posted October 09, 2005 11:53 AM         

Cancergg~ "once neerav ( archer) did tell me about your and other's busy schedule on internet( he had your messanger id) . a thought did come to my mind , how did u manage your time in your real world . ( i think u are the biggest poster here too)"

That's funny, because I'd sign in to messenger, but wander away.. I'd have my computer on all day, and go back and forth.. and in fact, the few times I'd talked to him, I indicated I had to go to tend to my kids.

I find it interesting, others' perceptions and misconceptions. But you're right, I do spend a lot of time here.. even if I do it between other things. Usually it is late at night, when everyone's asleep, or early morning, when everyone's at school.

I find myself lately, having to justify myself. I have owned the ways I have been wrong and naive. When I share pure things here, I feel now they are miscontrued.. like picking apart a basic good post, but if I show my sense of whimsy or humour, it could be taken the wrong way. If I wonder about the life I have made for myself, or my ability to pull it all off.. anything I wonder here.. ( in MY SAFE PLACE) is perverted by a manipulative and selfish man.
I have now been made aware that my ex is reading this, and keeping a log.. an agenda.
What a freakshow. I feel violated, as I respected his world on the net.. I feel violated that I now have to close my heart here as well, because I certainly don't want HIM reading it. He never got me in the first place, therefore anything I say is loaded.
Yes! If you're reading this, please say Hi to Seas for me.
Why anyone would keep tabs on someone that way is beyond me.. he doesn't trust me to live my life without his judgemental eye on my every move, all the while spouting crap that has no bearing on reality. Only HIS reality.
All I can say to that is "BOOOO! I hope you sleep well at night"
Get out of here.
Live your own life and we'll meet in the middle for Seas. >

posted October 09, 2005 01:26 PM         

Noreen

posted October 09, 2005 05:46 PM         

I feel very much the same as you do about this place. It's great to be able to bare so much without any judgment from my real environment.

I hope you know that if he says anything here in judgment I for one will be all over him.

posted October 09, 2005 08:12 PM         

I wish for you the best, and know that you will find the path that will make your life what it has the potential to be.

Chin up, my darling. Know you are in a lot of our hearts and thoughts for you are a truly beautiful soul who has brought an indullible light to the world.

posted October 10, 2005 01:20 AM         

I hope everything turns out for the best - no matter what outcome that may be!

posted October 10, 2005 10:13 AM         

quote:

---

I do spend a lot of time here.. even if I do it between other things. Usually it is late at night, when everyone's asleep, or early morning, when everyone's at school.

---

Scorpionic energy ! can't beat it .

just hope and pray that everything falls in line . IT WILL!! , don't worry.

btw, i dont know if u marked it , u and the most beautiful actress in indian movies 'AISHWARYA RAI' share the same sun, moon and asc.
check out the similarity .

and plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz , my view in no way suggested that you neglected your hubby or something on the same line .
i just felt i got misinterpretd , so i came back and added to the original post.

i just meant to say that LL has become a part of our lives but we all can't and shouldn't neglect our lives .

u know , there have been times when i have returned midnight from my office , didn't even have dinner but logged on to LL .
for how much , i love it here , i felt i should be realistic and thats why i said what i said . no conffusions , i believe .

posted October 21, 2005 11:34 PM         

Pixie I feel so much for you my dear. My husband and I had to seek out a third party therapist just to look at our lifes and each other differently. I have always known that we have been in love but still have so much to learn and discover about each other. I think alot of the times the problem is that we just get to dam comfortable, then things just start to fall apart. We have had a really great summer, because we have been paying more attention to those things and each other, doing more things together as a family and really getting on the same page. I find it really hard sometimes because I really do need my own space alot and founding that balance between the two. When I was ready to leave for good this time because of what I believe with all my heart and soul, and this means "True Love" from the heart has to felt to its highest pure level or I really do have to go and hold my head high, known i really did try with all my heart. If he didn't get it, will you know. We had some work to do if we we're to put the peices back together again and I didn't know if he was up for the journey of finding out. Well he is really trying and putting his heart and soul into it now. He has been so afaid to fall in love after being together for 11yrs and after being friends for two years before that. WOW!!! Go figure!!!

I feel that he has never really felt true love from another, but his mother and she passed 5 years ago.

Things will work them s-elves out Pixie, in do time and there is a season and reason for everything. I know you would have it no other way. Its a test of how true that love really is and you can bring your love to a higher level if you so desire!!!

May love be all around you Pixie and help guide your light, for your light does lead the way!!!

posted October 22, 2005 10:26 PM         

I think we all can relate to needing an outlet in the virtual world which seems safe and uncomplicated, as opposed to the day-today stuff... There is nothing wrong with that.

I'm a little bit at a loss about a post a few days prior. What's with the lurker who is your ex? Who are you referring to? Is it your husband who is now an ex, I thought you are getting back together again?? I think I missed something somewhere... Please tell me it's not him who is the lurker. That would really be rich!!

I hope everything works out for you and your family, in whatever way is best. Unfortunately, it's sometimes when it is too late that we realize what is best... As I said, I have no advice to give, but you have my full compassion. I think you are beautiful and smart and magnetic, but you sound emotionally very vulnerable and bruised right now, and I feel for you.

Good luck to you, Pixie, and also Happy Birthday - I don't know when it is, but I might not be around at that time, so let me wish you a wonderful new year now, even if you start it with tears. It will all work itself out for the best.

posted October 23, 2005 12:32 AM         

You were right to expect your postings here to be private, all the while being public -- I guess the word for that is anonymity. But by letting someone know that you post here you didn't uphold your end of the bargain, in a manner of speaking. That's practically like telling someone - even a loved one, especially a loved one who might one day become an evil one, we just never know, do we? - by the way, my diary is in that shelf over there, and the key I keep in my sock drawer. I mean, PIXELPIXIE!!???!!

Well, enough said. Some people I would trust with my life, but I wouldn't trust them with stuff like this. Maybe there is something wrong with me, always holding something back, insisting on privacy, compulsively keeping bounderies, whatever?? But then when I see what happens to other people I tell myself I am wise... Go figure.