned the Initial Eclipse. It explained that each solar eclipse is part of a saros circle which repeat every 19 years and that the initial eclipse of the saros serie your prenatal eclipse is from will also enlighten one especially if there are strong connections from the intial eclipse eclipse to the prenatal eclipse.

I know this just adds more chart to the analysis and I don't know how relevant such a chart is?

---

posted February 21, 2015 01:05 PM            

But to be honest I think this is too deep for me. After all some will their initial eclipse hundred years from their birth. How can we consider it an influence then?

posted February 25, 2015 04:24 PM            

Here's my Draconic chart:

posted July 25, 2015 03:12 PM            

My question is, astrologically, how can I tell if it's really, really done? And is it selfish to end it just because I learned my lesson from it? I know he still wants to be together - so why should his end in heartbreak? We were so in love, and I still love him, but I need to change. What he wants from me requires me to be unhappy. Is there a predictive astrological method for a timely, reasonable ending?

posted July 25, 2015 04:21 PM            

Lunar: the impact of our major karma upon us personally; the emotional level; individual karma, lessons, and objectives to be cleared
---

The Solar eclipse point at 10 Scorpio was conjunct my Venus at 9 Scorpio (and also, widely, the NN at 14 Scorpio), in my 4th house. Venus at the time was also in 9 Scorpio, and retrograde. Mars at 15 Leo was conjunct my ASC in 16 Leo. Mercury was in 22 Libra, right on my Valentine.

posted July 25, 2015 05:40 PM            

For starters, let me take the much-deserved moment and congratulate you on the incredible progress you've made thus far. Accurately assessing a relationship, especially when we're still very much in love, but realising 'this is bad for us' is one of the hardest things to do, hands-down.

Karmic relationships, in my opinion, are all little steps and signposts we've laid for ourselves as part of our greater personal grand design. Looking back, I'm not sure why I was so willing to believe that one of my twin rays was, in fact, my twin flame; why I suddenly related so completely to the concept, and he seemed a perfect fit to it. Now it just feels like so much temporary insanity. Some of it is, does, and will always make sense, and feel legitimate. But not quite enough. It's almost as if iQ's confirmation was all I needed to engage in the fantasy which would prove more integral than I'd realise at the time. Even if we've both come to conclude that he and I very well may be karmic partners, ultimately; though he does still seem soul-family, and 'twin ray' fits the overall feeling I get from him. The strange resonance of 'he's my brother'. Being obligated to someone, life-long, on some inexplicable level. Not out of the desire to love, or even really wanting them in your life; they just are. Full-stop.

But, that in no way is justification for a relationship. He, too, simply fit into a long line of men fitting a particular archetype, with which I had a LOT of karmic baggage. And, alas, that archetype is not only charming, charismatic, smart but lazy, unevolved and narcissistic -- it's abusive. Worse, it justifies its being abusive by playing the martyr card -- though, so craftily, you'd barely even catch on. Indeed, we're so swept up in the charisma and sparkling conversation, we seem to conveniently disregard the 'sarcasm' that does a bit more than border upon verbal abuse, or the lack of emotional support in 90% of the occasions when it's needed most.

And, what do we do? We take it. We change. We take every mismatch as a cue that we have to change. At the time, it seems natural; something within them has inspired within us this radical idea that we are not good enough as we are, and we're looking to them to become what we think is better. We listen to their words, and ignore their actions. They tell us not to be petty, and we agree, disregarding their tendency to readily engage in senseless flame wars. They say we need to honour our word; again, we agree, forgetting how many times they've broken theirs,

For a long time, he controlled me by guilt, because I let him. I interpreted that his heart was so broken as a result of our failed meeting years before, when we both attempted a real relationship, that I carried his silent sadness with me -- chained to it, like a boulder. I promised myself I'd make it up to him, and as my life continued to present obstacles in every endeavour we approached, I only felt worse. I'd apologise profusely, and they'd be sometimes met with appreciation, most often disregard, and, occasionally, amplification and greater confirmation.

But when I finally realised that he'd broken my heart as well -- either by flat leading me on, or misjudging his own capacity for relationship, probably both -- it doesn't even matter which is true -- I let the burden go. I unshackled myself. In the midst of those several complicated years, I'd slowly, gradually, sacrificed the very principles of relationship I upheld: honesty, integrity, compassion, appreciation and respect. Somehow, one by one, they disappeared from our relationship over time, and I was too blinded by the tremendous guilt I felt, that I 'accepted' the punishment I was 'due'.

But he was never honest. He doesn't know how to treat a woman, or really anyone, with respect. He strives for dignity but won't accept that others deserve the same. He is never appreciative, and has compassion only for himself and what might be harmful to him.

The fact that he has endured a very hard life and never learnt to love was NOT justification for his abusing me. It is NEVER acceptable. I forgave him countless times under the banner that he was just broken, and if I loved him enough, he would heal, and all would be well. And while I hardly wish to admit it, I'm sure I did much of it in the service of the notion that he was my twin flame -- and I had to. No doubt, this is why I began to speak out about it so actively once I started to truly heal. Once the misery faded, and my heart began to accept the scars it had incurred. The trick then was not to become hardened. Ahhh, but what else happens when tSATURN crosses our MOON?

Of course, there's one thing that he did that my life couldn't have done without, were it to get to where it is right now, today. It was my realisation of how deeply I had buried my feelings for him that got me to consider that I'd done the same with the man who is now my boyfriend. And, with tSATURN bringing to me a many hard lesson in the realm of all things lunar, I discovered that I'd done so because of the far greater depth of my emotions in regards to this relationship -- the exponential intensity by orders of magnitude.

One thing will always come to my mind. He had been here making use of my makeshift recording studio (prior to his setting up his own) on the day that my twin ray suddenly decided to 'share his emotions with me' ...

... about another woman.

YES. Here I was, seven years into this bizarre relationship-of-sorts, his self-proclaimed 'soulmate' (according to him), and he was suddenly spilling the beans about an infatuation over the past year in regards to a coworker of his. Why then? She was a widow who still wore her ring; he presumed she was married and never enquired further. Then, he only discovered the truth when she spoke of her new boyfriend. And, as one of the things we were was best friends, he sought my 'advice' to 'deal with his feelings'.

As I fixed lunch for the two of us (in between texting him), I couldn't help but alternately cry and rant. I can't even recall exactly what I'd said, only what he did in response. He said, 'if it's any consolation at all, I love you. And, forgive my saying so, but if he doesn't, it is, as they say, hardly your loss, but his.'

Now, a bit of a recap of some backstory may be needed here to better explain the underlying dynamics. My twin ray and I had, for the past few months, been trying to figure out how to cultivate a sexual relationship without the attached strings. It all would end in heartache a few months following this incident, as I became more (very uncharacteristically) emotional, and he (much later) would say that we couldn't ever be involved minus 'the strings'; we knew each other far too well.

At the time, the relationship with the man who's now my boyfriend had simply faded into being strictly platonic again, after a short (6-month) foray into exploring a romantic one. At the particular time, September 2012, it had been over a year since it did so -- and nothing was to blame but schedules and the fact that neither of us tried to get it back on course. I was too busy with my twin ray, trying to do my first television series -- learning, in fact, how to do so. I knew that J, we'll call him, loved me, just as I loved him as well. But I'd relegated anything else in connexion with it that strayed beyond the platonic to a deeply buried place. I interpreted his lack of approaching it romantically to be enough of an impetus to inspire me to follow suit.

And so, that mid-September, as he told me that he loved me, much in that manner a true platonic friend does, I was hardly thinking of our past romantic relationship, or the complicated dynamics which existed between us even still. No, I was crying over and ranting about the jerk who had my present affections, and taking my dear friend's words to heart. Meaningful, and well-meant, but beyond the scope of that with which I was prepared to deal. He knew how to love me, and his actions had revealed the conscious decision not to, consistently, since August 2011.

And yet, it was probably that very moment which came most readily to mind, when in March 2013, he actively admitted how his feelings for me had never changed in nature or wavered in the slightest. He was still wrestling with his principles and showing respect to me as I tried to resolve my outstanding relationship with my twin ray. When I suddenly questioned whether I had buried my emotions in just the same manner, and he and I were not comfortably exes, having moved peacefully into the post-romantic stage of our relationship. It was his statement in my kitchen, as I attempted not to cry into food I was preparing; his loving me with nothing to gain, and wanting nothing more in that moment than to spare me the pain I was enduring -- from another man. No petty jealousy; no emotional games. No manipulations. Even as he still loved me in that moment, he'd had no one to blame but himself for the current status of our relationship, and I had just been following his lead. And yet, there was no jealousy in his motivation. He was merely being a loving friend attempting to help the situation as best he could in the heat of the moment.

I learnt so much from it.

I now know that I was having to become a very different person in order to satisfy the unhealthy, and dysfunctional needs of my twin ray. For many years, too, I was caught in the same loop with my husband. At times, I still am, but I'm stronger now. I'm confident -- and complete -- within myself. And that's what's brought me to enjoy the company of my boyfriend as well as I do: the ways in which we are independently complete, together.

There's never the right time, per se, to leave a relationship. In all honesty, once we realise we should, the countdown has begun. Karmic relationships, especially, are shocking in the suddenness of their conclusion. But when we know -- we know -- and it's never the same. We can take some comfort in the knowledge that lessons have been learnt -- otherwise, we wouldn't be ready to leave.

No one is truly compatible, by the way, with someone who is still relating in a dysfunctional manner. There's no shame in ending an abusive relationship -- even if the abuse is only intermittent or occasional. There's pain, but no shame.

And, sometimes the hardest lesson is for them to learn that love cannot flourish in the presence of abuse. Ever.

posted July 25, 2015 08:37 PM            

But it's such a mess, my whole life is tangled into his. (Probably because of our AC/DC/MC/IC conjunctions? I've never had a romantic interest become so enmeshed in my life) I have partly been putting it off, just because I don't feel like dealing with the aftermath. More of myself pushing my own needs way down. It's got to stop, or I'll surely drown.

I guess I have my answer. Thank you, Auby.
I think our charts are a classic example of this Karmic situation that ends up toxic..

quote:

---

No one is truly compatible, by the way, with someone who is still relating in a dysfunctional manner.

---

posted July 26, 2015 06:52 AM            

If yes, let me know if you want me to post it here.

EDIT: Ah well, I went ahead and I posted our synastry anyways. We were together for 7 years. I never thought we would break up, but we did two weeks ago. I am blue.

posted July 30, 2015 06:40 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
That sounds like a great start and approach to PEs, Pretty Theft. I'll share my charts in a bit. Despite feeling so much the embodiment of my LEO NNODE, I'm a 2H LIBRA SUN. But I have BML conjunct my SUN (2°) and PLUTO, which I've been told, acts a bit like a LEO BML, and is extremely Leonine and a natural performer.

I've been thought a LEO before, though. Can't say what that is, outside of my 29° LEO MOON Dwad. Perhaps being 0° conjunct REGULUS creates a powerful Leonine vibe? Then add to my PSE being so oriented around my natal NNODE, I clearly came in on a Leonine energy surge.

But, hey; as it's my NNODE, I guess 'becoming' more LEO is a good thing.

---

posted July 30, 2015 12:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
It's funny. Every time I read your posts Aubyanne, I could swear you are a Scorpio.

---

That's because:

MOON, MERC, (EROS, LILITH, KARMA, DESTINN), URA (and a host of other 'roids clustered at 24º-27º) in Scorpio

PLUTO conjunct SUN (2º)
PLUTO parallel ASC ('30)
MERC is chartruler (14º Scorpio)

... I forget the rest. But that's essentially enough.

I remember the woman who taught me, my godmother (who'd said I have 'the gift' from birth) chided my mother for saying 'she would never have a Scorpio' (it's a private joke) and thus manifested that I'd be born early -- which I was, as opposed to the 26 October date that was given.

As my godmother put it, 'she rivals most Scorpios for level of Pluto. Careful what you wish for!'

posted July 30, 2015 12:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Aye, I am a Plutonian. But in a lovely Venusian veneer. :: fluffs metaphorical hair; forgets they're snakes; gets nipped; bops it back into place; life resumes as usual ::

---

posted July 30, 2015 01:57 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Peluches:

Awesome.

---

posted July 31, 2015 07:35 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
That's because:

MOON, MERC, (EROS, LILITH, KARMA, DESTINN), URA (and a host of other 'roids clustered at 24º-27º) in Scorpio

PLUTO conjunct SUN (2º)
PLUTO parallel ASC ('30)
MERC is chartruler (14º Scorpio)

... I forget the rest. But that's essentially enough.

I remember the woman who taught me, my godmother (who'd said I have 'the gift' from birth) chided my mother for saying 'she would never have a Scorpio' (it's a private joke) and thus manifested that I'd be born early -- which I was, as opposed to the 26 October date that was given.

As my godmother put it, 'she rivals most Scorpios for level of Pluto. Careful what you wish for!'

Aye, I am a Plutonian. But in a lovely Venusian veneer. :: fluffs metaphorical hair; forgets they're snakes; gets nipped; bops it back into place; life resumes as usual ::

---

Ah yes, that would do it!
I seem attract those with Scorpio placements in droves since I got comfortable with my Pluto/ASC, MOON para PLUTO (the latter I have just discovered, but makes a lot of sense emotionally).

Previously, like yourself, it was somewhat distorted by the Libra ASC, until I thought "To hell with denying my truth to keep the peace!". Diplomacy still needs some work though thanks to MARS!