posted May 20, 2011 12:58 PM            

Since my last post, the guy who lives with me and I have had a few more conversations. I could tell it's calmed him down a bit to know that I got really upset. That I'm not standing for his abuse. He's still mean, and still says "you daughter of a ..." but holds himself not to say the b-word itself.

I told him that he needs to make me feel valuable and treat me and his kids nicer. He agrees he's being a jerk, but he also believe that he will change if I give him time.

I've voiced my desire to stay in the states, and that Jordan should wait until a little later down the line for us. I want him to go alone this summer. I told him we need the break, and that he should go alone. He's fine if I go to my parents house, and told me he will not give me money. That's something that unfortunately I'm willing to cut my losses and move on.

He's telling me it's only a vacation, that we would come back, that we can leave one of my boys with mom until we come back. But I think it's really just a waste. I don't want to live with him any more period.

Some of me says "just try Jordan." Just give you husband a shot to be in a different atmosphere. Maybe he will be different, maybe he will change.

But then I feel I'm lying to myself.

My mother and father are willing to take me in, and my mother told me, whatever I choose, they are behind me 100%. My father said that my children are his life, which was really touching.

So I've decided this weekend I will go and spend the weekend there. I will take most of my belongings (what's left since everything else is en route to Jordan) Half of me wants to come back, and half doesn't at this point.

He isn't leaving to Jordan before June 10, as he has a court date. So there's no real RUSH to leave him quite yet. I'd hate to displace my son so late in the school year. But we'll see.

Thank you everyone for your support, and please keep it coming. My brain is kinda nuts, and sometimes, I believe I deserve the treatment I get from him. Until I hear otherwise from all of you.

posted May 20, 2011 01:04 PM            

Funny, his figurative suit of armor (his hardened exterior) completely melted off when he talked to me. He was just so tender, and shy and I know he must have felt so exposed talking to me that way.

I got a little nervous. I wanted to tell him that I meant what I said. I wanted to let him know that I got his little gifts, and loved them. I wanted to really talk with him to let him know that I will be leaving, but I won't forget him. I don't want to just walk away...not from him.

Sigh. I wonder what he felt, as he's a Scorpio, and "I appreciate your feelings" is still pretty vague.

posted May 24, 2011 12:19 PM            

My mom is making me feel like it's wrong to be sad today. Supposedly she hats seeing me this way. She thinks if she gives me errands, that I'll forget. It's getting annoying.

I hve to collect my thoughts. I need to fgure things out. I don't want to go back to our empty apartment. No way I'm going to Jordan now.

Thanks for your support.

My Scorpio and I had a nice talk. I told him about my husband (before the punch and the cops) and we hugged. I told him I didn't care about him. He told m that I'm beautiful and that I have to think long and hard about leaving and breaking up my family. He thanked me for my letter. He said that if I ever need anything that I can count on him. He said we could be friends always. I know that means a lot.

I don't think i'll ever 'use' him though. Or contact him. I would never want a woman to go through so much heartache, and then it's my fault. No matter how poorly she treats him, ignores him or neglects him, it's not my place.

If he wants to have a relationshp with me, I would prefer both of us be single, and give each other our all. Maybe...

posted May 24, 2011 02:25 PM            

good call with the scorp. if it's meant to be, he will end his relationship before letting himself come to you. scorpios usually have tremendous integrity (well the good ones, and he seems to be such). i believe he was a catalyst

posted May 25, 2011 12:28 PM            

My little boy went to his apartment, and told him that my cat had kittens. My Scorpio neighbor came and sat on the staircase between our apartments, and I was standing at my door, calling my son down.
'
I asked him if he'd like to come and see the kittens. He said yes, asked if my husband was home, he wasn't, and came in.

He was being so soft spoken, so baby-voiced. He was smiley. And he seemed to just be watching me. He wanted to know what was going to happen, about Jordan. I told him my plan to return to my parents house, go back to work, and live there.

He told me not to break up my beautiful family. He told me not to let my husband go alone, that he may never come back, and get married there, and he said I should go and try it. He said my husband was a nice guy.

I looked at him puzzled and said "Is he?"

He confused me. All he seemed to want to talk about is how I shouldn't break up my family.

I told him, no matter where we go, how we live, for better or worse, I'm still married to an abusive man who has never shown me any happiness. We've never celebrated a holiday, a birth, a birthday, nothing.

And I told my Scorpio, "what bout you. I want you in my life. I want you in my life. I want to be friends."

He said, I hope we can be friends always.

So like after about half an hour of talking this way, he still in a soft spoken baby voice (he's usually much tougher in his speech), He told me "if you ever need anything, let me know. Anything at all." I told him, I'm so shy. He said he could tell. Then I said, I like you, alot. He said "thank you." I didn't expect hm to say it back, but the thank you caught me off guard.

And he extended only one arm and hugged me at the shoulders. I cuddled inside his half hug, buried my face in his neck and he kissed my cheek. I kissed his, and put my other hand on his chest. It seemed like he wanted to kiss my lips, but didn't.

Felt so good. Then he quickly left. I followed him to my door.

Why would he tell me to go with my husband? Why would he sy that my husband is a good guy, when my husband himself told him he hits me? Why would he hug me, if he just wants to be friends, and why the baby voice the whole time?

posted May 25, 2011 01:56 PM            

I think he genuinely likes you, but he is married and committed.
It's very hard for a fixed sign to walk away from something they are committed to
(his family)

He's telling you to fix things with your husband because it's a nice safe middle ground and it takes the focus off of him, he can not be responsible for you not going to Jordan.

Normally when you marry it's for better or worse but there are deal breakers and physical abuse is one of them.

This is the beginning of a very exciting part of your life.
You are going to see what you are made of.
Your relationship with your children will be cemented. You are now the head of your intimate family, build bridges, show your children what true integrity is and they will follow suit.
You will have raised exceptional children.

Because Saturn is involved, I wouldn't be surprised if "the right one" comes along once you've sort out these issues.

posted May 25, 2011 02:31 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by esheep123:
I'm at my mother's house. Yesterday, my husband punched me and made me bleed. I called the police, and by law they had to take him in.

---

I am so glad you called the police. That was the right thing to do! You are so strong and you should be proud of yourself!!

You are doing the right thing esheep I know police officers and nurses get so tired of the abuse victims protecting the abuser. You are so strong for doing the right thing!

(Redundant I know.. I just can't emphasize that enough.. the guy is a creep)

posted May 25, 2011 03:15 PM            

Just wanting to drop you some lines of encouragement and love.

I've been following your story here, never commented because honestly, everyone here has been so amazing and has really said all I could say and more.

I'm glad you decided to not go to Jordan. I'm glad you decided to stop the abuse. You are better than that, and your children deserve better than that.

Your neighbor sounds like a really good person. I think you can count on him, and I guess if you ever need him I think you should accept his help. He seems to mean well.

Wishing you the best and lots of strength and hope! I'm sure everything will be better now that you've decided to part with your abusive husband.

Just promise to call the police and talk to your parents and friends whenever something feels wrong! NEVER be with him alone again. Always have someone else with you when he visits or you need to go see him for some reason. It's important you do this, horrible things have happened in situations like yours when people find themselves alone with the aggressor. He's hit you before, he'll do it again.

posted May 25, 2011 04:28 PM            

I think that your mother reacts that way because she is very sad for you too, it's a defense mechanism for her. It hurts her to see you sad and she's coping the way she knows how to do it.

If you have the time, please read Anne Ortelee's column for this week, she has been talking about positive change for six months now, and now it's all coming together.

You are a strong person and you will get through this!
You have friends and family, people who love you no matter what (even if at times they don't know how to show it, or they show it in inappropriate ways). I am positive that you are making the right decision for you and for your children!

posted May 27, 2011 01:52 PM            

My Scorpio guy reached out to me Wedneday night. He called me at 10:30pm, to ask if i was okay. he thought the recent events (hug) might have made my husband angry, and hit me.

I assured Scorpio that it had nothing to do with "us" why my husband of eight years hit me (for like the billionth time).

Then he offered to "fix" things between me and him, and keeps telling me to "try" Jordan, and not to break up such a beautiful family.

All this after he knows that my husband disrespects me, is not a father and abuses all his kids, and myself.

I went home to gather my things. Scorpio really extended himself calling my husband, helping me move my things to my car, hugging me, listenig to me babble and cry. He told me he just wants me happy, told me he loves me (sigh).

I just don't understand why he wants to patch things up between me and the hubs. I really was done with him, and Scorpio telling me that he wants to fix it confused me.

He understood my dilemma, talked to my husband about what he needs to do to make it better, and called me again last night to tell me that my husband is willing, wants me back and feels bad for what he did.

I told Scorpio I no longer love my husband and need lots of time to think things through.

Why would Scorpio try to make things between me and my husband work? I kept telling him I don't want hubs anymore.

posted May 27, 2011 05:30 PM            

Please know that I may be wrong! And that it's possible that I judge Scorpio harshly because I am genuinely worried about you. I'm glad that you realized that you don't love your husband anymore! Sometimes we endure the most horrible things because we love the people who do those things and see the good that exists in them. But know that life is too short for "only if"'s and that you DO have a brighter future.

I'll copy paste something that made me feel good when I was in my darkest hour

The 50% Rule

This is a good standard to follow. The average person lives to be about 75 years old. So if you're less than 38 and have more than half of your life left, the odds are that, for instance, the funniest joke you'll ever hear in your life is one you haven't heard yet. It's just statistics. Odds are you also haven't yet...

...met the girl you'll love the most;

...met your best friend;

...heard your favorite album;

...started the best job you'll ever have;

...read the best book;

...seen the best movie or played the coolest video game;

...found the hobby you're most interested in;

...had the best sex;

...had the most original, mind-blowing idea;

...met the dumbest person you'll ever meet;

...or seen the stupidest haircut.

posted May 27, 2011 05:40 PM            

I'm also really glad you called the police. My advice to you is to not ever speak to your husband again. Do not leave your kids alone with him or even yourself. He is not sorry, he only says he is so he can just get you back to hit you again for calling the police on him. Trust me the best thing to do is to act like he doesn't exist.

posted May 28, 2011 01:17 PM            

I wrote him that I've given up on hope that my husband will change. I've been beaten before. I've been disrespected, ignored and used. That I've discussed divorce with the huzz before.

I told Scorpio that I hope one day things would be different. I told him to remember me, and that I'll never forget him.

I hope it was the right thing to do.

He hasn't texted me back.