posted November 18, 2004 03:31 AM         

as for my story, well, i went back and read it and realized it was so jumbled that it was rather pointless to direct you to it. i guess i'll try to sum it up better here:

i had this guy as a teacher in 12 grade. i was friends with him. we talked, but only in class and nothing too major. after i graduated i said hi to him in an email and he responded. he seemed down and we im'd each other one night and i really helped to make him feel better about his live, ect. so, from then on we emailed each other. sometimes twice a day. about anything and everything. relationships mostly. love, spiritual things... sometimes we im'd each other.

i had a boyfriend at the time. i realized i started to fall in love with my teacher and told him and said that i thought it was wrong and i was hurting my boyfriend. i told him that i told my boyfriend what had happened and that we should not talk anymore. he relpied with "know, without a doubt that you are loved." i never knew if he meant my boyfriend loved me enough to stay with me after i told him i made a mistake, or if he was the one who loved me.

so,... continuing on.... 2 years past and this guy and i broke up. so, since i felt that i had never had confermation on what my teacher felt and what could have been between us i contacted him. we talked for a week or two and then i wrote him a long email pouring out all of my feelings and he never answered.

keep in mind that all the time that i had been talking to him he acted like a jerk. blowing me off, ect. but still putting his problems on me. it was definately weird. i guess this story is just too long and complicated to post on here because he really did act like a major jerk. i guess you can get some of that in my other story.

my point is - sometimes teachers flirt and get involved emotionally and then just blow you off and deny it because they knew it was inapropriate and that you are too young. they don't want to admit that they encouraged anything even when they write you emails that say "dearest...." at the top. it's really great when you ask someone if any of this really happened or if you just idealized them and made it up in your head and they don't take the time to respond when it's killing you. or is that just what venus in aqua. does?
it just seems that if they know it is wrong, they don't want to take any responsibility. and because you are younger, you get the blame. for becoming emotionally attached, for loving, for caring. because all of that is immature. and it is your fault. whatever.

and to top it off he wouldn't write me anymore because he is writing a book about his perfect life. ugh. make me sick. i feel like publishing all of the sappy emails he wrote me that prove just how immature he really is. so nah!

so, that's my thoughts on teachers. they want someone to adore and idealize them. they thrive on it. and they use you up and then throw you away to keep their ego running. not all of them.. just the jerks. but, like i said before - this guy doesn't seem the type. but, it's hard to get out of that "teacher knows best" and you are just immature mindset. even if it is still going on after you graduated college and are a grown woman. forgive me for seeing what was really there... a lost little 37 year old boy craving love that i tried to give and got thrown back in my face by a cold cappy sun/aqua. merc. and venus.

posted November 18, 2004 04:14 PM         

Basically, people with Venus in Aquarius somehow make lovers into friends, and friends into lovers. If they're very afflicted, they will blow hot while the other person blows cold, and vice versa. Venus in Aquarius gives the skill to detach one's self from a relationship much smoother than other signs. Venus in Aquarius will dream and fantasize about getting very intimate with someone, but in reality they're far from it. They're not really good at handling heavy emotions, and will wait a while until they really trust you. Yet because they wait so long, the relationship goes to hell.

My feelings tell me that he did like you, but he was afflicted and blew cold when you blew hot. In my honest opinion, you're better off without him. His head probably told him to back off, while is heart needed your affection. I'm sure he was torn up about you, and really did like you but was scared to get really close. Hence, the fact that he only got intimate through a computer, you see people with Venus in Aquarius need a lot of distance and space.

I'm sure that he meant he loved you, and did dream about being with you. Afterall, people with Venus in Aquarius don't share their intimate stories with just anyone. Life got in the way, and you two weren't destined for each other, or were you? You see you never know with a Venus in Aquarius, feelings come to us like bolts of lightening, or strange events will occur that will bring us to someone somehow.

posted November 18, 2004 04:38 PM         

I just don't know how he really feels. He's a good guy, and a great teacher. I don't believe he's a jerk, but I do feel that he can totally lose his cool sometimes. I feel like he's very sensitive, and tries really hard not to be. He's so young, after all he's only had a full year of teaching experience. I don't think he knows how to draw the student/teacher line yet, but he is beginning to figure it out as time goes by.

Students will run over him, and take advantage of his good nature. Sometimes, it can be hard to know what is appropriate and what isn't. There are plenty of girls that flirt with him, but it doesn't bother me, I don't think they hold much water anyway, and if they do he's definitely not worth it. Personally, I think my class in particular is affecting him slightly. He has told us a few times that we're his favorite class. Even did a Fruedian slip of the tounge by saying he'll miss us, and how he likes all of us. There are a few immature kids in my class mixed in with great mature kids like me.

posted November 19, 2004 12:41 AM         

i see where you are coming from. he was always talking about trust. after we got in a big fight - the last fight after i asked him what i was, he said that we "shared a level of trust and that was very important." he never refered to me as a friend. he said he has very few friends and he has known them his whole life. it hurt me so much. i wasn't even good enough to be a friend. why? don't tell me you email "aquantences" as he calls them, twice a day. i was so mad that i lashed out and said well then, if i'm not your friend i'm gonna go blab all the intimate crap you wrote to me. that made him very mad and just made him conclude in his own sick mind that i never was a friend. god, i can't win.
i'm so upset right now. tears are forming. my libra that i wanted to get back with (not this guy) just wrote me back and said no. what is wrong with me? why can't someone just be normal? sorry. i'm digressing. i'll save this for another post.

continuing on - yeah, i saw those "lightining flashes" with this guy. he realized when he was being pulled towards someone. i always just "knew" things about him. it really shocked him at times. i felt as if we were really supposed to be together in some way. i saw it as clear as daylight. it was eerie. now there is nothing i can do. he hates me and will not talk to me. all because i brought up my emotions and got mad when he disrespected me. gee... like i didn't have a reason to be mad. it's not fair. it's so unfair. i'm so tempted to work some magick on him. oh, my! i am feeling desperate tonight! but, i would never try to control someone. i know better. i'm a good witch!

posted November 19, 2004 12:50 AM         

i think this guy is confused. i feel that maybe because he just started teaching he is realizing maybe how old he is getting and sensing that hope for the future that all high school seniors have and perhaps feels discouraged about where his life is now? i feel that way and i suspect i am around his age. just a vauge disgust with "this is how my life turned out?" what happened to all my dreams? maybe he senses "salvation" with you. he did not realize that teaching would be so stressful and that he'd meet a pretty starlover that he'd connect with!

posted November 19, 2004 03:04 PM         

Just my perspective, I used to read tarot
in my late teenage years

posted December 04, 2004 10:35 PM         

where've you been lately?

i was just wondering if where you go to school you have 4 periods or 8 a day. what i mean is, will you be done with math come winter break?
my school was this way. i know alot of schools aren't though, so i was just wondering if you will be having math with this guy all year or only half.

you know you sucked me in and now i need to know what happens!

posted December 05, 2004 12:15 PM         

So far I'm keeping my distance to be safe. My class is very loose, and if someone caught on, they'd be all over him like a pack of wolves. Afterall, I have to see him many times this year, and it is already beginning to get tense. He's getting to know me pretty well, he sees my grades, and all of my weaknesses and insecurities. Oh yeah, not to mention my cover ups and the times when I cheat. He has already spoken about me to other teachers, or vice versa because other teachers know how sensitive I can get. He's actually been giving me free extra points to help me out a little.

I haven't been updating this because right now nothing is going on physically. It's all at a MENTAL stage, and sometimes I wonder if it is only me. That may very well be the case. However, I don't think a teacher is supposed to look into your eyes 30 times a day. I really feel like we're both putting on an ACT with one another. Like we're just pretending to be friends, but we're really not at all.

He has a crystal clear memory, there are instances when my jaw drops at things that he will remember about me and others. I haven't asked, but I believe he is a Cancer. He majored in Business management, and was planning to own a resturaunt, but he always thought about teaching. I'm a Pisces so we connect pretty well, and there are times when he reads my mind, so I think he must be a Cancer! I could be seriously wrong though, who knows I'll have to ask eventually.

It's just that, I've been losing a lot of sleep over this, and the tarot seems to be talking more about how I feel. I'm very stressed out with him, I'm very concerned that something will happen. Or I'm concerned if nothing happens. I think this experiece is meant for me to learn, but how it will unfold, who knows? I thought this string would go down until you brought it up again. I feel like if I want something to happen, I really have to push him to make a move on me. Also I have to be extremely honest and frank with him, and that will be hard to pull off. I believe there is a possibility, but it's a total long shot. By the end of the year, however, the possibility may be even greater! I think both of us need to learn a few big things first, and nothing will happen unless we learn whatever it is that is blocking the way.

I think he is very scared of me right now, even though I'm keeping my distance (I really am), my own intensity can show through the eyes! You can tell when someone likes you just by looking at them, and perhaps he knows I have a strong crush on him, and he is very concerned about it. I think I'm really bothering him, and I can't say it's all my fault either. So the truth is, I don't know if there are mutual feelings. Sometimes I say there is, and sometimes I don't to myself. But I think they are mutual, just by the way it's been playing out. He is treating me in a very sweet and gentle way, but I don't think he is acting like himself. He doesn't treat me the way he treats other students. I'm different, and I guess the truth is all in the eyes! The eyes will always tell the truth. He knows I like him, just by looking at me, but if I'm not verbally honest (which I'm not) then what can he do? I guess you can say, I'm very subtle which is the safest thing to do, if I really want something to happen, I think.

posted December 05, 2004 12:29 PM         

Puppyblew,

I think you were very right when you said he feels discouraged because he is with seniors. I think he feels really old, he's got to be in his mid-late twenties, he has a son, and no wife. I'm not sure about a girlfriend though. I think he had plans for himself, but they probably went down the drain when he had to deal with a child. The son lives with his mom, but he never ever talks about it. Something must've happened to him, he is extremely handsome and charming, and there is no reason in sight as to why he would be single. I just don't know what is really going on here? I'm trying to suck up the smoke screen. I just don't know. What do you think? Am I an idiot? Do I think too much?

posted December 06, 2004 01:29 AM         

i read everything you wrote on this post. it's just so close to my heart because i'm in love with my old teacher still. what sue g. just said just about knocked me on the floor. i can see myself thinking about this guy in 30 years, too. i mean, will i ever get over him? and if i can't, can i honestly be with someone else? i'll stop here before i start a rant of my own.

i can understand your stress level star.
i wish i could give you some really good advice, but it just feels as if your situation is so close to what i have felt and still feel at time that i can't be objective about it. i messed my situation up big time. well, actually I didn't. he just refuses to admit he feels the same way.

right now i am just thinking that you can only control your own actions and reactions.
he has part of your destiny in his own hands, you know? i am just wondering why you are feeling so stressed? is it because of being afraid to get close? the intensity of the feelings? the hiding and not having confirmation on the feeling?

i know what you mean when you say that you can tell when someone likes you. you just know it. sometimes i wonder if being in love makes your judgement cloudy. like because you are in love you look at him deeply and see that reflected when it is not really there. i always wonder about that with people. BUT, i think you are right. you just know. i knew with my teacher too. that's why it makes me mad that he denies it. there was something there.

geez... i just feel so frustrated for you. i guess i'm beginning to understand why you are so stressed. i think that i actually think like you do sometimes. very analytical in a way.

what struck me when you talked about him is that he is a cancer and has a child, but the child does not live with him. that must be very painful for a cancer.

i don't know whether to tell you to just let things glide as they are now, or like you said, be honest with him.

i guess i'll end with... are you glad you have him for the whole year, or would you feel relieved if you weren't so physically close (in his class) for the remander of the year?

posted December 07, 2004 03:58 PM         

I cheated on his quiz. My friend who is in another class gave me her quiz paper that she already took. She got all the problems correct, and then I got the paper off her to study. It turned out he used the same exact quiz, and I knew all the answers to the same problems. I used it for study. I feel so guilty because I knew all the answers, and I got everything correct. Don't get me wrong, I still studied, but I used the quiz problems that he took from another teacher. I have to tell him the truth, and I'm terrified of the effect it will cause. I know if I don't say anything it will eat away at me, but if I say something it will effect my relationship with him, and things will run much deeper. I'm scared. This Mercury RX is seriously kicking me in the ass!

posted December 07, 2004 04:10 PM         

Fess up and explain your logic....that's the most direct approach, and the best way to avoid one of Merc Rx's trademark's: miscommunication/misunderstanding

posted December 07, 2004 04:21 PM         

I feel the same exact way, HE SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER, I don't believe this is totally my fault. I still studied, but I knew the answers to the problems beforehand. Honesty is the best policy, but I'm very scared of what the consequences may be. I don't know what he's going to do when I tell him. Everyone did poor in my class, he knows I'm no better, and he's going to be shocked at me getting it all correct.

I'm a victim of circumstance, the crap of my own making! I did this, but at least I can do something about it now.

posted December 07, 2004 04:54 PM         

Mercury RX tends to want to make you contact your past lovers and friends! It's a time for re-doing everything.

My situation has certainly caused a trickle effect.

posted December 07, 2004 11:16 PM         

i did my tarot then to see what he thought of what i said and it came up with all this love stuff and i actually paniced. i thought, oh my god! what if he wants to go out with me and has been looking for me by hangning out with all my friends?!! it seriously scared me. i thought about him and realized that the only reason i like him is because he didn't like me. i know that is so dumb, but it's something that plays over and over in my live because of my father. i'm sort of trained to "beg" for love.

so, i realized i am not in love with him. hell, i don't even know him really. nice thing to know.

like i suspected, he did not respond. i emailed my libra ex that same night about us talking (we have been playing phone tag for a month) and like clockwork he emailed me back the next day. i spoke with him today and am so optomistic. i was with him for over 4 years and i don't know why i need to be knocked over the head a million times to realize what real love is. my venus in pisces tends make me fantasize about love and wants something magickal.

so, to sum up - i'm hoping this merc. retro. will be good for us to sort of "rework", "reconnect", and "rebuild" a great relationship. i gleamed from our conversation that he wants to get back together too. i hope i'm right, but mercury could be playing tricks....

sorry for ranting here... you have caused a trickle effect!

as for YOU - you just said it... mercury retrograd is for "re-doing" things. this is the perfect opportunity for you to explain yourself. i mean, it's not like you knew you were cheating when you did it! he'll understand. if he doens't i'm sure mercury in retrograde will give you a million more opportunities to get things right.

i'm beginning to see the positive of this vibration!

posted December 07, 2004 11:55 PM         

As for YOU, it sounds like this guy is a complete and utter jerk. I really wish he would stop being so stubborn, and really get off his ass, and tell you straight out how he TRULY FEELS. If he could only do that you wouldn't have any problems. Perhaps I need to do the same about my feelings.