posted December 08, 2004 12:38 AM         

as I read through your thread, I thought about how wonderful it is for you to have such a cute teacher in a subject that you don't much care for. It has probably helped get your attendance level up for one. It reminded me of my last trip to the dentist. I was just going for a checkup, but my dentist had left town and a new one had bought his practice. I don't think I differ from others when I say I don't like going to the dentist. Until......that is ...... I met the new dentist. He is such a hunk. It sure makes going to the dentist a whole lot better.

One thing that I just wanted to say, about your teacher (and yours too Puppy) is that when you meet in a classroom situation, there is always going to be an imbalance of power. That's a very hard thing to make right. It's possibly why a lot of teacher/student relationships fail. You could probably say the same thing for working girls/guys that fall in love with their bosses. It's really not that different a situation from yours (apart from maybe the age perspective).

I also wanted to tell you that in my final year at school, two of my fellow students dated teachers. It was such a weird situation because they would come to weekend parties etc. The school itself turned a blind eye to it. The mother of one of the students was even on the school parent's committee. So, these teachers did not suffer any career consequences.

StarLover, I'm a bit like you with all of the analysing. But heck, when you lexigram my name, I have the words DETAILS and ANALYSE in there.

I have to say that when I saw all of those swords in your first reading, they really jumped out at me. As did the Lovers, right next to the Devil card. Though there is still some controversy over suit meanings - for me, they represent the mind, or thoughts. So I'm not surprised you had a stack of them. I'd be interested to see what your latest readings reveal.

With respect to you "cheating" I think he will be sympathetic because you really just used it as a study guide. You did not know in advance that this would be the exact test you would get. So, give yourself a break on that front.

Overall, I would just like to say, take care of you. Whether it's a one-way crush or not, you need to be prepared for multiple outcomes.

with love

posted December 08, 2004 03:47 PM         

Mercury is totally screwing with me, I just tried to write two long posts, and they got competely erased. Oh balls!!

I'm going to take a rest.

posted December 10, 2004 02:15 AM         

you are right about my teacher being a jerk. i just don't get him suddenly haning out at bars and parties with kids in my class that graduated over 4 years ago. strange. i think he is going through a mid-life crisis. no doubt i'll see him out one night and just laugh my ass off! seriously, that would be sooo good! plus i'd be most likely be out with my libra because things are going pretty darn good!

i think you are right about choosing this situation. it's funny how we are drawn towards situations that we know are bad or stressful, yet we can't stay away. i tend to have no restraint with them. you seem to be doing better than i would be able to do given the situation. i truely think that these types of situations are here to teach us something about ourselves. yes, there are other people involved, but they never seem to learn the same thing as we are meant to from them. it's kind of like they are programed to teach us a particular lesson and can not see us in any other light. in my experiences, you can't break through that. it's strange. i can explain more it you want. i just don't want to rattle on forever here.

i was just thinking, if you feel so stronly about telling him your feelings, perhaps right before Christmas break you could tell him or leave him a note and then you could both have some time to think about what has happened before seeing each other again.

just a thought...

now do what purple_scorp said - and take care of yourself!

posted December 19, 2004 12:45 AM         

Well let me start with the trivial stuff first...
Okay, I left off telling everyone how badly I felt for cheating on my quiz. I mean if I didn't spill the beans my conscious would've eaten my alive. So a couple days after (the first few attempts failed because he was always busy, and my stomach was doing flip flops) I finally fessed up, and explained how I cheated on the quiz, but I had to say I didn't know it was going to be the same quiz, even though I had a feeling it would be. Come on now, I couldn't tell him the complete truth about what I knew.

Anyway, he was nevertheless shocked, but still I wasn't gratified with his response. I practiced speaking, and I told him the half-truth in the most eloquent and charming Pisces way. I went through butterflies and chills to get myself to face him, and tell him how badly I felt. However, he gave me complete and utter teacher crap, which I guess you can say put me in my place. He gave me a speech about how honorable I was for telling the truth, and how he couldn't commend me more other than to let me keep the grade. He told me, he now knows a little more about my character! I told him, "whatever." He left me with a 94% on my quiz...oh joy!

It's not the end of it though, I guess part of the reason he gave me teacher crap, was because there was another teacher in the same room when I was telling him. This teacher shares the same classroom, and he never seems to get out of the way. In my opinion he's there to be a hindrance! Between those two, I laugh at the thought of what was said about me after I left. It must've been pretty humilating for me, but it was a chance I was willing to take. Even though his first response was very "not worth it" I was hoping that the repercussion would be. I think I was very right, but I don't know for sure, because now he's treating me very differently.

For instance, the following day, he greeted me nicely, and he had a joking type of attitude which I really appreciated. He seemed happy with me. The following Monday, he passed back the quizzes, and I was the first to recieve it, I turned my paper over and there was a nice neat purple note card with writing on it. He wrote, "Sonia, I just wanted to commend you for coming forward the other day regarding this quiz. It was a very honorable thing to do. Use this to study for out quiz tomorrow if you want. Good luck, and keep up the good work."

posted December 19, 2004 02:41 AM         

I have a feeling, he thought a lot about me that weekend, because he was more nervous to get close to me, and he wouldn't let me touch his fingers like I usually do, or he does. Anyway, he tried to teach me, but it wasn't working. For the first time, his teaching me wasn't working. I was tired, and I couldn't focus on what he was saying, you see I wanted to know what he wasn't saying. I guess the feelings were becoming more real. Even though we were still friendly toward one another, I think he realized that things were getting serious.

I left that day, feeling totally unprepared, and on top of that I had another serious project to take care of, as well as go to work. I'm sorry, but I couldn't show up the next day, so I skipped school meaning I skipped his quiz. Yep, once again I slipped through the cracks to salvage my grade. I didn't think he would mind until the next day when he gave me the cold shoulder. He told the class how upset he is that people keep skipping his class, which is not true, so in a way I think he was aiming at me. He didn't treat me in a friendly way, and he wasn't looking at me either.

In the past week, he has been speeding up big time, because somehow our class is behind all the other PreCalc classes. I still haven't taken his quiz, I have to take it monday, and I'm not in any mood to study for it. Yet even before that, he descided it would be best to give us another quiz on the following Friday. I was in total bad shape, and before Friday I went after school again. This after school was a doozie.

posted December 19, 2004 02:48 AM         

Well it doesn't end there, we all began to talk casually, but since I was so tired, the nervous tension was consuming me. Another teacher walked in, and they began laughing and having a conversation of their own. I was out of it, and I sat there slow and dumbfounded. I was trying to listen, but I wasn't hearing anything. The other teacher left, and the girl and I started having a conversation with him, we talked about how moody he can be with our class. Yet, he never loses his cool. He told us we're his only class that is older and more mature, besides us, he has to deal with freshman all day long. He looked straight at me when he said this. Then, finally, I asked how old he was, and he told me he was 28 years old. So we're 10-11 years apart. I figured, I was right on the dot actually.

When he told me he was 28, I responded in this nervous way, and said "oh...(I was going to ask for his sun sign, but it wasn't relevant enough, and I paused for too long) and then he said, "...is that too old?" I was dumbfounded, and I paused again while the other girl laughed, and I made this stupid comment about how my brother is only 24 years old. Could you believe that? I paused again, and I knew I put myself in a totally stupid situation. He looked at me in this really weird way, and the girl next to us was confused and indifferent.

Well that was the end of that, and I knew I had to leave. Yet before I left, I told him I was expecting a letter in the mail from college. I had applied to an Early Action program to Suffolk University, and I was hoping to get an acceptance letter. He mentioned how it has a great law school, and I told him I was thinking about prelaw, but I still wasn't totally sure (I've been thinking about teaching as well). Then he said good luck, and I left.

posted December 19, 2004 02:58 AM         

I'm still very stubborn about this college, I still feel like I can get in. I just hate to wait, and on top of all that I'm doing terrible in my classes. Last year, I wanted to be competitive for college, so I chose a bunch of hard classes without realizing I wouldn't enjoy a single ounce of it. Now I'm stuck in Physics, PreCalculus, Latin IV, and Human Anatomy, and I hate all of these subjects with a fiery passion. I'm just not doing well emotionally. The only "A" I received was in Poetry. Physics is the absolute worst, I tried to transfer out, but it was too late. I'm stuck in that class, and it's torturing me. PreCalculus is torturing me, the material is over my head, the only thing keeping me above water is the fact that my math teacher likes me. He gives me freebies so I don't drown.

Right now, the stress is over my head, I'm trying so hard to support myself in those classes, and on top of that I have a job in which I work four days a week from 5-10pm longer hours on weekends. My parents don't help with this situation, they don't understand, and it's not their fault. My guidance counselors know, but they're not helping me either. I'm going through sleepless nights, and I'm a walking zombie. I'm falling apart, and the fact that this college hasn't accepted me yet, has really hit the nail on the head. Last night, I hung out with some friends, and I was still pretty depressed. We watched trashy movies, soft porn, and ended the night with Faces of Death. Whatever you do, don't watch that when you're sad. Oh I learned.

posted December 19, 2004 03:02 AM         

I had a dream last night, that he told me his birthday was in April, but refused to tell me the date. Then he told me he was an Aries. Could you believe that? I had a dream he told me his Sun sign.

Another strange event, when I was working at my department store, one of my guidance counselors was shopping. A kind of intervention, she was just there. I told her about the college letter, and she told me, "So what! We'll talk about it on Monday, and we'll call the school up."

Once this crap is over, I'm sure it will all be trivial. Right?

posted December 19, 2004 09:39 PM         

Hugs to starlover.
You'll get through this. Have a happy Christmas/Solstice.
I had the feeling he was an Aries too.. it didn't surprise me that you dreampt it.

posted December 20, 2004 03:03 PM         

I think I'm making things more difficult than they really are. I skipped his quiz again, my mind keeps drawing blanks. The confidence factor is a big problem. I don't think I can tell him about my leanings torward astrology and philosophy. He already thinks I'm weird enough, I shouldn't add anymore reasons. THE PROBLEM IS, I don't belong in PreCalculus, I don't know that the heck I'm doing. The material is ridiculous, and he is making it much harder for me. Lately, he's been acting very detached and uncaring. I just don't know what is really going on here. I shouldn't pursue this man any further than I aready have. It's getting very difficult. I can't do anything, I really need my christmas vacation. I need time to think. I don't want to go through torcher and hell especially in my senior year. However, I think it's too late, I have to stick it out until the end. He is beginning to give me hell.

posted March 14, 2005 05:42 PM         

I was just wondering how you are doing lately with regards to this teacher of yours.. The school year must be getting close to winding down.. I hope you've weathered it okay.

posted March 16, 2005 02:06 AM         

I just read through the entire thread instead of doing my research for a project for college.

Starlover you are such a good writer I must say firstly, have you considered writing poetry or novels? Your story was beautifully put, and I think everyone can relate somewhat to it, even if it is kind of playing with fire (which I do believe, but then again, I've played with fire too much and enjoy taking risks!).

Best of luck, please keep us updated!

posted March 16, 2005 01:06 PM         

It is pretty sad that Gemini Nymph was treated so poorly for giving the best advice on this thread:

"Strangely enough, I'm in consensus with trillian - however, I'm not going to be mother henish about it. I had a situation at my high school where the band director started dating one of my classmates right after we graduated. It was a big scandal, and while they didn't out and out fire him, the admin had him under investigation and eventually pressured him to resign.
Granted, I have no sad feeling over this - that band director was a jerk and perv and needed to leave teaching high school - but in your case, a high school crush probably isn't worth it to someone who's obviously put several years of college plus teacher certification to get where he's at. This is his career and his income - two things you don't seem to apperciate. It's far more likely he's working at a high shcool to pay off his student loans than for fishing for teenage tail. And if he is, you'd be better off staying far, far away (because chance would be he's a very sick predator, like that band director).

If this crush is affecting your school work (and I suspect it is) you should talk to your school couselor. You need someone responsible, knowledging and aware of such issues to help you get some objectivity here NOW. Your prespective is obviously very distorted and you're not considering the risks realistically. Saying "Oh, I know how to keep a secret!" is *not* mature nor responsible, and apparently indicates that on some level, you KNOW this is wrong, yet you want to rationalize doing it still. This is not just school-girl silliness, it's ridiculously foolish and potentially dangerous on an emotional and psychological level for you to allow yourself to get so hung up on a man that 1) too old and mature for you and 2) is NOT available for you to pursue and to entertain fantasies of what might happen 6-7 months from now. You can resent me for saying this until your hormone-intoxicated teenage heart is full, but I think you need some sense slapped into you.

And I also think it's egregiously irresponsible of all the people here that have been encouraging you in this unhealthy fantasy. They ALL should know better."
___________________________

I do not know if Gemini Nymph still posts regularly, but I commend her.

KEY

posted March 16, 2005 03:16 PM         

....... gonna die any way, so take risks - do whatever feels good or that I want to do.
____________________________
Yes, I am going to die. You are going to die. We are all going to die. So what?
Risks are not always appropriate. Sometimes risks hurt ourselves, and/or other people. What does death have to do with that? I am alive now. You are alive now. We are alive now.
KEY

posted March 16, 2005 03:58 PM         

quote:

---

You can resent me for saying this until your hormone-intoxicated teenage heart is full, but I think you need some sense slapped into you.

And I also think it's egregiously irresponsible of all the people here that have been encouraging you in this unhealthy fantasy. They ALL should know better

---

posted March 16, 2005 05:00 PM         

quote:

---

StarLover33
Moderator
Posts: 2842
From: King Arthur's Camelot
Registered: Jun 2002
posted November 16, 2004 03:20 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ummm, kissing him, one step at a time guys! You're even blowing past me. Right now, I just want to pass his class, and be friends. I"m in a bit of a jam, I didn't do so good on yet another quiz. I need to get myself together.
-StarLover

---

posted March 17, 2005 09:58 AM         

Please re-read my post. I quoted Gemini Nymph. Did you notice the quotation marks? And, yes, I like what she said. Gemini Nymph basically got attacked for her comments. I support her comments. A young girl does not need encouragement to pursue her teacher. That is not good advice. Do you have a daughter?

KEY