posted May 06, 2005 10:21 AM         

Yes, let's hope I stay the path with as much verve as I created it.

If I tripped over a man... would I think about the reasons, or just walk away....

posted May 07, 2005 03:14 PM         

I understand completely about all the silly little arguments driving you crazy. For example, you're "wasting petrol" just because you want to dash to the shops "when you want", and your creativity is belittled. All these arguments about trivialities can ultimately add up to a lot. It's dire, and depressing, when a relationship is reduced to "practicalities" in this manner!

You say you have always gone for creative types - well, do you think that ultimately a creative type, and an uncreative type, possibly might not mix long-term? I know a great deal of issues, (particularly practical ones), are at stake here. I think that maybe you need to prepare the ground properly for a separation, if that is what you eventually decide to do. On the other hand, is there any way you could have your cake and eat it?

How mutual is the feeling between you and your soulmate? As fayte.m said, there's a feeling of "just knowing" - which I believe I am presently experiencing for myself. I won't say too much about it - it's almost too precious to talk about - but I will say that it is absolutely unconditional love - on my part anyway - I know I will always love him. One thing that I especially value about him is his encouragement of my creativity, and support for what I do.

Maybe you are feeling the same thing too? On how much deeper a level does this "soulmate" feeling operate than within your and your husband's relationship? Try not to feel too negatively about relationships, as though they are all ultimately going to end at some point. (Perhaps it might prevent you from surrendering yourself completely - which, whilst it leaves you vulnerable, can also be a joyous feeling.) I have been cynical about the shelf-life of relationships too, in the past, but try not to keep pushing the "destruct" button too often, if you can.

Some people have a very strong desire for marriage with its "stability", "consistency", etc., others are less suited to the associated "responsibilities" (God, I hate that word!) When opposites from both ends of the scale attract, it doesn't tend to work out particularly comfortably in the long run; each party challenges the other, so you end up with a stalemate. I understand completely about the supporting financially but not spiritually, or morally...I really do.

Lots of love,

posted May 08, 2005 11:19 AM         

Then there are times when I love someone so much and I can't show it, or put my arms around him even if I can visualize it happening. He just stands there crying, with his back turned screaming with his whole body, hug me, love me, not just yourself, and instead I feel cold inside, and I can't move until it's too late,

I feel this happens through lack of trust in the world somehow, which we are born with. And some of us have nonverbal clues only, no verbal communication.

My sister throws things when she's mad, what happens if her husband one day walks out the door and doesn't come back after one too many fits? She never talks to him, I am like him, I can only take so much and then I can't love anymore.

Why people don't talk to each other more is beyond me, isn't that why we have ears?

But instead here anyway, I find it very difficult to trust someone to hold me forever, if you feel that way you will sabotage any effort to hold anyone. It's a feeling that comes and goes with oversensitivity.

Saturn on the 1st Pixie, also has a really hard time expressing deeper, emotions verbally, your mate has to pick up on them physically. Be sure that you want to be held? or in your mind do you prefer to hold someone else? or are you angry?

I visualize holding someone just once who is finally happy with me, and not arguing. That is my dream. For some it's another scenario,

In every relationship there is controlling behaviour, but if you don't jump in and control things yourself, you get rearranged.

As for me with Neptune in the 12th I am the mistress of non verbal and non productive communication. I can look out of the car window and sulk for hours!

Natasha

posted September 19, 2005 01:11 AM         

Oh, I want to share, I really do.
I will say my heart has opened, and I have written about it through my poetry, over in that waxy yellow place.
Things are a-changing, and though nothing has externally changed, really.. I can feel the acceptance and I am preparing myself and all involved subtly.
It is not the absence of love, it is the want of something bigger than I can control. I can continue in my questioning place, my guilty place, my 'why isn't it right, when it should be' place.. but that's not really fair to anyone, is it?
We all deserve more, and now that my eyes are opened.. and by no means do I think it is the answer to everything.. but now that I see these possibilities that are manifesting, and the ways I can be that are answering these questions that I didn't know to ask....
My Saturn return is becoming realized.. I can feel the urgency now. Things that don't cut it can gently be extricated.

quote:

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Good relationships will not suffer appreciably during this time, but bad ones will break up completely. You are withdrawing from everything in your life that is unnecessary or in the way of your development during the next few years. Bad or difficult relationships may be among the elements that are discarded.
Try to avoid building a wall between yourself and others, for this is a great danger now. Duty, responsibility and obligations do not preclude personally satisfying relationships, even though you may feel that they do. If you cut yourself off from others unnecessarily, you will become lonely and depressed. The people who belong in your everyday life are very important for you now, especially since you are excluding those who do not belong. Often it is good to seek out the company and advice of older people, for they have the insight and understanding you need

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