posted May 19, 2007 11:24 AM         

I like what you wrote, AG.

Xodian,

I shouldn't have blamed you.

It's just frustrating to feel so ineffective and unseen.

I believe I am saying some original things,
and the things I am saying which are less original
are ordered in a way that is original.

Bringing them together and ordering them in that way actually has merit.
The force of one "cliche" is heightened
when a specific other is poignantly placed beside it,
and another beside that one.

They may be old news on their own,
but, when presented in this way,
they possess an uncommon force,
occassioned by the context,
because we see them in their natural place;
as springing necessarily from a line of reasoning,
and contributing to the points that follow.

In other words, you may think you already know something,
but not until you understand it in context,
can you really make it your own.
The context and flow of what I wrote
was superior to any of the individual points I made,
and expressed a wisdom of its own.

Also, to word things in a way that is poetic
has an equal effect which is not to be overlooked or mocked.
It's like listening to lyrics accapella,
versus listening to lyrics with the music.
The artistry contributes a power and loftiness which compliments the natural beauty of the ideas.

You were not disagreeing with me, about boldness. The nature of aphorisms is to indicate the general and the abstract. When I say that one partner is always bolder, I do not mean to suggest that it is the same partner, in every instance. One is always bolder than another, in this or in that. You are right when you say that boldness (whichever partner exhibits it in a given instance) ought to be directed so as to encourage whichever partner is most capable in the matter at hand. This is a good point, but it only builds upon, and does not contradict, what I was saying.

posted May 20, 2007 12:13 AM         

HSC,

I really didn't mean to get obsessive and hypochondriac- so please don't get me wrong...I hate preaching to people about what to eat/drink, what not to eat/drink these days. Those "set rules" are extremely rigid and just make things worse. I don't consider myself hard-core against having a drink, getting drunk, getting stoned, doing drugs...those belong to a far wider and deeper dimension of our human condition and I'm not going to start another fight for that. Really not. If anyone's looking for trouble with excuses upon those things, I will ignore them.

So, please don't take what I suggested literally, okay? They were just suggestions, I think I might overreacted, I don't know...but you probably know yourself best, HSC, you know how to take good care of yourself, right? Please forgive me for being nosy and nagging. Pretty please

Until yesterday, I really had no idea what happened and what had been going on, HSC. I'm not going to provide the link of the thread or forum concerned, because the last thing you need now, and the last thing I would want now, is more trouble. I believe you know which situation here at LL I'm referring to. HSC, I think people have been abusing your benevolence, generosity, idealism and an urge to share knowledge and other good things in life. Really. It might be horrendous disillusionment when, to your astonishment, that people, particularly some people, simply take such good intentions for granted, simply are extremely judgmental, simply have hearts made of stone. And yet a even greater heartbreak- people have been using, manipulating, abusing, someone who takes life, love, knowledge, wisdom...seriously. I'm not saying taking things seriously is bad. On the contrary. Taking things seriously is good. Because that means you care. Unfortunately, these days people seldom take things seriously. They don't really care most of the time. They are not really interested in discovery, spirituality, knowledge, wisdom, sharing, love, ideal, life...they just want a fight. They prefer hurting each other, hurting themselves, killing each other...they don't care. They don't take things seriously and they don't always say what they mean. They don't care if what they say means anything. They don't debate for the sake of knowledge, wisdom and above all, sharing. They debate for the sake of arguing and verbally abusing one another.

But perhaps that's exactly why we will not give up.

HSC, I am sorry I am being so overbearing. I don't like the idea of being overbearing and ending up not being helpful but just giving the other person more pressure and no relief.

posted May 20, 2007 12:14 AM         

quote:

---

I deleted my post, not because I do not think it contained pearls,
but, because I felt that most people could not see them,
and would be moved only to trample them and their author underfoot.
I do care how others see (or hear) me,
because I have no desire to talk only to myself.

---

quote:

---

but, because I felt that most people could not see them,
and would be moved only to trample them and their author underfoot.

---

It occurs to me that...you've been feeling really hurt and wary, HSC

No amount of words of encouragement can help when one is in a certain kind of state of mind, you know. Paradoxically, such encouragement might just end up giving the person more stress, and still doesn't help the person a bit. He still feels so misunderstood and still feels nobody understands him and nobody really wants to or ever tries to. And sadly, it's probably true- no one understands him and no one seems to really intend to. That's probably when the day and the night both become gloomy and monotonous. I don't know. That state of mind is like...no matter how others say to you how great you are, how great your accomplishments are...it's no use. That simply doesn't help. That simply doesn't come around. No matter how other people are trying, no matter how people say they love you and how special you are...that just doesn't help. That just doesn't seem to be the answer.

And it might also be a state of mind when an individual is more prone to being misguided by someone else's intentional manipulation.

When I saw your post at the other thread in the Astrology forum, I believe you know which one I'm referring to, HSC- initially I didn't really get it, and I kind of ignored it for then. Then I realized it was alarming. Because you had always been an idealistic man who truly loved and appreciated life, and the lessons life has to give.

Lake

posted May 20, 2007 12:15 AM         

quote:

---

Life doesn't need to have a meaning. Life doesn't need to have a point.

Are you interested in yourself just as intensely as you are in others? If you are, go for it! What if there are more mysteries about your own origins, your own true family history and your own true ancestries to come, and you say goodbye to this world before you get the chance to examine those mysteries about yourself? And the chances are, you are THAT close!

If there's no point in life, why staying alive?

I can't give you an answer as that wouldn't be your answer. Right now, I have to admit that I don't really have anything enlightening to say, but I'm trying to come up with something.

Well, I'd say- Because there is no point in my life, I am going to give my life a point. I am going to create a point for my life. I hate all those people who've been hurting me. I hate them. I don't want to just let them get away with hurting me. If I give up on myself now and die, and let them be happy that I'm dead, I won't let that happen. I want revenge. I want to avenge myself. I am going to live. I am going to defeat whatever is trying to defeat me. My revenge...is to live. I will survive, I will live, I will stay alive, I will stay in this terrible world because this is the only way I can avenge myself. And I am also going to do something about my own life and my own surroundings to make a difference, and this time, I know I am going to prove to myself that I can defeat this thing called life, I can defeat this thing called fate, I can defeat all this pain or all this numbness and oblivion, all this feeling or all this lack of feeling, and I am going to transform. This is my declaration, I am not going to give myself up, because there are things about myself that I have not yet learned, and I must find out about them. Before I die I must get to know the real me, the whole of me, whatever about myself that is hidden from me. It is exactly because this world sucks, and the people who are closest to me suck, I feel like shite, and I do know one thing- I am going to turn the whole situation upside down. I am. I will prove to myself that I am an amazing soul, and right now I don't even know the real me yet. The real me is a mystery. I want to solve this mystery. Life has no point. I am going to give it a point. I am going to create a point. All those people hurting me...no matter what they do to me, what they think of me, I am still here, with me. Life has no point. I am going to give it one, if I want to. If I don't want a point, fine. Whatever there is that I don't want, I will eliminate it; whatever there is that I do want, I am going to create it for myself.

---

Just disregard everything I've written if I'm indeed being overbearing and nosy and obsessive and not positive...but if anything I've written helps, I believe it's God smiling at us. And, above all, this isn't about me. It's about making you, HSC, feel better. It's about restoring your faith in the human race.

What's important is...you feel better, you feel good, you feel positive, and you believe in yourself, and you believe in life and all the good things in life again.

posted May 20, 2007 12:16 PM         

Lake,

I appreciate your interest and concern, and I can't say I blame you for choosing to exercise your Plutonian and Virgoan healing and psycho-analytical prowess upon my particular case. I've spent hours, days, years doing the very same thing. Your advice is not lost. I didn't know that about the ph in mineral water. Thanx. I appreciate the many things you said. I'm not bearing any grudges toward anyone here. I'm not sure how i feel about my own conduct. I continue to say things I regret, for various reasons. Lately, I've just been really hard on myself, almost hating myself. I get angry and sad and everything in the world is horrible and abrasive, for a little while, and then my mood changes, and things are funny again. But its like a Dr.Jekyll/Mr.Hyde thing. I'm working at cross-purposes. When I'm feeling good, I live healthy, and when I'm feeling bad, I dont care about anything. And I'm constantly at war with myself. Its just boring, predictable and pathetic. Setting traps for myself, trying to outwit myself, negotiating with myself, feeling hopeless, possessed. And I'm experiencing a pretty much constant state of loneliness, like I took a 24-hr pill specifically designed to induce loneliness. It's alternately funny, ridiculous, depressing, exhausting, maddening, and acutely disconcerting. So there's that. Without love there is no meaning for me. When my heart feels superfluous, my body feels superfluous, the world feels superfluous, and the thought of suicide becomes a pillow for my restless mind and spirit.

hsc

posted May 21, 2007 01:13 AM         

You've been in my prayers, and you will remain in my prayers

What you wrote is really earnest, candid, and just straightforward.

You know...often times it's really not about those health craze things. Rather, it's more like a change in the state of mind. You see...sometimes, it's just between a fine line, and you might just cross it to the other side of a completely different realm. Life and death are no longer each other's polar opposite. Just like love and hate are not each other's polar opposite...and a feeling of certainty in the self and in one's conviction...as well as feeling worthless, powerless, numb...don't really seem each other's polar opposite, either. It's kind of odd, but, it's a complicated and funny world and it's a complicated and funny life.

The plus side to it is that, when you come out of that sort of state of mind, you become stronger. But you might go back to that state of mind now and then, as many of us do. But each time we come out of that, we gain more strength and more insight into our very humanity. You get to know what it really feels like to be in that, and you know how awful that feels when you see somebody else in the same frame of mind. As though, life is no longer in theory; life becomes practical enlightenment.

I've seen people here compare LL to either a village, or high school...it was quite a time ago that I began saying to myself that there are times when LL is just like "real life"- I mean, offline life. What's the so-called "real" and what's the so-called "virtual reality"? That discussion might belong somewhere else in the future, I don't know. But they seem to intertwine. We get disillusioned, we experience disbelief, despair, cruelty from our fellow human beings...we even lose faith. There are those moments when things like "Don't despair" or "Keep the faith" sound so vain and just like saying "I don't understand how you feel and I don't really care". But still, we need to remind ourselves, no matter how hard it is, to not despair, and to have faith- whether in God, in the human race, in the world, in life, or in ourselves.

By the way, HSC, both you and I are going to experience our first Saturn return in early September this year. I'm not an expert of transits, chart readings other than single, personal ones, but I hypothetically see that our Saturn in Virgo will transit mainly in your 8th house, HSC, and mainly in my 1st house. Like I said, I definitely do not specialize in transits and things like that, but I believe the Saturn return in Virgo will bring you profound spiritual growth, even deeper insight into the human life and death issues, and your personal rebirth.

All the blessings, HSC.

posted May 22, 2007 07:47 AM         

Been thinking about dropping a note to say-

1) Sorry for being over-the-top.

2) I'm neither Plutonian nor lunar Virgoan.

3) Again, sorry for being over-the-top. Before I learn how to interact with others harmoniously I've got to learn how not to sabotage myself all the time by being constantly over-the-top and put everyone off.

But as I said earlier, this isn't about me- anything but. It's about your well-being, and as long as you're feeling better, that means great. That's what matters.

posted May 22, 2007 05:37 PM         

quote:

---

Slayer, YOU are beautiful! My favorite Aries chick!

---

Well, I am flattered. Thank you!

quote:

---

I was smiling at my daughter... my whole night was about her. I wanted her to have an excellent childhood memory of me that she could hold on to and aspire to... she always says, "I want to be just like you!" It is a serious responsibility to live up to.

---

So sweet! You are a beautiful SuperHero mom.
For saving her from ants invasion and many other pretty stuff you do for her.

posted May 22, 2007 10:10 PM         

My ballerina.

Quaoar Conjunct Ascendant by less than 1°

"She dances the cosmos into being."

posted May 22, 2007 10:26 PM         

Don't sweat it. You have a lot of good things to say. I'm sure you do come on strong for some people's tastes, but that's okay. So do I. And we are still learning how to approach different types of people. Its refreshing to me, to see someone putting themselves out there, and trying to communicate so genuinely. I know it's not easy having Mars conjunct your Ascendant, and I'm sure it can be misleading, making it difficult for people to see you for who you really are inside. I think it probably takes a very strong soul to use that placement spiritually. It rules your 8th house, too, right?

Again, thank you for your kind thoughts.

blessings,
hsc

posted May 22, 2007 10:49 PM         

this might be asking a lot, if it is, please say so....

but...i would really love it if you would take a look at my birth chart and tell me what you see in it.

would you mind very much? astrology is so awesome, i think, but it's not something i find easy to study at this time. it would be so great to have insight such as yours into my nativity. if you wouldn't mind; if so, that's fine also.

thanks!

posted May 23, 2007 11:50 AM         

Sure.
Post your info, and I'll take a look.

You're welcome, Lake Dance.
Love to you,

posted May 28, 2007 04:07 AM         

my chart is in your thread in the astrology forum (post if you dare... )

that might be long buried though....so i will have to find it again.

posted May 28, 2007 11:55 AM         

i went back 9 pages in Astrology,
but couldnt find your chart in any of the threads started by me.

i'm afraid you may have to repost it,
if you dare. ~~~haunting music~~~

bob,

nice to meet you.