posted August 29, 2006 02:12 PM         

He was shy....I was bolder....so I just jumped in. He had liked me for AGES and I never knew!!

And now after being with him for almost 18 years I am still not sure of his feelings at times...he will surprise me by being very affectionate one minute and then aloof....

Its difficult but there is love between us....its just getting the Virgo man to admit it.....

Not an easy task...

Good luck and I agree with Pix...GO FOR IT!!!

posted August 29, 2006 04:29 PM         

Well being a virgo moon, his adventures put me off so bad that i really am unable to see him in a good light at all...as of now.

Its just been a day and he called and was in my office AGAIN today!!!I mean i just do not know whats going on! I know he has work there but then as soon as i entered office, he left everything and stood hanging around near my desk......and then went away....and then came again and saw me busy so said that he was going to be around.....!!!I mean my feelings are on this rollercoaster ride. Just this morning i was furious, insulted, heartbroken and totally off him. And then he does this...and once again i was back for a while...

Oh and this is NEWS BREAKING....and its very much like my last heartbreak tragedy...i think he is going to be shifting offices to another city....very soon. I even had a dream about it and not to mention his boss hinted at it.

So result being that i gs there really would be no use for me to initiate anything at this point if he is gonna move out of here. No future so why put in any effort???!!

Well in retrospect, i wld say it was immaturity for him to blab abt his exploits and i wont be very harsh but any common man wld have sense enough to not say this stuff in front of a woman you like!!!!!!!!It should be limited to locker room gossip. I know it exists and is natural but gosh he is definately immature!

Iam just waiting for him to shift after which i shall begin life again. Until then its going to be a HUGE effort trying to put myself together....and it bloody HURTS that nothing ever works out!!!!

I have saturn in my seventh house and iam 31 yrs old. All of my life i have been riddled with such relashionships. Short circuit relashionships which always left me terribly hurt. Wld u blame me for not being bold and initiating anything. Ive been in this situation about 10-15 times!!!I was actually even engaged to a guy. The same sweet,shy, insecure and loving types who backed out of marraige after 1 week of engagement...Iam totally exhausted,disillusioned and absolutely depressed.....

It helps talking about it here. If you would refer to another thread of mine i posted as 'pisces9' called 'Is this true hate?'. (http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum10/HTML/001541.html)You would know exactly what the course of that relashionship was and it was a tragedy too, despite my taking action. I just dont wanna do it anymore.......

Knowflakes thanks SO much for your support. This is like coming home and cuddling up with a comforter when its snowing outside...thank you!

Will keep you updated on his exit...

posted August 30, 2006 02:09 AM         

I have a crush on a Cancerian guy, and its a similar scenario. he is younger to me by two yrs, and moreover thr r religious and cultural differences. its heading nowhere.

anyways. dont be disheartened. i wud say tht try to see if thr's a pattern to your relationships. is there something that u keep repeating? is thr some fear that you need to overcome? Some insecurities that u might need to face? I know it can be really difficult to trust your instincts, esp whn it has happened sooo many times. But may be you dont really hv to 'do' anything, just change your attitude. may be become more detached....or more optimistc....i dont knw....just a wild shot. coz i am like tht too. just get obsessed with the one person. my imagination starts working overtime, and begin to put 2 and 2 together to get 7! And i thought and thought abt it....and came up with the 'becoming more patient and detached' idea yet to see if it works tho!

I knw all this is easier said than done...but i feel that the whole idea of love is to be happy. not to be miserable.

posted August 30, 2006 04:42 AM         

Well not yet confirmed but very much on the horizon. Its just a matter of getting a date as to when it will be.

The earlier pattern i had with relashionships was i would fall for people who were interested in me for a short time and then moved on whereas i didnt. Then i learnt that i cant keep ignoring things that are flashing in front of my eyes. Signals saying they DO NOT love you baby and so i learnt to be watchful of every small little thing. The next pattern was of course with all number 9 people. Where i knew they loved me and i did too and it was a deep connection but it never worked out...and i was hurt but i also realised that had they really loved me they would have SAID something when we parted? Of course ALL of them are in touch time and again and are my friends till today (except one) so i know that the bond was real and not imaginary.But wonder why they didnt have the guts to decide and be with me?Love makes you decide to say yes anyways...

What do i learn from such shocking things?such heartbreaks?I have learnt to move on...it used to take years for me to get over it but now maybe a month or 3.Maybe thats the learning. Of course with this recent one i dont know at all what lesson is there.....i have been resisting him for the past year and things have turned opposite. I still cant beleive we are in a common group. What are the chances that 2 ppl who like each other get together in a common grp when the company has 25000 employees!!!!!

Well when this is over maybe i will learn my lesson and realised it too. But yes, patience i have learnt....to keep my pride intact....not live in an imaginary world.....lots of things in the interim.

Well i gs its all for the good....what makes it tough is the realisation that the feelings are reciprocated but unable to do anything abt it....and wondering why he didnt take a chance on this. Ah well, thats life!

posted August 30, 2006 10:18 AM         

I really admire you. Hmmmm....ya i see no lesson here....why do guys hv to be such assholes !

Sarah I am no expert, but can u post your birthchart details here...I can try and have a look. Or may be someone else on this group can, and tell you if it is some planet tht is to blame for this. (not tht it helps much...but still)

So Sarah u r in India? Forgive me for asking, but why didnt you simply go for an arranged marriage? You dont hv to answer if you dont want to. I am asking becoz I am from India too, and under a lot of stress these days. My parents r looking for a match, and here i hv this HUGE crush on a cancerian guy. And i just dont knw wht to do. Besides, , I am extremely low on self-confidence, which makes me doubt the reality of even my feelings every now and then.

Anyways, I will pray for you...For this guy to come round or for you to find someone really bold and confident this time, who wud come and sweep you off your feet ! And hv the guts to act on his feelings !

Love

posted August 30, 2006 12:28 PM         

I am from india, but not in india rite now (in US these days)....I am from Lucknow.
well i hv sun in capri, moon in gemini and cancer rising

How abt u ?

posted August 30, 2006 11:15 PM         

Well yes iam an Indian and why didnt i just go for an arranged marraige??I tried...and maybe i will try again. But my heart never beleived it and nothing ever clicked there. And since iam a person who has to be comfortable in all my decisions i could not just take adecision about marraige to someone unknown. Of course i have been blessed with parents who are extremely supportive and understanding in the area as well as the support of the fast changing metro society. And of course, all modesty apart, being blessed with ambient looks

My dear thanks for your concern abt the chart. I have already done something myself and have posted the synastry in this thread and it seems good.But lets see....because fate can sometimes be very fickle.

Cancerrg you mentioned that you might need my help...pls post if u do. and thanks a ton for your insights into my situation.

posted August 30, 2006 11:30 PM         

Well, since the past few days he has been having some work in my office and on my floor so he has been around. He seems to be acting over friendly for some reason....

He has already asked me and my colleague to go out for coffee abt three to four times. Comes to my seat and hangs around, trying to talk and talking a bit. Just acting friendly.

And just when i was getting comfy with the friendliness he comes and takes a computer right next to mine and seats himself there for about half an hour. Noone was there except me and him. It was dead silent. I tried to make noise...talked on the phone whatever but in the end......silence...

He is a person i know well. Why would he come sit by me and not say a word???Its so uncomfortable!And as soon as my team people came, he left....I didnt talk as well. How weird!

Ok now decision time.....i think the lesson here is that i need to be mentally strong. See somewhere in the back of my mind and soul i have not accepted him.

Mama mia, which is why iam unable to make a move!!!!I would have done it by now. I know that past hurts matter but new love always opens new doors and you forget everything in the past. Somewhere, i have that crazy thing in my mind that he is an immature and silly kinda guy and not for me.

However, i till now have not known it which is why my emotions are SO dependent on whatever HE DOES and says!!!!!!!!!!It shouldnt be like that should it? I need to DECIDE whether i want him or not and the proceed from that. My bent is strongly towards ...NOT. You see, had he been the kinda guy whos just a sweetheart, mature, simple and strong i would have possibly liked the emotional roller coaster ride.But this guy isnt even worth it!!!!He's just like some kinda addiction ive got since my love life isnt really super these days!!!!!!!!I Admit!Now i just need to be controlling my thoughts and emotions and there will hopefully come a day when i wont feel anything for him even if he's with me 24/7.

But until then i need all the strength i can muster! Inlove, i think THIS is the lesson. and iam happy iam realising it!!!!

And that said, i feel kinda light and free and sunny. Just hoping that this time i WILL meet that totally awesome human being ive been dreaming of since ive been a child....

posted August 31, 2006 02:16 AM         

Well i too cud never bring myself to accept arranged marriages. Mainly bcoz friendship to me is everything. I hv been blessed with many really good friends. and tht whn i am really picky abt the ppl i associate with! I cant fathom how i can marry someone i hardly know.

Ya, so the thing is i really need to knw a person first before i can get attracted to them. (Mars in aquarius!) And so i am not comfortable with even the modern idea arranged marriage, which seems to me like speed dating. Bcoz i hv never really 'dated' as such. me and my ex-bf were very good friends who decided one day tht it was more than friendship....

posted August 31, 2006 09:34 AM         

Finally, I could take it no longer... After a party I'd had at my place, he stuck around as the last guest there. I broke down and told him I was crazy about him but didn't feel like I could do anything about it bc. we worked together. He agreed and said that would be a bad idea... Then he said that he didn't want to leave now (my place) and I said he should go. So, more awkwardness and tension followed at the office; we were shy-er around each other but very friendly still. Six weeks after my party, he comes in my office and closes the door, and tells me he's leaving and has found another job. Didn't know what that meant, as far as us, and neither of us ever talked about it.

LONG story short... We had a few lunches together thereafter, after he left for the other job. I ended up emailing him, basically asking him what this meant if anything - his leaving- and he immediately emailed the next day and said that he had only felt friendship for me and didn't see that changing. A couple of times in the years since then, he has still sent some mixed messages though, hanging around me, clinging a bit at social functions. But I didn't care to put any stock in it any longer, as I had gotten over it and took his words/email to heart as the truth.

Your situation is reminding me alot of this that I went through. This guy was never known to have a serious girlfriend the entire time I've known him. He'd have dates and was not a player by any means. He supposedly wanted to get married and have kids. He's now almost 33 and still not seriously involved.

If you can get your hands on this book, you should if you have to order it off amazon, it's called "The Commitment Cure" by Rhonda Findling. It was a section in there on "the guy who plays parlor games" and describes this "office flirtation but going nowhere scenario" ~

posted September 03, 2006 01:37 PM         

i mean , i know my boundaries , but at the same time i dont want to make her feel that i am avoiding her or something . the problem is , i feel there would be chances when she might feel that i am still trying or something .

just a woman's persepective is what i am waiting for .

otherthing that i wanted to tell you ( this is something that i felt with celticfyre too ) ain't you being a bit negative ?

hy inlove !
good to know that you are from lucknow . i am in delhi
so when you come here , just give me a call .
and btw, how could you people leave me alone ? am i not sweet enough that you complimented eachother and left the poor cancerian ?

and well i disagree with yours and sarah's view on arranged marriage .

posted September 04, 2006 11:03 AM         

You just might be absolutely right about my situation!!!!!And seriously i have wasted enough time on this.hmmmmph.....some men are so crazy!Sometimes i feel one should strictly follow the book 'He is just not that into you'.! That should solve a lot of problems. I mean whats all this analysing for?!!!Sheer waste of effort, energy, time and emotion....not that i regret it cos it was just abt 3 months and thing FORCED me to see things in that way so i dnt blame me at all.

Inlove, arranged marraige or Love marraige, point is it should feel RIGHT!There are instances when i have known people meet the arranged marraige way and say they knew he/she was the one in that instant! Others have taken their time and its always been very much least expected. One cannot ever predict love or marraige i feel. If there are 3 things in life one cannot predict, they are : Birth, death and marraige. And whenever these things happen you should feel it 'RIGHT'. Noone should force it. So there it goes.....iam open to both and am trying on both fronts. Because who knows maybe i meet my soulmate thru the arranged way...?? Be open is what i say...

Cancerrg....man u sure are a cancerian. Now that shes married, how should you be concerend about behaving with her?!

You know what i think cancerrg abt unfinished relashionships? I feel you should cut all contacts and move away!!!!I mean thats the only way to get over the person. Outta site outta mind yknow?

Ok now coming back....how should you behave? Iam confused. What do you intend to be to her now? A friend? A close friend? An acquaintance? I feel you should just....detach yourself and be just the way you have always been with her. She knows you like but nothing can be done about it so why waste your time trying to make everything soft?If you feel like avoiding her, avoid her. Man....just think of yourself for a change is what i mean. She will understand and like you more for being true to yourself.Thats my view... And yeah looks least like a piscean talking right?!

posted September 04, 2006 11:14 AM         

haaaaaah....iam feeling very FREE, DETACHED and cool now about the whole thing!!! So now that i dont feel so involved iam telling you what it was....

I think HE thought i liked him maybe and he then realised maybe not and he still likes me as a person but he is NOWHERE the emotional or mental level to what i would term a relashionship. I think its a HUNDERED YEARS away from his mind and i think he has NEVER thought about it. He has just been taking this as a casual friendship or acquaintanceship is more like it.

I do also have a funny instinct saying that he MIGHT be in love with me but he doesnt know and maybe never will!

As for my part in this. I have been overly emotional, analytical, expecting etc since its only justifiable for a person of my age and gender. I have seen things in a very intense and involved light and expected this from him too when he was light years away from that.

So in other words i have been the more involved one and it only makes sense to wthdraw now....

I mean poor kid....he wouldnt even KNOW the way i was thinking and expecting frm him!!!!!!!!I mean esp the harsh prudish judgement (like cancerrg pointed out) that i made about his sexual exploits....he was just a friend sharing his life experiance so why shld i judge him? Who am i to judge him? Altho not in good taste but extreme reactions....naaaah!That was the extent of my involvement.

But somehow, iam suddenly feeling very free right now which is why the uncolored view.

Poor kid hasnt done a thing to hurt me. Hes just been sweet, shy, quiet, supportive and boisterous. Of course not involved, in love, obsessed or crazy as i would have wanted it but well, yknow, you dont get everything!Better to realsie and move on.

Aaaah kudos for mental control!As of now i do have periods of hi and low with my emotions but i know what the weather is like there and i know the extreme gaps and i become ok.

So as of now ill just let us be colleagues and acquaintances!

posted September 04, 2006 11:37 PM         

IAM peaceful too!!! I mean iam just giving myself time. Maybe iam just fooling myself that iam over it and it doesnt work that way....or maybe it really was just an infatuation so it feels like its absolutely over right now....i dunno.

But its nice to be free.

The grp asked me if we would meet again and i said no!! and didnt feel anxious or bad abt it......

And HE is not the first thought that comes to my mind when i wake up in the morning....er at least for the past couple of days.

But then again, lets see....

How abt your cancerian? Tell us some more? My previous one was a cancer and it was AWFUL splitting from him cos it was so emotional...

posted September 04, 2006 11:43 PM         

Funny...he DID have work the entire of last week at my building but why was he hovering around my seat?
If i walk into a room, he has to come all the way to BE near me...
And if we are friends then why didnt he just come up and talk?
He's even started calling me up (only work related) to ask help in work.
He's praising me to the skies abt MY work!!!
And he's giving me funny, puppy dog looks as well as treating me with great respect etc al.
He STILL STARES at me.

Iam just thinking all this does not mean friends or acquaintances....so maybe its infatuation frm boy's side too. And yes, maybe he really cannot make a move.

But heck....am over it now. Hopefully.And he was possibly really never into it. Hopefully.

Am also going on vacation whole of next week!

posted September 05, 2006 12:32 PM         

if u ask me seriously , i am still to understnd the problem .

:::Ok now coming back....how should you behave? Iam confused. What do you intend to be to her now? A friend? A close friend? An acquaintance? :::

i think you are dead right over here .
as of now things between us are pretty cool .
i think i have ( and she too ) handled the situation very well in a very mature way .

i would say , i am more a concerned friend for her , now . we share good wavelength but no extra efforts to make excess cool .
i am finding it ok .

:::Cancerrg....man u sure are a cancerian:::

what exactly made you think ? i am just trying to understnd and corelate .

:::And what abt MY invitation to Delhi huh? Whats this exclusive club formed?!
:::

posted September 05, 2006 06:18 PM         

Yeah iam upset cos of that immature stupidity he displayed which immediately made him fall off my love pedestal!!Iam sure he cannot make any more moves than he already is....either cos hes plain and simple really not into it...or cos of our huge gap or cos he aint got the guts!

I know iam speaking like a really complicated woman...a typical one at that but heck....point is that i think i kinda made up my mind that he is NOT the one!yahoooo!

Your situation....well you found the answer yourself. I know its easy to keep slipping in and out of that friend or lover boundary but if you have made up your mind and well circumstances have become such, then you need to just be on guard lest you get back into the deep emotions of love again.

posted September 05, 2006 06:22 PM         

Ok back to topic...yeaaaaah i admit i am behaving like a total prude regarding the guy right????!!!!I gs somewhere i have that in my mind of him being so much younger and now he has behaved that way too so its confirmed.

Wonder what his side of the story is?!aaaah what i would do to get a glimpse of his mind right now!Just for closure sake!Mental control...yeah i shall have it!!!!

Seriously, what do you think cancerrg? I mean what the heck is this dude upto? I mean he doesnt behave like a friend, nor just a colleague and nor like a lover. Its all this huuuuuge mixture of confusion and half baked 'Moves' or attempts at friendship which fall flat due to hesitation factor blah blah! Gosh i need to get a life!

posted September 07, 2006 11:32 AM         

Acha

:::Your situation....well you found the answer yourself. I know its easy to keep slipping in and out of that friend or lover boundary but if you have made up your mind and well circumstances have become such, then you need to just be on guard lest you get back into the deep emotions of love again.

:::

agree again.
i can understand being on guard thing . i think i am already on guard .
i respect myself and i think i respect her too .

:::Plus also the fact that youre still so concerned about what you need to do to make her feel good even now after shes married.:::

i think, i can go on writting pages on"even now after shes married " part . i dont really undertsand the people's mentality regarding this . its good that u noticed .

will bore you later on this

:::Seriously, what do you think cancerrg? I mean what the heck is this dude upto? I mean he doesnt behave like a friend, nor just a colleague and nor like a lover. Its all this huuuuuge mixture of confusion and half baked 'Moves' or attempts at friendship which fall flat due to hesitation factor blah blah! Gosh i need to get a life!

:::

see, as far as i can make out of the situation , this dude is into you . but at the same time , he is confused too .
confused whether about his own guts to say something to you and confused about your response .
i told you waht could be the reasons .
infact, i can realte .

posted September 07, 2006 06:31 PM         

Well, my cancerian....(i dont know if i shud use 'my' ) ...he's a nice fellow. but looks like he is confused too. thr is a lot of chemistry between us these days. I mean these days it is really obvious. But problem is tht he is not doing anything about it. i'll give a typical example:

He: wht's the movie playing at tht theatre whr they play hindi movies
Me: lage raho munnabhai
He: i've heard tht's a good one.
Me: yeah, me too!

END OF CONVERSATION!!

Right now i am just waiting and watching. may be he is confused abt wht to do becoz of his conservative parents who dont approve of hving a gf even frm the same community, let alone someone like me....and of course he is really close to his mom!

Cancerrg...any help with reading this cancerian's mind?

posted September 08, 2006 03:27 AM         

quote:

---

i think you are dead right over here .

---

Haha Cancerrg, I know this is stupid but when you said this line, I thought you meant sarah9 died (God Forbid), right over here in Lindaland, I was pretty sad and I was wondering about how that could be possible . But then I understood that you meant she was right. So I guess thats good, atleast I'm not sad anymore.

hello Sarah9, by the way! . I wish I'd have some wonderful words of advice for you. But all I can tell you is the guy likes you and don't let him have such emotional control on you, just go with the flow!!! Question is do you like him???