posted August 17, 2019 02:05 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by winnertivanigrace:
Hey guys. I want to update my situation right now if there's any of you who cares 💕
...

Maybe stoika, luna, moonbeth. Any advice? Thank you so much ❤

---

Hmmm, I'll be blunt and rant so I hope it's ok

In a nutshell: you're acting out bad Pluto (having impulses of control towards him/that girl) because you are not taking control of yourself.

Even if you are with someone who are you to tell them whom to see? This sounds like vintage bad Pluto. Jealous, controlling... you don't want that, do you?. You don't want to be like that with others, and you certainly don't want to feel like that yourself, which, well, you know, considering how hurting it is for you even now as you don't give in those tendencies.

The bloke I had the Pluto aspects with was a womaniser, he'd get close and then panic and would make sure he had an affair with some girl I either hated or had reasons to feel inferior to, just so I would question myself and try harder for him. It never worked. I am not a cliche and I may have a bunch of Pluto aspects in my own chart and a Scorpio mars, the jealous woman who nags and tells her bf who not to see and snoops around and wants to see his phone is NOT me. God that sounds like such an awful waste of energy and mostly, such an insult to myself. This is simply something I am not interested in being. So when he first had the pattern of telling me he loved me (I wasn't asking for anything) and then disappeared only to resurface weeks later all guilty "I slept with her...." I didn't let it get to me, I'd record this as a break-up and would take my distances, then what? Of course he would come back with all his might, calling me at 3am in full anxiety asking why I was being casually friendly to him? Why was I acting like there wasn't something bigger and better between us? Some of my friends would then tell me, "well done, he's crawling back now" but eehw, I was playing no games.
If he showed interest or got closer to another girl to make me jealous, I was out (once I hung up on him at the slightest mention of him going out with a girl who fancied him, I simply did not want In those games). I told him, just as much as I'm not interested in being a jealous crazy woman, I am not interested in a man who sees other women and gets closer to them when he knows what they want and how it could affect me. That man can be my friend, not my lover. I remember once we were having a lovely date night, watching films on my bed, then he got very nervous and wanted to leave, I didn't get it so I asked: why? He said he had spent the entire night yearning to kiss me but that he knew he couldn't commit and this would hurt me and I had to cut him off and let him know the reason we wouldn't be kissing wasn't because I wanted more and he didn't, the reason why we wouldn't be kissing that night or any other at that point (it was 2 months before I told him that our last meeting probably was one of if not the very last) was because all I could think of was kissing him was like kissing all the other girls he played with and that it felt like drinking in a bottle everyone had spit into.
I also told him, the reality of this instant was not us having a problem because of me, but because of him, I was being a great friend to him, he was the one who wanted more and needed me to be closer, more intimate... but not have to commit to it. Well, sorry my darling, but love isn't just sex and if we're not lovers, there is a whole lot of conversations and tenderness that you'll be missing out on too. My true friends don't mind that, they're friends, but some men, they want everything, they want your soul but someone else's knickers. Well, I don't work that way and if you don't either, you don't have to compromise for anybody. You have to accept it's over and so does he. He has to accept that he cannot have you unless he wants you. It's too easy; he flirts with someone else, sleeps with her maybe and gets his emotions and compatibility fix from you? This is a specific way of loving and if it's not yours, you don't have to accept it, especially if it's not clearly explained and you haven't even been asked if you agreed.

My point is: this is not about him, this is about your relationship with yourself. Do you want to be a controlling person? Are you happy feeling this way? Do you want him to stop seeing her because you told him to?
As long as the answers to those questions are yes, a) you will feel the way you do and b) that girl will use you (or he'll use her against you) because if she's manipulative, as you say, then she's probably using the effect she has on you to build her bridges to him. But if the answer is no, then just drop it.
He wants to get closer to her? Let him. She's manipulative? He's a grown man, let him have at it and handle himself.
He knows how you feel about her and is spending all that time with her regardless so either he is trying to make you jealous and he's a manipulative **** , do stay away (unless you want to play too, and then: yolo lol). Or, he doesn't care that it hurts you, in which case, take your distances because he's not just your ex, he's also someone who's not your friend.
Your feelings aren't childish; they are reactive, unbridled, hot, in pain.... If you want out, then you need to do your best. Tell him upfront that you don't want to have more work projects with him, that you need as much space as possible and that once you've absorbed the breakup, you'll be happy to be friendly co-worker (or not, up to you), but at the moment, you need space.
If you revel in the fact he still cares for you (which is basic human decency, nobody deserves a medal for still caring for someone they were intimate with, it should be the norm) and accept all his attempts at getting closer only to be frustrated because he does not want to be as close as you do, then you are petting yourself into those bad Pluto tendencies.

You want to retaliate, stand your ground... you want to control his relationships because you feel you have no control over your own.

Be Pluto positive, take control of what belongs to you: you. Take control of this relationship by standing your ground in it, not trying to have him or that wench do it for you.
It's not his job to make you feel less for him and it's not her job to spare your feelings, so instead of trying to control them, control yourself, and while that's too difficult, control what you do. If you can control your urges to tell him not to see her so much, you can control ever bit of time you spend with him that you don't actively have to for work. You want to do both these things, but you also don't want what they imply
.
Draw a line. Because at the moment it sounds like you're so happy he still cares you're grabbing everything you can in ways that are counter to your needs and self respect. You cannot let him have you in every way he wants and then expect him to consider your feelings, because you don't consider them yourself when you do that. You can't offer yourself as a friend if friendship isn't what you want/something you feel you can give.

You can tell him no more projects together at work and politely excuse yourself ever time that other girl shows up, if you can't (work meeting....) literally look the other way. You do not have to see them together or have to see him more than you actually have to. Reject the excesses. If he's a friend, he'll understand. If he's still in love with you, he'll process that and make his way back. If he's neither, he won't change a thing or be mad at you for not indulging in his "close but no goodie "deal. But wherever he stands, you need to be your own person as soon as possible and to stand YOUR ground.
You can't forever torture yourself wishing he did things and censoring yourself to order him around because you know it's not right, it's exhausting and it will drive you crazy. You're so lucky, you actually know it's not right, so act on that, protect yourself, get yourself out of a situation that makes you want to do wrong.
You're a good person, you tried to be his friend, but it's too much for you at the moment (also because he's not doing a great job at it , so don't be. Think of yourself.

You can tell him that, or not, just act.... Everything is fine, what you decide to do will be right, it will be your decision. Giving you ideas based on personal experience but if any of it feels wrong or not you, don't do it! Do you. You are the only authority on yourself. If "you" was some jealous girl who controls who her ex is dating then you wouldn't be feeling so poorly now, act according to who you are, not what you wish your relationship was.

posted August 17, 2019 02:12 PM            

I'm very jealous and possessive of him and I won't apologise for it. Even when our r/s was in a "grey zone" I would verbalise my jealousy, but I did it in a controlled manner (I didn't throw a ***** fit or create a scene). Similarly, when we broke up I went out with another guy and he found out and threw a jealous fit on me. He didn't have any right like in your case as we'd broken up at that time. Strangely it was through these that we realised how much we meant to each other.

Maybe because we both have Moon square Mars. We just cannot keep our emotions contained.

It sounds like you and your ex are still on very friendly terms. You can't demand that he stays away from her (you have no right anymore) but if I were you I would tell him I'm feeling jealous seeing how close he is with the other gal, and see what he says. Don't create a scene though. Just calmly tell him. If he cares about you he will be more mindful. As for that gal, don't play into her manipulative games. I encountered such a gal before and when I started ignoring her, she lost interest in the "game", and anyway, my guy didn't like her.

posted August 17, 2019 06:31 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by winnertivanigrace:
Hey guys. I want to update my situation right now if there's any of you who cares 💕

I can see that since we've broken up, he still cares for me and he's still obsessed with me. He wants to help me fix my things. He tried to find ways so we could be together as a team at some projects at work, and we can go out together. He is just like how he used to except the romance thing. I guess he's just too tired and afraid of our intensity. Too intense and draining.

But its hard to stay friends. I was trying so hard to stay calm and collected. I managed to be good friends with him, until these few days I have seen him so many times with the girl I wrote above. she is Scorpio Sun, Cancer Moon, Scorpio Mercury . She lives near his house, and manages to go home every single day with him. I smell that she's kinda manipulative. It hurts me a lot when she does things in order to get me away from him in purpose so she gets closer to him. I'm crying typing this. She knows that he likes me. why is she so mean. Its painful.

When we were still in the relationship, I used to tell him how jealous i was if he was close to her. But he kept telling me that she's no more than just a friend. But now we are no longer in relationship, I cant do anything. I cant tell him to stay away from her (well, who am i?) But to see him with her getting closer killing me.

I want to get some advices from you guys personal experiences. I know in order to get out of this plutonic relationship is by cutting everything off. But in my case, I Just CAN'T. Like everything i said above, i work with him and i cant change job. In my case, what should i do?

I really want to tell him to stay away from her. or at least dont go home every single day with her. or please consider my feeling (?) I know it's too childish. But I am the person who wants to talk everything out to clear things out, is it because of my sun & mercury in leo. But I just need to talk it out. But should i talk to him?? If i dont talk and speak it out, I feel this burden in my chest. If i just ignore him, like he's dead or like I never had a thing with him, He would stay away from me and in purpose trying to get even closer with her. It also hurts me a lot. What to do 😭

Maybe stoika, luna, moonbeth. Any advice? Thank you so much ❤

---

Sweetest girl, let me hug you ❤️

Oh this is so sad and unfair! No, you're not childish! Sorry to say, but from your description I think he's being very selfish, so insensitive towards you, at the last !! Even if he was sincerely hoping for a friendship with you, a friend would understand and respect your feelings in this situation... obviously he knows you're jelouse and how hurted you are right at this moment! So, let me tell you, he's the childish one, not you! and this whole behaviour of him sounds even narcissist.
Well... the situation is difficult, anyway... if you ignore him and he acts like that, it means that he just doesnt care... and If he's playing with your feelings, believe me, he doesnt deserve not even one tear of yours! Sorry if I'm being a little harsh, but first of all you must save your self-worth and dignity, my lovely ❤️
I honestly think you should avoid him as much as you can in order to heal your heartbreak. If there is hope to be back with him, this depends from him, not from you, at this point... if someone truly loves you, they dont play games. At the same time, you obviously cant prevent them to see someone else, especially if they're no longer your boyfriend... In your shoes, maybe I would just honestly tell him what I feel, as an adult person, that I'm still trying to get over the break-up and I dont feel to be "friends", not so soon at least, and I would ask that the connection stays at the professional level and that's it. If he's not just a silly kid, he has to understand and respect you. If he's still in love with you, well then he should ask himself what he wishes for, otherwise he should act honestly and respect your feelings.
What else could you ever do darling? I know it's tough... if things are not getting better between you two, you will have to overcome this.... I'm sorry and I feel you ❤️ Try to look at him as he really is, not as you have idealized him, cause his behaviour doesnt look fair to me.

Did you ever get to know what his TOB is, btw?

posted August 17, 2019 10:50 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by winnertivanigrace:
Hey guys. I want to update my situation right now if there's any of you who cares 💕

I can see that since we've broken up, he still cares for me and he's still obsessed with me. He wants to help me fix my things. He tried to find ways so we could be together as a team at some projects at work, and we can go out together. He is just like how he used to except the romance thing. I guess he's just too tired and afraid of our intensity. Too intense and draining.

But its hard to stay friends. I was trying so hard to stay calm and collected. I managed to be good friends with him, until these few days I have seen him so many times with the girl I wrote above. she is Scorpio Sun, Cancer Moon, Scorpio Mercury . She lives near his house, and manages to go home every single day with him. I smell that she's kinda manipulative. It hurts me a lot when she does things in order to get me away from him in purpose so she gets closer to him. I'm crying typing this. She knows that he likes me. why is she so mean. Its painful.

When we were still in the relationship, I used to tell him how jealous i was if he was close to her. But he kept telling me that she's no more than just a friend. But now we are no longer in relationship, I cant do anything. I cant tell him to stay away from her (well, who am i?) But to see him with her getting closer killing me.

I want to get some advices from you guys personal experiences. I know in order to get out of this plutonic relationship is by cutting everything off. But in my case, I Just CAN'T. Like everything i said above, i work with him and i cant change job. In my case, what should i do?

I really want to tell him to stay away from her. or at least dont go home every single day with her. or please consider my feeling (?) I know it's too childish. But I am the person who wants to talk everything out to clear things out, is it because of my sun & mercury in leo. But I just need to talk it out. But should i talk to him?? If i dont talk and speak it out, I feel this burden in my chest. If i just ignore him, like he's dead or like I never had a thing with him, He would stay away from me and in purpose trying to get even closer with her. It also hurts me a lot. What to do 😭

Maybe stoika, luna, moonbeth. Any advice? Thank you so much ❤

---

I have venus square pluto synastry with my ex (double whammy, at that), let me just tell you that I'm going through the same thing right now. We've been trying the friends thing too. It's weird and undefined is what it is because the feelings are still there for both of us. I'm about to see him 5 days a week very soon. He hasn't met anyone new as far as I know, christ, that would destroy me.

But as you said, with plutonic relationships, a clean cut is needed. All in or all out. That said, you need to reach a place emotionally where you're ready to give him the cold shoulder. I know the pain is so raw right now, it's easier to cling than to try to get over him. You said that the intensity of the relationship is too much for him. What makes you say that? Has he communicated that with you? It sounds to me like you're hoping you get back together.

posted August 19, 2019 06:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by winnertivanigrace:
He broke up with me. I'm trying so hard to let go but I didnt know it could be this painful. I even went to hypnotheraphy in order to overcome my broken hearted. It worked for a while but it haunts me again . We meet every day at work. I dont know what to do now ((

We have Venus square pluto synastry. I think what makes it more painful, I have Venus opposite Neptune and Venus in Cancer. He seems to let go easily with his moon in aries.

How do you deal with venus square pluto break up??

I posted my synastry on this post
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/009025.html

---

Wow... I randomly just checked this thread as I was posting mine, and I only now realised I have Pluto square Venus with the guy I posted about. This is crazy, because I relate to this so much. And the wild thing is that him and I only dated for a couple of months and it was/is SOOO hard for me to get over him. And after reading this thread I can totally see how and also see myself in it.

I was the Pluto person in the relationship. Pluto in my 1st/Scorpio Rising, and he has a Leo Venus in the 5th. Also his Chiron conjuncts my Venus in the 8th house, so it is all very intense.

posted August 19, 2019 01:17 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by itsmeyaz:

I'm trying to get over it. The thing is that, it is the connection that we had that's making me not get over him quickly. Otherwise, I make up my mind pretty quickly when it comes to moving on from relationships, but this one......... I can't even think straight, I feel like I'm drowning in emotions everytime I think about it or him. AND we weren't even together for a long time UGH! I've moved on from relationships (of all sort) that lasted yeaaaarrs in a matter of days, and still SOMEHOW, I'm stuck over this one that didn't even last 2 months. So I can only imagine how you are feeling and how very intense it all is for you. And Stoika as well.

---

posted August 19, 2019 02:41 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by itsmeyaz:
Wow... I randomly just checked this thread as I was posting mine, and I only now realised I have Pluto square Venus with the guy I posted about. This is crazy, because I relate to this so much. And the wild thing is that him and I only dated for a couple of months and it was/is SOOO hard for me to get over him. And after reading this thread I can totally see how and also see myself in it.

I was the Pluto person in the relationship. Pluto in my 1st/Scorpio Rising, and he has a Leo Venus in the 5th. Also his Chiron conjuncts my Venus in the 8th house, so it is all very intense.

I'm trying to get over it. The thing is that, it is the connection that we had that's making me not get over him quickly. Otherwise, I make up my mind pretty quickly when it comes to moving on from relationships, but this one......... I can't even think straight, I feel like I'm drowning in emotions everytime I think about it or him. AND we weren't even together for a long time UGH! I've moved on from relationships (of all sort) that lasted yeaaaarrs in a matter of days, and still SOMEHOW, I'm stuck over this one that didn't even last 2 months. So I can only imagine how you are feeling and how very intense it all is for you. And Stoika as well.

---

Yes itsmeyaz, you are spot on, I had longtime rs I could heal from more easily than this one guy whom I didnt even have rs at all with, crazy Pluto square Venus! Well, as usual, likely its not the only aspect on its own but this one is tough... I wish you to get over this as well, I believe reading Moonbeth's experience is so helpful in dealing with such pluronian energy ! Hugs

posted August 19, 2019 04:46 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by EmGem:
It's like I was reading something I would've written! I'm the venus though, he's pluto in my 12th squaring my venus in his 2nd. I usually don't take long to get over people but this one......... *sigh*

---

I totally understand. You know, it may take a while to get over it, but it will happen for sure. Self love kind of feel like the way out of this.

Try to invest your time doing some things you love, or even try doing new things. One step at a time. It will take time for sure, but it will pass. That's what I know for sure. It's something I'm trying to do myself. Meet new people, explore new things, learn new things. That way I don't repress my emotions, but I invest them doing something productive and something new that will make me exude new energy.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stoika7:
Yes itsmeyaz, you are spot on, I had longtime rs I could heal from more easily than this one guy whom I didnt even have rs at all with, crazy Pluto square Venus! Well, as usual, likely its not the only aspect on its own but this one is tough... I wish you to get over this as well, I believe reading Moonbeth's experience is so helpful in dealing with such pluronian energy ! Hugs

---

posted August 19, 2019 07:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by itsmeyaz:
I could say the same thing to you, Stoika. And what's fascinating is that how asrology sheds the light on such things, giving us a way to understand things we may have one day thought were unexplainable. So don't lose hope. The road only seems darker if you stop moving. It will all get better. Hugs xo

---

posted August 30, 2019 10:52 AM            

I tried to hold my self, but I ended up telling him about my jealousy. I couldnt help myself 😭 But, as hikaru said, I did it in friendly way, in a good manner. I chose good times (good transits) for both of us. I had sun-mercury, mercury-venus transits on that day so i could talk well. Wow I didnt know how astrology could be this helpful!

I actually wanted to make it as a serious talk between us so he would take it serious as well. But da*n jupiter. We kept smiling and teasing each other, I dont know it was because of bunch jupiter aspects in our synastry or what, but I saw him so happy when i told him that. I think It was because I had been so cold toward him since we broke up. So, I told him how i feel and how i really hate if he tries to make me jealous. (I really said that 😔

His response? He kept telling me that he had no feeling and no relationship with her. It was just him being nice and he couldnt refuse when she wanted to hitch a ride with him . Yes, as a cancer sun, he's too kind. Then You know what, Venus does try to please Pluto. After I told him my jealousy, He tried so hard to not go home with her. He made up reasons or he went home late so she would not go home with him. But Then for many times he refused her, she would go home by public transportation and other people at work blame him for being bad. I FEEL BAD 😭 OMG I didnt know pluto would make me bad. But if she goes home with him, they would be closer and I would be sad. Super sad and depressed. You know what, everytime I see him with her going home, I get sick, I get nausease. vomit. 😭

I know that she's not his type. I know that he has no feeling toward her. But looking at their synastry, they have sun conjunct moon, sun conjunct pluto, venus opposite jupiter. They all make me super insecure. Super insecure.

So since we broke up, I have been practicing yoga, yoga for anxiety and stress, meditate, I took class to learn self hypnosis and HEFT (Hypno Emotional Freedom Technich). They are pretty powerful for me. I think these tools make me able to be friend with him after this break up moment. If I not, I think I might have been super crazy. I might ended up going to hospital.

posted August 30, 2019 10:53 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moonbeth:
Hmmm, I'll be blunt and rant so I hope it's ok

In a nutshell: you're acting out bad Pluto (having impulses of control towards him/that girl) because you are not taking control of yourself.

Even if you are with someone who are you to tell them whom to see? This sounds like vintage bad Pluto. Jealous, controlling... you don't want that, do you?. You don't want to be like that with others, and you certainly don't want to feel like that yourself, which, well, you know, considering how hurting it is for you even now as you don't give in those tendencies.

The bloke I had the Pluto aspects with was a womaniser, he'd get close and then panic and would make sure he had an affair with some girl I either hated or had reasons to feel inferior to, just so I would question myself and try harder for him. It never worked. I am not a cliche and I may have a bunch of Pluto aspects in my own chart and a Scorpio mars, the jealous woman who nags and tells her bf who not to see and snoops around and wants to see his phone is NOT me. God that sounds like such an awful waste of energy and mostly, such an insult to myself. This is simply something I am not interested in being. So when he first had the pattern of telling me he loved me (I wasn't asking for anything) and then disappeared only to resurface weeks later all guilty "I slept with her...." I didn't let it get to me, I'd record this as a break-up and would take my distances, then what? Of course he would come back with all his might, calling me at 3am in full anxiety asking why I was being casually friendly to him? Why was I acting like there wasn't something bigger and better between us? Some of my friends would then tell me, "well done, he's crawling back now" but eehw, I was playing no games.
If he showed interest or got closer to another girl to make me jealous, I was out (once I hung up on him at the slightest mention of him going out with a girl who fancied him, I simply did not want In those games). I told him, just as much as I'm not interested in being a jealous crazy woman, I am not interested in a man who sees other women and gets closer to them when he knows what they want and how it could affect me. That man can be my friend, not my lover. I remember once we were having a lovely date night, watching films on my bed, then he got very nervous and wanted to leave, I didn't get it so I asked: why? He said he had spent the entire night yearning to kiss me but that he knew he couldn't commit and this would hurt me and I had to cut him off and let him know the reason we wouldn't be kissing wasn't because I wanted more and he didn't, the reason why we wouldn't be kissing that night or any other at that point (it was 2 months before I told him that our last meeting probably was one of if not the very last) was because all I could think of was kissing him was like kissing all the other girls he played with and that it felt like drinking in a bottle everyone had spit into.
I also told him, the reality of this instant was not us having a problem because of me, but because of him, I was being a great friend to him, he was the one who wanted more and needed me to be closer, more intimate... but not have to commit to it. Well, sorry my darling, but love isn't just sex and if we're not lovers, there is a whole lot of conversations and tenderness that you'll be missing out on too. My true friends don't mind that, they're friends, but some men, they want everything, they want your soul but someone else's knickers. Well, I don't work that way and if you don't either, you don't have to compromise for anybody. You have to accept it's over and so does he. He has to accept that he cannot have you unless he wants you. It's too easy; he flirts with someone else, sleeps with her maybe and gets his emotions and compatibility fix from you? This is a specific way of loving and if it's not yours, you don't have to accept it, especially if it's not clearly explained and you haven't even been asked if you agreed.

My point is: this is not about him, this is about your relationship with yourself. Do you want to be a controlling person? Are you happy feeling this way? Do you want him to stop seeing her because you told him to?
As long as the answers to those questions are yes, a) you will feel the way you do and b) that girl will use you (or he'll use her against you) because if she's manipulative, as you say, then she's probably using the effect she has on you to build her bridges to him. But if the answer is no, then just drop it.
He wants to get closer to her? Let him. She's manipulative? He's a grown man, let him have at it and handle himself.
He knows how you feel about her and is spending all that time with her regardless so either he is trying to make you jealous and he's a manipulative **** , do stay away (unless you want to play too, and then: yolo lol). Or, he doesn't care that it hurts you, in which case, take your distances because he's not just your ex, he's also someone who's not your friend.
Your feelings aren't childish; they are reactive, unbridled, hot, in pain.... If you want out, then you need to do your best. Tell him upfront that you don't want to have more work projects with him, that you need as much space as possible and that once you've absorbed the breakup, you'll be happy to be friendly co-worker (or not, up to you), but at the moment, you need space.
If you revel in the fact he still cares for you (which is basic human decency, nobody deserves a medal for still caring for someone they were intimate with, it should be the norm) and accept all his attempts at getting closer only to be frustrated because he does not want to be as close as you do, then you are petting yourself into those bad Pluto tendencies.

You want to retaliate, stand your ground... you want to control his relationships because you feel you have no control over your own.

Be Pluto positive, take control of what belongs to you: you. Take control of this relationship by standing your ground in it, not trying to have him or that wench do it for you.
It's not his job to make you feel less for him and it's not her job to spare your feelings, so instead of trying to control them, control yourself, and while that's too difficult, control what you do. If you can control your urges to tell him not to see her so much, you can control ever bit of time you spend with him that you don't actively have to for work. You want to do both these things, but you also don't want what they imply
.
Draw a line. Because at the moment it sounds like you're so happy he still cares you're grabbing everything you can in ways that are counter to your needs and self respect. You cannot let him have you in every way he wants and then expect him to consider your feelings, because you don't consider them yourself when you do that. You can't offer yourself as a friend if friendship isn't what you want/something you feel you can give.

You can tell him no more projects together at work and politely excuse yourself ever time that other girl shows up, if you can't (work meeting....) literally look the other way. You do not have to see them together or have to see him more than you actually have to. Reject the excesses. If he's a friend, he'll understand. If he's still in love with you, he'll process that and make his way back. If he's neither, he won't change a thing or be mad at you for not indulging in his "close but no goodie "deal. But wherever he stands, you need to be your own person as soon as possible and to stand YOUR ground.
You can't forever torture yourself wishing he did things and censoring yourself to order him around because you know it's not right, it's exhausting and it will drive you crazy. You're so lucky, you actually know it's not right, so act on that, protect yourself, get yourself out of a situation that makes you want to do wrong.
You're a good person, you tried to be his friend, but it's too much for you at the moment (also because he's not doing a great job at it , so don't be. Think of yourself.

You can tell him that, or not, just act.... Everything is fine, what you decide to do will be right, it will be your decision. Giving you ideas based on personal experience but if any of it feels wrong or not you, don't do it! Do you. You are the only authority on yourself. If "you" was some jealous girl who controls who her ex is dating then you wouldn't be feeling so poorly now, act according to who you are, not what you wish your relationship was.

I hope I wasn't too blunt (I do have Pluto energy ) and any of this helps. I know it's so easier said than done, but you can detach yourself. I always say that feelings are emotions the brain vouches for. The difficulty with Pluto emotions is they're so strong, you feel they can do anything. They can't. You're still a human being, you still have control over your impulses, it's just that deep down inside you don't want to make that decision. Feeling horrible is enough for most people to want to change, but not everybody because it's also a form of comfort and wow, there'd be so much to say about why we'd rather suffer than change as a species lol
It's work. And you can do it. Hang in there my lovely. You already won by being his friend before that wench showed up again, you won, you have this. You just need to draw the line and take your own side.
Lots of hugs I do care, I'm rooting for you!

---

Moonbeth, Thank you for being so blunt and rant!!! I need those words!! But really its so hard to have control over this pluto energy. I have tried so hard. I Kept reading your words and everything you wrote are TRUE. But DAMN its so hard to have this pluto energy!!! 😭😭😭

Seems like he's being the pluto who have control over me. I ended up texting him if he ignores me. OMG I feel week. If i un-friend him or have my space or ignore him or give him cold shoulder, I end up feeling so bad and so sad. It's like having this big grief. How did you do that? How do you ignore pluto energy easily??

Really I dont want to have this pluto energy. It's draining and tiring. Its not me. I dont like this controlling behaviour. Every time i try to control him, I Feel like I have lost all of my energy. I feel like a zombie. I HATE IT. I HATE IT 🤢 But really I try so hard to control it. Its between me and myself.

Thank youuu moonbeeth. Hugsss ❤❤💕💕

posted August 30, 2019 10:54 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stoika7:
Sweetest girl, let me hug you ❤️

Oh this is so sad and unfair! No, you're not childish! Sorry to say, but from your description I think he's being very selfish, so insensitive towards you, at the last !! Even if he was sincerely hoping for a friendship with you, a friend would understand and respect your feelings in this situation... obviously he knows you're jelouse and how hurted you are right at this moment! So, let me tell you, he's the childish one, not you! and this whole behaviour of him sounds even narcissist.
Well... the situation is difficult, anyway... if you ignore him and he acts like that, it means that he just doesnt care... and If he's playing with your feelings, believe me, he doesnt deserve not even one tear of yours! Sorry if I'm being a little harsh, but first of all you must save your self-worth and dignity, my lovely ❤️
I honestly think you should avoid him as much as you can in order to heal your heartbreak. If there is hope to be back with him, this depends from him, not from you, at this point... if someone truly loves you, they dont play games. At the same time, you obviously cant prevent them to see someone else, especially if they're no longer your boyfriend... In your shoes, maybe I would just honestly tell him what I feel, as an adult person, that I'm still trying to get over the break-up and I dont feel to be "friends", not so soon at least, and I would ask that the connection stays at the professional level and that's it. If he's not just a silly kid, he has to understand and respect you. If he's still in love with you, well then he should ask himself what he wishes for, otherwise he should act honestly and respect your feelings.
What else could you ever do darling? I know it's tough... if things are not getting better between you two, you will have to overcome this.... I'm sorry and I feel you ❤️ Try to look at him as he really is, not as you have idealized him, cause his behaviour doesnt look fair to me.

Did you ever get to know what his TOB is, btw?

---

Stoika darling, thank you so much for your words ❤ I have been trying so hard to overcome this. I tried hard. I practice yoga for anxiety and stress every day, I learned self hypnosis and HEFT. Its pretty helpful, but if i dont do it for a day or two days, it hits me again. Or, if there's this Transit opposite my moon or If I am on my PMS moment I would feel super horrible and no matter what I do to overcome this, I still feel horrible. OMG, If I knew astrology before I met him, I should have run away if i saw this aspect. Pluto square venus!! Why are you so painful!! lol

I dont know his TOB, I did ask him before but he doesnt know.

I want to run away from him but i dont want to quit my job for this reason. My therapist said (from hypnotherapy), "Moving to another branch or quitting the job is not the solution. You should overcome this. What if you met another guy in another occasion, in another place and it happens again. What would you do? are you gonna run again??" It Slaps me.

But he doesnt know astrology! lol He should know this aspect and how awful it feels. But again I agree about what he said. So, I would fight this feeling. I'm not gonna move from my workplace because of him. Well I was actually hunting for my master scholarship abroad when I met him. He ruined my life. Well, not him. Me ruining my life. I stopped my scholarship hunting. It was because I was obsessed with him and I couldnt concentrate anymore. And another reason was I was afraid of staying away from him 😔 So I should stand Up again. If I should go from this place i am right now, its because i get the scholarship or I was moved to another place for another reason not because of him.

posted August 30, 2019 11:06 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mourningfire:
You said that the intensity of the relationship is too much for him. What makes you say that? Has he communicated that with you? It sounds to me like you're hoping you get back together.

Hang in there girlie

---

When we were still in relationship, every time we had fight, he got sick. He has health issue. I felt bad everytime he got sick. So, yes the intensity is too much for him. He also has pluto square mercury on his natal. He overthinks everything. So, its too much for him to handle.

But actually the reasons we broke up are more external factors. Its not internal factors. We still love each other. We care for each other. The circumstances make it impossible for us to stay together as a couple. The reasons are acceptable for me.. but still... it hards. No matter what the reason is, It hards. Thats why I still want to remain friends with him. I am so amazed how astrology could be so right. We have hard Uranus aspect both in synastry and composite. I read it works like that. Sudden break up. External factors. Just like that. But this hard aspect venus-pluto make it hard for us. I love him so much.

How is your relationship? How is it going?

posted August 30, 2019 11:12 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by itsmeyaz:
Wow... I randomly just checked this thread as I was posting mine, and I only now realised I have Pluto square Venus with the guy I posted about. This is crazy, because I relate to this so much. And the wild thing is that him and I only dated for a couple of months and it was/is SOOO hard for me to get over him. And after reading this thread I can totally see how and also see myself in it.

I was the Pluto person in the relationship. Pluto in my 1st/Scorpio Rising, and he has a Leo Venus in the 5th. Also his Chiron conjuncts my Venus in the 8th house, so it is all very intense.

I'm trying to get over it. The thing is that, it is the connection that we had that's making me not get over him quickly. Otherwise, I make up my mind pretty quickly when it comes to moving on from relationships, but this one......... I can't even think straight, I feel like I'm drowning in emotions everytime I think about it or him. AND we weren't even together for a long time UGH! I've moved on from relationships (of all sort) that lasted yeaaaarrs in a matter of days, and still SOMEHOW, I'm stuck over this one that didn't even last 2 months. So I can only imagine how you are feeling and how very intense it all is for you. And Stoika as well.

---

I hope you are doing oke!! Lots of love and hugs ❤💕💕💕

posted August 30, 2019 04:53 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by winnertivanigrace:
Moonbeth, Thank you for being so blunt and rant!!! I need those words!! But really its so hard to have control over this pluto energy. I have tried so hard. I Kept reading your words and everything you wrote are TRUE. But DAMN its so hard to have this pluto energy!!! 😭😭😭

Seems like he's being the pluto who have control over me. I ended up texting him if he ignores me. OMG I feel week. If i un-friend him or have my space or ignore him or give him cold shoulder, I end up feeling so bad and so sad. It's like having this big grief. How did you do that? How do you ignore pluto energy easily??

Really I dont want to have this pluto energy. It's draining and tiring. Its not me. I dont like this controlling behaviour. Every time i try to control him, I Feel like I have lost all of my energy. I feel like a zombie. I HATE IT. I HATE IT 🤢 But really I try so hard to control it. Its between me and myself.

Thank youuu moonbeeth. Hugsss ❤❤💕💕

---

O my sweet sweet girl 💕💕
Read @mourningfire's post. @Aries23Degrees wrote several, quite direct, but real posts about those Venus-Pluto (and other) aspects.
I find it a bit "basic" myself in terms of reading it feels like some cliche of a very immature person receiving this influence and going for the worst of it, but, since you do struggle with that energy, it may actually resonate with you very well and is way better explained than anything I could

That's the illusion of Pluto, he wants to control so much because he feels weak and not in control, that's the whole shtick.
But it's not bad and it's not some disease you have and you don't control it or ignore it. It's you, it's us, a side we all have, it just speaks out now.
I do feel it's quite easy to handle if I'm being honest, but because I was always aware of it, and my integrity and honesty make it very difficult for me to lie to myself, even in the heat of a moment, so once I'm aware of something, it's pretty much very easy to get hold of my senses again. And again, it's never ignoring, it's actually taking into account the fake dynamic that comes with "you want control because you feel out of it, weak, none of it is love, do you love or not?" I like to think my Capricorn moon-Scorpio mars-Virgo sun make me well equipped to deal with that, not to mention Saturn conjuncts Pluto for me, also, when I faced that relationship, he was invading my Neptune, I had such unconditional love for him, in that purity I found grace, I simply couldn't give into the petty cheap tendencies of Pluto because the love I felt was true, pure and unconditional. Jealousy, manipulations and control aren't love, they are insecurities, I really loved him and so there was no room for those, I loved him so much I had to love myself and if I did that, there was no room to be jealous, jealous is for when I don't believe in myself and doubt and become angry at it. Pluto energy isn't those either; it's just intensity, the insecurities that come with are collateral but they are not the real thing.
But all astrology aside: it's a process and a form of maturity that isn't age relevant as you don't get to experience such energies at a certain time, some people do it early, others late, some not at all, but it's a big test. Give yourself time, do repair what you broke by getting yourself abroad as you were planning
Lots of hugs to you sweetheart

posted August 31, 2019 02:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by winnertivanigrace:
Stoika darling, thank you so much for your words ❤ I have been trying so hard to overcome this. I tried hard. I practice yoga for anxiety and stress every day, I learned self hypnosis and HEFT. Its pretty helpful, but if i dont do it for a day or two days, it hits me again. Or, if there's this Transit opposite my moon or If I am on my PMS moment I would feel super horrible and no matter what I do to overcome this, I still feel horrible. OMG, If I knew astrology before I met him, I should have run away if i saw this aspect. Pluto square venus!! Why are you so painful!! lol

I dont know his TOB, I did ask him before but he doesnt know.

I want to run away from him but i dont want to quit my job for this reason. My therapist said (from hypnotherapy), "Moving to another branch or quitting the job is not the solution. You should overcome this. What if you met another guy in another occasion, in another place and it happens again. What would you do? are you gonna run again??" It Slaps me.

But he doesnt know astrology! lol He should know this aspect and how awful it feels. But again I agree about what he said. So, I would fight this feeling. I'm not gonna move from my workplace because of him. Well I was actually hunting for my master scholarship abroad when I met him. He ruined my life. Well, not him. Me ruining my life. I stopped my scholarship hunting. It was because I was obsessed with him and I couldnt concentrate anymore. And another reason was I was afraid of staying away from him 😔 So I should stand Up again. If I should go from this place i am right now, its because i get the scholarship or I was moved to another place for another reason not because of him.

Anyway I love youu. Altough we have
never met in person but I just feel like I like you. I love you 😊😊💕💕❤

---

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ I love you too!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

You should be SOOO proud of you for enduring this hearbreak in such a difficult situation and finding ways out with yoga, meditation and all your effort!!!

I'm sorry, I didnt mean that you should leave your workplace, nor to judge him without knowing him! I was just suggesting that in such situation, with you being still in love and struggling for the breakup, being "friends" is unrealistic to me and if he asked you so would be selfish, I think... But I am sure things are much more complicated than this, since he probably still has feelings and just doesnt wish to completely lose you. I understand this, of course! and it's nice that he tried to avoid that girl for you, this was really an act of love from his part ❤️ So dont feel bad for that girl, cause she's not the one who is suffering for such a breakup! And, I mean, he could have just said, "look, I am a free person and you're not entitled to decide who I have to see", and so on.... so the fact that he understood your feelings and chose to try to avoid her is evidence that you have a special place into his heart !!!
But let me ask you, if I can dare... why is it so difficult for you two to stay together then... ? maybe is there still hope? maybe he needs time to understand his feelings for you? Or was it just about your jelousy the only issue there?

❤️

posted September 13, 2019 12:44 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by winnertivanigrace:

When we were still in relationship, every time we had fight, he got sick. He has health issue. I felt bad everytime he got sick. So, yes the intensity is too much for him. He also has pluto square mercury on his natal. He overthinks everything. So, its too much for him to handle.

But actually the reasons we broke up are more external factors. Its not internal factors. We still love each other. We care for each other. The circumstances make it impossible for us to stay together as a couple. The reasons are acceptable for me.. but still... it hards. No matter what the reason is, It hards. Thats why I still want to remain friends with him. I am so amazed how astrology could be so right. We have hard Uranus aspect both in synastry and composite. I read it works like that. Sudden break up. External factors. Just like that. But this hard aspect venus-pluto make it hard for us. I love him so much.

How is your relationship? How is it going?

I hope you are doing fine as well!! love and hugs 💕💕💕

---

Thank youuu, right back at you <3

The same thing happened with us, the circumstances (external) prevented us from being together. The relationship is over, it's dead. It was always going to die but christ, did it really have to end like this? I see him everyday and we don't speak to each other. We agreed to not be strangers but we haven't said a word to each other in person in a week, we downright avoid each other completely. It's just too hard. It breaks my heart but it's too difficult. It was his birthday a few days ago, I was debating on whether to wish him a happy birthday but I ended up texting him, I couldn't not say anything.

A week ago, he told he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I could feel it, I knew deep down, but I guess I needed for him to say it. I needed the confirmation. He got over me so quickly and I'm just stuck like this. I told him I love him in a soul way and he said nothing. It's over, you know what I mean? Now it's just unrequited love. He made peace with the circumstances and phased me out of his heart. I opened pandora's box and will never get over him.

A part of me wants to believe that he still has feelings for me. But I'm trying to be strong. I wonder if he's forgotten all the things I told him about my self. We're both so good at remembering the little things about people. He probably forgot, he probably doesn't remember half of the little things about me. How heartbreaking.

posted September 28, 2019 11:20 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stoika7:
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ I love you too!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

You should be SOOO proud of you for enduring this hearbreak in such a difficult situation and finding ways out with yoga, meditation and all your effort!!!

I'm sorry, I didnt mean that you should leave your workplace, nor to judge him without knowing him! I was just suggesting that in such situation, with you being still in love and struggling for the breakup, being "friends" is unrealistic to me and if he asked you so would be selfish, I think... But I am sure things are much more complicated than this, since he probably still has feelings and just doesnt wish to completely lose you. I understand this, of course! and it's nice that he tried to avoid that girl for you, this was really an act of love from his part ❤️ So dont feel bad for that girl, cause she's not the one who is suffering for such a breakup! And, I mean, he could have just said, "look, I am a free person and you're not entitled to decide who I have to see", and so on.... so the fact that he understood your feelings and chose to try to avoid her is evidence that you have a special place into his heart !!!
But let me ask you, if I can dare... why is it so difficult for you two to stay together then... ? maybe is there still hope? maybe he needs time to understand his feelings for you? Or was it just about your jelousy the only issue there?

❤️

---

Dear stoika, sorry for coming back in long time. Thanks a lot for caring ❤

I would like to update my situation with him. Honestly, I am actually not sure how he really feels about me right now. I asked him for avoiding that girl, and until today he's still doing that. He makes effort to ignore her. He still cares for me. But, when I asked him about his feeling for me few days ago, he looked uncomfortable. He said "we have talked about this". He referred it to the moment when he said "he will always be loving me". So, I really dont understand him.

It seems to me that he still cares but maybe he's just not that into me, and not feeling lovey dovey anymore like how he used to (?). He has uranus trine moon on his natal. His moon is aries and we have DW Uranus square moon on synastry. They might have killed all his feeling (is it like that??). I dont know 😔

So, I decided to stand on my ground just like moonbeth said on her post. I tried so hard to not act on my pluto and saturn. I come back to the old me. I'm trying being "ME" before he had crush in me. When i was in relatioship with him, i realized that i was acting all of those pluto and saturn and it was tiring.

I'm not gonna chase him, I am not being that friendly friend anymore, and I am not gonna ignore him either. If he comes to me we talk, but if he doesnt, we dont. Like you said stoika, I will just Let him come to me. So thats what I am trying to do. Even, if he goes with that girl again, I'm gonna try to let go. I will let go.

But, I am still curious, can you please take a look at our chart again, why is it so easy for both of us to read each other emotion? I can see his changing mood and he can read mine as well. We are emotionally connected to each other. And sometimes it bothers me. Because every time I am not being friendly toward him, he will go withdrawing and being moody and doing this dissapearing act. And since I know the reason why, it's bothering me too. It makes me overthinking and re evaluate my attitude toward him. He always feels it if I dont give my attention to him. He will dissapear if I do this.

And what do you think stoika, is there something in our chart that can say there's still hope?

I wonder if he's comfortable being with me? like he will come back? or should i just really let go of him totally? I am hopeless ☹

Thank you so muchhhh lovely stoika 💕💕💕

posted September 28, 2019 11:53 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mourningfire:
Thank youuu, right back at you <3

The same thing happened with us, the circumstances (external) prevented us from being together. The relationship is over, it's dead. It was always going to die but christ, did it really have to end like this? I see him everyday and we don't speak to each other. We agreed to not be strangers but we haven't said a word to each other in person in a week, we downright avoid each other completely. It's just too hard. It breaks my heart but it's too difficult. It was his birthday a few days ago, I was debating on whether to wish him a happy birthday but I ended up texting him, I couldn't not say anything.

A week ago, he told he doesn't have feelings for me anymore. I could feel it, I knew deep down, but I guess I needed for him to say it. I needed the confirmation. He got over me so quickly and I'm just stuck like this. I told him I love him in a soul way and he said nothing. It's over, you know what I mean? Now it's just unrequited love. He made peace with the circumstances and phased me out of his heart. I opened pandora's box and will never get over him.

A part of me wants to believe that he still has feelings for me. But I'm trying to be strong. I wonder if he's forgotten all the things I told him about my self. We're both so good at remembering the little things about people. He probably forgot, he probably doesn't remember half of the little things about me. How heartbreaking.

Wow, you guys still have such a deep love for each other. Treasure that. You must feel such a sense of relief now that you know there's nothing between him and that girl. I'm happy and rooting for you! Hope you've been well! Keep us posted!

---

Morningfire... let me hug youu!!! 💕💕💕

You have it double whammy venus square pluto. I thought it was binding aspect to have with someone. Do you have many good aspects on your synastry??

Do you also work with him? Doesnt it hurt to not talk to each other like that?? Avoiding each other does definitely hurt. He has not found someone else, right?

posted September 28, 2019 12:24 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by TrueScorpio:
I'm going through the same thing with the opposition. I'm Pluto it sucks. I hope he's as miserable as I am... spoken like a true Scorpio.

---

posted September 30, 2019 08:22 PM            

First of all, it makes me so sad to read all of these heartbreaking stories, but at the same time its helping me because I see how there is more women out there who love hard and hurt even harder... you are all heroes and true love & happiness will come to each and every one of you!!❤

The title of this topic caught my eye because currently there is a man who is pursuing me, I checked and we have VENUS SQ PLUTO (I'm Pluto).

I thought nothing of him at first especially bcuz I had something else going on, but it's pretty unstable (Stoika you know what im talking about) but I can see him slowly working his "magic" on me and I'm completely taken back by it!

Not to mention reading your experiences with this aspect makes me even more cautious.

I don't have his time of birth though. Would love to hear your guys' opinion on our synastry maybe but with unknown birth time or maybe I should just put 12pm.

Hugs ❤