posted April 18, 2005 06:28 AM         

quote:

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Or is that voice only bored and it is a misguided answer to the lonliness that can't seem to be filled?

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If you are feeling bored & lonely, how can a voice nudging you forward be misguided??

posted April 18, 2005 11:47 AM         

Sometimes it makes one of the two say, "You are a person after my own heart."

posted April 18, 2005 12:44 PM         

but the voice must be significant...more than the person...perhaps because it challenges you to go beyond your pre concieved notions and your self censors.

posted April 18, 2005 01:12 PM         

"If you are feeling bored & lonely, how can a voice nudging you forward be misguided??"

Whoa, Aen. Yeah, I guess so.
For sure. But I reach a point in any relationship, where I am bored and lonely. It seems to be my thing. But if I add up all the things that I should be happy about ( more than transiently) I see a whole lot of things.... I just don't feel them like I should at all times.....

Future Uncertain~
"From what I know about you, you seem to be someone who always follows her heart, and for you to be doubting that suggests that there's something going on with you. The question is, do you know what it is?"

I do not know what it is, it is constant, and I think it will always be there.. I search when I don't need to, so inevitably, I will find something with my flashlight.. it just seems more significant, in a way I didn't expect.

Aphrodite~""You are a person after my own heart."
Hmmmm... Yep. You have a unique perspective here, if I look back into the archives, you have helped me through this thing before...

firelights~
"but the voice must be significant...more than the person...perhaps because it challenges you to go beyond your pre concieved notions and your self censors"
Hmm.. Food for thought. Thank you.

I wonder , I feel the connection to people, but before, they are people I have known in the past, and perhaps, things weren't shut tight. This is new. My very wise Capricorn cousin and best friend/soulmate said to me before.. 'You like bright shiny things'.. as in, I am always attracted to something I can hold and examine, and get to the bottom of, rather than evolving beyond the circum,stances, once I feel there is less evolution to garner.... I love books I have read.. but there's nothing like a new journey. books are too sacred to treat so flippantly, and though the words might be flippant, they are not taken as flippantly as I read them.....

posted April 18, 2005 01:43 PM         

Am I rambling? These are the thought I have on the subject... actually, my rather open view of this is a reason for avoiding a major issue with my current lad. He felt it nessecary to inform me that he still has thoughts of sex with other women. I was like ''DUH!! Everyone does!!'' He was totally shocked at my nonchalant additude about it. He really thought I would be devastated. I told him the only way I would be is if he broke it off now so he wouldn't hurt me down the line if he decided he wanted to pursue something/someone else. I said as long as he was honest with me, we would not have a problem, and that the possibility of future pain is no reason not to risk it all for love now. For what is love if not the biggest risk the heart can take? And pain? I'll feel pain a lot even in love, I'm sure... but it's going for it, taking the risk and putting your heart on the line that counts to me.... knowing that if what you have is real, and you can look at the big picture and that person is involved in everything that you are (save that small part reserved just for YOU), and you are glad of it... then all the pain and frustration and boredom and all that is worth it. There cannot be light without dark, nor goodness without evil... nor positive without negative.

Blah... i really went off there!

Does that make any sense?

posted April 18, 2005 04:18 PM         

I found this website that does fre tarot readins.. I know I do my own, but sometimes the divination is less acknowledged by outside means...
this is my reading...

The card not shown but at the center of the cross, represents the atmosphere surrounding the central issue. Ten of Man (Wizard Edward Hutchinson), when reversed: Dissipation, debauchery, and stagnation. Taking one's good fortune for granted. Problems in domestic and social matters. A false love or infatuation, leading to a lack of fulfillment

The card visible at the center of the cross represents the obstacle that stands in your way - it may even be something that sounds good but is not actually to your benefit. Shoggoth: Raw power. Health and physical fortitude. A surge of tremendous force. Recovery from sickness. Victory after apprehension and fear. The ability to face and overcome opposition brings the inner qualities of strength and forbearance. Delays and setbacks will be overcome.

The card at the top of the cross represents your goal, or the best you can achieve without a dramatic change of priorities. Old One: Calm and restraint. Self-control, patience and tact in handling situations. The act of applying balanced spiritual and psychic forces to physical life.

The card at the bottom of the cross represents the foundation on which the situation is based. Three of Tomes (Unaussprechlichen Kulten): Personal fortitude and strength of character. Accumulated power set in motion towards a distant goal. The initiation of an enduring partnership based on absolute trust. Honor maintained in a time of desperate struggle. Taking full responsibility for a decision, and bearing the solitude of leadership.

The card at the left of the cross represents a passing influence or something to be released. Ghoul: A major change or transformation, possibly traumatic and unexpected. Freedom from the shackles of the past. A new beginning. Death coupled with rebirth, usually related to consciousness and lifestyle

The card at the right of the cross represents an approaching influence or something to be embraced. Knight of Tomes (The Ponape Scriptures): The essence of fire, such a great conflagration. One filled with vitality and passion for life. A sexy and exciting person, daring in their actions, cocky in their attitude, and utterly without fear. Absolute sincerity, coupled with violent emotions that swing wildly from one extreme to another. Boundless creativity and lust for a change of both pace and place. The rapid approach, or more likely departure, of something that sets your world ablaze. Often suggests travel or escape.

The card at the base of the staff represents your role or attitude. Azathoth, when reversed: Apathy, negligence, and dangerous carelessness. Unquenchable wanderlust. Obsession with someone or something. Losing all sense of proportion. Foolhardy adventuring and lack of interest in critical matters. Immature or unrealistic ideals. Strange impulses and desires coming from unexpected sources. Vanity, delirium, folly, and oblivion.

The card second from the bottom of the staff represents your environment and the people you are interacting with. Two of Tomes (De Vermis Mysteriis), when reversed: The erosion of power and influence. Failing to articulate goals or establish a vision for the future. Being caught off guard, due to an inability to come to grips with the impact of past decisions. Obstinate and irresponsible leadership. Loss of interest, clarity, or faith in a venture.

The card second from the top of the staff represents your hopes, fears, or an unexpected element that will come into play. Ithaqua: Victory through might. Advancement through bold action. Change through force. Order established through vigilance. A trying situation mastered by balancing opposing forces against each other. Discipline, individual effort and endurance will turn the tide.

posted April 18, 2005 06:55 PM         

But if that person can't be there, what do we do? Is it okay to lean on someone in a friendly way if that person knows you are a friend? I do this sometimes. Unspoken connections happen when you are changing inside, feeling like breaking free and you see someone else going in our direction.

I like to think of you Pixie as a storm in some kind of vessel, the waters rage, and can't get out, they want to go in different directions. Every once in a great while the borders change shape. It's okay to move in different directions, get the direction, and guidance you need.

I think it's the other person nudging you, and he or she knows it, that's the package, Scorpios need to change the routine a bit,

How dull is your routine right now? Do you need more nudging? Communication is great but sometimes lacks warmth, and you are gravitating to warmth.

If you are sick, your energy level is low too,

posted April 19, 2005 10:15 AM         

That reading was pretty on the money.... wow. I don't know what to say to you that will even remotely help out, I am just a caterpillar yet.... but I do know that you have a powerful mind and amazing spirit, and that whatever you feel that you must do in this or any other earthly incarnation will be for the best. I know you will not tear screaming away, nor leave shattered pieces without peace... so go with love and the Knowledge that you will do right by you, no matter what that may be.

AZ,

Wow. Wow. You have such an amazing way of communicating your thoughts and feelings (you share a sun and mars with my honey, btw) that I am simply floored after reading your post. I hope someday I can learn to be as articulate and moving in my words as you are in yours. Thanks for making my morning with your wisdom!!

be with you

posted April 19, 2005 09:56 PM         

Pix, how are you doing today? You wrote: "The past two years, have opened something in me that maybe was best left closed". Can you describe a little more what you feel was opened? I think Life is still opening up for you -- as you have said you found a wonderful guy and you have two very special kids, but you settled down too early, and now I suspect you feel confined (see also mommy-horses dream). Now that the door is open, it CAN'T be closed. Choices, choices.....I don't want to grow up either!

"But I reach a point in any relationship, where I am bored and lonely. It seems to be my thing. But if I add up all the things that I should be happy about (more than transiently) I see a whole lot of things.... I just don't feel them like I should at all times....."
I ask you Ms. Elf, WHO has made these rules (from the quote above) detailing what you should or should not be happy about? What do you mean you "don't feel like I should"? Your feelings, whatever they may be, are entirely and completely valid because they are YOUR feelings. I dunno, it almost sounds like you're feeling guilty for the appearance of being a very lucky woman. Like you're telling yourself, "I have all these things people say I should be thrilled about, but I'm not."

I re-read your Tarot spread and I see an incredible amount of food for thought. You're in a re-evaluation phase of your life, aren'tcha? I think that's part of what the Saturn Return is about, eh?

posted April 20, 2005 01:22 PM         

FOR A DANCER

Keep a fire burning in your eye
And pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
I don’t remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must have thought you’d always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you’re nowhere to be found

I don’t know what happens when people die
Can’t seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It’s like a song I can hear playing right in my ear that I can’t sing
I can’t help listening
And I can’t help feeling stupid standing around
Crying is the easier down
Because I know that you’d rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrows away
No matter what Fate chooses to play
There’s nothing you can do about it anyway

Except do the steps that you’ve been shown
By everyone you’ve ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours another’s steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you’ll do alone

Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
Just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don’t let the uncertainty turn you around
Go on and make a joyful sound!

Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive and the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
But you’ll never know

-- Jackson Browne, 1973