posted August 21, 2008 12:23 PM              

I guess we each have to examine ourselves and our motives.

I have no problem telling people to back off...or snap some heads off when someone has spoken to me in a disrespectful manner or invaded my personal space. Seems like I came to a point when I said NO ONE will EVER talk to me like that again, no one will ever lay a hand on me again.

posted August 21, 2008 04:47 PM              

you rock.

normal is overrated.

I say for sure, people that have been through really hard things can see the true beauty in the small special things in life and take nothing for granted. Therefore we have the capacity..not so much to be blessed more than others, but to really undersatnd how blessed we are and know that had it not been for the bad, we wouldn't find so much joy in the good. If that makes any sense.

posted August 21, 2008 05:09 PM              

i agree 100%

posted August 21, 2008 10:29 PM            

What it means, however, is that it is extremely, extremely difficult. Trust becomes just a word that a victim hears every now in then. And it remains just that- a word. It nevers becomes a reality. To trust another person means to put yourself in a vulnerable position. And let me express to you, that vulnerability is probably the hardest, most strenuous thing that a victim can subject themself to. They are putting another person in a position of power. You're letting down your guard, coming of out your shell and exposing yourself.

The beginning is always the worst too. Essentially, you're waiting to see if you're going to be raped again. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but in a deeper, psychological, emotional way. In fact, you're kind of expecting it. Because if you open up to someone and they ******* hurt you, that's easy. It's much easier for you to close up and cut off the world than it is for you to accept that you can be loved unconditionally for who you are. It's hard to imagine that you are worth the love of another human being after you have been chewed up and spit out and left disgusting on the inside. You never really feel like there is anything to you TO love. So the thought of being in a relationship with someone who isn't going to steal everything away from you takes a while to get used to. You may even go through a period in which you resent that person for not being as ugly to you as you feel on the inside, but hopefully... HOPEFULLY from that experience you will grow and learn that life is not half bad. That, yes you are different and always will be, but LIFE CAN GO ON.

Then again, as i said in this message that some can move on... some cannot...

posted August 22, 2008 01:06 AM            

When I was a runaway, I met all kinds of abused kids. One was a girl that had been put in a home at 12 where she'd been raped and forced to undergo abortions, and she, at 14, was still physically messed up from that (and her mental state wasn't all that good either). A boy had been penetrated when he was 4. The amazing thing to me was that they BOTH shrugged off their experiences. It was rough to them personally, they had some trouble & nightmares over it, but they deal with it, shrug, that's life. Yet they were both horrified at what the OTHER had gone through. (The boy himself was even inclined to be helpful to others, especially if they had it bad.)

I, of course, was horrified by what BOTH had gone through!

In contrast, there are other victims of abuse that feel that they have license to make others suffer as they once suffered, too, or at least make unreasonable demands upon others. These types believe that their suffering is somehow more important or significant than the suffering of other people. I'm amazed at some of the really petty things people can claim victimhood over. NOT that I'm saying that it wasn't so bad for them & they should just get over it, but that they feel that no one has suffered as much as him/her and that everyone else is therefore to be punished (for having it so good) and/or to serve the one abused (because no one has had it as bad as this type of person).

Such a contrast between the survivors (especially the ones that become compassionate of others) and the narcissists (especially the ones that seemed filled with malice).

posted August 22, 2008 04:00 AM              

meta,
it is possible for people who have never been able to trust ANYONE to begin to trust..its not an easy road, you have to deal with your demons and the damn scary decision to open yourself to others and to be vunerable to hurt...
The only way i put it to myself is that if i have survived till today...then nothing else can happen to me that will destroy me...im a survivor!!! and i want to experience love and trust at its deepest level....and the only way i can acheive that is by being open and vunerable...but not naiive...i know i may well be hurt but i want to live and FEEL...i deserve that!
I know we are all on our own path and we each have different schedules..but its never impossible unless you believe it so...
Love to you sweety

Id like to add something that i may be disliked for...but i feel that if you expect something you become a magnet for it...its not that your asking for it.... but thoughts and woords are powerful...
when i was young i expected all men to be that way....and damn it they were...the amount of uncles and fathers and boys that were depraved in that way were just drawn to me...
So that expectation i had became my reality... my reality now is something totally different..

posted August 22, 2008 05:25 PM              

The last 3 or 4 post really clarifying and enforcing the belief that all people are different and handle adverse situations differently. How boring of a world it would be if we were all the same. Lively debate keeps our minds fresh and open and is a good thing.

Just like that game we played as kids, telephone...remember? Three or more people can hear the exact same thing and when asked to repeat it, they all have different answers.

People can tell you two sides of the same story and both be right...and I can say yes I believe you, and yes, I aslo believe you...because the truth lies somewhere in the middle and both parties sure could be telling thier truth as they see it and be so very different... Everyone percieves things differently.

Have a great weekeknd everybody.

posted August 23, 2008 04:28 AM              

sunshine lion you are right on the mark!!

thanks CC hugs to u too!