posted August 07, 2005 01:41 AM         

I'm currently going through what I think is a break-up of a relatively short-lived relationship. I say "I think" because he hasn't told me in so many words that he wants to split. In fact, he said that he wasn't sure what he wanted, so he didn't want to tell me we're breaking up, to later realise he didn't want that and regret his action. So, it's a difficult time for me at the moment because I am literally dangling on a string. It's been a week since I've heard from him.

There seemed to be so much synchronicity in our meeting that I feel as though a higher power than oursElves has brought us together.

You may recall, this happened to me last September also, and I posted this thread on the matter, trying to make some sense out of it.

So, I am wondering if I am a synchronicity junkie and get off on such a connection and whether this in fact blinds me to love.

Looking back at last year's relationship, I truly believe that he was/is a soul mate and later realised he came into my life to open my heart (as it was previously closed). So, it was a stepping stone for me to find my true love.

This time, I did not believe he was a soul mate but there was a strong familiarity about him and a definite feeling of returning home. He slipped into my life as though he'd always been there. And, I felt as though I'd been preparing mysElf all of my life to meet him.

He was going around telling everyone that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. After only a couple of weeks, he took me to meet his parents.

Here's the synchronicity in the lastest relationship:

We were both born in Melbourne and now moved to NE Vic.

We both live in a street of the same name, in small rural towns with a similar population (300-500 people).

The towns are both ex-gold mining towns. He is a gold-miner.

Our ex's both live in the same small towns.

We are both master numbers.

We both got married the same year (two months apart), in a rural town, in a bed and breakfast.

We both have two children, (one boy, one girl) one aged 7 and one aged 9 (tho my 9yo turned 10 last week).

We both separated the same year (within one month of each other).

We both like astronomy and own a telescope.

We both like the same kind of music.

We are both spiritual and talk to guides/angels.

Our spiritual journies started within months of each other.

We are both second-born children.

We both have facial moles and crooked smiles (that match when we kiss).

His second name is my step-father's name.

My daughter's name is his daughter's second name.

His sister and I were both looking to buy the same church (we were both going to convert it to live in).

His sister bought a second-hand book for him on gold-mining in my town, before I'd had any contact with him. He'd never been to my town before we met.

He boarded a plane two weeks after we met (the first time he'd flown in about five years) and picked up the National in-flight magazine to find an article on my small town. My house is halfway up a hill. It talked about a monument (that is at the top of the hill that I live on) and a museum (that is at the bottom of the hill - so my house is halfway between the two).

He appeared in my shiny purple paper(something that I use to scry in) on four separate occasions before I met him (some of these were last year). Each time, I'd drawn a picture of what I saw, plus wrote descriptive text because I'm not good at drawing. In one entry, I had described his physical appearance right down to the close-set eyes and cleat in his chin. In another instance, he appeared with a telescope. In the third, he was wearing his miner's hat with light and in the fourth, he had an angel on his shoulder.

So, in other words, I was given warnings he was on his way into my life.

Things went really well for us for a couple of months. He spent almost every night with me, driving more than one hour each way to work. Every second weekend, we had child-free time. Then, the alternative weekends, we both had kids and spent them together, at his house or mine. Our kids all got along so well together, none of them wanted to go home.

He took me and my two children on a holiday early July because the last decent holiday I'd been on was in the 1980s. It was too much for him to spend all of that time with the kids 10 days x 24 hours. So when we returned, he withdrew. He's now reconsidering whether he wants to fill the step-father role and says there's no point in dating me if he can't get along with my children.

He knew I had children right from the start and even lived with us for a couple of months before the holiday. But, he pretty much leads a quiet bachelor life, only seeing his own children every second weekend.

I do not really understand what has happened. How someone can change their feelings (or block them, which is want I feel he is doing) so quickly? I sense he has a fear of commitment as he's had 6 x 2.5 year relationships. And that's usually the point at which you either have to make it permanent or decide to part.

I think that because we were so close, it only took 2.5 months for us to reach the same point as his other relationships had taken 2.5 years to reach.

He is an Aries and doesn't like to sit still for too long. Once again, I can't believe that the Universe would go to such elaborate steps to connect us for such a short period. Though, we have travelled on very similar paths - they were bound to cross.

Perhaps this one too, is another stepping stone. I'm now wondering how many men I need to step on to find the real one.

posted August 07, 2005 04:29 AM         

Novel worthy incredable.

Cant blame you for seeing a UniVerse sent purpose in this. Ive come acrost one or two remarkably wierd backrounds with my own, and maybe witnessed one or two others,,, but never ever anythign like this.

posted August 07, 2005 08:34 AM         

Thisis astounding stuff isnt it?

I have heard people tell stories like this before, and it has happened to me with a "friend" - we were drawn together for a reason.

As for your man, phew, I dont know girl, it certainly is a very strong energy there and you being a very strong woman, do you think he is up for the challenge? Only time will tell..........

Love and hugs

posted August 07, 2005 08:59 AM         

We just seemed to be on the same wave length.

Once when driving back from Melbourne, I mentioned the "chicken on the hill". It was late and dark, but he knew exactly what I was talking about because he'd seen it before. (There are three trees that from a distance look like a chicken pecking). I have travelled with a lot of other people on this road, and nobody else seems to know about the chicken until I point it out to them.

We just had ridiculous things in common, down to the types of biscuits and sweets that we like. It got to the point where I would say, of course you like that....you're me.

I introduced him to one of my friends who reads auras and she said the energy between us was very strong and clear.

We also had a spiritual connection. A couple of times I sent my spirit guide to his mine, to make sure he was alright. On both occasions when he arrived home that night, he asked me if I'd sent my guide, as he could sense his presence.

I am so frustrated, as I know I have no control over any of it.

I've asked my spirit guide to help me detach from the outcome and to sit back and trust in the Universe.

posted August 07, 2005 11:56 AM         

I love the way you write - it moves me!

You know I have a huge connection with a younger man half my age - I still think its the biggest pull Ive ever had and felt with someone. I just always "knew him" and even our charts said stuff about this connection..........and the Irish link too, oh it all became too much really.......

Now with you it feels similar, except this guy for me in any form of relationship was unhealthy, cos he kept running away, even from other people too, couldnt commit to anything where he had to face the truth - great passion in him - Venus in Scorp and Moon Scorp too. We had telepathic link and I had deep love for him, in a different way than you do for your man.

I just wanna say, even if its not meant for you to be with him, my God girl you have really learnt something from this, I am sure of that. If you are to be with him OMG I feel you are in for a very interesting time and I look forward to reading your experiences.

Sending love and hugs to you

posted August 07, 2005 06:23 PM         

what lesson do you think I've learnt??? I'm struggling to see it at the moment.

thanks

posted August 08, 2005 03:01 AM         

If it helps the lesson I learned was to let go, not trust so much and not allow people to take advantage and lie to me so much.......it took THREE men over the years before the lesson sunk in and two were husbands!!!

You will get your answer when the time is right, I am sure

Love and luck

posted August 09, 2005 12:26 AM         

it's good to keep the pace steady if you can, as you may go through a man a week at some point if you move fast enough. but if you don't, then don't rush it, since each one will move in and out of your life at his own pace, you may as well enjoy setting the pace a bit.

do not allow someone else to decide for you, when and where too. as for being walked over, you will find an ideal man who will treat you like a queen I am not kidding.

last year I was with a complete idiot who played frisbee, and that was his contribution to the kitchen. he never lifted a finger and played around with my heart.

this year i met a man who treated me well, earlier this year, a cancer, leo moon. he is european and has begged to take me to spain and travel with him. plus he is a perfect gentleman at all times, and I have spent the night in his home only to be treated as good as a wife, breakfast in the morning and constant intelligent conversation. when he went to spain he told me he thought about me all the time and bought me gifts. when we are together he insists on buying me anything I need, and makes sure I never have to worry about his intentions. he has three children, and would prefer to be a full time dad.

i have never met a man like him, and i couldn't believe i could expect that. i don't know if he still wants to be my friend because i wasn't ready to date, but even though he isn't very good looking, he taught me to expect a lot more, not just accept what comes my way.

if it can happen to me, it will happen to you, trust me i have the worst track records.
imagine, a man who doesn't work but plays on the frisbee team, what a joke. I am still paying those bills down. now i feel so peaceful that's over. at the time i even wanted him back.

so don't stop thinking about next weekend,

posted August 10, 2005 10:31 PM         

I'm glad to see you back, I've missed your essence and your perceptive posts, and your willingness to take your feelings out and examine them with loving detachment.

I don't know, but I just get a feeling the time has not arrived for you to be with Mr Aries. Perhaps you will be together, perhaps not, I just sense a divergence (though this does not necessarily mean permanent). I've had a similar experience recently in that last year I met a man who opened me up to the possibility of loving someone again after a long period of being closed to that possibility. You encountered Mr Aries (which seems almost inevitable), but perhaps he is not the one you have been opened for.

It does make your teeth ache (not to mention your heart), doesn't it, to find someone who seems so compatible, so close to one's ideal, and have them pull back.....it's been one of my most difficult challenges of mid-life relationships -- finding that special someone who is able to accept my 9yo son and I as a package deal.....

posted August 11, 2005 01:00 AM         

thank you for your post. I will try to read that thread that you mentioned (can't do it from here, our webmarshall software has blocked access to it).

That man that you spoke about sounds really lovely. I am so glad that someone nice has come into your life, as I recall that you've been through a tough time.

Dear zala,

quote:

---

I'm glad to see you back, I've missed your essence and your perceptive posts, and your willingness to take your feelings out and examine them with loving detachment.

---

What a beautiful compliment you have given me.

I have always been a very honest person but in the past, I used to shutdown and internalise my feelings. It has taken me many years of self-analysis and self-work to be able to openly express my feelings. I hope that by posting examples of my life, I might be able to help someone else through their journey (which I actually feel is part of my soul's purpose).

UPDATE FOR ALL
**************

Mr Aries rang me on Monday night (after not having heard from him, for over a week). We spoke for three hours on the phone and, I "openly expressed my feelings with loving detachment" as zala so eloquently put it.

To cut a long story short - I saw him on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Things were very good. We talked and talked and talked and we agreed to start over (though this time at a much slower pace).

I have a long way to go, but I feel happy knowing that I've taken back my power and that he can now see the forest and the trees.

Thank you to all for your love, advice, and support.

posted August 28, 2005 12:06 AM         

It's been a few weeks.....how are things going with you??

posted August 28, 2005 08:01 PM         

thank you for thinking of me. How apt that you suddenly unearth this thread as I am not doing well! I am on a rollercoaster ride and I don't know how to stop it or get off. I can't seem to let go.

A fortnight ago, things were good. I asked Mr Aries for clarification as to where we were at. He told me he thought of us as exclusive bf/gf and he was willing to commit to the relationship to rebuild what we had. He was talking about taking all of our kids away during the school holidays. Which shocked me, because he said he would never take my kids away again. So, I took it as a positive sign toward our future.

Then, a day or so later, he told me he was comparing me to his ex gf. That at this point in their r/ship, they were both madly in love and that he didn't feel that way about me and was worried. And I said, but you did feel that way about me before we went on holidays, to which he said he saw glimpses of that love with me.

I can't figure out what was real and what was fantasy. He told me I was The One and that he wanted to grow old with me and wipe the dribble from my chin. He sat with me at his parents house and proudly told them how much he loved me and how he had a new project (in that he was going to work on my house). So, I asked him was that real and he said it was.

He went on to say that he felt much more for me now since we'd come back from holidays. That his feelings were increasing and he was hoping this was a trend that will continue.

We talked about why his last 2.5 yr r/ship failed and he said that they were both madly in love but neither wanted to relocate and there were cultural/religious differences that made it impossible. Then he said, perhaps four years down the track in that relationship I would not have loved her, and maybe four years into our relationship we will have a much deeper and long-lasting love better than anything I ever had with her.

I had his word that he would start putting back into the relationship and in return, I was goingn to try to stop analysing things and just go with the flow.

This last weekend things changed again - we both had our kids and he invited me over to his house. So, it was nice that he wanted us to come, but once we were there, he seemed disinterested in me and didn't show me much affection/attention.

He seems to have no tolerance for my 7yo son either and this has me on eggshells for the whole time they are together. I feel as though I'm always on my son's back, because I don't want him to step out of line.

Saturday afternoon, we all went for a long walk and a couple of times, I tried to hold Mr Aries hand but then he'd find a reason to break from me and catch up with the kids. I felt as though he was trying to avoid me.

Saturday late afternoon, I did a quick reading to see if he was ignoring me on purpose - and the cards revealed he wasn't. So, perhaps he was oblivious to it all.

Saturday night we watched a movie and he chose to push his daughter over and snuggle up to her, rather than sit next to me.

Sunday morning I told him I would get up and shower, and clear out and he was v.surprised and asked why. I said, that I felt as though he didn't want me there and he said that wasn't true. So, I got up and showered and pottered around. The kids were all outside playing. It was such a beautiful day, so I decided to sit outside. He was inside building a toy model plane for his son. He came out twice for 5 mins and sat with me. Then he disappeared.

After lunch, I took the kids to the shop for an icecream. He did not want to come with us. I just felt like I was in the way, so when we got back to the house, I gathered my things to go home. I would usually leave a lot later and he was surprised again when I said I was going.

Driving away, I felt as though my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. I was so sad, it almost made me vomit.

I can't seem to let go, though, in my head. I know I must do this. I don't feel the destiny has yet been fulfilled. I am finding it difficult to handle "not being loved". It's hard for me to step back from being partners (and him being totally engrossed in me) to being a gf (if that's what you can call me now) and being placed so low down on his priority list.

He used to ring me during the day and tell me I was beautiful and that he loved me. Now, I get nothing like that. I am lucky to hear from him once during the week. I don't want to be treated like this.

I know he doesn't have his kids often and I don't mind taking a back seat to them. But, it was more than that. He is slipping away.

I am so heavily analysing all of this and that is also something that I did not want to do.

I don't know why I am clinging. I feel as though I have now become a burden to him which I know is unattractive.

It's like I can't live with him but I can't live without him either. I love him but it hurts to know that he doesn't love me the same way anymore.

I think he is also confused because he said he feels a pull toward me.

It's knocked my self-esteem and self-love. I have given him all that I am and all that I have and it does not appear to be enough. So, I'm feeling valuelessness.

I only met him in May this year. I was so happy and full of self-love before he gate-crashed my life. I am not relying on him for my own happiness. I am not like that. I spent too long in an unhappy marriage to go down that path again.

But, my soul is taking a battering. I am so confused and really don't know what to do.

posted August 28, 2005 08:10 PM         

Thanks for catching me up on what's going on with you. My heart aches for what you are going thru. Trying to interpret such mixed signals from Mr Aries must be a nightmare!

You wrote "I can't seem to let go, though, in my head. I know I must do this. I don't feel the destiny has yet been fulfilled." I feel such sadness that this "We" you experienced cannot BE (yet, at any rate).

**"He's just not ready. He's afraid. What is wrong?"** popped into my head as I read what you wrote. Do you have any more to go on regarding the fear angle than what you wrote?

posted August 28, 2005 09:37 PM         

thanks for your love and hugs. Yes, I feel a lot of pain at the moment. On a positive note, I had a great night's sleep and woke up feeling less anxious than I was last night.

My head is muddled, so the following may not be too coherent.

I re-read what you wrote earlier in this thread, about the timing and about someone accepting you and your son as a package and I'll talk about that a bit more in a moment.

Firstly, your comment about not being able to "be" at any rate. Prior to the holiday, we were both very happy. So we were able to "be" for a short period of time.

So, what happens now? It seems that I want to "be" again. I want to return to that state but I know you can't rewind time. I want that state in the future, but I know that the future has not yet come and can change in a second. Have I said this already here? I seem to be grieving for a future that I cannot have. I am an intelligent person and understand that this is totally ridiculous.

I don't profess to know too much about love, as I was with my ex-hubby for over half my life. But, I believe Mr A has a deluded sense of love. I think he's in love with the feelings you have when you first start a relationship. Passionate love - and that doesn't last. His last gf lived over three hours away and from what I can gather, their time together was spasmodic - more like an affair than a day-to-day relationship.

I have discussed passionate vs companionate love with him. Did I say that he's had 6 x 2.5 yr relationships? Five of these were prior to his 7 yr marriage. He seemed to see the link between his 2.5yr relationships and passionate love which doesn't last.

Going away with me was like a full-on live-in relationship - worse to some extent, because we had the children 10 days x 24hrs. And under normal circumstances, they would go to school and us to work.

He ran! He could not handle this situation and did not know if that was really what he wanted. I never asked him for any of it. I did not ask him to move in or to take me and my children on holidays.

He must have a fear of inadaquecy because he promised me the world, when we first met. It was like he felt he had to buy my love. Why? Well, obviously this is what he has had to do in the past. I told him, I was not material and not like other people.

Does he know what he wants? Perhaps not. He told me when we first dated that he wanted the family unit. Now, he says, he likes his freedom. He is a loner. No friends. He just hangs out with himsElf.

Deep down, I think he fears commitment. He puts up these little barriers, and shuts people out. I've noticed too that he's often asking me for feedback on his appearance. So, perhaps the ego is not yet matured.

Having two small children, my fear is that I won't find anybody to love me because we are a package. And why would anybody want to take on someone else's children? I feel they might think it is "too hard" or that I'm "not worth the bother" to love.

So, I may have manifested my fear onto him and his behaviour is feeding my fear of valuelessness. It's cyclical.

I thought I needed to give him time, but time just seems to make him drift further away from me.

I discussed earlier what my lessons might be. I think they are that:
people can quickly change their feelings towards you; that I need to setup boundaries at the start of a relationship; that I can love.

I am a very intense person in that I continually analyse which means that I'm continually asking him look at himself. Really, most men don't like this and run from me. I'm beginning to think of mysElf as being too high maintenance. Not in the physical sense, but definitely in the emotional sense.

I need to know where I stand and where I'm going. I can't just let things be. Ultimately, I see this as my downfall in all relationshpis - and yes, this one too.

Sometimes, I wish I was more superficial.

posted August 28, 2005 10:15 PM         

I’m glad you slept well and are feeling less anxious (unconsciousness can relieve many an ache!), but I can see the confusion that still remains, although I think you know already what you are going to do. And I don’t subscribe to the notion that you are “too high-maintenance”!!

Yes, you had written before of Mr Aries’ series of 2-1/2 year relationships, which implies a failure to learn, if he keeps on looking for and finding the same thing over and over again. I think you’re right about his feelings of inadequacy and having no idea what he wants out of life or people. My heart goes out to both of you.

I don’t believe that you manifested anything onto him, especially your fear that you won’t find someone to love you and your precious kids. From what I’ve read here at LL, you are more evolved than that. You manifested a lot of joy and caring onto him, I’m sure of that, but what I’m not sure of is that he is ready to accept that. I feel a lot of pain about that “divergence” I expressed feeling between you two a few weeks ago, and a small amount of guilt that perhaps I planted a seed that should never have seen the light of day……..I wish I hadn’t written that.

Good lord my friend, please don’t wish you were more superficial!! There can be no compromise of integrity where there is such enormity of spiritual evolvement (yes, YOU!). You, my dear girl, deserve someone wonderful, who will love you without reserve and without fear. Unfortunately, I believe you live in a place where men are just not lying around thickly on the ground, isn’t this so? What kind of possibilities do you have available in the way of settings in which to meet a kindred spirit? And please forgive me for asking, but what if, what if you ARE destined to be partner-less? It is a possibility that I face too, now and even when my son is grown. Because I refuse to SETTLE -- and after your experience with your ex-husband, and all the hard work you have done on yoursElf, I think you will refuse to settle for less than you deserve too even at the cost of being alone.

You possess an enormous well of personal courage, so I will just send some Love and Hope with this post. Please write back whenever you want to talk, or when your situation changes.

posted August 29, 2005 02:50 AM         

Oh, 'Zala, you are very sweet.

You wrote:
And I don’t subscribe to the notion that you are “too high-maintenance”!!

Hmm, I don't ask/expect for a lot in a relationship - really only after love, honesty, and truth. I have never asked for anything from him. Though, he insisted he was going to do this and that for me, despite my repeatedly telling him it was not necessary.

I have continued to express my love for him the exact same way, right throughout our relationship. Continuing to caress and stroke his head, touch his shoulders, put my arms around him, kiss him on the neck, while sometimes getting very little in return. I even asked him at one point whether it was off-putting for me to continue like this when he was unclear of his feelings for me. And he said, that it felt really nice and that he liked it. I am a very loving, and tender person and commit to my partner 300%. This would make him feel very special and I'm not sure whether he is perhaps addicted to that, and unable to separate his real feelings for me.

Getting back to your point. My partner must be willing to put up with the way I question everything and everyone in life. Some men just prefer a simple woman. That is not me. So, in that respect, I think I am high-mind-maintenance. Not suited to your average guy .

posted August 29, 2005 08:58 AM         

So sorry to hear of your worries....after reading the entire thread, I am having a difficult time deciding what to say to you that is more than Zala has already stated.

So...I want to be of help. Would you be kind enough to post his and your birthdata? Because I am working on transits of late and have found them to be invaluable when I try to understand where a person's thinking is heading.....you know, figuring out what is influencing them from an astrological standpoint. (This is afterall an astrology forum....let's look at some astrology!!)

Thanks! Let's see what we can come up with!!

Hang in there...continue to have faith in the unknown...and remember Who YOU are...which is not defined by any other person!

Be You! He can like it or Leave it! You know what you have to offer...and if he is unsure, then it is his loss...expect the whole cake, don't settle to lick the crumbs!! (Which does not mean that the relationship is over...don't settle for one call a week...let him leave a message and take a few days to call back....(you are busy remember??) Let him do some manly 'hunting' for you...(men are hunters by nature)...and you will no longer feel like a puppet at the end of a string. No attitude, just be busy for a few days...and act like everything is Ok...(I am not an advocate for games...but like to shake up the action every so often....it seems to work!)

See ya!
Hugs-

posted August 29, 2005 03:08 PM         

I am so sorry to read what you are going thro, this is such a difficult one for your isnt it,

If there is anything I can do to help, please ask!!!

I was interested to hear you talk of getting him to look at himself, My partner of 16years and I have just come thro a very rough patch together. I asked him what changed, as we are getting on really well and he replied "you have stopped trying to change me, and doing that thing of when are you gonna look at yourself etc etc............

Interesting isnt it that when I stood back, he came forward, his energy is totally different now and he seems very relaxed and we are having great craic together, fun that is, not cocaine LOL !!!!!

Here if you need me sister

Loving you

posted August 29, 2005 07:42 PM         

Thank you both for your love and support.

GemStar, your advice sounds exactly like the advice that I would give. ;-)

In fact, last night I journalled a list of what I didn't like about him. One of those included waiting for crumbs of affection (so I know your cake analogy very well).

Thank you for your astrological offer. I should be more than pleased to take you up on it, however, am posting our details with slight trepidation (am nervous about exposing mysElf to the whole world ).

I only found out his birth time at the weekend. I have looked astrologically at our birth data, but not at transits. Numerologically, I am in a 1 year, and him a 5 or 6. You see, he was born at midnight on 22 March. His parents apparently chose that his birth date would forever more be known as 23 March. That in itself is interesting because they've chosen a master number life path of 11 for him. Whereas, if they'd chosen the 22nd, he'd be a master number day number of 22.

Sorry, I digress for a moment. Our details are:

Me: 1 Nov (remaining information removed by me)
Him: 22 Mar (remaining information removed by me)

Now, he uses 23 Mar as his birthdate, so I am not sure how you handle that.

I will be most interested to see what you find.

sueg,

The interesting thing about me making him look at himself is that whenever we have these deep and meaningful discussions, he seems to hide for a couple of days while he processes it all. Then, he comes back.

I had another good night's sleep last night and feel even less anxious today. I think writing those lists and clearing things out of my head last night was very positive for me.

I do feel that we could be good together (and our natal charts show this to be true) but I don't like existing the way we are at the moment. I deserve more than this.

I feel we still have unfinished business. I'm thinking of visiting him this weekend. But, I will be going as a stronger, more-together, person. I think this will surprise him. He will be expecting a blubbering fool who's madly in love with him.

posted August 29, 2005 08:29 PM         

I will NEVER ever be able to imagine YOU as a blubbering fool!!

I can see your head is in a different place already -- your Plutonian transformation powers awe me! I hope you don't mind if I take a look at your chart too -- I'm not as advanced as GemStar, but I would like to have a look at some of the aspects unique to such a strong entity as yoursElf!!

I applaud your curiosity about seeking an answer to this "unfinished business" you sense that you have with Mr Aries -- I feel it very strongly in your writing.....

Please check in next week and let us know how it went?

posted August 29, 2005 08:45 PM         

I may be strong, and have lots of courage but it doesn't mean that it's not hurting (which I know you would have intuited by my writing).

Like just ten minutes ago, a wave of sadness overcame me. Sneaks up on you when you're least expecting it.

Hey, take a look at my Tarot card for today:

Eight of Swords (reversed)

Stop playing the "damsel in distress" or the "hero." You know of what you are capable, and you may have just been playing an expected role, but you are probably not doing yourself any good. What will happen when your "prince" or "princess" discovers the real you? The one who is independent, sharp, and self-sufficient? The "rules" may help you land your "catch," but chances are, you could end up feeling intruded upon, patronized, or at odds, and wish you could throw it back! Start off with clear communication, and be true to who you are and what you want. Work to fulfill your "needs" yourself, and allow your potential to develop without dependency. You know you deserve it, and you know you can do it. Just take the first step.

Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don't know....lol.

The plan was that I spend this coming weekend with him anyhow. His business partner is coming up and wanted to take us to dinner. I really, really want to go, because the partner is one of Australia's top psychics. I have met him twice already but not in a situation where I could exchange ideas.

Anyhow, that was the plan - it may have changed now. I'll ring Mr A later in the week and see if it's still alright for me to come over.