posted March 03, 2006 12:18 AM              

My Cancer Ex is causing too many problems for me... ruining my life and creating so much negativity that it's making me feel so bad about myself... he's actually trying to poison the minds of all our common friends to lure them away from me... as well as spreading the worst things about me, tarnishing my reputation

I'll try my best to finish all the sign scenes... please give me some time, and some love to get through this madness

posted March 03, 2006 01:36 AM              

------------------
libra sun/ pisces moon/ aries rising

posted March 04, 2006 10:49 AM              

You are great..so creative...and aries man like that...i am flirting an aries man in these days...he is so jeaulous..so much

posted May 09, 2006 02:08 PM              

Well i guess i deserve that post by LeylaLeFay due to my lack of commitment to my word. But i wish that you'd all conjure the spirit of fairness that balances in the scales of Libra to hear my side of the story before you assume that i have a fear of success.

As you all know, i've been having troubles with my cancer ex. Well, he made my life a living hell, so much, so bad that i had to leave the entire state. It's taken me this long to get a new appartment, find a new job, and some strength to get on with my life... it still hurts, but i'm trying. And i just got hooked up over here with internet, hence now i can post the signs that i've typed.

I'm posting scorpio for now. It was written while i was still in my old place. So it might not live upto your expectations. Plus i had the pressure of writing about my own sign, so it's kinda hard to ***** about yourself.

Anyway, enough of my sob-story, here's the Scorpio scene... hope you all like it.

*~*~*~*~*~*

SCENE: THE GIRLS ARE AT A MOROCCAN THEMED RESTAURANT, DISCUSSING THE SIGN OF SCORPIO

CARRIE:
(Voiceover)

The number sign of Scorpio is said to be one of astrology’s biggest mysteries. It doesn’t help that this sign itself rules the 8th house of mystery. Some of the many mysteries that come under Scorpio’s rule are Death, karma, reincarnation, other people’s money, and the biggest mystery of all, Sex. It’s also known that this sign rules the genitals in both males and females of the human and animal kingdom. Perhaps that’s why many of the males of this sign suffer from severe jock itch!

Unlike signs like Gemini-Virgo, or Taurus-Libra, that share common ruling planets, Scorpio is one of the few signs, that is ruled by two; Pluto and Mars. Hence not only are the men of this nocturnal miscreant high on testosterone, but they are armed with all the power (nuclear power of plutonium) to drop kick your heart into the next country, while tarnishing your reputation, and shredding your ego with biting sarcasm. Just for kicks.

What else can you expect from the sign of sex?

SAMANTHA:

Did you know that all Scorpio men look like their penises?

CHARLOTTE:
(Wide-eyed and shocked)

What?!?!?!

CARRIE:

Well, the phrase “cocky” was invented to suit a Scorpio.

MIRINDA:

Well, I’d say they look more liker they just ate a cactus, because of all the time and energy they spend obsessing over getting even for some real, or imagined, slight and the other half causing his own troubles.

CARRIE:

From what I hear, they’re supposed to be the sexiest sign of them all.

MIRANDA:

Oh they’re sexy alright, but it won’t be of any good once he hands you those divorce papers because you called his best friend a low-life slob.

CHARLOTTE:

But that’s only because they are intensely devoted to their friends. Plus Scorpio men are very sensitive about their close ties.

MIRANDA:

Honey, a sensitive man would sit down and discuss their feelings. Super sensitive Cancer men would cry in the hollow of their shell, while Pisces would be too wasted to care anyway. Scorpio would sit down and rip your feelings to shreds, while tap dancing upon your heart.

SAMANTHA:

Plus honey, the man is as selfish like his Martian cousin Aries. His idea of commitment is showing up for dinner most of the time.

CARRIE:

These men have their emotions set at sub-zero. Remember Mr. Big, he was a Scorpio too, and for six years he kept me on that rollercoaster of an affair.

CHARLOTTE:

But then you and he got engaged and that too in Paris!

CARRIE:

Yeah, only after he married and divorced and migrated to Napa, and after I got ***** -slapped by Alexander Petrovsky.

SAMANTHA:

Oh honey, you were totally smitten by Big’s hypnotic vibe.

MIRANDA:

Yeah, you even became his mistress when he married Natasha.

CARRIE:

Which also proves the point that Scorpio men wouldn’t hesitate to be unfaithful.

CHARLOTTE:

So Scorpio’s are just sex-crazed men who look like their penises.

SAMANTHA:

Oh no honey, the sex-crazed part is Aries.

MIRANDA:
Scorpio is actually terrified of deep emotional dependence on just one person, so, in his ass-backward way, he screws around precisely to avoid intimacy.

CHARLOTTE:
(puzzled)

Huh?

CARRIE:

Relax sweetie, nobody can understand a Scorpio anyway.

MIRANDA:

Basically the man has only two reasons for living, Power and Control. He would control fate if he could- and some try.

SAMANTHA:

He can even control the amount of *** he shoots out.

ALL THE OTHERS:

Ewww!

SAMANTHA:

Hey, don’t knock it till you try it…But his moods change faster than a Pisces flipping the remote, and he f*cks up your mind with all these demands for devotion.

CARRIE:

Kinda like a religious fanatic at a revival meeting.

CHARLOTTE:

But he only demands for devotion because he’s such a devoted lover himself.

SAMANTHA:

Oh honey! Wake up and smell the **** -ring. Scorpio men are so jealous and sarcastic that you actually are tempted to poison his oatmeal. There’s no handling a Scorpio. You either put up with him or run like hell.

MIRANDA:

Remember the saying, all is fair in love and war? Well, to a Scorpio, love is war, and sex is their weapon.

CARRIE:

Well, Pat Benatar was probably thinking of a Scorpio when she sang, Love is a Battlefield.

SAMANTHA:

Scorpio’s don’t play; they strategize. They don’t flirt; they obsess. And they wont think for a second before using sex to seduce and control.

CHARLOTTE:

But look at Matthew McConaughey and Ryan Gosling. They are Scorpios, but they seem like such nice guys.

MIRANDA:

Don’t let that fool you. Inside every Scorpio is a mass murder waiting to happen.

SAMANTHA:

Moderation is a word that’s not in their vocabulary. A Scorpio guy can withhold sex longer than a Pisces can watch Gilligan-rerun’s, and then boom! They’re insatiable like Aries on Viagra.

MIRANDA:

Question either action, and they’ll taker a perverse delight verbally slashing your ego to bits. It can get so bad that it feels like you’re with Torquemada’s rack-master during the Inquisition.

CHARLOTTE:
(Shocked)

No!

ALL THE GIRLS:

Yes!

MIRANDA:

Besides, all Scorpio men are the cause of their own troubles. They are so secretive that they would rather have their fingernails pulled out than tell you what they had for lunch. Deep down their serpentine scales, they are morbidly afraid that if they dare to share any serious facts, or fears, you might get the upper hand.

SAMANTHA:

That’s why they’re so good at small talk and great F*cks. They can blather for hours about every piece of minutiae in the world just to avoid answering a direct question.

CARRIE:

Or in Big’s case, break up with you and marry Natasha.

MIRANDA:

Which you broke up, as well as, broke Natasha’s tooth.

CARRIE:

Hey, that was not my fault. Big was the one that kept pursuing me despite the fact that I really liked Aidan.

SAMANTHA:

Boy that was one soap opera, made Wisteria lane seem lame.

CHARLOTTE:

Well, that wasn’t her fault. Scorpios are seductive enough to…

MIRANDA:

To put on such a display of groveling, whining, and begging that you might think he’s suffering a breakdown? Tell that to Uma Thurman. Scorpio’s like Ethan Hawke thrive on intensity and are as much masochists as manipulators.

SAMANTHA:

They will do anything it takes at the moment to gain your forgiveness, except change. That’s why they’re a Fixed Water Sign. Or in their case, a deep bubbling cesspool of moss and acid.

MIRANDA:

Being sucked into the vortex of his charm is like being lost in the Bermuda Triangle. You may or may not survive the trip.

CHARLOTTE:

That’s horrible! You mean to say a woman can’t safely break up with a Scorpio?

SAMANTHA:

Well, there are ways… But like their eating disorders and mood swings, they are extreme.

MIRANDA:

The best way to dump one is with a police escort and the Israeli Secret Service on your side, as well as, a pair of Dobermans that have been starved for a day. Scorpio will never leave you…

CARRIE:

Even if he marries a Natasha.

SAMANTHA:

Don’t confuse this with a Taurus who’s too lazy to pack up, or a Cancer, who’s too afraid. A Scorpio believes that once he’s screwed you, you belong to him.

CARRIE:

Of course, screwing you over counts, too, because you captured his attention that long.

MIRANDA:

However if the police refuse to come to your house, and your dog is tinier than Tinkerbelle, change the locks and your name and convert as many of your assets to cash as possible. Leave town while your Scorpion is at work. Otherwise, at odd moments for the rest of your life, you’re gonna feel the hairs prickle on your neck, as you catch a glimpse of a dark shadow hovering in the bushes.

CHARLOTTE:

Are you guys serious? I mean, it’s really sounding like all women who had a Scorpio Ex are paranoid and should belong to the witness protection program

SAMANTHA:

They should be, Scorpios are known to be the most powerful Mafioso figures. Diane Keaton in the Godfather was a prime example of a woman trying to get over a Scorpio character.

CARRIE:

And speaking of paranoid, Scorpio’s are the kings of paranoia. They are so private that even their relatives don’t know their unlisted phone numbers. They have a NO SOLICITORS sign on the barbed-wire fence around their property, and anyone foolish enough to attempt to reach the front door would need a map and a flashlight to make it through the overgrowth. As well as, a metal detector to check landmines.

MIRANDA:

I knew one that thought Alcatraz was a safe place to live.

CHARLOTTE:

So they are a little conscious of their security. That’s a noble quality on its own.

SAMANTHA:

Noble? A Scorpio? Honey, what are you smoking and where can I get some?

MIRANDA:

Scorpio’s have bumper stickers that read “My child sells pot to your honor student” and have T shirts that sport logos like: Bad Ass, or Son of Bad Ass. They have police scanners on their kitchen tables to keep track of the movements their friends – both of them.

SAMANTHA:

Instead of family pictures, their refrigerators are covered with magnetic business cards of lawyers, therapists, exotic dancers, and bail bondsmen.

CARRIE:

Along with the sign of sex, Scorpio is also the sign of prosecuting attorney, psychopath, Mafia negotiator, and more-parts-than-you-were-prepared-to-lose surgeon. They also make good stalkers, astrologers, and psychics; however, very few of them are in the latter profession because they refuse to acknowledge their clairvoyance.

SAMANTHA:

Speaking of the sign of sex, did you know Scorpio Adam Ant quoted the following as his philosophy of sex: “I like sex. My songs are about sex… sex is my life. I just find it the most exhilarating experience, and I think it should be done on stage.”

CARRIE:

Sounds like your idea of a perfect date.

MIRANDA:

It’s not surprising he thinks that way. All Scorpio’s including the celibate ones…

CHARLOTTE:

Celibate ones?

MIRANDA:

Oh those do exist. Anyway, all of them are fascinated by all things sexual. Porno, prostitution, videos, books, everything up to and including clinical research and psychology connected with sexual issues. Shere Hite, Larry Flynt, and Calvin Klein are classic examples.

CARRIE:

Hite was the researcher who looked at it from the scientific point of view…

SAMANTHA:

Flynt was the master pornographer that turned it into a multi-million dollar career and Klein was the designer who basically made sex fashionable.

MIRANDA:

Toss in televangelist Pat Buchanan, who thinks any position but missionary deserves a one-way ticket straight to hell, and you have a well-rounded picture of your average Scorpio psyche.

CARRIE:

And then there’s the trust issue.

CHARLOTTE:

But you said they make unfaithful husbands, so why should they have trust issues?

CARRIE:

That’s because like Capricorn, they come with double standards. You see, a Scorpio man wants you to be barefoot-preggo-kitchen, while he’s chasing the dominatrix next door with a pair of handcuffs and nipple clamps.

SAMANTHA:

Scorpio’s are fanatical about trust. They will dump you faster than an Aquarius rushing to a UFO sighting if he even thinks you’ve discussed any intimate aspects of your relationship with family, friends, or the psychic hotline.

MIRANDA:

However, be prepared to have your names and worst secrets spray painted allover town should you happen to **** off this guy.

SAMANTHA:

And your fights are going to be monumental, but there’s a plus side, make up sex. A Scorpio’s idea of making up after a fight is to stare you into submission, tie you to the bedpost, and have his dirty way with you.

CHARLOTTE:

That sounds exciting.

MIRANDA:

Sure, until you watch those hypnotic cobra eyes go blank as he rolls off you just seconds before you *** . You may have forgotten the argument in the heat of passion, but Scorpio is just revving up into punish-you mode.

CHARLOTTE:

You guys, you’re making it seem that Scorpio’s are such nightmares, that loving one could be a Herculean task or something. I mean they may be all that, but surely there must be something good about being with a Scorpio? Isn’t there?

CARRIE:

Well, there is a karmic benefit of being with a Scorpio.

CHARLOTTE:

A karmic benefit? What’s that?

CARRIE:

Well, it’s hard to explain but hooking up with a Scorpio is a karmic thing. It’s something that your soul is destined to do atleast once in a life time.
CHARLOTTE:

You mean our soul is meant to go through such heartache with a Scorpio?

CARRIE:

Well, instead of assuming you’re being punished, look at it this way. The Universe is doing you a huge favor by making you suffer these emotional extremists, because any relationship with a Scorpio is worth one hundred thousand points on the karmic redemption scale. If you manage to spend a lifetime with one, you could jump ahead several reincarnations. Surviving one is worth the bonus points.

SAMANTHA:

Plus the great mind blowing out-this-world sex is a great way to have your soul cleansed you know.

MIRANDA:

It takes a special person with a knack for understanding that can handle a Scorpio. It’s a big challenge no doubt, but so is anything worth having. And the love, loyalty, and commitment, yes commitment that comes with once you truly win the trust of a Scorpio, is certainly worth having.

CHARLOTTE:

I see.

CARRIE:

Gemini is motivated, Taurus is thrifty, Aries is passionate, Cancer is home loving. Scorpio has all of these traits, plus an inner strength that will see him or her, and you, through any crisis, commotion, or upheaval life hands you. No one is more loyal to a friend or loved one.

MIRANDA:

The mystery of Scorpio – the intense, penetrating stare, purposeful demeanor, and ability to take charge with a cool competency in any crisis – is an outward reflection of the inner potency of feeling connected with Scorpio.
CARRIE:

Think of the term Fixed Water. A deep, still well can be cool and lifesaving or stagnant and poisonous. Wells accumulate everything that’s tossed in, from wishing coins, to murder weapons. Scorpios accumulate emotions in the same manner. And because this is a Fixed sign, the men virtually never clean out their psyches, forget, truly forgive, or let go.

CHARLOTTE:

That’s so sad. I couldn’t possibly imagine myself handling all that emotional burden. Scorpio’s must be really strong willed people. No wonder the world thinks they’re so nasty.

MIRANDA:

Well, they are nasty, but that’s only because they have to feel that they have the upper hand. You can do anything you want to within reason, as long as your Scorpio feels that he is all powerful, like the Wizard of Oz.

SAMANTHA:

Plus, did we mention that Scorpio rules sex? When you’re slipping and sliding on those black satin sheets, he is guaranteed to blow your mind body and soul. Plus with all the obsessive research that goes into it, they can spice things up with Role-playing, flavored oils, edible underwear, and sex toys that range from the harmless to the humongous. This is the only sign that guarantees multiple orgasms, along with a push to depart the mortal plane.

CHARLOTTE:
(grinning coyly, blushing)

Well, that’s a big factor to keeping one.

SAMANTHA:

And honey, if he trusts you, he would do anything to give you pleasure. That’s what makes them the best lovers in the zodiac; they get off at getting you off. Although it isn’t about selfless love, it’s a pure power thing. But who cares after you’ve cummed eight times in a single night?

SCENE: CARRIES APPARTMENT AT NIGHT, TYPING ON HER LAPTOP

CARRIE:
(Voice over)

Some of your life with Scorpio will seem terribly unfair. He can have secrets, locked cabinets, off-limit spaces, and time alone. You must bare your soul and ask permission to go out with your friends. He can withdraw, snarl, refuse to eat, or come home with a new car, and you are expected to offer comfort, or stay away, eat alone, and smile despite having no choice about the family vehicle. (He got a hummer when you wanted a Beatle)

Some of your lif with Scorpio will be beyond wonderful. He will protect you, stand by you, and share every joy and sorrow. Your home will be clean, comfortable, and private. Your love life will be intense, passionate, and frequent. You can rely on his shrewd insight and resourcefulness to see you through tough times and guide your collective successes during the peak times.

It seems like a rollercoaster with its up’s and down’s, but then, Scorpio is an extremist to the core. And they can extremely love you as well. November's thistle is dangerous, yet it grows entwined with the heavy, languid beauty of the Scorpio honeysuckle. Have you ever inhaled that sweet, overwhelming fragrance on a still midsummer's night? Then you will know why there are those who brave the thistles to seek the gentleness of Scorpio-exquisite gentleness. The explosive passion of Pluto has the rich, dark red wine color of the bloodstone. But Scorpio steel is tempered in a furnace of unbearable heat until it emerges cool, satiny smooth-and strong enough to control the nine spiritual fires of Scorpio's wisdom.

It takes a tough, savvy, very special person to love a Scorpio on a permanent basis. If you’re up to it, you will be loved with a passion that you read about in novels – one that won’t diminish with time.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Let me know what you think, I'm working on Sag.