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Author Topic:   OKay. here we go....
pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted October 08, 2005 12:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
I love it here.
Obviously.
I feel at home, sharing things with people I have grown to love.
I am not doing one of those 'goodbye' things..
but I have to sort of announce things once they become apparent to me, and the importance they bring to my life...

My husband and I separated. He is still away but we are reconciling.
I spend too much time here, connecting, and disconnecting with my real world.
He loves me so much he has faith in me no matter what, and I have to heal with this and not push him away.
I do that.
So I suppose, I am sort of announcing that If you notice I am spending less time here, know that it is for a good reason.
I need to connect with my world. As it is falling apart due to my negligence and also my tendancy to live in the spiritual, through words... and I can't do that to the people who matter anymore.
I have to really see that he matters, and why.. because I have been disconnected, and then when I shattered him, I also shattered me.
How does one have such faith?
I have to stop asking why he loves me and find the way to make it fit. He must see something good.

Wish me luck.

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proxieme
unregistered
posted October 08, 2005 12:55 AM           Edit/Delete Message

And the Luck Faerie:

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Gemini Nymph
Knowflake

Posts: 2216
From:
Registered: Jul 2004

posted October 08, 2005 02:21 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gemini Nymph     Edit/Delete Message
Good luck to you. I have no advice to offer, as marriage really isn't my domain of experience. But my thougths and prayers are with you - may you find your path through all fo this.

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ariestiger
Knowflake

Posts: 1136
From: UK
Registered: Jan 2004

posted October 08, 2005 04:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ariestiger     Edit/Delete Message
Jeez, Pixie...I too have some explaining to do to my other half...TODAY (we are likewise living apart)...but I want it to be as amicable a split as possible...he seemed so cheerful as he left a message on my mobile yesterday...but I still remember some of the things he did and can't forgive them...nevertheless, a number of horoscopes tell me that out-and-out revenge is not the best option and no-one will benefit from it ultimately...which I believe, I really do...so I am going to give him an option...that a legal agreement should be drawn up apportioning fixed sums of money from the sale of our house to him, his mother and myself (we owe his mother money)...that there should be no hard feelings, because neither of us really needs them right now...that I would like to keep the doors of communication open, but that I don't want a relationship with him...I think that is a fair proposal and if he has ANY objection to it whatsoever, if he seeks to stall the process, I will take the more aggresive tack...no questions asked.
I think in a way he has genuine feelings for me, but I see through him (difficult not to do after 7 years of marriage)...there is a part of me that still likes him as a friend and conversation partner...but I hope this split can be a positive thing for both of us, oddly enough we are both approaching it in quite a detached way...I hope this reasonability can continue...everybody around us says how weird it is that we can approach things in such a manner, but...hmmm...what do other people know about the inner workings of a couple's relationship?...I don't think either of us are really suited to marriage, we are both too independent...though funnily enough, we expected the traditional role from each other...if we could have been just the two of us...been on a desert island together, without anyone else around, it would have been ideal... Sadly, that can't happen in the real world.

Pixie, I can in some way relate to what you are going through...and I do wish you luck and hope you can resolve things in a good way...can I ask, does your husband try to understand you at a gut level, or astrological level? How strong a man is he? Is it the fact of "marriage" that you don't warm to...would you prefer it if things were less certain?

Hugs,

AT

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Sheaa Olein
Knowflake

Posts: 2864
From: London
Registered: Jul 2004

posted October 08, 2005 07:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Sheaa Olein     Edit/Delete Message
Hi Pix, I've missed you. I've not been on here as much lately. I totally get what you're saying. I have the same struggle with my worlds! I also miss my friends here.

I'm sorry to read you've seperated from your husband. I know you'll ride this lesson through to the end in the best way you can.

I wish you the very best hon, and hope to catch you here and there sometime soon.

Love, luck and strength to you and yours,
K

Hi Prox, Gemini and AT

------------------
"Number is the Word but is not utterance; it is wave and light, though no one sees it; it is rhythm and music, though no one hears it. Its variations are limitless and yet it is immutable. Each form of life is a particular reverberation of Number." Maurice Druon, From the Memoirs of Zeus

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SunChild
Moderator

Posts: 4032
From: Australia
Registered: Jan 2004

posted October 08, 2005 08:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for SunChild     Edit/Delete Message
You are wise pix...best wishes...and I really understand what you're saying about disconnecting and reconnecting with your world.

We Love you.

------------------
"...and dreams, don't ever forget, are the first step in manifesting wishes into reality"
-Linda Goodman

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Svetlana
Knowflake

Posts: 254
From: USA
Registered: Jul 2005

posted October 08, 2005 09:59 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Svetlana     Edit/Delete Message
Good Luck and all the best to both of you.

------------------
We are the ones we've been waiting for.

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Bluemoon
Knowflake

Posts: 4456
From: Stafford, VA USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted October 08, 2005 01:40 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Bluemoon     Edit/Delete Message
LOVE LOVE LOVE to you Pixie. Only the best to you and your's always. Know that you will stay in my heart and thoughts even if you are not here. White healing light to you all.

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26taurus
Knowflake

Posts: 13411
From: *
Registered: Jun 2004

posted October 08, 2005 02:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
You and he are lucky to have each other ,pixie.

Love conquers all.

Wishing you all good things, my friend.

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Jazzebel
Knowflake

Posts: 343
From: Georgia
Registered: Aug 2003

posted October 08, 2005 02:55 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jazzebel     Edit/Delete Message
I think you don`t love him, Pixie. I think You deeply appreciate and respect his love for you and you think that you are supposed to return with love to his love. But love doenst come that way, it comes from within. If you are pushing him away its because he doesn`t inspire the free flowing passionate loving side of you. Just my opinion. I noticed you are struggling with it for some 2 years now, trying to convince yourself how much in love with him you are... but you are not. Wish you all the best, twinkie. I know that an inspired Scorpio is like a natural force - unable to manipulate or fit into a mold. Hope things will work out in the best way for you, beautiful.

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted October 08, 2005 03:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Things always have a way of turning out the way they should.....I think Pixie you are a lot like me in that you will always give things your best shot......loyal and steadfast......isnt that us.....the Scorpio woman.....

I KNOW in the end, you will do what is best for eveyone.....

Sending you much love and compassion

Sue G

x x x

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hooked
Knowflake

Posts: 278
From:
Registered: Feb 2003

posted October 08, 2005 06:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hooked     Edit/Delete Message

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted October 08, 2005 06:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
Jazzebel

Your words did touch me. Don't think I am in a centred place..... but the talks we had and the pain I caused isn't worth anything. I am in the spirit of optimism. He is still away for a few days, to give us time to miss each other.. and I was thinking about whether I missed him yet... as in.. I had to think about it.
A part of me crumbled and died when we spoke again about all this. But we talked, truthfully. I never want to see him like that ever. It's true.. his level of loving transcends mine.... not always though.. and he reminded me of back then.... I guess he is better at sustaining than I am.
Bottom line though... Your words made me cry.
I see such brilliant potential.......oh never mind, I can't even go there.....
I have to live on his optimism for my kids, and make moments count.

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Azalaksh
Knowflake

Posts: 6485
From: New Brighton, MN, USA
Registered: Nov 2004

posted October 08, 2005 06:58 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Azalaksh     Edit/Delete Message
pix ~

I ache for what you are going thru (and Saturn hasn't even hit 16 Leo yet!) but you have such strength and personal courage and an enormous amount of love for yourself and others -- I know whatever you do will be the RIGHT thing for you.....
ANY time that you spend here, I personally will value tremendously, as usual!

{{love & big squeezy hugs}}
'Zala

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kiwigirl
Knowflake

Posts: 257
From: New Zealand
Registered: May 2005

posted October 08, 2005 08:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kiwigirl     Edit/Delete Message
Hugs and coming to you from New Zealand.

Take care Pix.
kiwi x

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Moonshine9
Knowflake

Posts: 240
From: Jamaica, NY, U.S.A.
Registered: Jan 2005

posted October 08, 2005 10:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Moonshine9     Edit/Delete Message
Hey Pixie,

I really hope that everything works out for you sweetie! You and the ones you love deserve all the happiness in the world!
sending you my all my love and prayers!
Don't ever underestimate yourself.
All of us here think you're the cat's meow.

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Jazzebel
Knowflake

Posts: 343
From: Georgia
Registered: Aug 2003

posted October 08, 2005 11:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Jazzebel     Edit/Delete Message
The Heart has its own reason, Pixie

Let choice whisper in your ear

And love murmur in your heart.

Be ready.

Here comes life.

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pixelpixie
Knowflake

Posts: 5301
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted October 09, 2005 02:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message
INdeed!

We went on a date tonight, even though everyone thinks we should take time apart.
I am glad we did. I felt that connection again.
We really did have a great connection. Then life happened and we lost it. I yearned for it, and ended up finding it with another.. which he actually understands.
Today, when I didn't have mu husband here to 'feed off', in terms of love and life, I felt anger over this.. sadness, regret...as I do have feelings for another. But it just goes to show the human heart and how flexible it is, and the mind, how it can lead you back.
I know right now I am part of a greater cycle, and I am open to it.
I DO have a connection with my hubby, and I just have to scrape away all the layers and bandages I've put there and find it more truly. I saw it tonight.
It's been a lonely time, even though my heart is so crowded.
But he truly understands me, and he doesn't allow me to push him away, no matter how I try.. and perhaps he is right not to.. it works that way... he sees me underneath the fear of loving, and the patterns I repeat , and he won't let me do what isn't good for me. Maybe he is right for me that way.
Goodnight all.

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Lauren
Knowflake

Posts: 1158
From:
Registered: Aug 2005

posted October 09, 2005 03:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lauren     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
I have to stop asking why he loves me and find the way to make it fit. He must see something good.

Pixie you always come accross to me like a genuinely kind person, and like someone who cares a lot about other people especially your own family. You always post really sweet things about your husband and kids. You're very witty and funny and besides you're beautiful. How could he not see something good?

I'm an Aries/Cap like him. If I was a man and you were my wife trust me we'd stay together LOL

I mean that in the least lesbian-like way possible.

Good Luck, I really hope things work out between you two..and I actually really think they will..specialy with that moon/moon conjunction. There's a lot of understanding there and there's a lot to work with I'm sure

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AcousticGod
Knowflake

Posts: 11943
From: Pleasanton, CA, USA
Registered: May 2005

posted October 09, 2005 03:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for AcousticGod     Edit/Delete Message
I keep getting reminded here of a couple I used to know. I worked with the woman. Anyway, in their relationship the husband was in charge of the relationship. Not in a head of the household kind of way, but rather it was his duty to look after their relationship and marriage itself to ensure that issues got resolved and the relationship stayed stable and healthy. I know that may sound weird to some, but I can see where, between two working people, having someone consciously concerned about the state of the relationship, and scheduling time together and so forth may be beneficial.

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Happy Dragon
Knowflake

Posts: 2886
From:
Registered: Apr 2005

posted October 09, 2005 06:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
Families and How to Survive Them (Cedar Books)

Robin Skynner, John Cleese (Scorpio), Bud Handelsman (Illustrator)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/tg/stores/detail/glance/-/books/0749314109/026-2722536-5448455

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aqua
Knowflake

Posts: 2805
From: dreamland
Registered: Jan 2004

posted October 09, 2005 07:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for aqua     Edit/Delete Message

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cancerrg
Knowflake

Posts: 2668
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted October 09, 2005 08:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for cancerrg     Edit/Delete Message
good for u that u have realised the mistake that everyone of us makes at certain stage .

once neerav ( archer) did tell me about your and other's busy schedule on internet( he had your messanger id) . a thought did come to my mind , how did u manage your time in your real world . ( i think u are the biggest poster here too)

quote:
As it is falling apart due to my negligence and also my tendancy to live in the spiritual, through words...

its an addiction that we all have .
u know, i have found a way out , i have started talking about these things to my mother and friends , now .which i didn't use to do earlier .
thank god , i have scorp friends who a natural tendency towards this . and libra and gem who patiently listen to me .

always wish u luck ( u dont need to ask for that )

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Aen
Knowflake

Posts: 730
From:
Registered: Nov 2002

posted October 09, 2005 08:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aen     Edit/Delete Message
Best of luck!!

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steelrose
Knowflake

Posts: 810
From: Spain
Registered: Sep 2004

posted October 09, 2005 10:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for steelrose     Edit/Delete Message
Well, beloved Pixie, what can I say? Best of luck, darling…

We’ll miss you here… (I had started to… I’ve been finding you around less and less… Good that I found this thread…). But it’s OK, sweetie, we only need to readjust, to get used to you posting less. We will, and as Zala says, any time you spend here, we’ll value tremendously…

It’s not about quantity but quality… ( OK, Pix, do not make a joke out of this… I can see it coming, you witty thing!).

It’ll be tough at first… You’ll miss it… I went through it when I started working last March… But you always can scrap a few minutes every two or three days and go into a few threads… People loves you the same… Especially you… Everybody loves you here.

I totally understand. Your real life also needs time. Your kids. Your husband. I’m sure everything will work out fine. Don’t worry… We’ll always be here for you.

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