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Author Topic:   I miss my Scorpio neighbor
MyVirgoMask
Knowflake

Posts: 3490
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted June 13, 2011 05:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I also think you're only considering going back to your husband because things not going as you like with Scorpio, and it has unglued your feelings and has made you feel further rejected, so you're holding on to hubby instead in the hopes of milking him. I can assure you that won't go well. Two wrongs don't make a right, esp in this case.

No one said walking away would be easy. But the best thing to do in this case, is to follow a very simple course: Do whatever is going to make your conscience the clearest. No matter how hard it is, all you have to do is ask yourself this question: 'Will I resent myself for this decision, and will my conscience be lighter?'

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esheep123
Knowflake

Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010

posted June 13, 2011 06:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for esheep123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I actually feel empowered by Scorpio not responding. Sounds odd no?

I'm not entitled to his land, but he plans (the original plan for JOrdan) to sell that land and eventually buy us a house here, if we tried jordan and didn't flourish. Since I'm not going at all, he's gonna go sell it on his own. If he purchases a house here, Then it could be mine.

I deserve to be this way. I've been a good wife. I saved him money, I've raised his chldren, I've with stood negative abuse for too long. Living well is not a good revenge. He expects it. He's told me plenty of times that I'll know how to succeed if we divorced.

So I think that this is just a thought.

Either that or put my Venus Gemini to its use and have many partners..LOL, just kidding. I have too much moral fiber to do that. OTherwise that Scorpio would have been toast.

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esheep123
Knowflake

Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010

posted June 13, 2011 06:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for esheep123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not vengeful. I really wouldn't know how to 'get' him. I just want what's rightfully mine

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Aya_and_baby
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Posts: 919
From: Space (and sometimes Antwerp)
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 13, 2011 06:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Aya_and_baby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
esheep... If you want to make your plan work, which I assume is to get hold of rights for a house in Jordan and then break off the marriage, holding your rights to it and thus, the money, you should make sure you have a very good loop hole, something that grants you a way out and away from your husband if things go bad.

I'm worried that once you're back together and planning everything that if you don't have that loop hole, you might get entangled in something you won't be able to get out of. Where you are now, you have family you can count on. Out in Jordan, you have no one but yourself and your kids and the promise of half the value of a house. He'll be on his home turf there, probably better prepared and stronger than you'd imagine, and... I just can't shake the feeling that he has a little plan cooking for himself to keep you with him forever. So, if you're going to go through with this, please have an airtight, fool proof loop hole ready which can get you out of your situation with your husband at all times! I'm getting the feeling that you will need it!


Also, what MVM said, I believe that too. There really is no better way to rise above someone than to show them that you are doing very well despite of them.

------------------
[Insert catchy signature here.]

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Betty Boop
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From: Betty Boop Land
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posted June 13, 2011 07:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Betty Boop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
esheep - please don't go back to your husband. You made that decision and you drew a line. Don't back down.
That was my worry - well that was everyone's worry in you having contact with Scorpio guy (that he might convince you to go back). You have to be more strong minded, here.

I am sorry the message didn't work out, although I'm confused as to what happened.

quote:
texted him last night, used some of betty boops wording, and regret it now. he only asked how I'm doing, but hasn't said anything romantic or supportive.


Did you say “Ok – lets have lunch”?

And he replied with “how are you going”

I was saying if you want to get back in touch with him.. he would not say ‘no’ to lunch.. since he has left the invite open.

Did he avoid this or say “no” to lunch?


I just think men do much better with straight forward - practical questions.. such as BE there at that time and have lunch (as he already suggested)... rather than having a mushy conversation.

Also, I didn't think him asking you how you were - was at all dismissive. (unless he avoided the lunch question.... But it sounds like you didn't mention 'lunch' at all).


I'm sorry about this.. But I got the picture that the point was to see him and catch up with him again over lunch... and my idea of a message was intended to get him to lunch so *then* you can talk, not to get him to have a lovey-dovey sms conversation -- which 99% of men don't do.

If you did mention lunch - and he just avoided it... then I really think there isn't hope here. Because that means he would be afraid to see you, for whatever reason - probably his wife.

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MyVirgoMask
Knowflake

Posts: 3490
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted June 13, 2011 07:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
edit

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esheep123
Knowflake

Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010

posted June 13, 2011 07:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for esheep123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Jordan is out of the question. I am NOT going. I was thinking that if he sold his property by going alone, that perhaps i could talk him into buying a home here in the states. then by law it is mine.

I don't know how to be sneaky, but apparantly I have that ability.

Asfar as Scorpio, I will tell you what I told him...no lunch was not even mentioned. He workds nights, and on his days off doesn't sleep during the night.

First text sent at 1 am: Hi.

His text back at 5:30 am: Hi hope everything is okay.

Me: (not betty boops exact words but) I couldn't sleep last night. I ws feeling a bit lonely. You are a great friend, and have been a strong supportive shoulder to cry on and I appreciate all that you did for me. I just needed to hear your voice last night.

Him (few minutes later) I was tempted to call you and find out how you're doing.

Me: Everything is the same, nothing has changed. I am confused about my and my children's future. I wish you did call.

I got nothing and by noon, I sent this:
I'm sorry if I'm making this uncomfortable or difficult for you. If you want me to leave you alone, I will. I am sorry.

It's almost eight pm here now. He hasn't responded.

Tomorrow I was going to pass by the old neighborhood, and check out some apartments with the husband. I could have stopped by and said hello to Scorpio. Get a good hug or kiss in there, but he isn't responding to me.

I just don't fit in his life. I don't know why he wouldn't respond to what I've said.

And as far as going back to my husband, maybe this time around I can manuever things the way I want. Like, withholding sex, or being mean (I've never been mean to him) being less caring, not making dinner or letting his stuff pile up. No more babying and just being less of a doormat.

My nature is to be sweet, even when he was undeserving, Id still peel his fncking pomegranate and serve him the seeds in a bowl with a spoon.

This time around, I want to point to the refrigerator and tell him, "the pomegranate is in there."

am i delusional?

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esheep123
Knowflake

Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010

posted June 13, 2011 07:47 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for esheep123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
MVM, how do I get the confidence to BELIEVE that I shouldn't go back, to blaze new trails, and forget him?

how? I forget sometimes that I'm a lady. I forget that I am due my rights. I forget to vouch for myself, stand up for myself, and give up.

Years and years of being told I don't deserve it...how do I have the confidence to say "screw him" and mean it?

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MyVirgoMask
Knowflake

Posts: 3490
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009

posted June 13, 2011 08:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think if you want to renegotiate things with hubby, you need to give it time, and he needs to show more throat. Otherwise he's basically saying he will not make any changes, and that is not good enough.

If you want to get your confidence back, then give yourself more time away from this, because I think your marriage has had the opposite effect on you. You don't need to negotiate anything right now, or make promises to anyone, so just take time to heal and just be good to yourself. And when the time is ripe, and you feel a bit better, then you'll find you have more confidence with decisions you make. But right now a lot of your choices are going to be reactionary, and I think the main point is to not make any absolute ones for the moment, because you might regret them later since you're not in the best place emotionally. So best to just wait it out and be good to yourself before you decide whether or not you want to go back to him.

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esheep123
Knowflake

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From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010

posted June 13, 2011 09:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for esheep123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Scorpio has not called me. I don't see what I did wrong, but I know I did something wrong...

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Betty Boop
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posted June 15, 2011 09:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Betty Boop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hi! I don't really know what to say..

The thing is if you had mentioned lunch, then his reply would be predictable (He'd have to say something about lunch!).. and it might've been easier to gauge his feelings in person, if you guys had lunch together.

But now, maybe he just felt you were coming on in a way that was too romantic, because you said "you couldn't sleep and were feeling lonely" - In that context.. he must've seen it as flirting.

IMO it would be better to treat him as a friend - and not flirt (or at least not overtly).. because being married and being a very traditional person - he'd feel guilty to reply in like manner. So it puts him in an awkward position.

How are you doing?

I am really sorry about this. I feel responsible.
I should've explained what I meant by the message 'idea'.. The reason I said "friend" so many times.. was for him to understand it is not sexual/romantic.
But you saying "I couldn't sleep because I was feeling lonely" sends the opposite message. I'm genuinely sorry it didn't work out.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 13116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 15, 2011 09:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by esheep123:
Scorpio has not called me. I don't see what I did wrong, but I know I did something wrong...


I will think about it and try to offer something to you from my own experience ,Esheep.

------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
You must lose your life for My sake in order to find it .
Jesus

He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs

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esheep123
Knowflake

Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010

posted June 21, 2011 09:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for esheep123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Okay, big mess time...

My son broke his arm the other day. He and his brothers were roughhousing, and what happens when you let three little boys play on a mattress after they all drank chocolate milk? Broken elbow, surgery, screws. My poor four year old. The day of the lunar eclipse was his surgery.

So, you would think that would stop the husband from thinking about Jordan, at least until the elbow heals (which needs a minimum of 10 weeks). NOPE not this husband. He still wants to go, regardless. He hasn't changed in the way he treats me or the children, and blames me fully for his "plans" getting ruined.

I still hold my ground. We are still separate. I still live at my mothers house. He is far and away, but he visits. We went on an outing together as a family, and I could tell that it would be very easy to just slip back into an abusive relationship.

Everyone around me, including my Scorpio neighbor, has been telling me to just try it. Give it one more chance they say. Give him a deadline to prove himself, change my approach to the way I deal with my husband. Don't be so nice, be nicer, don't talk back, make sure this and that.

I've become a burden on my parents. They just want me tucked away in an apartment, and the responsibility off of them. It's been a month since I left home. Husband has not been actively looking for a home for his wife and kids. He wants us to move into a cheap one bedroom flat temporarily, just so "he can take a shower." So selfish.

So, I'm considering going back, temporarily. At least until I figure some stuff out. My kids and I need a home. We aren't even in the same state as our medical insurance! I am still living out of my suitcase.

On the other hand, Scorpio and I have been getting 'attached' (his words) on the phone, texting, I visited him the other day (with the kids, no hanky panky). And it feels really good to have this positive attention.

Its middle school stuff. I text him, he texts back. I'll write him a poem, he will thank me and 'appreciate my feelings.'

After visiting him, I felt his connection to me got stronger. He seemed to be falling in love with me. He withheld so much, but I could see his hands shaking when he handed me something, and I could see his tenderness behind those eyes.

Yesterday, he sent me a "we can't do this anymore, forget about me" text message. I told him that I cannot deny my feelings, and won't give up hope that we could be together some day.

He didn't answer all day. So that night, while he was at work, I called him. He answered me, and we talked for a good two hours.

He was really pushing me to get back with the husband. He senses that I'm not thinking correctly because my brain is fogged up with thoughts of him. He insisted that he loves his wife and that she's a nice lady.

I was really embarassed. From what I saw, it seemed his relationship with his wife was the same as the relationship I have with the husband. But he said no, that their relationship is solid, and he's completely content.

I couldn't bring myself to ask him why he allows "us" to have a relationship then. But at the end of our discussion, he ended the convo with "I love you." I told him that I loved him too.

I texted him that I could never forget about him. He texted back "please try" then I said, "I want to get close to you, as much as you allow me to." I meant it in relationship terms.

He took that sexually. He called me really quickly after that. He asked so many question.Stuff like, how far are you willing to go, and just let me know when type of stuff.

After all that sweet stuff he did for me in the past, leaving little messages, telling me he loves me, doing me favors, the conversations, the laughs, the memories we have...

Does he just want to sleep with me?

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 13116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 21, 2011 09:20 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
OMG
Esheep
You got troubles Baby
Don't magnify it by sleeping with this crazy neighbor.
If you want to do a new thread and put your husbands chart up with key asteroids,maybe we can help you understand him better not that it will help lol
I have a feel already for your husband.
You are his property.He is not gonna change
IF you go to Jordan ,you are screwed royally

------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
You must lose your life for My sake in order to find it .
Jesus

He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs

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esheep123
Knowflake

Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010

posted June 21, 2011 09:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for esheep123     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
So...basically, I'm a nut case?

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pixelpixie
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Posts: 271
From: ON Canada
Registered: Apr 2009

posted June 21, 2011 09:39 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for pixelpixie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Not nutcase-vulnerable.
And the way you described it tells me you are aware that his interest in you may be something---but his willingness to make it sexual, right after telling you it won't be 'anything', is to exploit all that had gone on before and belittle your feelings, which, while they very well may be real, might not originate from a healthy place- more an 'I'm unhappy in my current situation, so I will project perfection on him because he attracts me'.

I think you want more cheerleading to stay away from Mr Abuse, so consider this my "go Team, you're better off without him"

Sisters doing it for themselves should be your mantra. Go team self-respect! Until you are solid, your legs should probably remain closed.

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MyVirgoMask
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From: Bay Area, CA
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posted June 21, 2011 09:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
don't know why i even bother lol

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MyVirgoMask
Knowflake

Posts: 3490
From: Bay Area, CA
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posted June 21, 2011 09:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
dp

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted June 21, 2011 09:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
[QUOTE]Originally posted by MyVirgoMask:
[b]Seriously, Esheep, are you asking about your neighbor, your kids, or your husband?

I don't know why you bother asking people's advice on here when you keep just tuning it out, or taking it as accusation. What do you expect, that your neighbor is going to be all lovey-dovey relationship and not sexually interested? He's a man, a human being, not a romantic fantasy. And he's also married. I hate to state the obvious, but you keep overlooking it.

If your husband is such a jerk, then leave him. Your #1 responsibility is your kids. Period. So if you go back with hubby, don't expect it to be great, no matter what he says, because you will never change him.

THAT SUCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!

------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
You must lose your life for My sake in order to find it .
Jesus

He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs

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rajji
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From:
Registered: Jan 2011

posted June 21, 2011 09:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for rajji     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hello esheep,
As I mentioned it before..This Scorpio guy just wanted to be a bit helpful and comfort you during these hard times.
From the beginning he has been quite straight forward about him loving his wife and coaxing you to get back to your husband.
So I dont think there is any fault of his.
I can see that you were a bit pushy into taking the relationship to the next level with the scorpio guy.
Please try to understand..you are out of the hot frying pan ... if you go looking for a man right now to stand by you..it will be like jumping into fire.
So please understand that You definetly deserve a caring and loving person to support you and your children but this scorpio man is not the right guy at this stage of your life.
All you can do now is stay at your mother's place and let things take its own course.
Find yourself a small part time job(taking tuitions at home or tailoring or delivering home made food parcels etc)...That is the first and foremost option...enroll yourself in Womens Welfare Organisations and they will help you with any necessary support.


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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted June 21, 2011 09:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Esheep
You are just like me and most woman who are HONEST.
We make lots of mistakes on our way to the elusive goal of wisdom.
It is OK, Baby.
Keep talking

------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
You must lose your life for My sake in order to find it .
Jesus

He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs

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Betty Boop
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Posts: 1227
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 21, 2011 11:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Betty Boop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think there's a problem in terms of you understanding where Scorpio guy is at.

This is my impression from what I have been reading..

1. He is married.. has kids. He is traditional. He will never leave his marriage for any reason.

2. He cares about his wife but is not necessarily "in love" with her. (which really doesn't matter, because he won't get a divorce for this reason)

3. He does 'love' you in his own way -- in the sense that he is sexually attracted and he cares for you as a person who is going through emotional difficulties.

4. He would never have an official relationship with you, but I do think that he'd be willing to cheat on his wife and have a sexual relationship (as long as it is secret). I already thought this before I'd read the last posts.

5. He believes you are also sexually attracted to him - which is true (as far as I gather).
For this reason, if you say emotional things to him that can also have a sexual connotation.. like when you said above "I could not sleep because I was thinking about you"... These things will most likely be seen as invitations to have sex.

6. If you were both consenting adults who are emotionally level-headed... I would not at all care about you guys having an affair.

However, you are now emotionally fragile and as Pixie said.. it makes me question his morals.. when he seems to be taking advantage of your fragility.

I don't like the fact that he switched from saying "forget all about me" to "well how far would you go?" in a matter of minutes (as I understood it).

If this situation was just that.. you ended an unhappy marriage.. and he is in a marriage that is relatively OK but love/sexuality has long died...
And you were both happy to have a secret affair purely because you're great friends.. you have a great connection and you are sexually attracted --- that would be fine.

BUT ^ You seem to want a lot more than this.. so for him to go along with things would basically be leading you on..
So I agree with Pixie - that he is exploiting here.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 22, 2011 05:13 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MyVirgoMask:
don't know why i even bother lol

Totally honest question here
Are you low in water?

------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
You must lose your life for My sake in order to find it .
Jesus

He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs

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Betty Boop
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Posts: 1227
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010

posted June 22, 2011 05:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Betty Boop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Re - MVM's post...


It’s true that he is a man.
It’s true that this is not just lovey-dovey from his perspective. It’s also sexual.
It’s true that he is married and this has an impact on the way he is behaving and treating esheep.
It’s true that her husband is a jerk and esheep knows it’s best to leave (that’s why she has).
It’s true that her no.1 responsibility are her kids.
It’s more than likely true that she will never change him (as tigers usually don’t change their stripes)
It’s true that everyone here is supportive.. but that self-respect is something esheep has to FEEL for herself.


I think the tone was the problem.. but what gives?
I've heard worse. You both have water. MVM has Scorpio in her chart.

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Betty Boop
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From: Betty Boop Land
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posted June 22, 2011 05:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Betty Boop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh! The only thing was..

I disagree with this:

quote:
I don't know why you bother asking people's advice on here

And I agree with this:

quote:
Keep Talking

I think it's helpful to get it out ^


But the rest of your post MVM - was just true.

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