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Author
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Topic: I miss my Scorpio neighbor
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 13116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 02:20 PM
  
squeak  ------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
esheep123
Knowflake Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 02:34 PM
Yesterday, after being pushed to go, I went over to my brother in laws house (where the husband is staying) so we could look for apartments. He didn't want me to bring the kids,but he hasn't seen them in two weeks.He met me in his underwear, ready to "go" and even though the kids were with us, he tried dragging me to his room. Um, hello? He doesn't even feel like I'm mad at him. He was supposed to take us out for dinner, instead we drove through McDonalds and ate in the car. He hit the kids for being noisy and he yelled at me for callig the cops on him. I came home crying. I don't want to go back to him. But, like I said, I'm torn between culture and fear... IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 13116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 02:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by esheep123:
Yesterday, after being pushed to go, I went over to my brother in laws house (where the husband is staying) so we could look for apartments. He didn't want me to bring the kids,but he hasn't seen them in two weeks.He met me in his underwear, ready to "go" and even though the kids were with us, he tried dragging me to his room. Um, hello? He doesn't even feel like I'm mad at him. He was supposed to take us out for dinner, instead we drove through McDonalds and ate in the car. He hit the kids for being noisy and he yelled at me for callig the cops on him. I came home crying. I don't want to go back to him. But, like I said, I'm torn between culture and fear...
Keep talking Esheep. My START up that hard ladder was talking on HERE 
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Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
mochai
Knowflake Posts: 965
From: Charon
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 02:52 PM
Go to a woman's shelter. Any culture that tells you you deserve to be beaten is wrong. Seek a woman's advocate. You have options and suppport. At the very least contact one and see what options and governmental assistance are available to you. You are not weak and helpless. I know it's hard to go against our familiar, societal, and cultural programming. Your family is wrong, and if they think they love you they are blind. This is the same link I gave you before with battered women shelters in NYC. People at these shelters can assist you even if you don't go there to stay. http://www.usattorneylegalservices.com/woman-shelter-NY.html Please love yourself and your children enough to do what is right. When you say you're torn between culture and fear, you should be saying you're torn between doing what's right for me and culture and fear. You make it almost as if there is no alternative. Fear is not love. IP: Logged |
mochai
Knowflake Posts: 965
From: Charon
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 02:59 PM
I'm not saying they don't care, they just don't know how to..IP: Logged |
maira
Knowflake Posts: 490
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted June 26, 2011 04:00 PM
I think that the eclipses are pushing you in the right direction. Your tone of "voice" has changed for the better and you did great in calling the cops.It's also great that you have access to the Internet and that you live in a free country. You wouldn't be able to do this in Jordan, or it would of been much, much harder. Look on the Internet for abused women in your area, that should be a start. Even if you find only a hotline, the people there could give some practical advice on how to proceed next.
Remember that God is great (...even if you don't believe in Allah, substitute it with "love", I really believe that god is unconditional love).
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! IP: Logged |
maira
Knowflake Posts: 490
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted June 26, 2011 04:06 PM
I saw that you live in Brooklyn and I looked it up. I like this site best http://www.safehorizon.org/ it also has a hotline 1.800.621.HOPE (4673).I found two more shelters in your area:
Women's Survival Space
(718) 439-7281
PO Box 200279
Brooklyn, NY 11220 http://brooklyn.citysearch.com/profile/7368048/brooklyn_ny/women_s_survi val_space.html#profileTab-maps Park Slope Safe Homes Projects
(718) 499-2151
PO Box 150429
Brooklyn, NY 11215 http://brooklyn.citysearch.com/profile/7357715/brooklyn_ny/park_ slope_safe_homes_projects.html#profileTab-maps I hope this helps!
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esheep123
Knowflake Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 04:34 PM
Thank you mochai and maira. one of the shelters is within my zip code. I'll give them a call tomorrow (Monday) maybe at least they can help me get some money without resorting to welfare. With welfare, they place you in a home, and sometimes its with some not-so-safe people.Also, I did mean culture and fear as one factor. Sorry for not explaining. IP: Logged |
esheep123
Knowflake Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 05:00 PM
Let me give you an example of my dynamic with my mom.My children are playing in the living room while mom watches T.V. I'm on my laptop. She is quiet. Then "Hey, why don't you go cut up the watermelon in the fridge to feed your kids before it spoils." Me: Mom, Let them have dinner first. Mom says nothing, but visibly peeved that I didn't listen. Gosh, I hate how everything is ******* me off lately. IP: Logged |
maira
Knowflake Posts: 490
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted June 26, 2011 05:09 PM
Anger is good 
Arien anger that is. You're reclaiming your power, instead of wallowing in self pity - not that wallowing is bad, been there, done that many times. It's normal to be annoyed by passive aggressive behavior. Just take that anger and redirect the energy towards positive change for YOU.IP: Logged |
mochai
Knowflake Posts: 965
From: Charon
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 05:29 PM
You're doing better than me. I'd be livid hehe.Sometimes righteous indignation can be a good thing. I just try not to take it out on people and use it as a catalyst. Everyone here supports you.. Most women's shelters you can stay at for up to 3 months. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 13116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 05:56 PM
Dear Esheep
You are gonna have a climb up cuz you went down a LONG way in self esteem.
It would be nice if a few words could get you up.If they would,I would say them.
I have been on a climb up from low self esteem to more confidence,too.
It has taken the 2 years I have been on LL to get where I am now which is MUCH better.
The first step is to do what you are doing--TALK.
Just express what you feel,how bad you feel etc--on and on.
Maybe,you never had a place to do that before.
I moaned and cried for a long time.Then, some beautiful things happened.Some crazy things happened.
After the love and support that Randall and some loved LL people gave me,I found that I had a talent, a gift.
Now, I have a website(almost ready) and I am gonna have a "business"
It was all the love from LL.
LL is a magical place. Keep talking. It is not all lost and hopeless.
I thought I was and I was NOT 
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Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs
IP: Logged |
Benedict Moon*
Knowflake Posts: 2404
From: Avendesora
Registered: May 2009
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posted June 26, 2011 06:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by esheep123:
[B]Thank you mochai and maira. one of the shelters is within my zip code. I'll give them a call tomorrow (Monday) maybe at least they can help me get some money without resorting to welfare. With welfare, they place you in a home, and sometimes its with some not-so-safe people.
Oh yuck, I didn't realize that was the story with welfare in New York. My apologies! Good luck with the shelter and keep us posted! IP: Logged |
maira
Knowflake Posts: 490
From:
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted June 26, 2011 06:45 PM
What's the deal with the homes esheep (I imagine it's the same as a shelter), why are some of the people there dangerous? I really don't know the situation in the US. Around here we don't even have hotlines. That's why I was saying that you are lucky - you have better options, even if they are still crappy ones. Sometimes one has to choose the lesser evil. IP: Logged |
esheep123
Knowflake Posts: 184
From: brooklyn, ny usa
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 08:21 PM
((((Ami Anne))) Thanks for your story.I'm not 100% sure about the shelters, but they are usually very large buildings, where they stick homeless, poor and drug abuse cases. With Section 8, a welfare assistance program, they pay your rent, but they choose your place of residence, and it's usually also in very large residential buildings they call projects. Not the most comfortable places on earth. IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1227
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:03 PM
quote:
Just find an apartment, tells me my dad.
I have to get out on my own. But...(pitiful squeak)...How?
I think the choice of a women's shelter and later welfare - is the best option right now. This is just my impression.
quote:
maybe at least they can help me get some money without resorting to welfare. With welfare, they place you in a home, and sometimes its with some not-so-safe people.
I want to ask you whether you are sure that this is the case. Have you checked it out for yourself or are you going on hear-say? quote:
Most women's shelters you can stay at for up to 3 months.
This is really good. quote:
(I imagine it's the same as a shelter), why are some of the people there dangerous?
I think it is a preconception. But in my opinion you should check it out yourself and then make up your mind.
Stay there ONE night and see what it is like for yourself. quote:
Section 8, a welfare assistance program, they pay your rent, but they choose your place of residence, and it's usually also in very large residential buildings they call projects. Not the most comfortable places on earth.
Again - Have you seen the inside/outside of such a house.. and are you positive that it is that uncomfortable?
Surely it wouldn't be as uncomfortable as being physically abused on a daily basis and watching your kids being abused. quote:
I'm not 100% sure about the shelters, but they are usually very large buildings, where they stick homeless, poor and drug abuse cases.
You genuinely have to see for yourself.
I'm not sure that this is the reality of living in a shelter. It may just be the pre-conception.
I would personally go and live there and see it with my own eyes. And also - personally - I'd rather live under a bridge than go back to this man. IP: Logged |
littlecloud
Moderator Posts: 1058
From:
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:04 PM
oh jeez Brooklyn has some of the worst projects..Bushwick is a bit easier but once you're in East New York forget it. However considering your situation and you as a person they might be more lenient. Since you're not a drug user or anything and have 3 kids they will possibly and more likely send you to a safer place. I don't know if they would help you in a different Borough. Queens isn't too bad. Oh and if you want I will psychically slap the **** out of your husband. You shouldn't even visit him. You may disagree but I think that it's good news that you're at the bottom rung. It means you have no place to go but up! I understand the culture thing. I do believe it's more cultural than religious sadly. I've never read anything in Islam supporting abuse to women. But generally my culture is similar to yours and hitting women is not the shock that it is to Americans. But hey Americans are not much better with their rate of incest...which interestingly enough I don't hear about much in my culture. Funny how some things are like that.. Errr sorry...thinking aloud. Anyway what I'm saying is that yes you will be ostracized in your culture and community but it's worth it. The goal in life is to become a better person and help other become better people and when in a toxic environment that does not support this then you should get out no matter how socially unacceptable it is. It happened to me once but I didn't care because I need to stand up for myself. No one else was going to do it. In the end someone followed my example and it didn't turn out so bad  IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 13116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:08 PM
I do NOT agree, Betty.
You and I have a life and age disparity.
I cannot explain life experiences I hope you NEVER have.
I wish I never had them but the shelters are not the answers except in extreme abuse.
I worked in the Shelters.
Anyway, don't want to fight about it just saying that there are no easy answers ,really.
If there were, there would not be Esheeps position or my former position.
Keep talking Esheep.
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Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1227
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:14 PM
quote:
Since you're not a drug user or anything and have 3 kids they will possibly and more likely send you to a safer place.
I agree! quote:
Oh and if you want I will psychically slap the **** out of your husband. You shouldn't even visit him
Definitely!
IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1227
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:17 PM
You don't agree that she should check it out for herself?I mean there are places and places - shelters and shelters. All I'm saying is - she should not go on hear-say or on someone else's experience.. but rather - she should TRY it for herself (for a night or two) and see what she thinks about it. IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1227
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:18 PM
quote:
You and I have a life and age disparity.
I cannot explain life experiences I hope you NEVER have.
Have you ever spent a day in a shelter in eastern europe Ami? Out of curiosity... IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 13116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:26 PM
I was in Russia ,Betty
Does that count?------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 13116
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:27 PM
Anyway ,Betty
I don't want to fight with you or anyone else.
We all want to help ,Esheep.
That is the point. ------------------
Enlightenment doesn't result from sitting around visualizing images of light, but from integrating the darker aspects of the self into the conscious personality
Jung
I am my Beloved's.My Beloved is mine.
Song of Solomen
He who controls his Spirit is greater than he who controls a city
Proverbs IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1227
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:29 PM
Is any reply that debates/discusses or counters anything you say - seen as a 'fight' from your perspective?I just want to know I have the correct definition of "fight" according to your personal dictionary. IP: Logged |
Betty Boop
Knowflake Posts: 1227
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted June 26, 2011 09:30 PM
Never mind. I'm going back to ignoring you. IP: Logged |
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