posted May 16, 2011 05:27 PM            

My Leo guy friend is in a similar situation where he had to leave the mother of his kid, because the relationship was going sour and now that he's moved on and has life without her, she's become very bitter and has started playing mind games with him; moving back and forth, not letting him see his son, telling him she cheated on him, threatening him, saying his son his not his, saying things like "No girl will love him like she did."

She took the break up really hard and she's uses their son as damage. Their son is basically the "leash" so to say..

And I feel her actions towards you; speaks volumes about how she'll feel when she finds out about this and what actions she might take against him; especially if they have kids.

That's why I feel like he may want to help more, but his wife may disapprove, because of the way she "feels" towards you.

posted May 16, 2011 05:56 PM            

He just kicked the kids, and me with his heavy boot. He's mad because the computer was "too loud" and he told me go to your parents.you daughter of a ***** .

All the while, my Scorpio was outside our apartment, walking around with the wife. Then they hopped in the car and left.

I think I was delusional. I think Scorpio doesn't like me at all. THe things he left me must have been coincidental. And his feelings for me were probably imagined.

posted May 16, 2011 07:04 PM            

As far as the mister, he just gave you an opening. He said go to your mothers. So go.

posted May 16, 2011 07:07 PM            

If I lived next door to a woman who was being beaten I'd try to give the woman support but covertly. I don't know that I could go approach the guy during an episode unless I was really ****** off. Besides, calling the police on him would only make him beat them more in the long run.

posted May 17, 2011 07:04 AM            

You say you're scared because you don't have a job and you want to have at least a sure source of money for rent. I understand, but honestly, I think it's a very shallow justification for clinging to him. Listen, you are healthy, you have a body with a brain that is fully functional and a complete set of limbs. You can find a job. Even in a sucky economy you can find work if you are persistent.

I think you need to have faith in yourself and if you believe in a God or a Higher Power, then have faith in him/her/it that you will be provided for. Nothing is impossible if you have faith. I'm not saying this because it's a cool quote, but because I believe it and I've seen it work many times in my life and in other people's lives.

Did you know that once you made up your mind a way will be shown to you? The only reason why you are not seeing a clear way out of this is because you are confused and you haven't made a final decision yet.

So the first thing you must do is make a decision and commit to it. Pray or do whatever is the equivalent to your religion/beliefs and ask that you be shown what to do. The solution to your problem is always available to you (and has always been because solutions are borne simultaneously when problems are borne) but you're not seeing it because you are letting fear and insecurity take over. I promise you that once a decision has been made, once you're firm that you want something and want that and only that, all the ways to get what you want will be shown to you . . . all the gates will be opened. But unless you decide what you want, you won't see any of them.

I think the reason you are going through this is because you are now at the stage of your life where you are being forced to develop spiritually. You are lost because you've been looking for answers from outside you, you've been looking for a solution to your problems, for a way to your happiness, from everywhere but inside you. Unfortunately, no one can do it for you.

Not your husband. Not the Scorpio guy. Only you can do it for you. Only you can access that power inside you.

I know this is blunt but I will say it all the same and I apologize in advance for offending you. I think the reason why you and the Scorpio guy met is because “unconsciously” you've been looking for a way out, you've been wishing someone would save you from your unhappy marriage . . . some sort of a knight in shining armor.

If you really think about it, he doesn't need to literally be that knight and physically get you out of a distress situation. He could be just a symbol, just someone to show you that there are men out there who will treat you better than your husband does. But then, if you don't treat yourself well, who would? Love does not flow from the outside in. Right now, it can't come to you and reside in you because there is no seed inside you to begin with.

So the issue here really is not about the Scorpio neighbor (the original thread topic is actually moot at this point). The issue is all about you, your life, your happiness. Right now, he is only a tool being used by the universe to show you that you can change your life, that happiness is available to you. (Maybe in the future you will meet again when both are free, who knows?) But before you get to it you will have to take your power back. You must learn to take responsibility for your life. In other words, don't look to other people -- or one man – for your survival or a source of energy. Be self-reliant. Everything you need is in you. This is year 2011. Women don't have to rely on men for financial support anymore.

I'm not sure if you will be helped by this long post at all. You've received good advice from many people here already. I've been trying to not add my 2 cents because I know that most of the time giving advice and suggestions is futile as they only fall on deaf ears, especially if the one needing advice is not ready for the message (read: typing time wasted). And my advice may not be suited to the receiver's personality, background or conditioning. But now I had to give my opinion because I would like you to see the real issue . . . hoping that once you know the real issue you will gather strength to look for real solutions.

Living with your parents for the meantime would be a good idea. I'm sure they would prefer to have a temporary “burden” than to have a dead (either in literal or symbolic sense) daughter.

Your husband would probably never come back to live in the US. If I remember correctly, he is way older than you. Meaning, he is at that stage in life when a foreigner is looking forward to setting up a home in his home country, where life is probably more laid back, less pressured and where he could be closer to his cultural roots.

Things will probably not get better for you in Jordan. Remember the saying “wherever you go, there you are”. It means that there's no escaping from you. Even if you change your location, if you are not pleased with how things are, if you haven't come to terms with who you are, then your current misery will follow you. If you really want to change things, you have to start with you. Seek help, read books, find out how you can improve your self-esteem, don't give up.

posted May 17, 2011 08:09 AM            

The day my mother left my dad, she said she was going to the corner store. She walked out with zero belongings, never went back and never asked him for one piece of her clothing or a toothbrush, or jewelry - or anything. She left it all there.

In her situation this behaviour was probably not warranted. My dad did not physically abuse her and he was/is a fairly reasonable person. But I understand that she was upset with him and it got to that point where enough was enough - so she broke out in leonine fashion.

posted May 17, 2011 08:13 AM            

Everyone who's given me advice has been right. And I knew all along that Scorpio was just the escape from reality. I will never really be with him, and I know it.

As far as spirituality, I'm always doubting things. Higher powers, God, everything. And I don't know what to do to make myself feel 'whole' in that regard. I feel like I'm lying when I pray. And I feel that I'm just conforming to make others happy about it.

I want to be powerful, and take my power back. But it was sooooo long ago that I had any. It's hard to believe after many many years, not just this marriage, but growing up as well, that I am worth anything.

I'm not excited about going back home. My mom is very controlling herself. Imagine me, at 31 having to tell my mom where I'm going and doing. She's relentless, and gets mad if I avoid her questions. I will be dependant on her, leaving my kids with her if I work. She'll be in charge of them till I get back, feeding them, changing them, entertaining them. They are still so young. I feel guilty giving her and my dad that huge responsibility.

Not to say I won't do it. But you can understand my hesitation.

Sometimes I feel so empowered, and know I can do it. BUt I do get scared. I have paved a road for myself, where I can go to work, finish up that last semester that i keep putting to the side. I see myself flourishing, happy. Like my little sister told me, "you can start doing your hair again."

I forget I'm a lady sometimes. Well, most times. I forget that I'm still young.

It's not completely his fault. He was a jerk to me. But I let him. I let him say those things to me. I let him hit me. I even let him use me. Everytime we'd argue, and he would ask for me to iron a shirt or something, I would do it.

I just didn't want to say I didn't give it my all. But instead, I was a doormat.

I made up my mind that Saturday, I'll pack up my stuff and go to mom's. I'll stay for a week or so, just to see. My 6 year old would be displaced from school, but perhaps I could work something out.

I dreamt that my husband choked me. Wrapped his hands around my neck and wouldn't get off me. I hoped my Scorpio guy would save me. But instead he just watched from the door.

I think that speaks volumes.

posted May 17, 2011 08:48 AM            

We develop crushes and feelings for people as a catalyst. Especially women, I find- we fantasize that someone will love us enough to give us the inspiration and the power to remove obstacles in our way and bring us the love and change we desire. Whether it is amplified or not, or returned, makes very little difference... it is up to YOU to be that power. Internalize it and remember it is you who dictates how high the bar is raised.
Do you think your kids find you worthless? I highly doubt it.

Are there any social programs, rather than your family? I know in my city and province a woman who chooses to be alone with her kids rather than accept abuse (be it emotional or physical) will always be sheltered until she gets on her feet.

Why is that man making all the decisions? I am asking you this for you to ask yourself. Start small. One step.

You're going to keep hearing it again and again and you need to...but more than that, you need to come back a few weeks from now telling us about your new apartment, and how it is a struggle, but your sense of self worth has never been more strengthened.
This is the result I wish for you.

posted May 17, 2011 09:53 AM            

I would encourage you to keep with some form of faith. God gives us what we need to advance. Sometimes that's not an easy lesson. Taking care of yourself, loving yourself is an important lesson, and you're making the first steps down the right direction .

posted May 18, 2011 01:22 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by esheep123:
Feeling really bad right now. Just had a fight with the mister.

He just kicked the kids, and me with his heavy boot. He's mad because the computer was "too loud" and he told me go to your parents.you daughter of a ***** .

All the while, my Scorpio was outside our apartment, walking around with the wife. Then they hopped in the car and left.

I think I was delusional. I think Scorpio doesn't like me at all. THe things he left me must have been coincidental. And his feelings for me were probably imagined.

I deserve nothing but **** . Seriously.

---

posted May 18, 2011 02:22 AM            

Right now Saturn is in Libra which will soon oppose your Natal Sun.
Saturn transits trigger Karmic events.
Since Saturn is your Ruling planet this means that the transits are highlighted. Usually Saturn is uncomfortable, you downsize so to speak and this applies to almost everything extra. Time, money, space, etc.

Right now your saving grace is Jupiter
It is transiting Aries so Aries rule but only untill it enters Taurus.
By then you should have a plan in place.

Your Moon is in Taurus and even though I look for Jupiter aspects to Venus for (unplanned) pregnancy the Moon still applies.

I don't know if you plan on having more kids but right now I would be concerned with having another baby far far from home.
The reason I say this is because that is a Karmic event and typical of Saturn.

I want to tell you to get out and run, deal with the issues you have with your parents and work with it because it certainly won't be easy but better than the alternative.

Right now Pluto is 7* Capricorn, if I read you chart correctly, your Ascendant is 11(?)
degrees Cap. When Pluto reaches that point you will feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you.
(at least I did)
your options will change and you will not have the opportunities that you have right now.
It will be 10 times easier if you're close to home (US).

You and I share the same Sun/Moon combo.

Your Taurus Moon stabilizes your Aries Sun.
You also have good powers of deduction so use your common sense.

posted May 18, 2011 07:00 AM            

It occurred to me yesterday that the reason your husband made this move to Jordan a "fact" - sending the furniture, etc. - is that he seriously felt you'd file for divorce in New York and then he'd be like every other man in matrimonial court in this jurisdiction - "cooked".

posted May 18, 2011 01:30 PM            

When Jupiter leaves Aries and enters Taurus
(your Moon sign)
an unplanned pregnancy could happen.

Whatever you decide Dear, do it while Jupiter is still in Aries.

posted May 18, 2011 03:30 PM            

i've been in abusive relationships and you sound kind of like how i used to feel (feeling worthless) and there is a current of what feels like almost apathy with this guy, where you're submitting to this, probably because you feel worthless. i'm a taurus moon too and i know self worth is the most important thing we can feel, and sometimes the hardest. we also NEED stability and we're extraordinarily loyal. stubbornly so. basically it's hard for us to leave a situation like this, especially if our self worth is suffering..

i also have a controlling mom (but she was also extremely abusive) and it sounds like maybe some of these issues stem from that relationship and maybe that's part of why you're hesitant to 'burden' her- ie she might exacerbate your self worth issues as much as your husband, or nearly so?

if that is the case just keep in mind that you are no longer 'under' your mom's 'thumb', whereas it sounds like with your husband he'd very much like to keep you under his. gather up all your inner strenght and know your worth (it's TREMENDOUS) and make the right choice for your kids. even if you have to spend a year or two with your mom, remember YOU are the mother and these kids need you to be strong and make the best choices for them (and for yourself of course). being abused will never be an option to me ever again and the strength that comes with this feeling and the knowing that my daughter will in turn hopefully be spared this cycle in her own life feels AMAZING. i feel so so much stronger now. abusive people wear you down, make you feel badly for wanting to leave, or even crazy. if it feels wrong, it is. god is love, and you deserve so much of it.

posted May 18, 2011 06:58 PM            

I told him that I'd rather be alone than to hear anyone continually call me ***** and b*tch. I told him our sex life is disgusting, unfulfilling and he puts no effort in. happy. (one of his favorite sayings is: oh you should see the poor women in Jordan, who stay months without orgasming.)

I told him I want a divorce, that if he's willing to give me money, fine. I told him I don't need him, and I'll do it myself. If he wants to see his kids, he'd have to pay.

He told me the usual. He promised to change if I change (WTF?) He said "Sorry" half-heartedly, and shrugged it off when I refused to let him shake hands with me.

That was yesterday. Yesterday, he stayed quiet. Today, when he got home from working the night shift (he's got a really cool job driving around Saudi royalty), he was angry at me. Said very little, and acted like he's the victim. He left and slammed the door behind him just now.

After a few minutes of disbelief on how after we had that heart to heart, I called him. He wouldn't answer at first. After about seven tries (I know stupid me) He finally picks up, brushes me off, and tells me that "I started it, he'll end it" He refuses to get my forgivness or at least TRY to patch things up, he's acting like I'm the unreasonable one and if I don't want to be with him, that's my problem.

posted May 19, 2011 10:28 AM            

Errm, the only other thing, I like that you did the validation, calling him a good provider. Things like that tend to keep people off the defensive.