posted November 24, 2007 01:42 PM              

but can you see now how my placements make my non existent love life and relations to others so challenging?

posted November 24, 2007 01:50 PM              

from my point of view, his and the world.

posted November 24, 2007 08:37 PM              

I wanted to comment on something you said about "I really don't get how people do not know how to love."

I've had to learn (painfully) that many people do love & learn how to love in their own way. So that their way of loving might not be good or "loving" to you, but to someone else, it works.

For ex: A guy might be all about bringing you flowers and gifts because he learned that love was about giving romantic material things, but you might feel that love is being there for someone when they need you and could care less about flowers and baubles.

My own personal experience: I had an ex who felt that love was freedom. He gave me waaaay more freedom than I could ever want. He felt he was respecting me and loving me by allowing me the freedom to do whatever I wanted. While my way of loving - doing little things for a person that they need, being there for someone during good times & bad, making them feel special, being affectionate, etc.- seemed smothering and insulting to him.

P.S. Know that you can never be used. Whatever you give out comes back to you, if not from the person you gave to, then from someone else. But it always comes back.

posted November 24, 2007 09:21 PM              

Well, wait...

They want this for themselves, but for their female partner - she should sit at home and wait for them(faithfully) while they enjoy their sexual encounters on the side.

Edited to add: I think similar to you when I'm not in love with someone. When I'm deeply in love I only want to be with that person and want them all to myself as well. But if not in love and we seem to just have a good "companionship" but no real sparks or it's not truly fulfilling, then I think about having a "core" relationship and other sexual liasons on the side.

posted November 24, 2007 09:24 PM            

quote:

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There is the home partnership and there are the sexual encounters.

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posted November 24, 2007 09:29 PM              

But besides that, I think men are just so used to the idea that it is so hard to not only find someone that is your friend/respects you and is there for you as a helping hand and a financial partner but also is a sexual partner.So this is why I am saying that now it is easy for people to just play stupid and lokk the other way while one of them is cheating the other one just takes it and vice versa.

the ones that got sick of it and are single now don't even expect that it will happen to them again (love) so they just drift like this in life.I was one of them until I met a guy that changed my views but now since I can't have them I am getting back to the old me "love doesn't exist, let's just screw" type of mentality LOL

posted November 24, 2007 09:30 PM              

Hooray for wavelengths!
lol

posted November 24, 2007 09:31 PM              

Like this one guy , my roomate, he has become a part of my family but he has his women and we can not be together, it just doesn;t work.
But if I had someone I was actually turned on by and he decides to do that I would be devastated.

posted November 24, 2007 09:45 PM              

You're absolutely right that both men and women engage in "open" relationships willingly. The reasons are many and varied.

If you're only interested in it because you've been recently hurt and things didn't work out how you would have liked, I would hope that you don't give up on the possibility of love and sell yourself short because things didn't work out with this *one* guy.

There are other men out there. Some will love you and treat you in a way that will make you happy. Some won't. The last guy was one who won't. It doesn't mean all guys are like this and so you need to just resort to having your physical needs met by random guys ignoring your emotional & spiritual needs for love and connection.

I've seen a couple of female friends of mine take this stance (friends with benefits, or sexual encounters outside of an unfulfilling relationship) and they all ended up jaded. So much so that when a guy actually did love them and want to treat them well, they didn't know what to do and went back to what they were used to - sexual encounters outside of their relationship. This made the guy run the other way because he wasn't gonna tolerate being cheated on. This hurt them even more because they repelled what they had really wanted all along. One of my friends was on the verge of a nervous breakdown over this. It was so painful to see her going through this. It's part of what scares me away from trying it (FWB & open relationships).

posted November 24, 2007 09:50 PM            

quote:

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I will take care of me and dettach, but , the question here remains, what is real true love?

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