posted October 28, 2010 08:21 PM         

So, honesty usually works.

Sometimes, though. I'll just stay quiet and watch...

Mr. Miyagi style - kinda like waiting for the fly to come around before you get em.

Now, I'm just being ridiculous. Haha. There's truth in what I'm saying, too, though.

posted October 28, 2010 08:23 PM         

EDIT: Here you go, Lioness:

posted October 28, 2010 09:30 PM         

Do you ever wonder if people like you for who you actually are?

I ask because there was a time in my life where I realized that I used my talents to attract people to me, and I sort of wondered whether those people would still be around if I were talentless.

Your situation is a little different. I guess your talent would be lavishing attention on unsuspecting people, but if you hold yourself as kind of detached from the interaction, the result is kind of the same. People are interested in you because of a language you easily speak that most people don't engage in. It's groupie love versus someone liking you for having known you.

posted October 29, 2010 01:37 AM         

As for this.....

quote:

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It's just so... unnatural. It's scary to me. I wouldn't know what to change, or how to start

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posted October 29, 2010 02:37 AM         

["I never really reveal anything about myself. If they ask i'm very vague, and move them back into the spotlight."]
--I'm the same way. Now I'm curious what made you this way??
When I was a kid, I was a total loner & was ostracized by other kids. Basically I had nobody to talk to about, 'myself.' I think this shaped me into a very private person, (along with Sun in 12H). I reveal a lot more of myself in the cyber world than anywhere else. In the real world, anyone I talk to, I always keep the spotlight on them (cuz I'm kinda programmed that way). I usually never "try" to seduce anyone (unless I really feel attracted to that person). The irony is, this is actually a tool of seduction. When you show concentrated spotlight interest in someone, they naturally want to give parts of themselves to you. I'm curious as to what shaped you into this way...?

["People open up, they give me pieces of themselves. And somehow, along the way, this translates into sexual feelings. I can feel it happening."]
--This is a common classic case of a patient falling for their psychiatrist. When someone trusts you, they start unloading their deepest emotions on you. This causes them to, "think," you love & care about them to want to listen or help. Notice the psychiatrist never talks about themselves in return...
This happens to me a lot too, with males & females coming to me with their problems & then falling for me in some shape or form. Actually this is the reason why my nic-name in real life is Agent or spy. Random people I make a connection with on the plane or wherever, often tell me I should be a spy.

["I want to talk to you about all your personal business, but I'm not interested in you."]
--yeah...I can totally relate to that sometimes. Especially often times when I'm bombarded & tired of dealing with other people's crap...then I really feel the "I'm not that interested in you," part.

posted October 29, 2010 04:59 AM         

And all we do, is just look into their souls and ask them questions. Easy, really. It's a psychological seduction, as Meta said.

posted October 29, 2010 05:32 AM         

quote:

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As a female I'll let the guy seduce me to show that he is really into me.

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That's interesting. I'm usually too laid back to make a move sexually or to initiate actual dates and begin a relationship - or ask someone out. I'm just relaxed and whatever happens happens - so I let the guy do all that lol

But seducing as such - I feel that puts me in a position of power. So if he was seducing me - I'd almost feel powerless - That's kind of strange now that I typed it.

I guess I see 'seducing' as me being very likable - so that they like me... but at the same time not opening up about my own 'like' for them -- which feels like being in a position of control.

posted October 29, 2010 05:37 AM         

quote:

---

Do you ever wonder if people like you for who you actually are?

I ask because there was a time in my life where I realized that I used my talents to attract people to me, and I sort of wondered whether those people would still be around if I were talentless.

---

I know that I am liked for my surface personality- my "persona" if you will. This testing of people I do, digging deep into their spirits is an attempt to distinguish whether they are worthy and capable of handling my actual self. Make sense? I'm not a liar in anyway. I don't pretend to be something I'm not, or try to change to fit people's palettes. I just show aspects of me that I feel comfortable with and keep the rest under the bed.

posted October 29, 2010 05:45 AM         

quote:

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I'm the same way. Now I'm curious what made you this way??

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At the risk of revealing WAY too much about myself, I'll answer this honestly. I attribute it to being a result of suffering emotional, physical and sexual abuse throughout my childhood and adolescence. Time and time again I was mistreated by those that should have been taking care of me, those closest to me, so now I don't jump into things. I monitor myself, and mentally engage with others instead of emotionally interacting. It's a self-preservation thing. I want to crawl around inside of you and inspect the plumbing. See if you possess the deepness I need to open up, feel secure, and connected. But moreso to see if you behave in a way that can potentially hurt me.

I love the analogy of the patient and the psychiatrist, because that LITERALLY is what it's like. I want to help, but I don't want to get emotionally involved. I want to remain detached, and give you clear-cut answers.

But do you feel emotionally unfulfilled then? Have you found people you can relate to emotionally? Are you ever able to be vulnerable? What about falling in love?

posted October 29, 2010 05:50 AM         

quote:

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Meta,for me,this brings out the question of whether you have to "earn" love.
I have been numb for such a long time that I did not grapple with issues like this.
What do you think of the question of whether or not you have to earn love?

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No, i don't think I need to earn love. At least I don't THINK that's what's going on here.

The thing is, I'm not TRYING to seduce anyone. Well, I mean, when there is a guy i'm attracted to I use the same "tactics" to get under his skin as I do with anyone I'm talking to, but it's different. When I'm attracted to a man it's because I believe he has the POTENTIAL to be someone I can be completely open with. He has some power over me. He MAKES ME engage EMOTIONALLY, which is enthralling because not many people can evoke that from me.

posted October 29, 2010 05:51 AM         

quote:

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I am not pretending I am not "ME" when I seduce people. I don't even do it on purpose. I am not that interested to be honest. I am being totally myself.
But what actually happens, I think, is (and it comes naturally to scorpios, at least the ones I know), we get so engrossed in other people we "seduce" so to speak, and genuinely want to know all the little details and corners of their souls, their pluses and minuses,their strengths and weaknesses, that people start getting emotionally involved BECAUSE we make them feel so precious like they are the only ones in the world, there is nobody else for us except them.
We make it intense and "different" and before they know it, they are hooked on our intense analysis of their favourite subject: Themselves.

And all we do, is just look into their souls and ask them questions. Easy, really. It's a psychological seduction, as Meta said.

You either have a gift of it or you don't.

---

posted October 29, 2010 06:44 AM         

I don't know which country you live in, but I just think in my country (I'm in England) most people are more guarded, especially around new people and would just find what you do kind of nosey and back off. Definitely in say America people seem more open to talking about themselves in general. Think it's a culturual thing.

Or is their certain ways you go about it? Like are you very subtle/discreet, do you ask them over a long period of time? I mean what do you do to make them feel comfortable enough to open up to you?

posted October 29, 2010 07:24 AM         

I'm an American living in England, funnily enough. I find English people are just as open, if not MORE open then Americans. The difference is that the English take responsibility for their stupidity and can be objective and thoughtful when analyzing themselves. Americans are too caught up in themselves to see the forest through the trees.

So no, i wouldn't say it takes more time. To be frank, I normally open up a conversation by saying, "So, tell me everything about yourself." Then their eyes get wide and they say, "Everything??? Like what?" and then I ask for their birthday (to check their sign, of course, and normally ask about where they were born, do they have siblings, do they get on with one another, and it leads from there.

I don't know if I'm subtle. I guess not. But I'm... i'm charming. I'm a charismatic person. I adapt to who I'm speaking to. If you're shy, I adjust, if you're loud, I adjust. I can't explain it. You just... work around your subject. That sounds bad, but that's how I have to explain it. You have to read their cues- body language and tone and reluctance or excitement in sharing with you. Everyone has burdens to bare that they want to unload. I like helping them carry the weight.

posted October 29, 2010 07:56 AM         

["But do you feel emotionally unfulfilled then?"]
--Somewhat,..I have my moments. In general, "no." I think I'm lucky compared to 99% of people that I'm truly able to enjoy my own company. I really do live a solitary monk-like existence. Most people who meet me, judging by my Libran shell cant believe it. I really think this stems from childhood. Like yourself, having suffered abuse growing up. I dealt with it everyday, at home & school, nowhere to turn to. As a child, I thought all my suffering would end if only the whole world would leave me alone. However, even at 5yrs old...it made me wonder what motivated people to do the terrible things they did.

["Have you found people you can relate to emotionally?"]
--Irony is, I'm able to relate to people from all walks of life...hence why most treat me as their shrink. I'm usually the only person on set who knows practically everyone's marital problems...from the producers down to the catering guy.
Have I found people who could relate to me?? Veeeery rarely. Do I care? No, not at all. I dont feel the need to rely on others in general. Partially I dont trust others with my heart...but it's not even that. Everything comes down to needs vs. wants. I just dont feel the "need" in this case.
In my whole entire life I think I've only met 2 people who could relate to me. One being the first DIR who ever mentored me. I could tell right away upon meeting him he was a highly developed soul. He went through a terribly tough childhood as well.

["Are you ever able to be vulnerable?"]
--Sure...all humans feel vulnerable. I think I'm able to bite the bullet longer than most can...but I have my limits too. I think this is a mind over matter thing for me. Everyone feels it, but deals with vulnerability differently right. For example, it's unfair to say a Cappy moon isnt sensitive or feeling compared to a Cancer moon. When stabbed, both feels the same intense pain & bleed the same. Cap moon's reaction might be, "OK time to stitch myself up because I'll bleed to death by the time a surgeon gets here." Cancer moon would cry & wail thinking if they cried hard enough, they would make the national press. Then all the world would share in their pain & hopefully make them better....
I do intellectualize vulnerability. As soon as I feel it, I'll be thinking up ways to get myself out of, "xyz vulnerable situation." Action speaks louder than words. If your stuck in a ditch, you can climb out of it, but you cant talk your way out.

["What about falling in love?"]
--I'm very picky. On average I meet someone I'm "interested," in once every 2-3yrs...and even then I dont get involved (if I know they're not right for me). They better be worth it!
I do intellectualize love. I know most people depend on love to make their world go around. People will go for the bad apple even against their own better judgement. It goes back to 'preventing,' vulnerability. Life's already complicated...I dont "need," to be putting myself in a funk for the next 2yrs over a guy...or anyone for that matter.

["By the way, I switched my major ages ago to Film, so being an actor isn't in the cards anymore. It's directing and writing. Someday I will hopefully be following the path you are now"]
--Good for you, I wish you the best of luck. Personally I love directing because I have a niche for getting secrets out of people. It's intriguing trying to get those emotions out of actors. You know, directors have to be really good psychologists.